I've Lost My Son....
 

....on February 07, 2011, at approximately 2240 hrs, my beloved son died in a single vehicle rollover accident in California. His father and I, his brother and two sisters, his wife and four year old daughter are devastated.

Yesterday was the military memorial (he was a marine) on base, and it was very difficult. Friday is the formal ceremony with 21 gun salute, flags, etc.....I feel horrid because I am dreading it.

I know none of this is about me, but I can't help feeling the way I feel - or don't feel. I am numb and find myself staring at walls and having trouble following conversation, much less forming a response.

Kim

Kim, I am so sorry to read about your son's death. :(

Numb is a good thing...it protects us from feeling the awfulness. :grouphug:

Dearest Kim ~ Bless your heart, I cannot even imagine the pain you are in. I have never lost a child - I've lost a grandchild, but never a child. That is a parents' worst nightmare, and one I hope I will never experience. There is something wrong with outliving your child. My heart hurts for you.

What can I say besides I'm sorry? That sounds so trite. :confused: But please know that it comes from the heart ~ and I truly mean it. If there was something i could do or say that would make you feel better, I would do it. :(

I truly believe that we don't "lose" our loved ones. They do have the ability to "visit" us. In time, you may feel a presence in the room, or perhaps notice his special smell, or even feel a tap on your shoulder ~ it won't be your imagination. I have had several visits from my late husband ~ he even had the audacity to tap me on the fanny!!! I live alone so no one was playing tricks on me. I have talked with MANY others who also have had "visits." Be patient ~ he will come to you. ;)

My thoughts and prayers are with you dear Kim. God bless & take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

I am so sorry to read about your loss Kim. :hug:

I hope you find the strength to get through the ceremony, and I agree with Alffe. Numb is probably a good emotion to be feeling at the moment. It's a form of sub-conscious self protectection. :hug:

I lost my beloved son, too......
 

Dearest Kim.....

I joined this board because of back issues but happened to see the Grief and Loss Board, clicked on it....and your Title jumped out at me. I lost my only son (I have a daughter) almost 6 years ago on my birthday, also in an auto accident. My beautiful, beautiful boy.

I have no words...there are no words. As someone else mentioned, numb is a good thing and my guess is that you will be numb for a long time. Your grief journey will be a process. One that you will have to face head on....no side-stepping it.

The sadness and grief will soften. It will be with you constantly, but not as overwhelmingly painful. I remember thinking I wished I could take my brain out of my head...put it in a jar somewhere.....and wait for it to heal. The racing thoughts 24/7 made me feel as though I was losing my mind...and that is so completely normal. Instead of thinking of Matthew every second, it became every 3 seconds, then 10, 20, 40, 60...and then those minutes eventually became every 1/2 hour...then hourly, etc.

Do not hesitate to seek help...i.e., a grief counselor, clergy, The Compassionate Friends. I've done it all but realized there were no magic answers to my "why?" I finally realized that I was the only one who could help me. There were days (and still are) that I chose to dwell in my dark place...but they are less and less. There's nothing I can do to bring my beautiful one back except smile through the tears as I close my eyes and see his handsome face.

Be kind to yourself. You will find that the grief is very isolating...and that, too, is normal. Make sure you try to eat and get some sleep. This grief is hard, hard work.

Blessings to you and your family. I will pray for your strength.....
Linda

My prayers are with you; & may God's strength be with you too. I lost my son in Oct. It's the hardest thing I ever went thur. God bless.

I'm so very sorry...
 

I came on this board because of some chronic pain...I'd continue with it if it would bring back your son. I truly believe the spirit never dies, just the body, and I KNOW your son is with all your friends and family who have passed before and the undying love he is experiencing from above he could only wish would help ease the pain you'e experiencing now. My deepest condolences.

Linda

My son, Cpl. Donald Dean Fowler, III, joined the Marine Corps. in 2002, shortly after graduating high school at West Hills High In Santee. He served in the infantry and was deployed to Iraq three times. On July 17, 2006, on his third tour, three days before he was to come home, and three weeks after his daughter, Talyln, was born, Donnie was attacked by a suicide bomber outside an iraqi hospital to whom he and his partners were providing security. Donnie sustained life-threatening wounds to his left leg, shrapnel wounds all over his body, and a significant loss of hearing. His American partner was similarly wounded, and their two Iraqi counterparts were killed.

Sadly, on February 07, 2011, Donnie was killed in a single vehicle rollover automobile accident near his home in Twenty Nine Palms. His father and I, his natural mother, his two sisters and one brother, are heartbroken that after all he had endured and conquered, he was taken from us so unexpectedly. However, because his life was so richly blessed by the Semper Fi Fund, we have asked that our friends and family support this amazing program by donating in Donnie's name. The Semper Fi Fund provided an incredible amount of support to Donnie, his young wife, Amber, and their daughter, Talyn, over the past four years. They assisted with cash aid, car repairs, and toys at Christmas, among other things. I can't say enough good things about this wonderful program for our wounded servicemen and women. They provide peace of mind for recuperating troops, with events geared for the mental and spiritual benefit of our wounded warriors. They greatly enhanced the lives of Donnie and his young family over the course of his resulting pain, disabilities and suffering. He would have loved to have had the opportunity to give back.

Your quote says it all Kim..

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

:grouphug:

I am so very sorry.
An incredibly brave and good man who leaves a wonderful legacy.
Like others have said...perhaps you'll have beautiful moments when you will be able to feel his presence.
Your quote is so powerful.
I too believe it "says it all."

Well, after Donnie passed in February, I lost my service trained (I have Parkinson's) German Shepherd, Heidi, suddenly in May, and I've had to rehome my Triton Cockatoo, Nikko, in the last two weeks.

Although my pets are not even comparable to my son, I still have this terrible feeling of loneliness and I'm really not interested in the things I once enjoyed. It is all I can do to get up and move around.

Now, I have discovered that my friend and neighbor across the street has been moved to Houston by her family, she is quite elderly and needed the care and attention. We were the only two home during the daytime on our block.

That's all, I just wanted to vent.

Kim, sorry to hear about your devastating loses.

Many hugs for you. :hug: Keep moving.

Many hugs to you. Keep moving is the right comment.

Hopefully things will start looking up.

Donna:grouphug:

Six months today, and the pain is still there, although not as sharp as it was and the good days outnumber the bad days. The holidays are coming, this first year will be difficult, but we will face it as a family and survive.

my sympathy to you Fowki

thankful you are managing to have more good days now

dear kim

i was reluctant tapping into this forum
no mistakes
i hit the key
and read of your loss
having 4 children and
a first time grandmother
as young as i can remember
always wanting the opportunity (being a mom)
and after my failed marriage
i was gifted with 3 children
and one additional gift 14 years later
3 girls 1 boy
3 adults now and my 13 year old
and of course our new addition eva 6 months
we added oliver our dog to complete our family
may i say thank you on this day
and remember his service for our country
my your heart be held together
by your memories of your sweet son
i do believe after having my children
the idea of them meeting our maker
and enter the kingdom of God before our time
is the ultimate sacrifice
and the ultimate true reason behind such pain is
turning to our special unconditional Lord
submission to him
what possible reason could it be
i am saddened as i knew i would be
for anyone suffering a loss
and now your friend
and your animals
i pray your journey for comfort
comes in all forms
this forum has without a doubt is
a loving caring community of people
ready to catch you when falling
all i hope for is being remembered
as the best mother and grandmother
and a kind human being
life moves on we cannot stop it
and as your pain slowly subsides
never forgotten
we have a life to live
and you have an extension of your son
people need us we are mommies
that never stops
may you have joy in your life
and a heart protected by Gods love
i'm so sorry
may your holidays be soothing
slowly allow yourself to feel
we are after all spiritual beings
living human experiences

With deepest sympathy
 

I am so sorry to hear of your recent lost! My mom lost her daughter just 8 years ago and she still continues to grieve. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child! :hug:

Here come the holidays....my daughters are having a hard time. I worry most about my husband. He has kept his grief so bottled up and now he is being a mad man, cleaning and decorating and cleaning and I'm afraid he's going to explode any time now.

I don't know how to comfort him.

I know how you feel; I lost my son in Oct. 2010. He was 36. On Dec. 19 it will be 14 months & I still miss him so much. Praying keeps me going. God bless & ur in my prayers.:hug:

[Kim I am sorry about your loss of your son, I lost my mom last week 2/5/12 at first it was like I could not believe how i was handling things I flew from my home town San Diego to Omaha was ok through everything then came home and cried. I had my initial cry when I found out mom had passed, but I did not think I would have more tears come (so hard) , I have been reading on grieving, I am finding everyone grieves different, first ALLOW yourself to feel to cry. it is hard for me because I get so drained but I am finding I also get stronger after, DO NOT SECOND GUESS yourself, I hope you come back to this forum and allow yourself to write anything that is on your mind, that is what I have been doing. my prayers are with you. Samuel