Hi...so sad today
 

I woke up this morning with a view to starting a thread on my most humiliating/gaff experiences...re-Ken and Paula`s threads. Purely just to make you smile but you just don`t know what`s around the corner do you? Some news I have just heard has both saddened me to the core,and brought me back in touch with the fragility of life with a huge sharp shock.

Last year,my dog,Jess,a huge St Bernard,[whilst a piuppy but still relatively enormous,] fell in the stream at the front of our garden.A hedge screens this stream,which has steep banks but she had found a gap in the hedge and slid down the bank.I was too ill to get to her but some lads over at the pub caame to my rescue.One lad,called Dan,thought no more about it ...fully clothed he scrambled down the bank,somehow scooped up my sodden wet and frightened puppy,and with great strength,hauled her single handedly back to safety.He emerged soaking wet,but with this enormous grin on hiis face.I couldn`t thank him enoughbut he dismissed it with a laugh and went off to change his clothes.
A few months ago,during the flood,my phones were all down and I needed to make contact with my husband who was 2 hours late getting home.The road had turned into a torrential river and as I stood at the side,preparing myself to cross it to get help from the folk at the pub,Dan appeared,mobile phone in hand and forbade me to cross.He waded out to me.The rain was pelting down
but as we both stood there,trying to make this call,he remained good humoured and reassuring.Nothing was too much trouble.

Last Saturday,there he was again,his broad grin beaming as he and his friends enjoyed a pint and a laugh outside the pub.We had just had a meal and his workmate offered to come with Dan on Monday night to give us a quote for extensive building work to our cottage.
They didn`t show.

Dan was killed Sunday evening in an horrific road acciddent.As I write this...the tears won`t stop.All I can see is this young lad,so full of life and his engaging and infectious smile. What a tragic waste. Where indeed is the reasoning and logic in all this.

You know,it makes you seriously think.What remains in my memory of this lovely ,generous human being is his face...his humour...his willingness to help even to the discomfort of himself.

I don`t know much else about him.I don`t need to know anything else.For those attributes are enough...enough to have me remember him as one of life`s precious precious people...ready to help others,ready to make them smile...putting others before himself.

You can have all the health in this world,all the wealth in this world...all the intelligence,the skills,the nice clothes,the fast cars.

But who are we without warmth,and grace...care and love...generosity of spirit and a willingness to manage others before ourselves?

This needs no replies,truly.It is not posted for that . I just needed to say we might have a raw deal with our illness.It doesn`t stop folk from seeing the light that can still shine within us.If we care to use it.

Thanks for listening.
A very sad me
x

hard not to respond
 

"But who are we without warmth,and grace...care and love...generosity of spirit and a willingness to manage others before ourselves?'

Says so much doesn't it? I am so sorry Steffi-just cry it out.

Paula

I wept with you, Steff
 

You said that you did not expect replies to your post, Steff...but, I must...if even just a few words. As I sat here reading and weeping, it occurred to me that what you described...how you felt about Dan is exactly in "sync" with what I said the other day in response to the "friendship" post and what was said by someone else, here. You really didn't even know Dan, per se...but in him, indeed, was a very real friend in every sense of that word...someone who touched your life probably in one of the most profound ways that anyone could possibly touch another's life...with warmth, compassion and just plain kindness...indeed, you have lost a very dear friend Steff. May your tears be a means of starting the healing process.

Peace to you, my friend...
Therese

Steff,

I know your faith, like mine, is a big part of who you are. That doesn't mean that we can't question what took place and why.

To me, I look at it from a different angle. The tears aren't for him, my dear, they are for the ones he left behind. He got the good end of the deal ... he's at a place that, at times, I can't get there fast enough.

And when my time does come, I want people to celebrate. She made it! She no longer has to worry about her kids ... She gets to sleep in (and stay up late) for eternity! She can hold her infant daughter again. She no longer has to worry if there will be a cure in her lifetime.

She is free, at last!

That doesn't stop the tears from coming for people, like yourself, who are left behind. But try to hold on to the fact that you'll see that lovely smiling face again.

I apologize if this post seems out of place in light of the fact that it happened so recently. My love ... and prayers ... go out to you and the family.

Steffi - It is unfair, unexpected, infuriating, agonizing, and just so sad. Your only solace is to know that yofur friend's death is something which will hurt a little less as time goes on. I am so sorry.

Ann

It seems as though I never have the words when something like this happens. I'd like to be able to say something witty to comfort you. I'd like to be able to quote a bible verse that would let you know that it's ok. I just have never been that type of person. Steff, know this, you are in my thoughts and prayers. This young man may have fulfilled his purpose here. It was time to go home. There are angles among us you know.

GregD

Steffi,
I am so sorry. Losing someone so kind and full of life is so very sad, and so senseless. The only thing that we can do is cry. We can qestion. We can raise our fists to heaven. But in the end, there are only tears and memories. Write the memories down, and let the tears flow.

Your friend reminds me of my son, so happy and so full of life.

My love goes out over the hills, across the pond and is at your door. PM me if you wish.

Lots of love,

Mama Kathy

Dear Steff: I am sorry about Dan. We do not meet people like him everyday but when we do they certainly do touch our hearts and lives in a way words cannot explain. I think sometimes God does have angels here on Earth. Sounds like Dan was your angel. It is a shame that the world has lost such a wonderful man. Take Care, Steff:hug:

Steffi, it is hard to not reply to such anguish as yours. All I can say is my heart cries with you. :hug:

Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep

largely considered to be written by Mary Elizabeth Frye (1904-2004)

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

Steph, we are all here only for the twinkling of an eye, and even that is sometimes shorter, and sometimes longer. What is important is what we do with that time, our time, and how we live it - your friend Dan got his bit right, and so it was not futile, and while life can seem cruel, he obviously did not think that, your wonderful description of him drew a picture of someone fully engaged in living. Celebrate the person you knew him to be, and how fortunate you were to know him. That is all we can do. When I lost someone really close, also so so young, a friend reminded me that it is not how long we are here, but that we have been here, that quantifying life and measuring it by what was not does not help us give thanks for what was. It was a great comfort to me, and helped me endure what than and sometimes still does seem unendurable.

Take care, keep the faith, and the love
Lindy xx

For your beautiful words...
 

...thank you.All of your posts have given me something to hold close to my heart.Today...i have been inconsolable.The tears have never stopped and it has been a long time since i have known grief such as this. Even my children,normally demanding as children are,have kept a quiet distance,just giving me a warm hug every once in a while.
I did not know this young man well...yet I seemed to know who he was and what he was about.He was a shining light in a world of many faces wrought with stress.His smile was from the heart,his openness so refreshing,his kindness so tangible.
I broke again today when I gently told his workmate,that he wasn`t to worry about our building work.He turned to me and said that Dan would have wanted him to go ahead,..that he had been looking forward to working here.
I broke my heart...and it is still breaking.
How do you write a letter of condolence to his parents in such circumstances.I want to say how lovely he was...and all the rest...but the pain in reading that when their son has gone,seems unimaginable.

Truly your words here are so very beautiful...I feel so blessed.
x

Trust me, even though the pain is overpowering, the parents will treasure your note. The only two things that I might caution you is not to say it is God's will, and I also got a note from a friend that said that children died because God needed them for his flower garden or some such nonsense.

Speak from your heart and you will be heard.

Love to you,
Mama

Thanks for sharing
 

Steffi,

Your beautiful words share with us a human being of the very first rank. Thank you. You have been a friend to us all in doing this sharing. Many prayers are wafting heavenward that might not otherwise have been prayed. Many hearts feel the pain you are living through, and perhaps some of them are awakened to what is important to them. May you find peace.

Jaye

your thread caught my eye
 

and even though you're half a word away, and I'd never met Dan, I rekon any bloke who goes into a river to rescue a puppy must be a good man!!!! I am sitting here wiping away tears at such a tragic loss, my heart goes out to you Steffi
take care:hug:

Dear Steffi, It's tough to see one good man left ...but he has left us with great memory that will never fade away. Definitely he would live in peace in heaven.

:( :hug:
oh steffi...your pain & compassion comes hrough so vividly....you are in my thoughts and prayers...you are blessed to have been a recipient of this special man's kindness, generousity and love. I am so sorry for your loss.

Steffi,
I think his family would love to know how he touched your life in such a good and wonderful way.:grouphug:

300 mourners
 

I just had to let you all know this.Over 300 people attended this guys funeral.At 23 how many lives did this young man touch?His mother said this of him;
"He loved everybody and everybody loved him.He always had a smile on his face.I am n ot just saying this because I`m his mum.It was as if he didn`t belong to me...he belonged to everyone"
And these words ffrom his best friend;
.If a stranger broke down at the side of the roadhe would pull over and help them because that is just the kind of person he was"

wow.....how proud that mother must have been to be able to say that about her son....and how moved to hear the same from others. I am smiling through tears as I write this because out of this mindless tragedy,is a lesson to us all.

This lads fun eral was held close by and then the mourners came back to the pub opposite to where I live.His pall bearers all went out to buy the same suit in order to pay their respects.The sight of a street mobbed by young beautifully dressed folk was incredible and unforgettable.
He should have been there himself.
It costs nothing to give a smile.It costs nothing to show a simple act of kindness.It costs nothing to reach out to someone,even if they are a stranger.

This young lad,who loved and lived life to the full probably accrued more friends in his 23 years than most people would see in a lifetime.

And all because he reached out to people and put others first.

I remain deeply humbled by this selfless human being.

Love
Steff
x

in my prayers hon

Ode

Dawn breaks
bringing my dreams of longing to the surface.
My head leaves the loneliness of the pillow
to confront daylight
shining with forbearance through my window.
At last, I know it is time to mourn.

Your favorite chair taunts me
while it tries to hold the mist of your image.
Looking vacantly upon it,
I bow my head from the weight of desperate need.
My search for reason has run empty.
Your ghost cannot be my torment.

I need to feel you
outside of the disappearing memories.
There is more to you than a whirlpool of tears.
By facing the realization of your death
my heart will be granted a cushion
to survive the blows of emptiness.

The wonder of who you were
no longer deserves my prideful pain.
Something that is vibrant cannot drown
a sanctified disfigured casualty.
You deserve so much more.
Your legend is precious and must be kept pure.

This day I will glorify you.
My eyes will see the beauty of your solo flight.
The wind of tranquility now carries you,
where no shadow of pain crosses your brow
nor wetness from fear falls from your eye.
You have no need to plea for relief.

You are complete...
you are complete.

As I watch your vision illuminate,
the inner peace you have found surrounds me.
I am able to find a calm.
Securely wrapped in your halo,
you extend a hand toward me.
showing me…

Yes.
I now know.
You are at rest.

Copyright © December 2000
Laura Jeanne Dean

Harley
 

That is one of the most poignant things I have ever read.Thank you so very much. Simply beautiful.

Love
Steff
x

so sad
 

Harley, if one wanted to share you poem at a memorial service, what would one do past acknowledging you as the author? It is such a beautiful, deep poem. You have been truly been blessed with a great talent. Sincerely, Adelle

acknowledgement is enough..

so sad
 

Thank you.