Big Problem
 

Hi everyone, I have not been on here for a long time. I don't know where to turn. I have an appt with my psychologist on Monday, but I don't want to tell her my prob: I think, no, I know I am addicted to pain pills. I have been on them since last August..I had a partially torn achillies, then I had surgery. Then I took pain meds for my back...I had 2 herniated discs, spondololisthesis, degenerative disc diseasei think that is the same as hnp..anyway, then i had back surgery. I had been taking them as instructed for most of the time. Over the summer my husband was prescribed percocet because he had foot surgery and I took all his..he didn't notice, he dosent take any kind of pain med. Then I ran out of my pain med..vicoden in august and I was withdraing pretty badly...extreme depression, etc....then prescribed more on my reg med check day at the dr. Then my husband was presccribed MORE pain meds...really bad ones..percocet, 5mg AND oxycontin 10 mg. I feel so embarrassed writing this. I am losing it. I want to stop, but not bad enough I guess because I don't want to tell either of my pdocs. I have never held a secret in like this...I have a big huge mouth and i tell everyone everything always, but not this. My biggest fear is the withdrawl. I wish i knew someone who had a withdrawl story that was positive...what i mean is, not so hard. No, I expect it to be hard..I don't wan to commit suicide from the depression...I have 2 kids. i am thinking i will prob have to go into rehab? Please help me. I need some advise. Thank you so so so so much!

alcohol rehab/detox
 

I did a hospital detox for alcoholism. I was so far gone they put me into a medically-induced coma so they could keep some measure of control over the process.

This is WHY you go into rehab. You don't need to be afraid. Your pdocs will understand & they will get you through this.

I'm a recovering alcoholic now, 18 yrs of sobriety under my belt. If I had tried to do it outside of rehab I would likely have died & never had the chance to clean up my act.

Call pdocs ASA they're reachable. & stay in touch all the way, okay?

Hi,

The doctors have dealt with this before. It happens.

Ask the psychiatrist and the other doctor for help and to give you better medications. Probably the pdoc can help you with the withdrawal. Also, lots of people who are addicted are self medicating because they need better medication from the psychiatrist.

Do you live in a small town or a big city? I'm asking you if you have a choice of psychiatrists.

M

Dear BlueCarGal,
Congrats on the 18 years!
You went through so much. :heartthrob:

M

Dear CBlue,

it started with a treatment. and then got out of hand. it happens to many. these and many other addictive drugs cannot be stopped suddenly. there are physcial and psychological components to the addiction. so i would start by talking to your therapist tomorrow. she can help you on the psychological side.

you don't need to be ashamed. what you need is a doctor - start with your GP and they may refer you to someone who is more used to these drugs, who can work with you on a taper plan. it is possible to taper off gradually to avoid withdrawal. a doctor needs to evaluate if this is the best way to go.

the alternative is detox, which is where you stop and are given supportive medical care during the physical phase. the withdrawal from opioids is quite harsh and a doctor needs to be in charge of how to do this. i think this may have to be done inpatient.

so the thing to do now, is go to your doctor, and state that you have this problem going on and need to resolve it. tell him you need a doctor to help you taper, or, if he recommends detoxing, ask about that process. they may recommend you go inpatient regardless for a while, even after you have stopped the pills, to treat the psychological addiction. you have crossed a fair few addiction boundaries that are strongly psychological (secrecy, using outside of your own prescription - suggests compulsion to use, feeling shame but doing it anyway).

THE GOOD NEWS IS:
you've already taken several steps to getting better.

1. YOU SEE THE PROBLEM. not only that.
2. YOU WANT TO FIX IT.

the rest.... trust me.... can be done. but you do need a doctor to help you. please let them. do not let that sense of shame get in your way. you have already come this far and for this you can be PROUD - you desire to get OUT of this, and get better. that desire is the secret ingredient for success.

hang in there, keep posting and let us know how things are going.

((((((((((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))))))))))))

waves

Thanks, girlfriend, but we all have :heartthrob:.

Thank you in confiding to us.
that took real courage.
you are probably stronger than you think. I know with medical assistance you can do this.
keep in touch
we are here,
we are listening
bizi

Thank you , you guys. I cry at the care you show. I feel so much better when I share hard times with you guys.
I am going to start with my Pdoc...do you think that's the way to go?

I have to get off these. See, with the vicodan, I am tapering off and I had been asking for lower miligrams and lower doses on my own for months now....then the hubby's meds come in the door and take over my entire thinking...I hoard them...taking them little by little. I am out of control, but as I was tapering off the vicoden well! I was so glad and I frigged it all up! OK, I need to take action now. I can do it...I just have to explain to my husband about whats going on. He understands no mental illness. Get this one! It may give you a giggle....he says, "It's all in your head"...um DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course it is!!! Haven't you been listening? Sheesh.
This is going to be so hard. I think the hopstital stay might work...anyone you guys know have a hospstay to wean off pain pills?

I am rooting for you.
bizi

Hi,

The hospital stay will depend on one of your doctors sending you there. That's my thought anyway.

M

Dear CBlue,

Wow, you already started a taper on your own .... successfully!!! that shows you have a good stock of willpower up your sleeve! KUDOS for that. it will make this process easier. ok, so then a a whole new stash showed up and .... BOOM!!! ack! :(:eek: the fact that drugs enter the household via hubby and then just "sit there, beckoning," makes your situation particularly hard. hoarding is another psych addiction st.

i think you will really need a rehab program - inpatient - because as i see it you need a "safe" place where there IS NO AVAILABILITY, while you get through the rehab process.

And yes, your pdoc will be the place to start. tell him the whole deal as you have done with us.

a rehab program should do two things:
1. get the drugs out of your system, physically
2. teach you to reprocess cravings and avoid cavings.

i would be sure to talk to your pdoc, as well as the therapists wherever you go to be treated, about the fact that your husband is prescribed pain pills, and so you are likely to have an available source - especially since he doesn't take them. i don't get why he picks them up if he doesn't want them and you may be able to persuade him not to do that. :rolleyes: but if at some point he does have to use them himself, YOU need to be prepared.

i am sorry your hubby does not understand mental illness. addictions are also really hard to understand for some people. especially "all in your head" kinds of people. ;)

after you are out of rehab, i would also encourage you to seek a support group especially if you still have cravings and themoreso if your hubby still keeps pills around waiting to expire.

we are always here of course. i apologize for my (typical) longwindedness.

take care and keep us posted.

waves

I made a mistake...my husband threw out the rest of his pills once I told him about my problem....he said he will never get them again. He dosen't know anything about addicition or anything...he never thought I would ever take them.
I went to my psychologist today...I told her all...she gave me some names of some out patient facilities. I left a message at 1 today.
Right now I am scared of the thought of inpatient.

Thank you waves!

CBLUE

It may seem like a mistake right now. But honestly you made no mistake.
It is your husband that made the mistake.

He brought the medicine into the house, left it were you could just pick
it up and take it. Now he has tried to help, by just getting rid of it.

But it will be okay, you have made the first step, by going to the pdoc,
and you have also made the 2nd step by calling the therapy place.

Now keep up with this. If you don't hear tomorrow, call them back.

I admire how you are handling this. And I believe you will make it through
this just fine.

Also if you have problems, call your pdoc back, they should be able to get
ahold of someone immediately for you.

Donna:grouphug:

inpatient vs outpatient
 

I know the idea of inpatient treatment is scary. I remember. But I've been inpatient & it's worked for me. In alcohol treatment, I could leave at any time. When I'd ODd on drugs & signed myself in, I didn't try to leave--don't think they would have let me. Getting off drug dependency, having signed yourself in....I don't know. States vary.

But inpatient has a better chance of succeeding. & it's necessary if there's any chance you may go into seizures or have other medical complications.

Do you have a pdoc? mdoc? tdocs don't always know much about drugs. If you have a pdoc, please make contact.

I'm just afraid outpatient may not be enough if you have serious withdrawal. Will your husband freak? Turn you in? How will your children handle it?

:rolleyes: C.G.

BlueCarGal

Right before I posted, CBlue posted, about most of the things you asked.
Please go back and read that. I think it will answer most of your questions.

Cblue,

You just continue coming in and talking to us when you need to. I am not sure, but I'm going to look and see if we have a room that might be of use besides this one. Hopefully when your here one of us will be around.

If you would like to chat and I'm here, I would be more than willing to try and get in chat to talk.

donna:grouphug:

you are in detox... please advise pdoc and take precautions
 

Dear CBlue

As far as your husband throwing out the pills, at least we know now he is going to be sensitive to your problem, and you won't have to deal with having pills in the house.

However, you are now in detox on your own - bad thing. you were taking opiates so pls do not wait to develop sx.

call your pdoc (PSYCHIATRIST) immediately to advise of the entire situation. make sure you tell him:
-- that your husband has disposed of all the pills
-- the type of medicine and daily dosage you were taking.
-- when your last dose was.

pdoc may advise you to do one of a variety of things based on the medicine and dosage you were taking, so be as accurate as you possibly can, and then follow his instructions.

Bottom line: Do not wait. tell the doctor NOW, that your husband has precipitated an unplanned and sudden detox.

IF you have not heard from pdoc and you get ANY sx - even if you think it's "in your head" - go to ER immediately. Do not hesitate, and do not drive - if there is no-one to take you immediately, call 911.

Also, I would prepare a list NOW of information ER will need, in case you should need to go, as follows:

RE: PAIN PILLS
- the medicine name,
- daily dosage and frequency,
- time and amt of last dosage

GENERAL
- list all existing medical conditions
- any other medication you normally take (bring bottles with rx if possible)
- any OTC medication you have taken
- GP name/phone
- PDOC name/phone

i am sorry if i am scaring you, better scared and safe though.

(((hugs))) and keep in touch

waves

Dear CBlue

i am reading up more. What i am reading is that opiate discontinuation by itself does not generally produce life-threatening conditions... he key terms there being "generally" and "by itself" ... you need a doctor on board right now who is aware of the entire situation, your overall medical status, all other medications, etc etc etc.. They can make the call as to whether you need to be under medical supervision.

We cannot make that call so, while i hope to have reassured you somewhat after giving you bolded instructions to go to ER etc, i do not mean to take back any of what i said before. CALL YOUR DOCTOR!!! :o

Finally, even in the best of cases, it seems advisable to have another person with you just to help look after you.

(((HUGS)))
waves

NO, no...I didn't mean it was a mistake for my husband to throw them out...I meant I said something wrong in one of my other replies. I am glad he threw them out. I am a mental case though...the prob I am having right now is a mental addiciton to them I think...I don't know. When my husband got them meds he had no idea what it was or that I had a problem at all. Yes, one would say he must be so stupiid not to know what it is....well..I couldn't argue with that.

I spoke to a woman from the outpatient rehap house and she dosen't take medicare, os that's out. She gave me some other names of facilities that I am too lazy to call. I need to call. I will do that at 2pm. I can't handle much more in my brain than that.

I haven't even called my psychiatrist and told him yet...psychologist, yes, I told her. I am nervous that he will want me to come in..that is $125.00 because he dosen't take ins of any kind. I like him tho, i can afford him every 6 weeks. It takes forever to find a pdoc that you are comfortable with so I don't want to change...I thhink I have an appt next week anyway.

Thank you everyone! I so appreciate your help! When I am feeling like I can't take it I come here to get a boost. Thank you!

CBLUE

Okay lets think this out.

1. Call your Psychiatrist, before the other center.

2. If you call the center first, They may then get you right in.

A. Then you wouldn't need your psychiatrist yet.

3. Will it bother your psychiatrist that you left him out of the loop
so long.

A. He is going to understand that you need a place, that will
take your insurance? Right, I would think he will.



You have a appt. Next week, so just let him move it up a few days.
Doesn't cost anymore, it just makes it due about say the most
7 days sooner.



Please call other center, And / or first your Psychiatrist.

I personally vote for your Psychiatrist, let him help you make a decision.

Its his job if you ask me. And you said, you like, and I'm guessing trust
him. You can always take what you first wrote here to him, and give
it to him, if nothing else.

Then let him call you.


Donna:grouphug:

yes I think you ought to call your pdoc too. and keep him in the loop.
He is your doctor...even if you can't get in to see him call the office and let them know that you are having a major event right now and need to be seen sooner. they will most likely try very hard to get you in sooner.
bizi

please do call psychiatrist ASAP... pleeaaaaase
 

CBlue, even if he doesn't get you in sooner, your psychiatrists may give you information over the phone to help you, and/or get you hooked up with a center fast, and/or prescribe something for the moment, to avoid your ending up with acute withdrawal symptoms, at home, with no resources.

DO, PLEASE, CALL him right away... PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAASE... :o:hug:

it's not like calling is going to hurt you in any way. so pleaaaaaase.... do it...

i beseech you! :heartthrob:

please please please please? on my knees....

waves worrying :Sigh:

CBlue,
I just am thinking out loud as if I were talking to someone in my family asking about past experiance.
Sometimes it is a person is drug dependant due to pain and needs a good pain management person, then the others may have addictive personality.

When I knew my drug dependant daughter was seeking stonger medications, I knew she was in pain, but the medications were becoming her life.
We addressed it with the doctor that took care of her medications and he did a taper down of the meds, oxycotin and perscribed valium for the side effects.

This was a strong supportive family doctor. We did try to get her in a program to detox, but even the programs that were geared to the street addicts on court ordered treatment did not have openings. It was in her records that she detoxed under home care and new pain management was in place. The new pain doc tried methadone which is used for drug abuse patients as it was inexpensive and did have excellant pain management. But, he liver could not handle to dose.

The oxycotin would never be persctibed again because of the terrible addiction side effects.

There is a medication suboxen that will address the pain, and the addition. BECAUSE it does NOT have the addictive proprieties of the other opiates.
If you have a family doctor that perscribed the Vicodin, and can address your comcerns that it is having an addictive quality with you, and would like to withdraw from it safely.
Then see if he knows of the use to suboxen and/or a doctor that could oversee your management.

If this can be done in a medical way there nothing in your file for any future need of pain issues if you have a need. BUT if you feel that this plan is not aggressive enough and need impatient then that is the route is you need and how wonderful for you to address your health now.

Getting addicted to Oxycotin, even at 10mg is a serious thing, and withdrawal can be terrible. You health is so important Cblue.

Cblue,

I think Donna, Waves, etc. have analyzed this well. I, too, would suggest that you ask your pdoc to move up your appt due to an emergency situation. Pdoc can help with finding a situatuion that will accomodate insurance requirements.

I know this is scary & exhausting. I'm so glad you're staying pretty much on track. Don't let yourself get scared out of it. I promise you that you will either die down the road from drugs or you will have to travel down this same road again if you wiggle out of it now. No way can you avoid the trip.

:rolleyes:
C.G.

Sometimes my brain and body scream for help inside. Sometimes I am ok. My back hurts so much, I don't care about that..or rather, I don't want to care about that. Sometimes I wish I didn't throw them away and sometimes ... I don't know.

(((Cblue)))

i am sorry this is so rough. :( we are here for you. :grouphug:

have you got in touch with pdoc yet?

he can really help you through this... in concrete ways...

waves

CBlue,

You can work out your complicated emoitions about the dependency later. The first order of business is to get a team lined up that can help you.

You have people and resources to help you. Make as many phone calls as you need until you get what you need.

M :hug: :hug: :hug:

You DO know. Every time you post here, you demonstrate that you know. There's no sense putting it off. Come on, Cblue....get on with it. Make that call.

You Can Do This!!!!!!

I know you Can!!!!!!


Let us Know when you Have!!!!!!!!!!!



Donna:grouphug:

Hey CBlue,

how are you doing? if you can, please check in.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

I've been wondering how you are too.

donna:grouphug:

Hi everyone! Happy to report that I am doing really really well! Way better than I expected... the mental dependancy still hits me at times. I am over the pain pretty much. That seemed kind of fast for me.
What I thought would be a prob : Found out today my husband is having surgery again onhis foot...for the 5th time....but he has agreed that he will not bring pain meds to the house. He does not use them...he takes 2 or 3 then the bottle sits for me to swallow. So he said he is going to ask for a non narcotic med. But I still feel guilty that because of me he wont be able to have pain meds after his surgery.

Heya....

some meds do not produce immediate physical withdrawal... it may yet be to come. no telling without knowing the med. it does vary across individuals too, but... may i ask...

what was the drug you were taking and how many mg per day?

~ waves ~ concerned

Good to hear from you, Cblue. Stay in touch. Expect ups & downs....we'll be here.

Dear Cblue,

You are well. Stay strong. Keep talking to your husband -- don't try to do this by yourself.

M

bump for CBlue
 

... hoping for an update... :o

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Me too.

:):grouphug::hug:

news
 

Dear CBlue,

please check in when you can. i really hope things are going well for you. but one way or the other, we'd like to hear from you.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Hi Everybody. I was doing really well, and now I have fallen into a depression...not the worst I have ever had, but enough to keep me down. Welp, I better go peel the kids off of each other. Thank you for checking in on me!!!!

Dear CBlue,

Thanks for checking in.
I worried.
I hope the depression lifts.
Hopefully you are keeping in touch with your pdoc on this... or call him if it doesn't improve.

Take care and keep us posted. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~ sending a handy 'kid-peeler-offer' ;)