I am now a caregiver/drill sergeant combo!
 

I post on the MS and Stumble Inn forums but I am new to this forum although I see some familiar names here. :)

My Mother lives with us and just started Aricept for her increasing memory difficulties. She is such a sweet lovely lady but there are times.....:o

She hides in her room when friends come over so I have to go get her. Same when I am preparing dinner and I would love to have everyone at the table to sit and eat while the food is fairly warm. I just tell DH to go ahead and eat and I'll go find Mom.

She is either reading or writing in her journal and "just a minute" turns into more than that. :(

My DH just had coronary bypass surgery two weeks ago so he is recouperating from that. I have to make sure he walks through the house as exercise, takes all eleven pills each day at different times and keep him from taking too many naps throughout the day.

He takes sleeping pills he got from the Doctor, is sleeping in the living room in his recliner and snoring so loud which keeps me awake. Then if that weren't bad enough; he complains every morning about not sleeping well.

I always thought I would be such a good caregiver but now I am feeling overwhelmed even though most of you have way more on your plates than I.

Eventually Lord willing my DH will get better but Mom will just keep getting worse. :(

How on earth do you manage to keep your sanity and keep smiling.

Geesh! I feel like such a selfish witch. :eek:

I suggest you learn some more about dementia, and maybe your mother's behavior will start making more sense to you. You also might talk to your husband's doctor about his snoring, and feeling unrested after sleeping. It sound a lot like sleep apnia which is usually and readily fixable.

the plate is full
 

comparatively speaking i also have not so much on my plate, and i get overwhelmed too. sometimes i let it all out and just start hollering. i call these my nuclear meltdowns. it scares people around me. since i live in a bad neighborhood maybe it is good they think i am psycho-*****.

it does little good to compare your woes with someone elses. what is important is how do you feel and are those feelings affecting your mental and physical health. if it is you need supportive people to talk to. if they are not physically near you look at the great people here. let it out here and never feel guilty when it overwhelms you.

:hug: to you! You have been thru so much.

You MUST make time to take care of YOU! even if that means getting a friend to come sit with your brood, while you go for a walk, or to the store, or to a movie. If you cant get out of the house to get your time, make sure to pick a time when all are cared for in the house, and then escape to your room to see a pay per view movie, or read a book, take a long soak in the tub, or simply zone and look out the window. Its amazing how little things can refill your own cup. Please dont give from an empty cup.

You are doing great! Make sure you keep to a good schedule for mom, since dementia patients seem to do so much better when there is a schedule. even if you have to post it, it will help. 8am up and brush teeth. 8:30 breakfast, meet me in the kitchen. 9am dishes and so on. The DH should be getting stronger and stronger. If he keeps on with the big snores, you may want him checked for sleep apnea. If he is busy snoring all night, that means he isnt resting. that would wear a boy out.

you are my hero! :hug:

Update:
 

I was just so frustrated when I originally started this thread and thanks for your kind comments.

My DH is really healing well and I am no longer the drill sergeant here now. He starts his cardiac rehab on Friday and will go to the Dell Webb center three days a week for exercises and nutrition/health counseling.

He still is not allowed to drive for another month but the good news is he stopped being so critical of my driving well; at least most of the time.

He drives like a little old man and I drive like a Nascar driver except I use turn signals.:cool:

We are both coping with changes in Mom and work together trying to keep her on a schedule of meals and activities.

We understand we have to keep reminding her of times of appointments and we have her write everything on her calendar so she can check dates and times. So far that is working but of course that will change too eventurally.

We are all just hangin' in there!

AZJanie,
I don't have as much on my plate and I'm tired. That is a plate and a half already and you have MS too and are getting older?!? Yikes!! Hang in there, enjoy Trivia.

I understand 100%. Taking care of Jim is easy compared to taking care of mom and her demenita from the seizures. I have to constantly repeat myself and remind her of most things. She just moved in with us and it's coming along. Some days good, some bad. Our issue is the temper tantrums. If we say something that hits her wrong she says she will stay in her room all day.

I spoke with my cousin who's mom has alzheimers and she told me to not beg her to come out and let her cool off instead. Mom can be manipulating at times and we cannot fall for it. She doesn't mean to be, it's just that everything has intensified since her brain surgery. So, like you we know it could get worse. The neuro thinks she will be fine as long as we monitor her meds and make her do things like cleaning, cooking, reading, etc. She'll say she can't but he said ask her to try.

He also said we can even leave her alone for some time to get out to ourselves. He has high hopes which gave us high hopes for her recovery from this. We truly think not so good docs were responsible for most of this.

So, :hug: to you and know your not alone. :hug: Will sis still be taking your mom 6 months out of the year? I am hoping if mom does well we can take her to TN to stay with her friends and my sis in the summer. The main concern is if she worsens that wont happen because I know from working in NH's that change can actually worsen dementia.

There is no privacy here and the next house we get will be with an in-law section. lol

Usually my sister in Iowa has Mom with her and her dh but if Mom needs someone to take care of her that person is me.

I am pretty sure Mom will be with us from now on. Sis is a very independant, on the go, wealthy woman (no kids by choice) who would never be able to care for Mom.

(I joke with friends that when the time comes; my Sis will buy Moms "Depends" but I'll be the one changing them!) :p

Thank goodness Mom is still in the sweet stage of Ahlzheimers and not mean or violent yet.

It's just a matter of keep reminding her to take a bath, dinner is ready, bedtime etc and she is like a little smiling robot.

She loves the "swiffer" so she's swiffering all day long and the floors look really good so that's a positive thing. :rolleyes:

less of a drill sergeant today - glad
 

yesterday doc told my dad he could eat anything he wants in moderation. we both feel less depressed with this news. it is hard being the daughter who has to act like a parent. we can have coffee for breakfast now and not the decaf stuff. :D

still no bath/shower since xmas eve. dad only wants a bath once a month, and i have a health club. steady progress every day but i got both eyes infected from drywall dust, so i am moving slow on that front. both eyelids swoll up and skin had the texture of sandpaper, now less swollen and scabbed over. working overhead has flared my two hurt shoulders. but today i have a better attitude and that is key.

all you drill sergeants keep your chin up out there.

My inlaws live about 5 min. away in an independent apartment; there is a step-up allotement for assisted living and full nursing care if needed.
My FIL has Parkinson's; my MIL has Altzheimer's (doesn't know the full diagnosis; it's better that way, although my FIL insists she's fine; denial is not just a river in Egypt).
We oversee the med ordering, fill their med trays, I make dr. appts and drive them to them, also to grocery, other shopping. We go to their place 1x/wk for dinner/play cards.
It is very stressful. I worry about their well-being constantly, and watch as they decline gradually. My SIL is out west without any cares about her parents at all...grrr.
I try my best to do my best...my DH gets my venting...and we both deal with it the best we can...with tears, hugs, and love...
It's more difficult with the MS sxs, esp the cog fog...I really have to pay attn to the calendar to make sure I am up with the appts, and also try to keep up with their med orders...this is getting more difficult, and I might eventually have to allow DH to handle the med orders as my brain has increasing difficulty dealing with this...thank God I am not alone with this...
Prayers to you all who have this burden...we can learn from the ones who have gone before...my inlaws have taught me so much, esp the last few years. they are devoted to one another...and show DH and me how to make a llife of quality:)

You are doing great! Was good to see so many responses...

I am my Olhipie's full-time caregiver. My Mom who is now 86 moved in almost three years ago. At first I was so frustrated...took all my privacy away. We then gave her a second room so she can choose what to watch on TV and have her own privacy. It was so great to have my living room back. Before we created her TV/Sitting room she was in our living room, which made me feel like I had lost a room. She would often complain about Olhipie and what he enjoyed...football for one.

I'm very blessed that she is so thankful for everything I do for her. She never complains except when she runs out of snacks or yarn to knit or crochet.

There are times that I want to go outside and scream...I do go out and say to myself...I can't do this. Then it thought comes into my mind as if my Dad was right there...love her and care for her as I did. :hissyfit:

I am thankful for this time with Mom to learn how to love her in a way that I haven't done before. She is an amazing women...

I get no help from my siblings for her grandchildren except my children. My daughter lives in Moms old house through the field and my son who lives with us. Lots of family live very close by but none have made the effort to visit...they are the ones who are missing out and will have regrets...

Just love her!!!:hug:
http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/j...s/bc2d9494.jpg

Well, my update is mom moved back to TN. She couldn't take the cold up here even though they are having the same cold in TN. She wanted to go all the time, I can't. She refused to get involved with any activities in the area and just sat around. That was not healthy for her or for us. The tension was at an all time high in the house.

She's now home, smiling from ear to ear. She's with her friends and family again. Even though we worry about her, she is only 65 and the neuro assured us she is fine to live alone. He said if she messes up her pills again it will be on her because that is her only problem. He said she should never have another seizure as long as she is responsible and takes her pills like the doctor ordered.

So the moral of this story is. Do not move your parents into your home until they have rehabbed at least three months after a hospital stay. Do not assume the doctors are always right and go with your gut feeling. Do not do everything for your parents because the neuro said that only hinders them. He said let them try and if they need help, offer, but let them try first. For my mom, she has to retrain her brain. I pray her friends and family down there allow her to try on her own. If they do it for her she will let them. :rolleyes:

I love her, I miss her. But living together while she was still healthy and able wasn't working. We'll be there for her when she needs it. Until then, smile mom, your home where you belong and long to be. :hug:

That's a great update Sandy. It would be hard to have her in your home when she is able to care for herself. I think the first year and a half was the hardest for us. Now she is fine....we had a place called meals on wheels that would bring in lunch for her on the week days...icky meals and cost too much. After Christmas we started doing her lunches. My biggest problem is that I forget and then she will eat later than she should. We don't always eat lunch so that's why I forget.

Happy all is well Sandy!!!:)

and the beat goes on
 

just wanted to let y'all know we have both a commode and a working tub now. still painting etc. i learned how to relax my worrying and let some stuff roll off me and feel much better now, as does dad. however dad is threatening bodily harm to the authors of the 1040 and california state tax instructions. the dog is still happy to crap right where we want to step. and i have a part time job again after months of unemployment. life is good.