[tamiloo]

I have been reading all the threads and posts just to get a feel for what everyone is feeling. I generally do not post about my PTSD because I look at all of you and what you have endured through and think I really must be a wimp because my experiences seem to me so small in comparison.

Something that gets to me mostly is what I call calendaring. During those times of year when I have had trauma like right now or in the fall I can start to get anxious and depressed and wonder what is making me feel this way and then I call my therapist and tell her what I’m feeling and she asks…are you calendaring? I know that time of day, time of year, smells, sounds and many other things can trigger the trauma to be felt again.

Something that has really helped me is to talk about it to people…friends or family, about what happened and how it affected me. Most of those that know me don’t even know that I do have PTSD…I am very good had hiding my true feelings. They all say, “But you look so good”. Many of us with any chronic illness can outwardly look just fine. My husband and children read me the best.

Sorry this is such a long post…got carried away. It did feel good though...

[Alffe]

I just wanted to leave you a hug Tammy..I think you are remarkable!

[Snoopy]

Tammy, any experience that can trigger PTSD is not small and your not a wimp. Please don't minimize what you have experienced - your experience is important and so are you.

Calendaring: I did that for awhile and then it just stopped happening. I hated it, I was trying to work through the PTSD and move forward and then certain time frames would affect me and I felt like I was starting all over again.

Residual for me is hyper-vigilance, avoidance and anxiety/panic attacks. Like you Tammy, I look fine, no one would know there is anything wrong with me. My husband does know when I feel anxious or panicky and he is well aware of the situations where that can happen. He has gone so far as to casually put himself between me and someone else because he can tell I am trying to keep it together.

I tried to keep my thoughts and feelings to either journaling or my therapy sessions. My husband found much of what I have experienced quite overwhelming and he felt fraustrated he could not help me. Family: the one person I really needed to help me was my mother but she really didn't want to help, just criticize.

Take care of yourself Tammy

[tamiloo]

Thanks for the hug Alffe....

Snoopy, I have been calenduring for over 14 years. Sometimes it doesn't happen and sometime it hits with a vengence. Last fall my nieces dh killed himself and we traveled to Oregon for the furneral. Being there and watching the trauma unfold that my niece was going through brought on a some of my trauma that took me back to the day...I was a train wreck...people looked to me for strength and I just xanaxed up and tried to "look so good."

Thanks both of you for stepping up....

[Alffe]

I'm so sorry about your neice's dh Tammy. We lost our only son to suicide so I know what that nightmare is all about.

[tamiloo]

Oh Alffe...so sorry...

[southie]

[tamiloo]

Hugs back at ya my dear!!!

[Twinkletoes]

Hugs to you all: Tammy, Southie and Alffe.

Sending healing vibes your way. Get some good sleep tonight, okay?

[tamiloo]

Thanks for the phone call last night Rochelle, you have know idea how much that meant to me and Craig. Hope all is mending well with you!! Quit falling up or down...love ya!!