losing my Father, losing my Dog, losing my Mind
 

well they say bad things come in 3s... but i never thought they all came at once.. my fathers Alzheimer's seems to have got worse over the past week.. on top of being a person i now no longer really know.. they think he had a stroke or mini stroke of some sort.. (no way to tell for sure because he can not have a MRI due to metal in his body) no his hands/arms shake pretty uncontrollably.. not violent just very shaky....


oh it gets freaking better... i find out today my dog has cancer.. and there really isn't anything they can do.. just prolong inevitable.. and i am left with the decision to spend a ton of $$ i don't have to try treatment that "may" put her into remission and give her another year and hope she doesn't suffer.. or just put her down.. 5yrs old... poor little girl really didn't have much of a life.. call me a bad person if you want but i feel worse about my dog then my father at this point because he can tell us how he feels and we can tell him what has to be done... if he understands it or not is anyones guess but i think he does for the most part.... poor dog has no idea that how long she lives is up to me... and it is driving me nuts..


so i am pretty stressed, anxious, and bummed... have way to many thoughts racing through my head all at once and its driving me nuts... not a good combo when stress/anxiety seems to bring out my MS Sx..( and my angry side) so i am sitting here feeling like crap.. looking at my bottle of xanax thinking "well i am allowed to take 6mg a day..and if this keeps up i may actually need that much.." ( i am only taking 3-4mg a day so don't worry i am not planning on ODing or taking more then i was told) i think i may just need a little extra help to get through this one... but ill probably say screw it and just power through it as best i can without extra meds as usual, since i hate meds anyway..

i am not a man who cries.. but ill tell ya what this BS has got me on that thin line at this point... yeah i am a wuss.. but i don't care..

i think i just needed to vent a bit.. makes me feel a little bit better even if it really does nothing for the final outcome..

Dear PunkDizzle,

I feel for you! I don't have a parent with Alz. but my DH has. We had the same decision to make about our German Shepherd at 4 and a half years old, and for the same reason, and although we don't regret the decision we made, it was certainly tough at the time.

I read the bit about the xanax and although I'm sure you're sensible enough not to abuse them, but please think seriously about taking more than the recommended dose. Enuff said!

I hope things start to look up for you soon.

Sending you megs hugs through cyber space.........:grouphug:

Sheesh, Punk, bad day at black rock..Huh...Wow.:( I'm so sorry this is all happening at once. Your Fathers turn for the worse and poor doggy.

I'm sending prayers up for you for the strength to get through this awful time and to make the right decisions for you.

:hug:

Wow! :hug: I really really feel for you right now! Consider yourself in my prayers! :hug:

Punk,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad and your dog. I understand what you are going through more than you know and you're definitely not a wuss. :hug:

Please try to take care of yourself during this very difficult time and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Oh Punk, I'm so sorry about all of this. My mom is going through a sudden health crisis right now too. Did they do a biopsy on your dog? I was told by the vet that my cat had cancer more than a year ago. They said they were 99 percent sure he had cancer without doing a biopsy. I didn't want to put him through the pain and anxiety of surgery so I decided to wait a little while. He still has the lump but otherwise he's fine. He still plays, eats, ad has not lost any weight and doesn't appear to have any pain. He's 14 years old btw. Lean on your family right now. You are not a sissy in any way! You would be cold person if you didn't feel the way you do right now. How's your mom doing? My dad is having harder time dealing with my mom's problems than she is. I'm thinkin' about you! As I'm sure everyone else here is. Many hugs heading your way.:grouphug:

Punk, I'm so sorry - I know how you feel. Both my Mother and sister had Alzheimer's and I watched both of them decline. It's so hard. And don't feel bad for worrying about your dog - she is part of your family, too. Like Joelle said it might not be as bad as they are telling you - did they do any tests to come to the dx they gave you? Take the meds - that's what they are for - to help you through situations like this. Doesn't mean you are weak or anything. Just means you know when enough is enough. You'll be able to deal more rationally with things if you are not so stressed out. So don't feel bad about taking them. You're definitely in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

I'm so sorry to read this and wanted you to know that you aren't alone. It is not unusual to feel more grief for your dear pet so please don't beat yourself up over that. Hugs, Jules

PD -

You are NOT a wuss! Tears can be a very healing and cathartic thing sometimes.

I lost my dear kitty in May and my dear dog in September. Kitty died in my arms and doggy was 16 and failing fast. I had to make the decision to let her go. I know it's so very difficult.

My mom is facing a health crisis right now (lung cancer and a very, very tough recovery from open heart surgery.) I'm not much of a crier, either. Seems my MS took away some of my emotions a few years back.

But trust me when I say I've had a couple of good old melt downs in the past week or so.

Feel free to vent any time you need to. Please know that you are not alone in your pain and stress. I will be praying for you, your dad and your dear fur-baby.

:hug:

PD-
That sounds like an awful lot to be going through. Unfortunately additional xanax will probably just cover up your feelings, which you'll still have to deal with eventually.

You know what, my dog has cancer right now too. They did surgery. Probably didn't get it all. If they can give her meds to keep your dog comfortable for awhile, then maybe that's the solution, at least until you're ready to say goodbye. Don't beat yourself up for being sadder about your dog. I would be too.

You can get through this, just be kind to yourself. :hug:

mornin, Punk.

time, and patience are the only things that will help.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, and I hate to say seemingly-trite things to you now, Punk, when you're in so much anguish...

all I can offer is that I know it's true.

in a period of one year, I lost my two closest friends, and my mother.

and it was a drawn-out process, with one friend having leukemia, chemo, radiation, then brain tumors, brain surgery, and pneumonia. and a nasty divorce in the middle of it all.

the other friend had breast cancer, multiple surgeries, autologous bone-marrow transplants, chemo, radiation, infections, and a husband who took up with a fellow-teacher, and another broken family.

and my mom...a massive stroke that fried her Broca's Area, leaving her with a vocabulary of three words, and entire right side paralyzed... my sister and I moved in, and gave her full-time care, after Kaiser declared Mom wouldn't get better, (meaning they DIDN'T want to spend money on physical and speech therapy!) so, we researched it, and did it all ourselves...

and meanwhile, her husband (my step-dad) LEFT her, and yet another relationship was destroyed by the stress of major illness...

for three *years* Mom got more and more words, and was starting to have a decent life, when hammer #3 struck, stage 3 lung cancer, swift decline, followed by pneumonia, and there wasn't even TIME to do chemo and radiation...

and during all this, my sister was struggling with bipolar, and I had worsening MS.

after losing both friends, and my mom, I declined into hermit-hood, and a deep depression, gaining 70 pounds, and living in sadness and misery.

so yeah, Punk, stress, anxiety, anger, hurt, they all add up.

then, I got a HUMDINGER of an MS flare, and blammo, in a wheelchair, dislocated shoulder, numb from nose-to-toes, whole right side useless for months.

it took TIME, and patience, and LOTS of tears, to get past all of it.

hang in there, hang on with your FINGERNAILS if you must, but I say, it CAN be done!

after a few years, the depression and anger finally faded, and I tapered off all the meds, and the excess weight melted off.

didn't mean to go on and on about my problems during that disastrous period, just wanted to share with you that... even though you can't SEE it now, there eventually WILL be light at the end of the tunnel!

:hug::grouphug::hug:

amen, Joelle!

and well said!

:hug: I'm so sorry to hear about all that's going on right now. I wish I had some words of wisdom.

Our fur babies can be like our kids sometimes, so being upset over their conditions are not unusual.

Take care of yourself, and hang in there.

I'm so sorry you have so much on you, right now. Sometimes it seems more than we can handle.

My dad has alzheimers also. They first dx'd him with Parkinson's and Alzheimers. After messing around with his meds for a while, they sent him to a specialist. They ran all the tests again and said he did not have Parkinson's. They said that Alzheimers can cause your hands to shake. So the signs they first thought of as parkinsons was really the Alzheimers.

I'm wondering if the Alzheimers is progressing, if the shaking hands is really just a symptom of that and not a stroke.

It was just a thought.

Hang in there.
DAY

I'm sorry to hear all that you are going through. Know that you are surrounded by friends here and we are all keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

:hug: Susan

I'm sorry you are dealing with so much at once :hug::hug::hug:.

I'll keep ou and your dad and your pooch in my prayers!

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now. :hug:

I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. My Mom had Alzheimer's and it was heartbreaking as she gradually forgot who I was. In the end I was just someone she'd occasionally give a big hug and kiss to, with no recognition but just pure unselfish love. Then there were the times she'd push me away when I tried to feed her...

If our cat Rocky became seriously ill it would just tear me up. I'm so sorry about your dog. :(

It's essential that even the tough guys share their feelings. You did the right thing coming here.

thanks everyone for the kind words :) you guys can always make me feel better.:grouphug: also i am very sorry to hear of everyone else that has dealt with the same problems.. but i am also happy at the same time that i am around people that understand the mental TKO it can hit you with.


well i made it though the night without diving for the pill bottle.. yesterday was not a good day at all for me to get bad news.. i was running all over town, fatigued, and only had caffeine in me..

i know better then to even come near caffeine since i am prone to anxiety/panic attacks.. ugh a fresh 2Ltr of pepsi is so tempting sometimes:rolleyes: but a good nights sleep cleared my racing head quite a bit..

the dog is having a biopsy tomorrow.. i demanded one to be sure.. as of right now she is on prednisone and actually doing quite well... but i know really its just like us with MS and IVSM once it wears off she could feel crummy again... so we will see what the biopsy turns up.. vets can be just as wrong as human DRs sometimes (i think most of us with MS know that ) so fingers crossed maybe it is something more treatable..


i am not sure if it is just my fathers Alzheimer's progressing.. he has had 3 strokes before so it could be the Dr just assumed it was another.. usually when he has a stroke he falls/blacks out or something very noticeable happens.. even noticeable to him.. i wasn't at the Drs appt with him so the info i got was from my mother.. and there was no mention of her saying he fell or anything.. just that he is now shaking.. but i did visit with him today and he really seems no different other then the new shaking.. so that made me feel a little better about his situation.

I'm glad you're feeling a little better today. Ya just gotta take it one day, he!!, one hour at a time sometimes! I'm sending prayers and hugs your way!

Punk, glad you're feeling a bit better today. Sometimes a bit of time is needed to gain perspective on things that hit you all at once.

That said, I like wusses like you who care about people and animals deeply enough to get upset when things go awry.

Just like this disease, you have to take things one day at a time. Things are what they are. You deal with them how you have to and when you have to. And unless you must, you don't deal with them all at once.

Hang in there. Make your dog's time on earth the best that it can be until she can't handle it anymore. And just be there for your dad. Sometimes just being there--be it for an animal or for a human--is enough and means a whole lot more than trying to fix things.

:hug: Ya wuss! ;)

Hi PD! Sorry it took me so long to respond to your thread. (been having pc probs) Anyway, I am sorry about your father's illness. My MIL is suffering from AD also, and it's very hard.

My doxie has Lymphoma and right now the Vet says 6 wks or a yr, but she seems to be in remission right now.

Your'e definitely not a wuzz~ your'e HUMAN and you have real feelings. I am impressed w/your openess and honesty. Hang in there and keep talking to us and getting it out. Keep us posted,OK??

Punk,

I sent knee mail up for all three of you!

Peace.

reillymo,
i am without a doubt gaining some comfort from all the people on here.:)


i know there is nothing anyone on here can do to fix the problems of every day life.. but you all are such good listeners and i really appreciate the sharing of your personal trials with the same thing.. you have no idea how much better it has made me feel knowing i am not the only one that has gone through hard times like this.:)

Hey Andrew,

I'm just reading this. For heavens sake you have a lot on your plate! Know I am thinking about you , poochy and your father. I work with Alzheimer's patients, so if you need an ear, let me know.

Big hugs and prayers!
:hug:

Punk

I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said. I just want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Two members of your family are experiencing life threatening illnesses. You are anything but a wuss for showing emotion and caring.

:hug:

Punk...

Everyone already said what I wanted to say so...:hug:

I am so sorry you have to go through this, especially all at once. I know there isn't anything I can say to make it better or easier but please remember that there are people who care and understand.

:hug:

Oh PD... I'm so sorry. I lost my first grandbaby to miscarraige and had to put my beloved dog to sleep within one year. I don't care if you're a man or woman. Anyone who isn't crying in your position has no heart or soul. I'm crying for you, with you, bud.

:hug:

I know hard to watch what your dad is going through. But the hardest thing is having to make that choice to end your best friend's days - even if it is for the best, to end their suffering. I know, because I had to do it.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know how hard it is to lose a pet - my 17 yr. old cat died this morning and it broke my heart but you just have to hang on for better days in the future and keep strong.:(