Healing Thoughts
* Be aware of how traumatic an event in life this is! This particular kind of death, the act of taking one's own life, is usually unexpected and can be violent. The worst has just happened! Nothing rocks one's foundation like this kind of loss, calling into question one's beliefs, values, relationship with a Higher Power, and one's own assumptions about the world!
* The aftermath of a suicide can feel very turbulent. Some survivors feel completely shocked by the loss, feeling numb, and blind sided. For some, the feelings of anger or anguish can be intense...like there may be no end to the tears. Many survivors feel out of control of their emotions and fear breaking down in places that aren't safe. Some days it is hard to even get out of bed. Progress is one foot forward, one day or minute at a time. * Coping after the loss and the tasks of grieving can be exhausting! Many go over and over the days or weeks or events precipatating the suicide. It seems like a necessary process to exhaust those questions: Why? How did I miss this? Why didn't they come to me? Why didn't I see the signs? Would of, Could of, Should of? Profound sadness may accompany yearning for a different outcome and knowing we don't have a chance to do it over again. * Healing is a process over time and best occurs in the context of supportive relationships. Survivors can experience a gamut of physical and emotional symptoms. I often say, one can not get enough support! Some seek individual therapy or medication if the symptoms interfere with life functioning. But what we hear most at the Survivors of Suicide group is that by telling one's story over and over and feeling the feelings with a group of people who have been there and understand like no onelse, can be a very valuable tool in one's recovery. Jaacqui Wilhelmi-Carpenter, MSSW, Clinical Substance Abuse Counselor, SOS Support Staff SOS of Dan County Newsletter Oct. 2010 |
If there is anything I have learned in these years of "belonging" to the SOS forum ... its that the impact of loss needs to be recognized and continually acknowledged.
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Worth a bump! :grouphug:
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Thus I sat
Once
on a lonely mountain road contemplating what should occur Ends? Had the means for some awful reason had felt compelled to believe ends were the path to pain o'ercome Not so the whisper in my ear as I sat alone thinking, churning, fretting Don't you think your wife is worrying just now? God was right. That ended all contemplation weapon sheathed engine started hit the headlights home where I was and remain LOVED without question Thank you God consequences pondered aid one at the brink to back away grasping HOPE |
Thank you Mark...."if only" always comes to my mind. I have always believed that He was right there with Michael when he pulled that trigger.
Did He not whisper...did Michael not hear...I have accepted the outcome but as a mother...I should have known. :( |
Alffe
I understand the feeling that you should have know I feel the same way,now oldest son being stupid again,he did this crap last year,and last night started it again,so I have been up all night whaighting for him to show up at my door in some messed up shape he is in after a failed attemet,not sure where he is this morning,praying he went to a friends house
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I'm sorry you are having to go through this again katmae and I pray that he'll come home, having learned something. :hug:
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Katmae, Sending prayers. That he comes home soon.
Donna:grouphug::hug: |
Katmae
:hug:Love restraineth not
but embraces the loved in ebullient outpouring of affirmation the one who is loved rises strong in our mind as that presence who is a blessing then he has to open his heart to recognition pain is fleeting life is fantastically rich while the mass of humanity surrounding each of us who cares is crying out for one who will survive to BE a living sacrifice for others because in pouring selflessly from our well of spiritual waters we heal from within since the balm we would pour out upon others who hurt will always ever without ceasing bring healing to our own hurting soul. I had to learn this and internalize it then experience and express it bountifully through which my heart was forever sealed unto God as a vessel for helping others. I, who would destroy myself to bring eternal end to my temporary pain had to be shown deep within the pain will ebb and the fantastic JOY which wells up surpasses all pain I had ever felt within my psyche. In my family the husband to a darling niece would not hear and is now absent. If only to open the heart and mind and ears of your son God will inspire recognition maybe, just maybe, your son may rejoice I have it was not easy at first but then the road which is hardest and has the most twists obstacles holes boulders to circumnavigate presents the greater treasure in finding its object had the road been too easy I might not have realized its importance Glory to God for making it just difficult enough so I would yield. Thus I pray for you and your son, Amen, Mark56:hug: |
Alffe
How can one know the depths of the mind
of the bearer of torment? God can I saw my family knew but surviving as all crumbled around us to rubble was so much for them to handle it was me and God God and me I HAD TO YIELD anything else was selfishness on my part. Might you have known as his mother? Possibly. The hands were his though and he had to be willing to yield as I had to be willing to yield [oh God, the tears are streaming down my face right now] surrendering that within me which would scream I hold the key to my life was the means to deliver my spirit unto God for until that moment although I had "practiced" faith and love and charity it was hollow and meaningless without complete surrender I had to give it up my life definitely in the firm grasp of God now the balm for my soul which could allow God's great work of healing within this shattered being Selfishness had to go. You were not responsible for your son yes you loved and still love him immeasurably yet, the surrender of soul had to come from within him a choice you could not make for him just as my beloved wife could not make the choice for me. Probably more than anything necessary to healing for we who remain is a sense of forgiveness to those who went before by their own hand for in selfishness they brought temporary pain to conclusion in a way which deprived others of the blessing of knowing how survival might shape the heart the spirit freeing LOVE to be expressed boundlessly. Oh, that we might all be able to forgive those who willfully departed so healing might overwhelm us the ache of absence will not depart but the wholeness which comes through forgiveness will swell hearts to overflowing so we may move forward. Now if we can only help those who are tempted to examine selfishness to abandon self pride to grasp the almighty who is the means to everlasting joy we may have the blessing of aiding still another who should avoid the very decision with which the deceiver had me wrestling in that oh so lonely dark place of life. I choose life through Christ who enables me. Loving all of you, Mark56:grouphug: |
Thank you
I just wanted to say thank you to you all for the words of inceragement, still no word
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The journey of acceptance was such along one for me, forgiving our Michael for "opting" out without a fight...but how can I ever know how much, or if he fought. And forgiveness...I took it personally and had a lot of anger at him...Pter and all the people who frequented this forum at that time, put up with me, loved me through it, got me talking about it. It is 23 years this month that he died. Had he lived, he'd be 55 this year. I try to be available for others who are new to this nightmare...am better at hands on...their screams don't terrify me and I can promise...am living proof that it can be survived. The lesson I am trying to share here..is do NOT put the people you love through this agony...it will change them forever! You are a true example of what can happen...perhaps the knowledge of God doesn't happen for everyone or maybe some prefer to just call it love. Thank you so much for sharing Mark. Please stay with us. :grouphug: |
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My Mission is Love
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And I wonder from time to time, as I have suffered SO MUCH neuropathic pain from that blasted car wreck, "do you suppose my niece's husband found comfort in a gun because he just could not take the physical pain any longer???" It has been years, and we all plod along that road called life wondering......"why did he?" As for me, I am glad God whispered in a controlled shout into my ear "you know, it is getting late, and she is starting to worry about you...." Insert key in the ignition, get the engine running, lights on, weapon sheathed..... go home, resume LIFE surrendered completely to God. Glad. I will pray with you and for you forever, mark56:smileypray: |
Alffe
thank god for friends on the police force they found him and he is now home safe and sound,thank y'all again for your kind words:hug::hug:
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Oh Katnae!!
What good news! So beneficial to be able to obtain protective custodial help when there is a present risk of harm to self. I am thrilled for you and for your brother there is now an opportunity for more work to be done.
Now the hard work of praying him through this commences, Mark56:hug::grouphug: |
Mark
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Sorry Katmae
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mark56:o |
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I am so grateful that you listened and acted on that "whisper" Mark...and now you have become a teacher. :hug: I have always felt that our Michael acted impulsively...if only he didn't have the gun, right there. The lasting effects...to this day I can't bare anything "houndstooth"....the couch he died on. Oh my...it's January again!! Hugs for the room. :grouphug: |
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