Worn to a Frazzle
 

I'm new to this forum and I think some already know me but for those who don't let me give an introduction. I have a neighbor whom I care deeply for as a dear sweet friend, I once had a hot crush on him. Anyway, around the biginning of this month he told me that his cancer would take him in less than 6 months. In the past couple weeks he's gotten so bad and overall through the whole month of July I've been researching, caregiving, and tonight and tomorrow I plan to take some me time with just a few minutes with him each of those times. My dear friend's roommate is starting to show his true colors, telling me last night he's not Doug's babysitter. The roomate is robbing my friend every which way he can while my friend is so doped on the morphine to know better. I guess in a way I am my friend's caregiver since I do more for him it seems than anyone. I've got to look after my health now though because it's telling on me. When I've slept enough and still feel like I could fall asleep all the next days something is wrong. Just taking this time tonight to try to focus on me is helping. I've been neglecting my garden so tomorrow I'm going to pull weeds and I have a girlfriend coming over tomorrow around noon. I don't mean to be rambling but it helps to get it out. I think this would be a great forum for me to stay in for now.

befuddled2

Hi Befuddled 2 ...I do not know you very well yet but I do read some of your posts. You seem like such a wonderful caring and lovely person. Your friend who is sick is so lucky to have you in his life. I am sure that he is very grateful for you. I think that you are right. You should take some you time....as much as you need. The more we take care of ourselves the better we are able to help our friends and family members in need...so pamper yourself! You certainly deserve it!!! Take Care:hug: Dorrie:)

Hello Befuddled2. I can understand your total exhaustion as a caregiver. I myself wasn't the care giver when my father had bone cancer as I live out of state...but my two older sisters and brothers-in-law were with him day and night. It seems that we want to do whatever it takes to make them NOT have to suffer...often times sweeping our own pains and health aside. You need to make time to come in here, even if it's only a half an hr at a time....still gotta have "ME time" as my sisters called it. Prayers to you and also to Doug with his battle of this disease.


Marilyn

Befuddled,

What you're doing is so kind and admirable. I wish it were easier for you. :(

I'm glad you're sharing and getting some out and hope that you continue to. I'm so glad he has you.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/kymdawn/Hugs.gif

KD

Befuddled

You are so right this is a great forum for you to visit and talk in.
Just like the one that you and I talk in. I visit this one too. I never
thought to tell you that you would benefit for coming here. I wish
that I had.

But I'm so glad to here you are taking some me time. And I love the
idea of working in your garden today is it. And I know that Doug has
a very good friend in you. And I know that right now he is in good
hands, so that while you take some me time he is being taken care of
by others that care. So it makes it much easier.

Donna

Hi all, and thank you all. Doug went to the emergency room last Tuesday and got out Thursday. I went to the emergency room to see him and had a lot of calls to wait on or make. He is so much better now that he's back home. We've been having a blast this morning. It's like he's not even ill. The hospital changed his pain medicine. Doug's been holding down food since. He walks with a walker, is able to drive, and has a cheerful kind of prankster type disposition now. He bought walkie talkies for us to use between our apartments in case he needs me. While he was typing up his funeral plans this morning on my computer I had called my sister. The walkie talkies ring if want them to like a phone so he rang me while I had my sister on the phone. Without thinking that I was already on the phone I told my sister to hold on I had to answer the phone. Doug busted out laughing and then I laughed along with him. Then when I asked him to give me his honest opinion on the squash I cooked today he says, "There's only one problem with this squash........., there's not enough." He is such a character and I am so happy to see him in such good spirits.

befuddled2

Befuddled

I love his attitude too. And yours. Its like the hospital stay gave him
back a reason to want to go again.

Please take care of yourself and remember that he wants you to also.

Sending you and Doug some hugs.

Donna

Thank you Donna.

Doug's brother got mad at him last night because he didn't like the way Doug had set up his will. Doug's brother and him got into an arguement and his brother hung up on him. I cannot believe how some people can act like his brother is acting.

befuddled2

Honestly I can believe how people act. Tell Doug to leave things just
the way he wants them to be. And remember the happier he is the
longer he will be with you.

Yes, I know he hasn't long but that is only in gods hands.

Donna

Thank you Donna. I hope you have a good day.

befuddled2

this is such a good post to find and read. (((((((befuddled)))))))

I hate when people take advantage, like the roommate. It's all too common.

It's lovely that you and your friend are laughing together.

As an aside, if you aren't taking b12... you might look into it if you are having any of the symptoms of low B12... that's because the care you are giving is great, but it could also be stressful, and for me, stress depletes my B12...

it's so easy to replace what gets used up, and it can have such long reaching effects... for the good.

((((((((((befuddled)))))))))))

Thanks Karen,

I had printed up that web page on the fingernail and B12. I think it would be good to get some.

Doug's roommate may not be that bad after all. I think what a lot of it was was Doug being so out of it he could not remember things.

befuddled2

Hi BF! So glad to read your post. You sound so happy...you brought a smile to my face! Have a super night! Dorrie

befuddled... that's really good news about the roommate maybe not being that bad. It would make one thing you didn't have to worry about.

I was happy to read that you printed my fingernail page... I wonder... did it print very well?

I forgot that a librarian has emailed me to say she wanted to give it to people in the library where she works, but it wouldn't all print... only then my electric was shut off and I couldn't be on the internet enough to ... I forget, but I think I had to do something with the page that the techs had helped me with ...

okay, what could be more boring?

Sorry..

It's just that I had forgotten about that.

(((((((((befuddled)))))))))

Yes, I think that getting some and taking it would be a really good thing.
(Do be sure to get the Methylcobalamin form... it's better because it's what our bodies can use without any changes... so it works faster... which is good) :)

Well, your post has left me smiling. :)

Thanks Dorrie and Karen.

Karen, your web page printed up very nicely.

I have started to catch my friend Doug in lie after lie and learning that he is not as good a friend as I thought. I feel bad about it. When I'm not so sleepy I'll go further into detail.

befuddled2

Oh dear... I hate when that happens.

Darn it!!!!

Get some rest, then tell us more.

((((((((befuddled)))))))))


And thanks for the report, I really appreciate that!!!!!!!!!

Well, one thing was last night when Doug kept inciting my anger at a trouble maker nieghbor who I had it out with once before. The madder I got the more Doug fooled the fire until last night I confronted her and the police ended up being called. I was the one to call the cops as this woman called me a very bad name and drew her hand back at me to hit me. When Doug called me back to his apartment he told me to come in so we could get the story straight. If he was telling me the truth about what he said the neighbor was saying about me behind my back he would not have to get his story straight. Then yesterday or the day before I had asked for one of my music CDs he had of mine. He looked in his CD player and said it wasn't there and he didn't know what had happened to it. Today when I went over there to give him a phone message my CD was playing on his stereo and he lied about that. I had started to say no to him this week since he was doing so well and gradually he's been acting crappy.

befuddled2

Oh dear....

I really am not a fan when people like to get things stirred up and incite trouble.

A lot of people get off on that...

I tend to get sucked in, like you did, so I have to be very careful.

Since I don't go out or see people anymore (except for the people who bring my meals) I don't have it happen face to face, but on boards like this there's always someone who wants to play the Doug role...



Well, I'm so sorry that happened.

But you know what, I'm glad your CD was playing because that helps clarify it for you.

I got so sucked in by this guy several years ago, and with my bad memory he was able to take huge advantage because I could never quite remember clearly... but then, like you, there was a time when it was so evident. And that was good for me, because then I wasn't confused any more.

(((((((befuddled))))))))

take it easy, be sure to get rest. Don't let yourself get worn out.

befuddled, you don't know how much you helped me just now by telling me the things that were just happening.

You helped because two people were sort of putting me down in a forum a bit ago... and ... well, it's so easy to react when that happens.

I've been stewing a bit.

But then after I read your post, and thought about it... I was so glad you wrote that, and that I hadn't done anything...

Whew.

Thank you, soooo much.

((((((((befuddled))))))))))

Hi Karen,

Thank you for your support. I'm glad I helped you somehow by posting this. I feel like such a fool.

befuddled2

Oh, don't feel like a fool.

(((((befuddled)))))))

there are always tricky people, and better to be one of us then one of them.

That I know!

(((((((Befuddled)))))))

and I was just thinking about how much you helped me tonight.

Thank you again.

:)

Hi again everyone.

I am very embarrassed as I was too hasty to jump to conclusions. I know my friend Doug has his faults but he is really crazy about me. He went all out for my birthday last Sunday and on count of the shopping he did for it when he should not have been on his feet he was in severe pain for 3 or 4 day afterwards.

befuddled2

Hi befuddled,

That's good.

:)

I sent you a birthday card that is woefully late. :(

To view your ecard, click on the following link:
http://www.americangreetings.com/eca...y&source=ag999

Now I'm going to see if I can find your name, and if it's on the list of names for this other card I love, I'll send you that one, too.

(((((((((befuddled)))))))))))

befuddled

I wouldn't worry about it. I think Doug really understands you a lot better
than you think. And he really gets what is going on.

I also think he is trying to protect you from getting to hurt when he is no longer with you.

But that is just my two cents worth.

Donna

Thank you Karen for the card. I was unable to view it though as it would not download.

Donna, I believe you have something there. Thanks.

befuddled2