My wits
 

I heard something on the news that caused me to go into depression/fear,and after about 8 hours of emotional pain,I felt like the muscles in my chest where sore,and I could no longer think about what was worrying me.

I may have been obsessively thinking in fear,but it blew up in my thoughts,and I couldn't stop thinking about it. It was like a 8 hour panic type of condition. I felt this deep depression with it. I felt like I was on the edge of the world,about to fall off.

I hate this kind of thing. I haven't felt quite like this in a while. I've had more depression/loneliness,and anxiety recently. I've had more dread about small things also.

I hope that this isn't the start of periods of time like this. I've had weeks,and months of this over many years. This makes me feel like burying my face on my pillow.

I know there is no easy fix it to this. I talked to my counsellor about how I was feeling about two weeks ago,and she said call her when I get depressed. I can't call her now because it is a late Saturday night,early Sunday morning problem.

This type of feeling scares me the most,and it makes me feel powerless at the time. I remember that the first time that this type of thing happened was when I was about 13. My parents said that I was obsessing(They didn't know what the term was,or what it was)over something when I was about 5,or 6,and I didn't stop,so I got a spanking.

I don't understand this,and I'm so tired of it. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Friend,


Lots and lots of hugs.

Do you have any extra meds that the pdoc has suggested to take in times like this?

I hope that you can sleep so you feel better by tomorrow.

M

maybe you can call her in the morning? that might help with your anxiety?????
(((((HUGS))))) to you tonight.
bizi

Mari Thanks for the hugs. The NP Med. Manager hasn't allowed any more medications for use. She doesn't know that my condition has gotten worse. The cloud of fear has let up some. I just took the 600 Mg's of seroquel. I took my other medications about an hour ago.

I noticed I talked to others,and then I talked about myself in the same post's recently. I've been trying to hold back my condition,but ended up posting some of my feelings when posting to others. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you Bizi. I could always call the em. number at the regional network that helps me this morning. My counsellor would not be at her office till Monday. Thank you anyway.

I just hope that this isn't the start up of months,or years of this illness,battling it continually. That confuses,and where's out everyone around me,and myself. When it amplifies like this,I realize I'm so tired of this. I've been through worse. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Friend,

Allow the NP Med manager the information she needs to help you. Talk to her.

A lot of us have to adjust our medications every so often.

Please take care of yourself. :hug: :hug: :hug:

M

Steve

Please take the time to call tomorrow. Get some help.

Its something that has to be done every once in a while.

Donna:grouphug:

you have to tell yourself that this too shall pass. suffering is the pits. it seems once we are in it it seems endless but it isn't but it can go on and on. can you think of God as your protector and try to focus on that and that he is taking care of you? I know it doesn't feel like that but maybe if you focus you might feel it soon.
take care of yourself and i feel for you. i am there too.
bobby

Thank you. I appreciate all of the good advice. I'm going to try to rest this afternoon,and keep in mind that this isn't my fault. I have this strange guilt that this could be my fault. This strange false guilt thing hits me too.

Allot of emotions seem to be rolled up in this mental health disorder. I don't understand why it comes,and goes. I forget how bad it can feel in between attacks. I never feel free from this illness,but when it gets worse like this,it catches me by surprise.

Going through a roller coaster ride of fear,and other hurtful emotions have been a concern,and struggle for most of my life now. I don't understand why this grips me like it does. This part of it seems to be the obsession that only calms down when it wants to. The Luvox helps with the obsessional part of my illness.

The dark feeling of deep depression has let up a bit. All of these mental health issues have let up a bit. I thank you all for helping me through this. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am glad that maybe you are feeling alittle bit better.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I'm feeling better at this time. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Steve,

Thanks for the update.
I am glad that tonight is going better for you.

M

that is so great
bobby

Hi beautiful,

Im glad to find you are feeling better.

Always remember that you are strong, and that our fears are mostly only in our minds, they are imaginary.... AND, that God is watching over you and protecting you....

Also, breathe, as deeply as you can, that helps mainly with the chest pain....

Lots of all.

:hug:

Steve

Glad you are feeling better.


Donna:grouphug:

Dear Steve - glad ur ok
 

hey Steve

sorry you've had one of those horrid fear/depression episodes. it sounds like a protracted panic attack. glad to see that you're currently feeling better.

just want to quickly say, when you feel afraid, try to have like a mental dialog or an emotional dialog. it doesn't have to be eloquent or have full sentences. key words will do. the dialog should be your fearful/suffering self with a reassuring alter-self. in otherwords do self talk. except it's not really self talk it's more like self listening.

like... this --- this might sound kooky, but here goes:

Fearful self: (train of thought) news storms everywhere electricity outages chest pain, never ends what if it never ends scared i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared.
Reassuring alter-ego: i am here with you and i hear you. i hear that we are scared.
Fearful self: chest pain
Reassuring alter-ego: i am here with you. We are breathing. Let us breath deep and slow (focus on breath, in out).
Fearful self: i feel so bad i can't get myself to feel better
Reassuring alter-ego: i hear that we aren't well. this is not our fault. we might not feel better right away but we will surely feel better. is there anything i can do to help us feel better? (open self-question)

i don't know if that makes sense. it's like, the cognitive side speaking to the emotional side. the whole point is acknowledgement. saying there there don't cry, or don't be scared is pointless - it makes things worse. it renegs the feelings. the feelings are real. the best thing to do is to really accept them through a cognitive process as well, rather than try to resist them/fight them. i think that the resistance pattern might be blocking your breathing and contributing to chest pain. during these times, it would be good to remind yourself that you ("we") are breathing and breathe - not just deeply but with the belly if possible, and slowly, feeling the breath enter and exit the body. sometimes when i do this and i am very scared i say to myself, i am here, i am breathing, i exist. or i use the we: we are here, we are breathing, we exist.

anyway i hope you continue to be ok and that you do not have a relapse any time soon.

i am also glad other folk were here to comfort you when you were feeling bad since i wasn't. sending hugs :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:.

~ waves ~

miss you my friend, wise words, great instruction.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Friend,

. . . still thinking about you and wishing you well. :Heart:


M

dear waves
what incredibly wonderful advice you give.
love
bobby