That Fabric...
 

I wonder how many of us have too much sensitivity woven into the fabric of our lives and I wonder if it's a disadvantage or if it makes us more aware of our surroundings/peers...more vulnerable...

We always said that this world was too hard a place for our Michael. He couldn't bare to watch Lassie because it made him cry. He wore his feelings on his sleeve and he just wanted everyone to be happy all the time. ~sigh He couldn't stand to see anything hurt...I remember he hatched a cocoon in his bedroom and literally hundreds of preying mantis came flying out while he/we tried to catch them...him hollaring don't hurt them!...

When he joinned the Air Force, right out of H.S. he called us from boot camp (when they would finally let them call home) and he said I don't like it here. :o No suprises there..we were suprised he wanted to join.

David said in his post that he also was sensitive as a child and I know that I am to this day. How to get thicker skin??? Is that desirable???

But as the writing said...if you pull out one thread, it would change everything.

We got to see him sing this Friday night in Indianapolis...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0WIJ...D9CAEC&index=0

Thousands of people in the stadium and you could have heard a pin drop.

I love Mark Lowry.... right after the Murrah Building bombing in OKC, him, Max Lucado, Sandi Patti, and others i didn't know gave a free "healing" concert for the families of the victims... i got to go and sit close to the front on the floor since my aunt was killed. it was one of the most awesome things i've ever been to.

..this thread...
 

...there seems to be a commonality here...I wonder if it is the answer I have been looking for. I have always been very sensitive too. BF is the same way as well. So is my son. His father use to tease him unmercifully for being that way. Because, as the stigma says, males aren't suppose to be... :mad: I get so mad about that. If you ask me there is nothing more beautiful than a man who has nurturing qualities.

Ah me....But, you are right Alffe, how to deal with it? I told my pdoc once that I wanted to learn how to set boundaries without building walls. He really couldn't help me much. It takes life experience. Trial, and error. The school of hard knocks. Unfortunately, some of us get knocked out trying to learn. I am so happy that you are talking more about Michael. I would really like to get to know him better. Now if you would just send me a picture for my tree :hug:

I hope others will chime in here...this is a good point for discussion.

I think the book "The Invitation" and also "The Places That Scare You" are good for learning how to deal with this. I am sure there are many others.

There is a thread in the BP forum, I think it was started by Bizi, that has a link in it on vulnerability by Mari....it is very good. If I knew how to post it here I would.

I think it is how to remain vulnerable without becoming the prey... but once you have been preyed upon it is harder...but easier to help others who have been there. OK, I am running on....let somone else speak...

BTW (((Alffe))) the only time I ever got a letter from my son was when he was in boot camp. He didn't like it either. He joined the Navy right out of high school.

The Prophet by Kahilil Gibran
 

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy
you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in
the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was
hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find
it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see
that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is the greater than sorrow," and others say,
"Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your boards, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

....the first line jumps out at me right now, though I love the whole thing. Thank you for putting it here.

...having the strength to take off the mask, and become vulnerable in the places where love can take root and grow...

Now, the subject of love (((Alffe))) I do find that my pain and sorrow are very deep... but so is my capacity for joy....

"...allowing the sorrows of the world to break my heart over and over, letting the joys make it whole again. " ...out of "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

I find myself doing this a lot lately...I am learning how to do this. I do it a lot here when I read at NT...and in my daily life. However, I find it much easier to deal with others sorrows than to deal with my own. But I am learning. We can't do it alone...and we seem to want to. Surrender, I think, is another key word. OK...running on again. :hug: :grouphug:

Wow, Alffe, this is getting waaaay deeper than I ever go. But along the same lines as your last quote, it brought to mind this LDS scripture:

NEPHI II
CHAPTER 2
11 For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.

I guess what we all seek is BALANCE. But it's the opposition that makes us grow.

I watched a Hallmark movie last night about a man with Tourette's Syndrome, "Front of the Class." When he received the Teacher of the Year award, specifically for first-year teachers, he thanked his parents, etc. for helping him achieve it. But ultimately he thanked his "constant companion", Tourette's, for being his greatest teacher.

I was a pretty sensitive child with very few friends. The change for me came when I finally realized that not everyone was going to like me. And that it was okay, because I was still a good person.

I also think that playing piano helped me immensely. I had many opportunities to shine with very average talent, even though I was young. I won 2nd place in the 3rd grade talent show. The 6th grade teacher had me sight reading the Caissons go rolling along song for the other kids to sing. I played in church from the time I was 11. The kids still either shunned me or picked on me. BUT, at least I had an identity that I could live with.

I guess where I'm going with this (thinking as I type here) is that the more sensitive a person is, that perhaps they have a greater capacity for joy.

But wait, you already said that, Alffe! More eloquently stated by Kahilil Gabran: "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy
you can contain."

Not sure if any of this makes sense to anyone but me, but it was a great therapy session, so thanks for listening! :)

Now I feel like Moi, spilling his guts. But I love Moi and know him better because of it, so I guess it must be okay.

...beautiful (((Twinks))) ...I am glad you had the support to gain that identity early on. HEHEHEHEHE....we were writing at the same time, and I didn't get to read yours until I posted mine...:hug:

I will have to go back to the scriptures I was studying yesterday...there was something there that I thought might be good here....:rolleyes:

Twink, I think you made perfect sense! And you p.c.was a real hoot! ty :D
Goofy I get goosebumps just thinking about that concert...I'd love to hear Sandi Patti in person.

We're enjoying having my sil here and she loved the icebox cake as did Mr.Alffe...it's their mothers recipe.

Nikki I think I have seen those traps...ty, might try it but I do think we got rid of them for this season. That reminded me of the first Thanksgiving we spent in this old house..32 yrs ago and all the grandparents were coming here for dinner..and a mouse showed up...literally ran up the wall in the living room..Our oldest daughter cupped an empty coolwhip container over him and scooped him up...while the rest of us screamed. :D
G, we've come a long way...called him our Thanksgiving mouse.

Alffe thank you for sharing Michael's character with us...it makes his name mean so much more now.

Heightened sensitivity, brings with it much sadness, everything around you can become a 'Lassie' film.

I have been on anti-depressants for over 2 years now and i miss CRYING.....why you might ask?

because tears cleanse...they initiate hormones that help release the stress, tears are a visual clue to others that all is not how it should be. I miss that feeling of shedding tears for the world around me, the trauma in life that pains my vision....is now just pain in my heart
Yet i find this new resolve both frustrating ,and at fleeting moments very soothing.
its not easy when you wear your heart on your sleeve....it is more a kin to having no skin on your hands and being surrounded by searing heat.


but without this trait in my make up-...i certainly would not be me. i would not have been capable of reaching out to people that society would rather ignore. I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO READ PEOPLE as clear as i do now, by read i mean, i feel unknown stories about some people often those who need an ear..to listen to them..or a shoulder to cry on...


I will be truthful and tell you at times i am so tired, and weary, about helping others.....then something happens and I'm the first one in to help...............

It is in me to care................my conscience is enormous and would never allow me to be a bystander............the payback of sadness is very hard, but i cant switch off.


David

David, Twinks, Mistis, Alfie and Nik-Key-You all are so wise and you are able to express things so much better than I can. It took me a while to like who I was and am-I couldn't play a piano, I was and still am quiet in most social situations. I just quit therapy after she said that I couldn't change the situation I was living with. I have learned to accept what my ms (I don't want to give it capital letters) has done to my body and my life but to add to this insult I have to live and accept my husband who is controlling in his own way, but supportive in so many ways, who is silent and with whom I feel alone with in a crowd. He is still seeing her, but with the financial crunch and the realization that I just needed to find my own inner peace. Inner peace can be lonely. Thank you all that you guys do and if I left anyone out by name-forgive me. I don't necessarily want a harder skin. Again its that balance issue again.....

Pat (Doxie) and P.S. I think I forgot David and I don't want big ears to think I forgot him.

Dear David...you are such a caring Soul...and definately not an 'easy' path to tread, but a 'royal' one.

...letting the joys fill me up again. Taking care of YOU! You get drained, and have to deal with your own depression, which is draining in itself. Do you write? I know you like photography. How much time do you find for it? I have found that allowing myself to take a deep breath and experience something that is joyful, and allowing it in, despite the depression, helps me to get through. Things can become pretty bleak through depressive eyes, and a depressive mind. Finding any joy can be the most difficult thing, especially when you face what you do over and over. But it is there in something. We just need to find it, and breathe it in, giving us the needed strength to continue on our journey.

I think, maybe, trying to find why there is pain in the first place. What is the dance of life? Ok, I am getting a bit philosophical here....

Sensitivity, a blessing, and a curse. But, I think, I am grateful for it. Where would the world be if there were not people who where strong enough to be weak enough....sorry, this is a good/bad day.....

Ah, David, I'm sorry you miss crying. My anti-depressant allows me to cry... the difference that it makes for me is that I cry less and rationalize my way back to acceptance and resolution.

Hugs to you David, for I know how healthy it is to feel.

The thing is, that without the anti depressant, we suffer more than just the crying... its the anxiety and the helplessness and the hopelessness and the irrational thoughts....

Alffe... without hesitation I can say that The Prophet is my bible.
That book is never far from my side. Kahlil Gibran was brilliant.

I'd like to say this about the thread.... don't pull it... maybe trim it, or cut it off... maybe mend it... but if you pull... it will unravel... and gosh only knows what you'll end up with.

Trouble is... when we see a thread, we try and pull the darn thing.

(((Doxie)))...we were posting at the same time. I think your words were very well said, and very wise indeed. You are in a tough situation. But you sound like a strong, and wise person to me. We need each other. Especially when we dont have anyone 'out there' that we can open up to and feel safe about doing it. I am in a similar situation. Maybe we can share more in a pm. :hug: please keep sharing....

....so true Addy, especially when the thread is painful. We maybe would like to paint it invidible. But, then, the hues wouldn't be so varied and beautiful?

I am allergic to so many AD's that I can't take them. So I have tons of tears but have a hard time letting them flow until I reach a dangerous point. I am trying to find some natural alternatives. The H, H, and I that you mentioned need to be managed if one is to survive.

I like "The Prophet" too, much wisdom there. :hug:

Oh David...you struck such a chord with me...

"I will be truthful and tell you at times i am so tired, and weary, about helping others.....then something happens and I'm the first one in to help...............

It is in me to care................my conscience is enormous and would never allow me to be a bystander............the payback of sadness is very hard, but i cant switch off "

I'm enthusiastic and cautious at the same time about getting even more involved than I already am with suicide...it exhausts me at times both mentally and emotionally. I've learned rather late in this life that support is my passion and I'm impatient to get "at it".

I've learned that "hands on" is a far cry from the written word and it's important for me to recognize the signs of "too involved" vs "caring"...if any of that makes any sense. *grin

I'd like to save the world but that isn't my job. :grouphug:

Pat, I want MORE for you....acceptance is a huge thing and I so admire you for being able to...a lot of people never get where you are now. :hug:
Inner peace can be lonely but just hollar out...we are here for you.

I read this post first thing this morning when ((Alffe)) wrote it... but I needed some time to decide how I wanted to reply.

Firstly, I want to thank each of you for sharing.......... I would like to address each of you, but I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment so I hope a big hug and thank you is ok:hug:

Alffe, thank you for sharing Michael with us:hug:

I too am what the world would call overly sensitive. (and yes I cried at lassie, and I never get through Little house on the prairie without at least a few tears;))

I love with all I am. Yes, that makes me hurt with all I am too. But, I would not have it any other way.

If we did not love, we would not grieve. I am grieving to the depth of my soul right now................. but, only because - I loved my Dad with all my heart and soul. I would not trade that love for anything!

I debated if I would share this with you all, I haven’t even shared it with my family. It is very special and personal... but I think I should share it so others can see that it is not only ok to be sensitive, it is a great quality and something I take pride in.

This is parts of a letter I got in the mail Saturday from my younger sister ( The one who recently came for a visit and went to Dad's grave for the first time........( I am leaving out details and somethings too personal, but you will still get the gist as to why I will not even attempt to change.

" You gave me someone I could trust, depend upon, admire and measure myself against. You gave me someone to look up to in a childhood that certainly had none. You are the rock upon which I have rested many times. The rock that has sheltered me always. You gave me a hero.

......Most people see their childhood heroes fall, they get let down. As I have grown older my hero, has only gotten stronger. You Nikki have only become more amazing.

.....Every heartbreak you have endured, every horrible injustice that has happened to you ---- you have come through with dignity and grace. And if possible, even more strength.

........You have kept your heart open and you have loved freely. Regardless of how many times and how deeply that love has hurt you. It is this quality in you Nikki, Above all others that truly makes you the most incredible person I have ever been blessed to know. "
.................................................. ...........

My point in sharing this is not to toot my horn, though I must admit I cried, and hard, when I read it.... My point in sharing it is, you just truly do not know how you impact someone else. I know when she was a child I tried so hard to give her a safe place and someone she could trust. I knew how much it meant to ME to give her that, but I did not know how greatly it effected her.

I have forgiven things, many might not be able to. Even some of my siblings feel they never could, and that I should not have. But I did, and I did it for love. The love I gave and received because I was able to forgive, far supersedes the pains of the past.

Yes, I may be over sensitive.... but who is to say that is a bad thing? Certainly my sis doesn't think so, and neither do I. :hug:

Nikki, that letter from your sis is incredible! So sincere and heartfelt.

Love and admiration like that has been earned and is well-deserved.

You and your sis are two very special people. Just wondering, did you get that sensitivity from your dear father?

Thanks for sharing, dear Nikki.

Nikki it's a beautiful letter...I see that compassion runs in your family. :hug: You remind me of that old Swedish proverb..."those who wish to sing always find a song". I love the way you sing to us. :grouphug:

Being very sensitive? I think maybe I am too ? But funny thing I dont like to be called that in fact i try to hide that part of me as much as possible. but I know how horrible I feel if /when I make another feel badly or I hurt anothers feelings. I think it is the one thing in the whole world that really bothers me and I hate myself when that happens .I always try to make people smile or laugh. I hate when others around me are hurting or sad and even more hating myself if I am the cause of another saddness or hurt or ill feelings. I will be the one trying to lighten the load or lift the spirits or reach farther then the last one..
But I would never call myself sensitive and I wonder why ? Do I find it is a weakness in me? Why would that be a weakness it should be a plus.
Alffe Mom thanks for sharing Michael . :hug:

Yeah I was a Tomboy kinda girl.and hummmm maybe even then that was my way of hiding how sensitive I was / am ????
Yikes I better not think about that to much.
the fabric the fabric.... :hug:
Thank you to everyone for sharing and talking.
Many Blessings.
PEACE
BMW

Alpho,

always glad that you share about Michael...in private...I know I have said that with every post that you had/have posted about Michael, I think you have saved many lives... :hug:

I love Kahlil, he's one of those people that really HITS it on the nail so many times for me whenever I'd read his work.

"A Tear and a Smile" is still something that I'd read from time to time...just to chew on his thoughts and words...

mist,

you bring such a calming voice to it all even with all your struggles...you JUST have such a gentle way about you...you don't BS yet when you lay it out, it just is so soothing and calming even though inside you there are storms raging...I dunno how you do it..

:hug:

twinks,

you have such a sense of humor and are very positive...I am so glad that you are opening bits by bits...it shows another side of you that is just as wonderful...you have been a great listener to many and perhaps now it's time for us to listen back...

David,

the physical tears do wonders yet I have become like you, I have become very desensitized...

I used to cry a lot when I was a kid...and half as much when I was an adult...being a "man" I was taught to not to cry...but I have very developed tear ducts...so I couldn't help it...

but in the recent years...I have been having problems "shedding" tears as well...

not sure what it is...I am mentally tougher, I do know that...

I used to apologize to everything and everyone...I was the type of person that if you'd step on my toes, I'd apologize to you...and then I'd get really angry afterwards thinking, "hey, why didn't he/she apologize to me??"

I also used to bump into posts...

in the supermarkets where they use those steel posts to hold up the buildings...

I used to run into them by accident and then I'd go, "excuse m...." then I'd blush and run away because people would stare at me like I am an idiot...

these days, when someone bumps into me. I smile first...and I say, "are you OK?"

If they apologize, I say it's OK...if they look at me as if it was my fault...if I was in the mood, I'd tell them that they need to learn some manners (that happens rarely though)

if I was not in the mood, I just give them the "death glare" LOLOL

But I still apologize to posts and beams because I find that they are more polite... :)

doxie, glad you could join us...would love to hear more from you

Addy, you always ADD A LOT to others lives...in all you've gone through, you have shown such strength and I feel like we live in parallel universes because when I hear some of the walks you've talked...I can only stand up and applaud you...I am so proud to be your friend!

nik, everything your sister has said is so true...

I can only concur with what she's said about you...your love and strength and warmth and kindness touches many hearts and lives...

yes, there is anger within you, yet within those anger, there is something else about it...you've always show us that there IS another side, a brighter side no matter how dark it is...and that is something that is so hard to see when we are in the fog ourselves....

you shine the light, dear friend...

BMW,

your courage in all that you've gone through and yet you are here giving your love and your heart and your artistry in your writings (as well as mistiis)
it reflects how special you are...

you are always kind and thoughtful to others...

we all make blunders...we all have made people that we love angry at times...

but because they love us back, they understand and forgive, just ask moss how many times she's been mad at moi...LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~

truly, you all are warriors, each with your own gifts and a lot of them cross over...

but what is great beneath it all is the heart to give...that kindness to give...is what makes a difference in other's lives...

I believe we all are sensitive...I think those that say they are not just have been hurt to the point that they have shut others out...

sensitivity IS good...and whille it can be its own worst enemy, that sensitivity
, just like the fabrics, can be pulled, mended, resewn, patched up, or really, be recreated into something else totally different yet just as beautiful...

this is a tapestry...the fabric...patterns abound...yet souls set free...

weave, my dear friends, weave....

((Alffe)) This brought back so many happy memories, it was almost painful. Lynn and I use to watch the Gaither Vocal Band all the time. After his diagnoses of Alzheimer's, when he was still aware of what was happening to him.... we watched JD Sumner's sing a song... Lynn cried, so unlike him. He said, when I die, at my service please play this song. It is the only time he has ever mentioned anything. Ever.

This brought all those memories back, Lord but I miss him :(
For anyone who would like to hear it... here is the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HPUryHzCcQ


Lyrics.........................................

The Lord still lives in this old house


If this earthly tabernacle should be dissolved today
I'd trade it for a finer one, that would not pass away.
But till the day arrives when it's time for moving out
Tis such sweet peace to know the Lord still lives in this old house.

The sweetest fellowship I've known has fortified these walls
And peace has reigned since he's been walking up and down these halls.
With snow upon the rooftop now and these hinges near worn out
It's such a joy to know the Lord still lives in this old house.

To him it's been a dwelling place where he kept my hand in his
To me a home away from home, is all it really is.
It sure ain't fine and fancy and all I can boast about
Is after all these years the Lord still lives in this old house.

Now there were times he had the right, just to up and move away
And there were times and days I knew it took God's amazing grace to stay.
But he never left this old building once, that's why I can sing and shout
Cause after all these years the Lord still lives in this old house.

To him it's been a dwelling place where he kept my hand in his
To me a home away from home, is all it really is.
And it sure ain't fine and fancy and all that I can boast about
Is after all the years the Lord still lives in this old house.

After all these years the Lord ... Still lives in this old house

Oh ....tears here..can't tell you how much that link meant to me Nikki...
I have many of their tapes, cds,..but not that one!! I've "bonded" with your dear Lynn...:hug:

Tears here too.............. Dad could sing this song so well.........
I think this is part of the reason I had such a flare yesterday, too much crying. I miss Dad, and though Lynn is still here, I miss him too. Who he was, who WE were. I told my family today, I feel like a married widowed at times. Just breaks my heart. But, love him I do, then- now- and forever.

I've read that 15% to 20% of people are Highly Sensitive People (HSP). There is a book,and websites about us Highly Sensitive People. They say it's normal for us HSPs to be sensitive. I know I'm one.

I believe that it is also a gift of compassion. I believe it is a virtue,and not a weakness. Sometimes when I'm close to someone who is hurting,I feel a flash of pain streak through me. I have gone over to people after church,and prayed for them. I have prayed for people in other places. This sensitivity is a compassion for others.

This sensitivity also hurts us sometimes. BF:hug::hug::hug:

WOW!!! (((BF))) I have had that same experience. And that's kind of hard when you are a nurse. I didn't know that other people felt that too. :hug:

Mistiis
 

I imagine it's difficult for the nurses,and doctors to be highly sensitive people. To feel the patients pain suddenly flash into you,or something like their pain, has probably caused many med.school students to drop out. Nurses have probably chosen different jobs. They may get use to it.

I don't see how a HSP can work in a SPCA. I just love animals. If animals where being put to sleep,I'd have a heartache every day.

My family told me all of my life that I was super sensitive. We are not the only ones. I use to hide my sensitivity,and I still do from time,to time.

It's probably always good for the patient. The sensitive people are more concerned. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you. That mean more to me than you'll ever know.

Going to bump up this old thread just because.....

and bumping it again because it's January. Hugs for the room :grouphug: