How to deal with fear and anxiety ..
 

I was diagnosed bipolar almost 4 years back. But that wasn't my main problem, it was the fear and anxiety and the stigma associated with it. My selfesteem has been constantly on the downhill ever since and my fear of social situations (in a closed work area, or just a walk ) has increased tremendously. I fear that someone will come and try to pick a fight or just belittle me for no reason.
I was on klonopin and serequel for the first year after my diagnosis but then i quit. I did not go to any therapist after that , thinking it will not help and my faith and change of lifestyle should help me overcome this. But i havent been motivated enough to change, maybe its the depression or the negativity in me holding me back.
I have lost interest in a lot of things and I thought reading might help, but it didnt as i feel like i should be reading to get knowledge that will help with my future career but I am unable to decide on where i should be heading to now, as i percieve my old work environment as hostile now, and feel that I have to fight to make room for me at work. I havent done much financially constructive things in the last 2 years and I now I think I am having a lot of focus issues now and am really worried about dementia.
Is there hope for someone who thinks he has wasted the last few years doing nothing but clinging to past ? How do I get out of this vicious cycle of blame and depression and negativity?

Hi, Skeptic,

Yes. I understand the feeling of maybe a lost life.
Support from therapists and psychiatrists have helped.

Do you take walks or do other exercise? That can help considerably with anxiety and other things. Do you have anxiety?

M

Thanks M, I do have a lot of anxiety.. specially thinking about and being in a social situation. My mind goes into a fear mode if i go out anywhere of what others might say to me. In a conversation I usually find it difficult to be relaxed, and I constantly worry about what the other person might say or percieve of me, so much so that I cant even hold an intelligent conversation anymore.. just the basic chitchat and then walk away. I was biking a few months ago but now i just stay indoors..thinking whats the use. I havent seen a therapist and now i am giving it serious thought. I constantly worry a lot specially about not achieving and going downhill.

I think that getting a therapist is an excellant idea. and I wonder if you would be interested in trying a mood stabilizer for your bipolar.
klonipion could help with your anxiety issues.
you sound very depressed and isolated.
I am sorry that you are going thru this and am glad that you are reaching out tous.
thank you for posting.
keep talking we are listening.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear skeptic
 

Hello, and I am glad you found this site. No you didn't waste your time. You did do some things to try to help yourself. Just trying to read a book is a good thing. Any small movement forward is good. Keep coming back here for support. If you feel your moods just arn't good enough to give you good quality of life, maybe you should consider going back for council. I did that and changed from seroqeul to zoloft and my mood is better. Depression can sure be a hard battle. It is easier with the people who have helped me though some of the ruff spots. There is no stigma here regarding depression or by polar or anything else. Only compassion and a deep caring. I do wish you all the best. ginnie:hug:

Thanks everyone for your support. It actually feels good to be letting all this out. I know klonopin / serequel were great when i was taking them almost 3 years ago and I felt in the moment but still I had issues because I think most people wanted me to be off the meds and deal with it without them as they may have long term side effects, or it might help me gain confidence by not taking meds and facing this head on. Which I did for a while but then I now find myself struggling with this social anxiety and fear.. I was actually selfmedicating and taking klonopin even when I was not seeing the therapist 2 years ago. I thought I would just sleep and take meds and I will be ok eventually but did not realise that I actually needed to be involved in life. I will talk to a therapist and see what they recommend now as it has been almost 4 years since I have seen one and my anxities have grown immensly.

You may need to see a psychiatrist so that you can be evaluated for medications....and definitely schedule an appointment to see a therapist. YOu have a lot of issues that you are trying to deal with.
medication can help you and so can talk therapy.
bizi

HI,

It's good that you are taking steps toward helping yourself get better.


M

Hello Skeptic,

i am sorry you are facing all these difficulties and it sounds as though they are mounting. glad you are reaching out and seeing what you can do to help yourself, starting by posting here. you are not alone, many of us have similar problems. feel free to vent here.

i agree it will be beneficial to resume therapy, and i also hope you will consider medications. the social anxiety sounds heavy... almost to the point of paranoia? sometimes a short course with a particular med can help and then it can be discontinued... doesn't have to be for life.

a lot of people think that meds are crutches or imply weakness, but we see them as tools for getting better and having a better quality of life. you mention side effects and indeed these must considered in that balance. some of us here could not do without meds at certain times, but the goal of both meds and therapy is to allow us to have the best quality of life possible.

i hope you find a therapist you "click" with... keep us posted on your progress.

and welcome a-"board." (((hugs)))

~ waves ~

i am sorry you are going through this. medication helped me and now finally my therapist is helping me just by being supportive. I think risperdal is helping my paranoia...which is probably related to my anxiety. it is also helping my irritability. i have fought with friends about my taking medication. i was diagnosed about nine years ago and i am 67. most of my life i was without medication and i can feel the difference and it has helped my suffering and i guess is worth the side effects.
glad you joined the forum
bobby

Keep talking and let us know how we can help you.

donna:grouphug:

hello skeptic
 

I hope this day finds you better than yesterday. I am glad you want to go seek some help. We all care about you and hope you will feel less anxiety. Just going forward to get the help is a big step and we are with you in spirit. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Keep coming back to the site for love and compassion. ginnie

Thank you all for the support. I know my cutting off from the world is not a solution but i am struggling to get to a place where i can be accepted or i accept myself the way i am and I dont think negative. I feel that is the most important part of a healthy life but now and then some doubts pile up and I feel that i let my self dragged down. I know there are so many people who want to see me happy and healthy and I appreciate it so much and wish all of you the best also.

when will you be able to seek medical attention? ARe you afraid to start meds again? they might really help you.
bizi

I get really worried about going to a psychiatrist specially telling my family that I want to see one. Looks like everyone might think I m week or tell me that I dont need to. I will see how things go this week as i m planing to go home and if I am still having this much anxiety then I know I have to. The other thing is that I can get hold of serequel/klonopin on my own also which makes me want to self medicate, but i know that I have to re visit a professional in order to have my life a bit in working order. I have been thinking that my paranoia might be stemming out of a couple of things that i went through a long time ago and then almost 6-7 years ago. i think i really get afraid of the stigma of what some people might label me as. I guess something to talk to with my therapist.

your family doesn't need to know that you are taking medications especially if they are judgmental...you are an adult I presumme and can function with out their approval...maybe there is a sibling that you can confide in?
good luck and keep posting.
bizi

Hello there,

I understand you and can relate to what you are describing/feeling...

I agree with what has been said... You need meds... they will help you... About family, dont tell them... they wont understand... My family dont get it either... It hurts, but we came alone to this world, and alone we have to survive...

About the fear feeling... I feel fear most of the times... Im working on it... sometimes I just let it go... if I focus on dont trying to feel fear, I feel more fear... If that make sense... :rolleyes:
Let your feelings flow... ride the wave and, take some meds, they help...

Much love.

We are here to listen, root for you and try to help.

Feel better tomorrow !

well its pretty hard for me to not tell , firstly because sometimes i feel that others know what i am doing (my paranoia part :) , secondly i think most of the times that i m in some kind of therapy and there are people keeping an eye on what i do (again my paranoia part :) , you might be laughing now :) , i know i am, its kinda funny.. but during and after my diagnosis certain things happened that led me to believe that I am being monitored because i have these psychological problems.. so its very very hard for me not to say what i do or planing to do specially w family or work environments. I know my family is supportive but i think the way they want me to handle this is by not using a therapist but trying to keep busy. But I have trouble deciding upon what I should concentrate on and end up doing nothing. I think meds with therapy is what I need though. I will try.

they are wrong.:mad:
my opinion.....

I again want to thank all of you for your advice and support.. i appreciate it a lot and specially knowing that you might have gone through worse or are going through some of the things i am going through and still are out there offering support. Love you all.

Hello Skeptic2
 

I can relate to what you said on the top post. I have had panic disorder,and OCD for most of my life. Resently they have added skitzo effective disorder. It's been a long,difficult road,with so much misunderstanding from the people around me.

It comes in waves,then tidal waves. I feal better,then worse. I go into what I call an eclipse where everything seems hopeless. Then later on I'll feel better,or the last condition fades away over time. It's hard to explain. I could go on,and on.

You are at the right place here in the Bipolar forum of neurotalk.

I have tried to get off of my medication,but in the long run things where not going well. I'm on three different types of medications now,and it helps. I don't know why not being medicated didn't help.

We have to be patient with other people who don't understand,and when I say that,they really don't have a clue,nor can they imagine. We also need to be patient with ourselves. We didn't ask for this,nor did we want it. Please be patient. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I agree with Bizi... i think your family is in denial... they'd love it if you didn't have these problems... so they pretend that "just keeping busy" will fix it...

keeping busy fixes boredom and a few other things but these things are well beyond.

take heart, and give therapy a shot. i'd say maybe a therapist first if you are more afraid of the meds, although i think you will probably need meds also. often therapists are more available - and can help you find a good psychiatrist and perhaps refer you so you get in sooner.

good luck and keep us posted. (((hugs)))

~ waves ~

BrokenFriend and waves, Hope you are doing well. I am realizing it now that this is a tough battle and I should be looking at meds instead of avoiding them to control my anxiety and maybe keep reality in check. You are right about being patient with others since they actually dont know. i know I had no clue about what people with bipolar or other problems go through before I had the first major episode 4 years ago. I could see my self so many times being unknowingly insensitive to others that now i know might have had these anxieties. This is one of the reasons i find it so hard to communicate with people because i dont know if they might take me wrong . This forum is definitely helping me with communication and understanding this.

People mean well,but they can't diagnos this condition. Family,and friends need to except you how you are. When it's like this,it's not weekness,it's a serious condition,or many conditions combined. It's like finding your way out of a maze.

I would recommend for you to go to a councillor. You mentioned Faith in your first post. Hold on to it. I have.

I take seroquel,Luvox,and Xanax. I have tryed to live without medications,and have had mixed reactions. When it came to the point where I had anxiety pain in my chest,my councillor put me back on medication.

I also have a social phobia,and I sit in the back row of the crowd. It's a tormenting condition to have.

I use to think that I was the only one in the world like this.

Because of the old stigma that this was a shameful thing,I didn't talk about it. Some people may be able to snap out of it. I couldn't.

My condition was much worse then a surface condition. It became very complex,and I became very troubled,and lost my vision of my future.
Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug::hug:

I understand,and hope that you find help,and answers that can help you in your life. Your life is important,and I hope that you find a good councillor. I've had councillors hurt me,and some have helped me.

Right now I'm being helped. Brokenfriend:hug::grouphug::hug:

Hi, Skeptic,

Even the professional psychiatrists and therapists don't truly understand. . . . but at least they have been to school to study how best to help us and have learned through observations.

I trust advice from my health care team and that is it. No one else gets any input in my mental health care.

It's good to see that you feeling that you are opening up here.

M

Bizi, waves and bluemjao, i understand your point of view about not mentioning it to my family and you are right. There is another reason i feel uncomfortable talking to my family about the meds , it is that I think they are also bipolar , and they are fighting it off in their way and i dont want to influnce them , if that makes any sort of sense. I guess I am pretty messed up, i actually think that everyone is bipolar. I havent seen them take meds or therapists instead I see them talk openly and say whats on their mind right away. Maybe I have started to relate people being open and happy and angry to being bipolar. I have difficulty with that as i really worry about what is on my mind is not what others want to hear and making others uncomfortable or come out as being a jerk, so i keep quiet and keep in all my emotions. i think that makes a lot of people uncomfortable around me. I have mostly lived alone after my divorce in 2005, had quite a few girlfriends till before my diagnosis, but never let anyone too close so its one of the hardest thing for me to communicate verbally specially when i think the person i m talking to is also bipolar.

Well, it makes totally sense and I dont think that is something you shiuld worry about... At least now....

First, treat your own bipolarity, your own fears and provlems and then, you can help others if they want to be helped and if they havent found help for theirselves....
:hug:

I understand. It seems like there are alot of bullie types out there. They seem to be sadistic,and will be on the attack. It seems to be their nature.

Some are immature,and could care less. Some people will try to throw head trips,and talk about us behind our backs.

Thank goodness for Good Samaritans along the roads of life. Brokenfriend:grouphug::grouphug:

but thats the thing, one of my big fears is maybe the fear of offendig others or having hostility from others, even though I realize now that i actually dont have many relationships left and my experiences in the last 4 years have kind of enforced the feeling that no one wants to listen to me and most people infact do react a bit hostile or comeup with a oneliner putdown right off the bat . Thats one reason I dont go out much anymore .

Why would u offend them ? You wont tell them anything...

Didnt get your point sorry :o Im sick, old, tired and dopped, that's why probably.... Sorry :o

Just for the record, i dont go out, i dont have friends and people tend to reject me, so, i think i know how you feel... Hehe

You are so riight.. i never knew this or maybe I was very naive .. but around my first waking up episodes (bipolar).. things took a U Turn, I never knew people could say and act in such demeaning ways or just try to make a fool out of you for their pleasure or gain. I know I am now oversensitive also , but my thoughts that I am in some kind of therapy started back then because I knew there were some people trying to help me recover but then i started noticing that there were a lot of people making fun of me, and I couldnt believe that so many people could be so insensitive without a reason.. so I obviously started thinking I was in therapy. :) maybe a good excuse I thought for not getting angry. The comments happen still now and thats why I have such a lot of anxiety , but I know that its life now.

No problem.. I know you are trying to help and going through a rough time
yourself.. hope you get better soon.

You last statement is very much like my life right now..

The offend part is that , I somehow get this feeling in social situations, that people expect me to say things which they want to listen to or want me to keep quiet, and if they dont get what they were seeking , they do become a bit bullish. I probably need help in communications also or as everyone here is telling me..I need to get myself treated first and think about the rest later.

It seems that people attack what they don't understand. If they don't understand it at first,they may keep their peace,but they may attack later. They don't seem to care that the remarks are damaging to us. With to many bad remarks,it can borderline great torment,causing anger,and pain.

I've been called super sensitive by a family member. In the way that it was expressed,was non therapeutic.

I've also been called naive,but I learn quickley now. If the source of that remark comes from a person who lies alot, and they are saying we are naive,they are adding a double wammie. That adds more embarrassment,shame,and humiliation. That in turn causes low self esteem. That causes a fealing of loss of personal value. Brokenfriend:grouphug:

my friend who is bipolar avoids telling people she is bipolar. i don't. i think she is right. it brings on a whole lot of baggage. I don't know why i do it. it seems that the people who are understanding are understanding when i show my depression anyways or my anxiety whether i am bipolar or not and the people who are not understanding do not show understanding even if they know i am bipolar. it takes a special person to be supportive to us. even before i was diagnosed my mother said let the state take care of me because she knew i had problems. it is so hard to forgive but i am working on it.
people say that people do the best they can do and that is one way towards the path to forgiveness and accepting of when other people let you down.
just because those people happen to be your family you still shouldn't expect them to understand and give you the treatment you need.
bobby

Re: council
 

Don't be worried about going for council. You don't have to tell anyone. There are no judgements made here eithor. I think it takes strength not weakness to go for help. I am not afraid to say I go to a psychologist. I know I need the help with all my problems, and I am grateful that I found someone who listens to me and offers some real ideas to help. It makes you more self confident, not less. We all need a boost sometimes when things get really tuff. Don't let your family get in the way of doing the best thing for yourself. I am here hoping you find good direction and peaceful state of mind. I also come back here for the friends who help me go forward, not backward where I can't change a thing. good luck to you, you are in my thoughts and prayers. ginnie:hug::hug:

Mari, how do i know which one is best for me? because when i saw my last psyciatrist, i took whatever she advised me as my diagnosis because i thought she knows what's wrong with me and i did not question her diagnosis also.

Hi,
Don't get yourself distracted by the diagnosis. As long as you have a good psychiatrist who is treating the symptoms, you can start to feel better. Find a psychiatrist who is accessible -- someone who will get an appointment for you whenever you need it, someone you can call on the phone between visits. In the beginning of treatment, it is good to see the psychiatrist often -- maybe once a month or every six weeks.
How did you feel on the meds when you were on them?

We don't know which ones are best until we try them. This is based on trial and error.

You already know you don't like the amount of Seroquel you were on. How much were you taking? Did you let the psychiatrist know that they were not working? Sometimes we need a dose adjustment. Taking more or less can work.


When you see the next psychiatrist, tell him or her that you were on Seroquel and Klonopin and had to stop taking it because of
1.
2.
3.

We help in our own medical care by giving the psychiatrist feed back. Let the pdoc know yours symptoms and side effects.

I kept a mood chart of symptoms, side effects, dose, sleep, . . . . so that I could bring it to the pdoc and tdoc. Doing the mood chart helped me comunicate with them and helped me look at my own history.

Google "mood chart."

Here is an electronic mood tracker:
https://www.moodtracker.com/


M