Things are happening today
 

And it's not good. Either Jack or I am leaving tonight period end of sentence....I can't live with this anymore. I can't go into it but enough is enough....I will be offline for awhile, not sure how long it's gonna be, a week or two maybe. Take care everyone, thank you for the support, it really has helped....

:hug: :grouphug:

Pamster You are in my prayers .Stay strong my friend...lots of love to you and prayers also...:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

Sorry, Pamster. :hug:

Stay in touch when you can. Praying for you. :hug:

So sorry to hear this. Sending prayers up.

I am so sorry but things will work out for the best..i just know it
bobby

Dear Pam,
I hope that the change is a good thing.
Take care.
We are here.
Mari

I will be here, we talked about things and I'm giving it thirty days, then moving out. Jackie ripped up the pool and we got into it and that was when I said I am moving out. I want out and doubt it's going to go smoothly for the 30 days left here, I have to get so much done...It's overwhelming. I am so scared, I feel like a failure. :(

Your not a failure. No one can predict if a relationship will work out or not. It is just what it is and you cannot hold yourself responsible. Sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together. :hug:

dear pammy, I am so sorry.
You ae not a failure...you are a fighter....look how long you have stayed in this relationship....
hugs to you my dear.
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Pam I am so sorry.

Well it is out now so you no longer have to hide. It will be easier getting things taken care of in the open. You are far from a failure. You stayed far longer than I would have been able to. You should get mother/wife of the century award!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Great Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You know where I am if you need me.

The 30 day countdown is on, I am so scared about so many things, I would just like to curl up into a ball and cry. Thanks for the hugs Christina. And for the kind words. I think that depression will set in now because it's all out in the open now. I am taking one dresser and my desk the turtle tank sits on, we're going to set it up in my room, I think that will be nice. Jackie doesn't seem to know yet that something changed today. I don't think he's going to know what's going on even after I leave him in his new group home.

It's just so damn tragic and sad. Thank you all for the continuing support, I am fighting tears of emotional pain, now that this is finally happening, it's not just a want or a need anymore, it's really happening. Jack took it better then I expected too, but this is only day one of giving him notice. So much for trying to get an aide and work it out...so they could stay here, he admitted already he can't do that, so it's just going to have to be uprooting him from school and home, and then just dealing with the fallout...Why didn't the risperday HELP??? *sob*

Dear Pam,

This is sad.
You've done all a human being possible can. I think that you know that in your heart. Maybe that is what makes it sad.
Cry. Be sad. Know that you will be all right. This is a transition period.
Transitions and new beginnings are hard but everyone will be ok after the moves.


More hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


Mari

You're right. It's like that this is the transition period towards a new life. I have done everything I can humanly think of to help this child of mine. But now it's dangerous for me to live with him so I don't have a choice. Thank God I have you and all of my online friends, I really CAN do this it's just terribly sad. :hug:

So Jack started up again and was saying how he won't go back once this goes down and had me thinking about Jackie and how crucial of a point in his life it is so I backed down for the moment. There's no rush since I already missed the deadline for Pell Grants I can't start in the 2008-09 school year anyway, but I WILL not miss it for Next year's deadline. We're going to have the support worker come out and meet with us and talk about what kind of services we can get and to talk more about group homes. Jack said "We need more then just a month to prepare for this and you know it..." and it kinda hit home, so I am no longer crying, but told him I don't want to go on the virginia trip and that won't be happening. So no worries there on that. Still going in for more counselling and maybe even with Jack about Jackie, we'll see. Man I was so set to do this and ready to just suck it up and place him, but thinking about it, it WILL uproot him from his school and he's at a crucial point where he'll be starting life skills classes so I want to give him one last chance, a few more months, and then see how it goes. :(

Hi,
You sound better today.
Jack is still putting too much on you.
Part of the negotiation to stay could involve that he has to give all the baths for example.
Also, he has to be nicer to you as Donna suggested -- it seesm that Jackie is picking up on Jacks's vibe.
Just so you know, the finanical aid deadline is not a real deadline. Students apply for aid all during the year.

I'm soooooo happy that you got clear on the no chance Virginia trip. I am glad that that is settled.
I wish you lots of luck on your new plans. You have a new beginning here in a sense.

M.

guilt is such a powerful emotion
the bond between mother and child is so powerful
can't you make a list of all the dangerous things Jackie has done and hire an excellent professional or two or three who are not affiliated with a home and let them help you make a decision. I really think you need external intervention. Also let them observe Jackie. Be sure to tell them his strengths.
bobby

:hug: Pam, :hug:

I hear you all the way. I hope whatever happens that it will bring more peace and happiness for you.

befuddled2

I have been thinking even harder about things and think that I might want to get a job. Going to see about one with the city a desk job. I would be the one to work and Jack would be a stay at home dad. We'll see, we're still talking about our options. :)

Pam, that sounds like a good idea.

befuddled2

I think so too befuddled2. It might not be easy but then it's will still keep our family together and role changes can only be a good thing for me and Jack for things to get better between us IMO. ;) :hug: thanks for posting! :D

Jackie just shoved me into a dresser, I was fighting with him for my freaking chair again...like the second time in under twenty minutes, the first was when I went to the bathroom...How would any normal human like to have someone pulling on their feet/legs the entire time they are going to the bathroom? Sound like fun? Neither is the alternative of hearing him bashing at the door if I lock it....So he tried taking my chair then and ruined the chances again I had of being able to use the restroom effectively if you get my drift....

I am so angry I want to cry and move out all over again because of this abusive brat who needs what I can't give him anymore. He won't be able to push people around in a group home. Man I am in pain right now, I was sitting on the sofa just minding my own business and he came over laughing and tried to take my chair, got it in the bedroom with me hopping to try to sit in it and get it back, and he refused, he yanked it out of my hands and then shoved me over HARD into a dresser, I could be on my way to a hospital right now had I hit it wrong, but I hit the flat side of it NOT the corner, that could have gone from my neck down to my pelvis.

I NEED out of here, this isn't going to work, Jack is supposed to be helping but he keeps going back to his room. It's not working. I guess I am back to planning with Jack for a group home placement to hell with this, I don't deserve to continually be abused like this and I refuse to just go out there, get a job and work only to have him hutr me bad enough I CAN"T GO IN the next day, Nope not gonna happen, back to the original plan....

I heard back from the worker and she said that they will not place him because we don't have behavior services-WTF was having a hevaiorist out here once a week for over a year then??? I am so freakin' upset! :mad: They won't place him....Yet if Jack left they would? Makes no sense. I am gonna have to leave and abandon Jackie and give up my parental rights I'm afraid...I can't go on with this child's abusive behavior. I don't know what else to do. :(

no sense at all
 

Dear Pam,
It sounds like things are topsy turvy right now.
This isn't making sense at all.
I hope you find what you need.
Lots of hugs and good vibes, http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy/goodvibes.gif

Mari

Six months is what we have to go through with the new aide and behaviorist, I could be really injured before that...I am so upset! I don't think it's going to work but I just have to endure this or move out to mom's. We'll see how it goes...right now I don't want to be here anymore. Hence the 'scared' mood indicator, which I think will stay for now because I totally AM scared. :(

How long before the computer game gets shut down and Jack has nothing to run to his den to? You guys are going to have to make a plan. He cannot leave you alone with Jackie for long periods of time. Krikey not for any length of time really.

Christina is right.
At a minimum, Jack is supposed to protect your safety.
Maybe move his computer games out into the family area.

How soon can they get your aid/aids there? And how many hours a day would he be there?

Can you get someone in the home to evaluate the situation?
Does Jackie have an ability to be nice when someone else is around?

Keep track in a log of some sort about his actions each day.

The main thing is that someone in charge of the group home situation has to see that you need serious intervention right now.
How can that be achieved I wonder.

Mari

I know, hopefully it will work out that way now after last night, Jackie's been home for a few hours and hasn't tried anything but his affectionate choking. *rolleyes* I have to hope that we'll get a behaviorist out here this next week if not this week. We need help like yesterday. I had a long reply written and Jackie came over and change the page to his Nick.com without asking so I lost it. He has no respect for anyone or anything. SO frustrating.

I don't want you to think I didn't hear you Di, I already called Voc Rehab the other day and in FL they are too broke to help with squat, I really was pretty disappointed. However I am not giving up I was just thinking about getting a 9.50 an hour job in customer service entry level and going from there, only thing is I won't do that now, not after last night, I can just see having to lose the job because I got put into the hospital by my son...

I definitely do not feel safe, but apparently the state of fl KNOWS better, so I should just not worry...What a joke. I am so upset. I am starting a document to jusitify placement by documenting the violence going back as far as I can remember. Like when it really got bad, two years ago. He was kicking and hitting me all of forty separate times a freakin' day. :p That is just ridiculous. But he was more managable back then too at ten then he is here looking at twelve. :(

You know what?
I like the idea of your getting a job.
Let Jack deal with Jackie while you are gone.
And while you are gone, you are safe.

I especially like how having a job can empower someone. You might benefit from being more independent of your family situation.

. . . .just some thoughts.
You actually need a professional to come out to your house (unless you think that Jackie will act like a cute well behaved cherub during that time.)

Mari

How does Jackie act when someone else is in the house? You told me about the aide but if you had someone come in and just observe his behavior to help document, like we talked about getting some video, would his behavior still be the same?

I agree with Mari so much
Bobby

Shoot if I lived next door I would come over on and off a couple of days and get some footage. Too bad you can't hook up some nanny cams.

The only good news is that having someone else in the house will allow my words I've just written to be backed up further. The aide will come out to the house, as will the behavior analyst they have in mind. And we'll go from there, but I swear if I get injured in the meantime heads WILL Roll, If they think it's saving them a few thousand dollars to put this off, just wait til they see the bill taking care of a quadraplegic for the rest of her life due to management's negligence in identifying a seriously dangerous situation where placement could be justified by the evidence they already have gathered over the past two years.

I am wondering if it Isn't JUMPING THE GUN by getting a lawyer advocate and threatening them if they don't take immediate action.
my cousin threatened his school board with a lawsuit on behalf of his son with asperger's(sp) and they knew he meant business and put his son in a special boarding school that cost them 30,000 a year. My cousin is usually a laid back carpenter until crossed.
bobby

I am going to look into it Bobby, I will have to go to the mat on this one I think, for the moment I wrote a three and a half page letter talking about the violence, documenting it for them and expressing my worry about him hurting me or even killing me. And asking who will be accountable for what will happen if he impacts my neck making me a full quadriplegic or worse? If this doesn't result in them placing Jackie sooner rather then later I will have to go down the legal route, because I don't think we're gonna see results from starting up behavior interventions again, it only puts off the inevitable and I want OUT. I am seriously in fear for my life with him now.

I have to run this letter by mom tomorrow and see what she thinks and then maybe run it by Jack, he will get angry if I send it, but damnation, what can I do? It's MY life we're talking about here, not his...it will do no one any good if I end up dead or hurt and further disabled then I already am. If the letter doesn't give us any results then it will be time to seek out a lawyer or else just move out and see that he gets placed then because Jack won't be able to do it on his own right now. I really wish this could have worked but it's just not possible anymore, he's too big and angry.

Pam

Honestly even if you move out the odds are that Jackie will not get placed.
The odd's of him being placed are better if Jack were the one to move out.

Reason being it would be harder for you to do all the things Jackie needs
by yourself. And honestly you would have to document that you can
do all the things yourself.

Thats part of your problem now you have done things way to much for
Jack now. And Jackie has gotten away with way to much.

Try sending a letter to the governor for one thing.

Donna

Pam,
You have friend here.

Donna,
You state things so clearly.


Mari

Dear Pammy,
I am worried about you on many levels.
YOu are doing an amzing job of keeping it all together, the stress sounds awful....
How is your bipolar doing?
How is your depression?
Are you having any panic attacks?
HOw is your anxiety?
all of these questions are additional bits of information that can be disabling for you as well.
I agree about getting some legal advice...intervention...perhaps you could talk with someone if they helped you to get disability..I don't know...
Too much stress can lead to hypomania....The ability to resist impulsive decisions....
It seems that you are doing a super job in all of this...I don't know how you are handling all of this...I could not do it.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Writing Ole' Charlie Crist sounds like a good idea! :D And you're right Donna, while Jack is here they don't want to place Jackie. And Jack wants to be here while Jackie is here. It's not fair. I have to keep up doing all I've been doing and somehow remain happy. NOT POSSIBLE. Jackie continues to act out on me, just this morning he came into my room and laid on the bed with me, it's a dangerous situation when I go to get up, that is when he shoves me to the floor onto my chair. And darn if he didn't try and then he gets mean when I go to stand up....so I did my damndest to get up quickly and he kicked me in the crotch hard...I broke my pelvis in numerous places in the motorcycle accident so it definitely hurt when he did that.

I just feel so powerless, and sadly I am powerless to effect change. I don't know what to do. I wish Jack would leave, but I don't see that happening. I've been waiting for that since May when he said he was 'close to leaving' *sigh* I feel the depression is getting to me and the anxiety? Ugh it's through the roof! My counselor called yesterday returning my call from Friday when all bets were off and I was certain things were ending. And I told her I keep on taking my Lorazepam and my anxiety is just eating away at my stomach. She said, "Of course it will, because it's related to your situation, your stress level right now is terrible so it's all situational, when do you come see me again?" and I told her september 15th and she said she had a cacellation for tomorrow (meaning Weds) and I said I'll take it!

I don't know how we're going to get through this next two almost three weeks of no school, but once I get to the point where school is back in session it's going to be much easier to manage my stress and anxiety because he's gonna be back at school for full days five days a week. He does so much better with school then he does in summer school. I just can't take much more. He could really hurt me over what's left of the summer. :( And I will just have to live with that? God help me it's so unfair....Thank heavens I have all of you to post to. I really NEED your support, I just wish this letter I wrote would be enough to get placement set up, or that Jack would leave. :(