My FIL passed away
 

Family has been uptight, and upset lately. Dad has been sliding downhill. VERY angry at being put in a nursing home, and spat venom at the mom every time she came near. Demanding to be taken home. He developed a fever, and stopped eating. A trip to the ER showed a UTI, and it never fully got under control. He lapsed into a deep sleep, and for 2 days hovered on the edge. He let go tonight at 5. The family was angry because we live 2 hours away, and we couldnt simply drop all and zip out the door. We were at medical appointments when the call came, and my car was in the shop, and ...the list goes on.

My DH has left to be with family. I have chosen to stay home and rest till the services are announced. I felt he needed time to be with his mom, and family without worry for the wife.

Thanks for all the support and cheerleading for him thru the last couple of months. its been a struggle, but he is at peace. He was 90, and led a hard life. Maybe peace can finally be obtained.

Aw Dej,

I'm sorry for your loss and your DH's loss. :hug:

Take care and don't stress that you're not there.

My condolences.

Will you have to travel far to the services?

So sorry about your loss. It sounds like it's been rough and I'm glad he is at peace. Take care of you and your DH.

Don't you dare feel an ounce of guilt for what you couldn't do. I get so frustrated at my in-laws when they just don't get that I can't always jump when they say so. I have spent too much time trying to make everyone happy and it just doesn't work. You did the right thing sending your hubby.

I'm so sorry, Dej. It sounds like he had a rough time of it. He's at peace now and without pain. For that I am thankful. You and your DH are in my prayers.

my condolences, Dej.:hug:

Sorry to hear of your FIL's passing...at least he is at rest. Take care of yourself...:hug:

Dejibo - so sorry that your FIL passed. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

:hug: Dejibo and DH ... my thoughts and prayers will be with your family. Praying they all find peace during this sad time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My Prayers are with You and DH during this sorrowful time. :hug:

Poor guy -- sounds like he needed to go, he was so unhappy with his situation.

And I agree, don't you feel the least bit guilty about waiting at home for the services. Your husband needs to be there right now, but you certainly don't.

Blessings to you and the family. :hug:

I am so sorry but glad his suffering is over. Now is the recovery period for the entire family. But as a nurse you know all this. It's just harder when it's your own. :grouphug:

I'm so sorry Dej. It's never easy, even under the circumstances. And I agree with the others. You'll do the best thing for everyone if you do the best thing for yourself.

:hug:

My thoughts and prayers are with you, DH and his family at this sad time. Even when we know it's coming, the passing of loved one is never easy. Take care of yourself!

prayers for you and your dh's family.:hug:

after a restless nights sleep, I do feel better. The family didnt wait at the hospital for my DH as promised. He showed up, and found all had gone. The nurse asked him if he would like to sit with his dad, and he said yes. (i was so glad he did) he said he talked to his dad about several things he should have said while he was alive (i didnt say I told you so) and he stayed for a 1/2 hour. He drove to his moms house where all the bro's and sis' were, and their spouses. When he was asked "where is your wife?" he said he was a bit short and said "she is home, where she can rest until we can figure out what to do. There is no need to drag here her to sit in a corner while we talk this out. thats unfair to her." He said one of his brothers started to make a comment, and he simply interupted him and said "dont! you have no idea what you are talking about." and moved on.

At first I did feel guility that I didnt jump in the truck and off we go, but 3 days is a long time to wait for someone elses family to make plan, laugh giggle with each other, lean on and support each other. I think its better that they do that with each other, and not have my DH constantly worried about me. Is it too hot? too cold? is she tired? hungry? comfortable? this way, I am home safe, and he can let go and just be with them. I have friends who are going to drive me the 2 hours to the family the day of the service, and I will stay over night for the funeral the next day. Then my DH and I will come home together. I am simply not able to drive 2 hours. I can drive 2 blocks! not not 2 hours.

I was there for him when he was alive. I gave him his injections, and made sure he had appointments with great specialists, and pulled strings to get him in a better home that was close enough for momma to walk to. No begging for rides. He didnt end up in the welfare nursing home in the big city, he was in the "rehab" center in the country. I feel I did my level best for him while he was here. We even offered to take him into our home, but the other family refused, because we live so far away. In the end, its up to them to make their plans, and peace with him. I did all I could, now its time for me to step back, and not be part of it.

Its been a long time coming, and he was so angry! He fell a month ago, and broke his hip, and that caused him t be bed bound, and in diapers. I think that was the final straw for him. He simply became quite angry, disappointed, and realized that no one was taking him home. I pray he finds the peace in death, that he wasnt able to find in life.

Thanks for all the support. :grouphug:

I am sorry to hear about your FIL' s passing. Take care of yourself and DH.

Taking care of loved ones while they are alive tops all else after they are dead. Your plans for yourself are important and sound reasonable for your own health.

I am sorry for your loss and know that dealing with the death of a loved one is traumatic no matter their age.

gmi

So sorry Dej. :hug:

So sorry Dej.

Prayers being sent for you and DH :smileypray:

Jappy :hug:

Keeping you and your family in my prayers, Dej.:hug::hug:

Condolences to you and yours in this difficult time.

DH is home now. We are going down on Thursday AM to have service Thurs night, and the funeral is Fri am. Mom is upset cause we chose a hotel instead of her 60 y/o mattress in the other room, in a house full of visitors, and late night callers, with a phone that doesnt stop ringing. Anyway, I am gonna take good care of ME!

Thanks for the hugs, and prayers. I just pray he finally found peace, that he was unable to find in life. I loved that old coot.

I am quite certain he has found peace. :hug:

i'm sorry for your loss dej and for your dh.
i'm sure your fil found his peace.

my condolences to your family.