So angry, **.
 

I know I havent post much here lately...

but... right now I urged to....

Im so angry... Im crying of anger... I hate everything, everybody... myself... I just feel the necessecity of cut myself or something...

I dont know what to do.... no reason.... or actually, too many reasons....

My life is wrong.... every time I try something, it fails... :mad:

I hate everybody, they are mean to me, always bothering, interfering my life... I hate my existance,

Thanks for reading.

Ah, sweet :Mexican: , I'm so sorry to read this my friend :(

Anger is NOT a good feeling... it eats you up .... and makes you think destructive thoughts.... not good! ....

I hope that my hug from Canada reaches you :hug: and lets you know you are not alone... for I think of you often!

Oh Blue... I'm right there with you in spirit, feeling the same things you do.

Don't cut yourself. I know it sounds like a good idea, (which by itself is not a rational thought) but after you do it, it makes you feel stupid and ashamed whenever you see the scar. It's just your mind's way of trying to get control over something, anything, and physical pain is the only feeling you can force yourself to feel. I'm speaking from personal experiance, sweetheart. :hug:

I'm sorry you feel this way; I think of you often too, and I pray for you every day. Things will get better, okay? We're all going to be happy someday...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I hear you Blue and I'm so sorry you're feeling like that. :hug:

Are you able to identify the reason for your anger? Can you distance yourself from the cause?

Please don't harm yourself. We care about you and want to help if we can.
Keep talking to us ... we are here for you. :hug:

Blue, speaking from experience here. Self injury is only a temporary fix. it helps for the moment but unless you get to the source of what is wrong you'll do it again and again and again. sigh....... I know this cause i'm basically in the same boat you are in right now. feeling alot of anger. :hug:

http://i44.tinypic.com/334j0b9.jpg


I love your signature "signs" dear lady...you should remember to read them when you are in that pit of despair. :hug:

Ah Blue,

You know I'm always thinking of you even if I don't write. I'm crying for you my friend, just know I love you and all I can do is send you that and many many hugs......you know my email address if you need to talk

Blue....
 

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Just paying you back for all the (((HUGS))) you sent to me

When I was going thru a bad time

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

Rae

:grouphug:

My very dear all,

Thank you so much for every single word you posted here. I have you very deep in my heart, and from there, I tell you I always think about you and pray for you, but most importantly, I thank God for having you, because otherwise I dont know where I would be nowadays...

Last night was a mess... instead of doing things to myself, I did things to material things... My room was a real disaster last night... but I arrange everything very early today :o

I dont remember what time I fell asleep... but I slept some hours before heading to the lab to work... a bit... and, I think cells cooperated....

I think I just exploded due to the accumulation of different situations I have been dealing with the last couple of months...

Today wasnt a good day... I was going on a vacaction this weekend, but, the concert I was attending was cancelled (for the second time in a month) and, well... lost money, time, and dreams... :(

So... oh well...

Dont know how to deal with this black cloud. I have to I know...

.
http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/l...s/Annehugs.jpg
.
.

Good you can talk about it so openly, Blue. That's a huge plus. :hug:


You hold on there and heck, before you know it, you will be feeling stronger again.

Try not to hate everybody and try not to hate yourself.

This might sound nuts but, if you have a garden go out there and dig up some earth. It can be very healing. Plant some life out in that earth. Nurture it. It will nurture you. If you don't have room for a garden there at home, then get some pots in and do the same. Just something I find very healing. Getting some dirt on my hands tends to level me out like nothing else. :)

:hug:

Love thyself.

Koala, thank you so much for the hugs... they feel so good and mean a lot ! :hug: Thank you because it was wonderful the other day when I found your facebook post :hug:

Lara, I have missed you lots !! Thank you for your post !! I loved your idea... I love plants and animals, and your post made me remember that !!
:hug: I have some cacti to feed !! :eek: I have forgot about them !!

Im looking forward to start volunteering in a hospital ! :) Please pray for me so I can be accepted !!! I need to see people, beautiful people like you !!! and it is my dream to talk with daily fighters like cancer patients... :)

Thank you very much to all of you reading and hitting the "thanks" botton, it means a lot too. Thanks for caring !

Love for you all !

Hey Blue
 

I volunteered in a hospital a number of years ago. They loved me,and it was a good experience. I would go into the Chapel and pray sometimes.

I believe that they will love you too. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hopefully dear BF !!! hopefully !!!

I dont think there is much I can share or teach to people.... but I can always read them some books and... I think I have thousands things to learn from them.

:hug:

Here's hoping you get accepted for the volunteer work, Majo! :circlelove:

it sounds wonderful...

and, btw, no matter how much mess you made, much better to hurt material things than yourself... sure, you still need to understand the anger, but you made progress in terms of what you are doing with the anger, imho. :hug: doing stuff to things (throwing, hitting, whatever) etc is more of a letting out, than putting it back into yourself.... one step at a time... and it is a good letting out already, because it is not taken out on other people or living beings... not causing more hurt.

love

~ waves ~

Dear Blue
 

One day I was so angry,I took a pillow,maybe two,and screamed into it a number of times. The pillows muffled the sounds. I felt better.

These illnesses can cause anger,and rage. Please,please don't harm yourself when anger,or rage happens. I also found a piece of old furniture,and threw one of my tennis shoes at it. I felt relief.

Time will also settle things down after that. This helped me,but it might not help everyone.

God bless your heart Blue. I understand all the emotions that can hit us at one time. It sometimes makes us think of suicide. I know all of this hurts. Please don't hurt yourself. You are a beautiful person. You need encouragement in these times. After you have done everything that you can do,please take a deep breath,survive,and be patient. This to shall pass. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hey Blue:

If you really want to put some smiles in some faces, go into any nursing home. There are older people who are just sitting there waiting for someone to talk to,

I remember my first experience at a nursing home. I had flown out to see my parents who were sharing a room in a nursing home, It was a rehabilitation kind of nursing home. This is where I learned about Granny Dumping. I bet you have never heard of that term right??

It seems that when folks can no longer take care of an elderly dementia relative, they simply cross the state line and drop them off at a nursing home. During my visit I saw many people who were just dumped.

But the really good part of my visit was when I put makeup and jewelry on my mother. You should have seen her face light up when, after the makeover, I wheeled her all over the place and she was beaming, When I saw the looks on the other ladies, I simply said "Who wants a makeover today??"

Well by the time I left Florida to come home, I didn't have any make-up left and I gave someone my anti-aging serum because she liked how it made her wrinkles go away. I have visited several nursing homes since then, always remembering to bring little perfumes, little lipsticks, etc.

And whenever I visit, I always remember to compliment them on their appearance.

It's so little to do, yet it has such rewards.

Melody

Hello very dear all :hug:

Thank you so much for your very sweet and wise words. They always help so much.

Hey waves ! yeah, Im learning.... I used to hit my head and cut my arms... but this last time I just broke several things.... but, material things that dont suffer :o

Aw Broken friend.... it is so hard huh ? like, somedays I can actually appreciate life and, the next day, I really hate everything, feel fear, anger... ugh... if only I could control myself and, understand why, when and how ! :(

Thanks for sharing all that Melody ! I would like to share smiles with people you know ?? I bet they need to talk to somebody as much as I do !!!

I went to my general doc... He tested my glucose levels and those things and everything was normal... at least I know it is not something new what caused my anger... hum...

Tomorrow I have an oral presentation of my project, so please if you have some time, pray for me... I have been dealing with some mental fog and, Im worried it can bother me tomorrow !!!

Thank you very much for everything you do for me !! :hug:

Thinking about you today Blue as you present your orals. Sending you positive thoughts. :hug: :hug:

You get up there, make your presentation and knock them off of their feet. Then go and do something nice for yourself.

Best of luck on your project.

Take care, Melody

Thank you dear Alffe and Melody !!! that was so sweet !!!

I did it !! I got congratulated by my boss after my presentation !!! :) Aw, I felt so good !!! I needed that because I was having problems with my boss I love so...

I went and had a chocolate frappe ! :D

Well done, knew you could do it, you really are an amazing person!!!!

Mmmmm chocolate frappe, no idea what one is, but it sounds good :-)

I don't know what a chocolate frappe is either but who cares!!!. IT'S GOT CHOCOLATE!!

lol lol lol

Chocolate ALWAYS makes a person feel better. Kicks in those endorphins.

Too bad I can't have any. :(

Diabetics have to usually go the sugar free way, but I don't like what they use to sweeten.

But a chocolate frappe sounds to die for.

So congratulations on your presentation.

Good Job!!

Mel

Here you go!!

Chocolate Frappe

http://www.foodfit.com/recipes/recipe.asp?rid=85

mm mm mm

Mel

dear blue
 

Hi Blue, I am so sorry you feel that bad, but I do know the feeling of hating. I did that for many years, and it nearly cost me my life. When I became disabled about 10years ago, I made a decision that cost me my family. I had a best friend, who I asked to come live with me. I needed the help so very much, I could not take care of my home and yard. My son in law took my daughter and my grandson away from me. I was branded a lesbian. He told me to my face I was not welcome in his home, nor around his children. If I did come and visit, I would not be able to be in the same room with his children without supervison. My daughter sat right there, and agreed with what he said. I was hurt beyond measure, and I still am. I hated for a long time, as it cause me to have a death in my family that never ends. I had to let the hate go, and go on with my life and try to get better. Hate can eat you up alive. I don't know if I can help you, but I do want to try. Please tap back if there is anything I can do to ease your heart. ginnie:hug:

Oh Virginia:

How sad. How truly sad. I have no idea if you were able to mend fences. And I don't know if you ever saw your grandchildren again. Oh my.

And all this because you had a friend come and stay with you?

Wow, isn't ignorance something??

I only hope that somehow, you were eventually able to seek out your grandchildren.

:hug:

Melody

demystifying the 'frappe'
 

if you wanted a milkshake in France (and some other European countries), you'd have to ask for a frappe'. (the word is French... it has been adopted elsewhere.)

they can be made a little differently from one place to another, but that's basically what it is.

~ waves ~

Hello dear all !!!

First of all, yeah, chocolate frappe was like a milkshake buuuuuut, with water instead of milk.... :D

Ginnie, thank you so much for sharing your story in this thread... so sorry !!! :hug: I hate ignorance.. and I hate when this moves people... :( :mad: You sure helped me a lot. Thanks !!!

Tonight Im not angry... Im... sad.... dissapointed.... my life is full of unfair stories and I cant handle it... seriously... I cant handle the fact that good people suffer and bad people is having a happy life... I actually think I have said this before here somewhere in the forums... why ??? I mean... I read somwhere that this has nothing to do with God, and that this was just part of life and that actually God was there helping the ones who suffer.... but my question is.... why do good people suffer "all the time" ?

I could give you a thousand examples.... a material one: The laziest person I know, have the best computer of all.... the one who works hardest, doesnt have a puter....

And, I could give you plenty more examples not with material stuff but health things or whatever...

I cant handle it !!! man, I feel depressed and dissapointed about life.... like.... I dont want to live anymore because no matter what I do, I will suffer every day....

No matter what I dream, I will never reach my dreams because no matter how hard I try, everything is going down.... :(

Aw :(

Aww Blue.... I was about to hit the thanks button so you knew I'd read your post when I was taken aback!

I re-read and saw that you'd written that you don't want to live anymore!

P-l-e-a-s-e DO NOT think like that.

Haven't we already told you how much we care? I do, and I know others do too. :hug:

Is there anything we can do to help..... anything at all?

Please talk to us!

Aw, my very dear Koala.... :hug: You have helped me more than once ! :hug: Im just.... frustrated.... and so tired of being frustrated.... :(

You helped me a lot simply by existing ! :hug: People here makes me remember not everybody is pathetic in this world...

But Koala, I mean, do you get my point ??? Life is so unfair and I dont think I can handle this.

Yes... I guess I did get what you meant, but I wanted to make sure you understood that no matter what.....there are people who care, and I'm just one of them. :hug:

Thanks ! :hug:

Hi.

I'd just like to add my thoughts today. I believe in getting one's priorities straight. To me, having a roof over my head (especially at my age), is the MOST important thing in my life. Everything else comes second.

The fact that I can put a key into the door, look around at my nice clean apartment that I share with my husband, take off my shoes, pad around on my nice tile floor in my white socks, see that I can turn on my tv and watch any show I want (because I tape everything on my VCR and yes it still works), then I can walk into my kitchen and see what I am growing on my shelves, (that feeds the two of us), see that I have food in the fridge, that I woke up that morning and my heart beat and my lungs inhaled fresh air....

Well, to me, this is more important than any other thing. Anything else I can replace, material stuff is material stuff, but the fact that I have a place to live (and I keep it clean), and food to eat, that I either am able to grow or walk to my neighborhood supermarket and purchase, well to me, this is ALL a blessing. I think of others who not so furtunate. They do NOT have a place to reside. They bottomed out and now are sitting in the street somewhere.

Right now, I am NOT one of those unfortunate people. See, I am a look at the glass as half full kind of person.

I am not the type who says "the world sucks, there is SO much bad stuff going on in the world, oh it's not worth getting up in the morning, there are so many bad people, etc. etc." Well, that is not me.

The fact that I have a place to live, food to eat, air to breathe, clothes on my back and my husband and I have a good marriage, THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME.

Anything else that happens is a BONUS!!!

I couldn't care less about other stuff that I might not have.

Took me many years to get to this place in my head. I've had my losses just like everyone else. But, to be able to be grateful to wake up and put my hand over my heart and feel that it's beating. To begin my day!!!

THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME.

I'll say it again, anything else that happens is a BONUS!!!

Melody

For Melody
 

Well said Melody - I agree with all you said. Why do people want more, more more?

Dear BlueMojo
 

I hope there is one minute this day, that you feel good. I care about you, and hope that you know others care about you too. We humans do need each other. I wish there were words I could offer to ease your heart. :hug:
:hug::hug::hug:ginnie

"the world sucks, there is SO much bad stuff going on in the world, oh it's not worth getting up in the morning, there are so many bad people, etc. etc."
<-- That's precisly me.

And Barbo, I dont want more and more, I want, need the basics.... Love, peace and health and I dont have any. What hurts the most is that I work everyday to gain them, or that's how I feel.

Ginnie :hug: Thank you so much for your message and good wishes. Same for you. :hug:

Heaven will solve our problems, but not, I think, by showing us subtle reconciliations between all our apparently contradictory notions. The notions will all be knocked from under our feet. We shall see that there never was any problem. And, more than once, that impression which I can't describe except by saying that it's like the sound of a chuckle in the darkness. The sense that some shattering and disarming simplicity is the real answer.

---C.S.Lewis

Wise man that Mr.Lewis! And Blue, dear Blue...should you have one minute this day that you feel good....please, please share it with us. :hug:
http://i44.tinypic.com/334j0b9.jpg

Hey dear Alffe !!!

That was pretty beautiful and wise.... Im gonna google CS Lewis.... :)
:hug:

Blue I sooooooo get where you are comming from. Yes it always seems that the "bad" people in the world get everything, while the peole who work hard live well etc get the bad stuff. Its very frustrating and hard......
I send loads of hugs(((((()))))) way over here in Australia and some of our sunshine, cos West Australian sunshine is the best in the world!!!!
You are always in my thoughts my friend

Thank you dear Kate !!! :hug: :hug: :hug: You got my point and is so sad isnt it ? I cant handle it. I feel so sad, frustrated and.... desperated.

I hate the fact that I get to wake up again tomorrow.

I hate my life so much.