Just Saying Hi
 

So this is where everybody went!

Happy New Year!

T

Hi, Tritone,
Nice to see you.
And Happy New Year.
Mari

hi tritone :welcome_sign: to NeuroTalk

Hi Tritone :)

Welcome to NeuroTalk!

It's good to see you here - so how are you doing?

This must be the spot where the cool kids hang out :D

Wittesea! - I've been very good. I'm going to cut and paste all that junk down below. What have you been doing? You and Mari have always been among the kindest and most insightful people. I hope things are going well for you?

Here is the cut and paste part. I'm lazy... From BT...

I started a new job in May, and even though I took a few steps down the ladder in status and pay I love it. I work for an agency that provides human services, mainly overseas in war torn areas, but also participated in providing aid after Katrina. I do IT network administration.

My wife is doing great, she started a new job this summer at a non profit as well.

We are in the process of closing on a much larger apartment in our building. Within the past few days some things came out in my background check, unfortunate things that I did when I was very sick but that I am forced to continually deal with and explain - in this case to the entire tenant's board. None the less it seems our closing will still go through with all the necessary approvals.

My wife and I had a huge falling out with my Mother back in October. My Mother is a very difficult person, poster child for various personality disorders... We started speaking again a few days before Christmas which was nice. We just have to be really careful with her because she can be extremely abusive and manipulative.

I've been on the 6mg EMSAM patch for about two months now. I was struggling a bit late summer; and fall/winter is such a historically bad time for me that I feel like I might have really proactively staved off a really bad depression. I haven't had any sides, none! It seems to be helpful. I notice myself having little bouts of genuine ok-ness and a lot less social anxiety during the day. I can't say its been a sudden or tremendous effect - but the last time THAT happened was with Celexa and it launched the most severe and damaging period of illness in my life.

I had some initial fears that the patch would make me show positive for amphetimine on my drug tests. My PDoc did a urine test in his office to put my fears to rest. It was negative. (the drug in EMSAM actually metabolizes to partly methamphetimine in the body). I still take lithium and Lamictal and also use Seroquel and Ativan in the evening.

I'm still struggling with the depression and some days are better than others... but in general things are good. I worry constantly about having to explain my past at work and that brings me a significant amount of fear. "coming out" to the tenant's board was as cathartic as it was embarassing because I feel like now they know and I don't have to worry about it anymore.

I'm coping, even with the hard stuff and sometimes I even feel good!

hi there tritone!
I will write more later!
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Hi Bizi! I hear birthday wishes are in order?

hey there!
yes I am now ......
44!!!!!!
and i have quite a bit of gray hair to prove it!:eek:
lol
bizi

Tritone,

I'm so glad to hear that so many things are going well for you and that you are doing well :) That is such good news!

I can picture the tenants board in my mind and the whole process of sitting there to talk to them. It must have been terrifying at the time, but I can understand why it also felt like a good thing to get it all out and stop living with the worry and fear of having the past revealed. You are a good person, and despite any past mistakes you will always be a good person.

You and I have talked about this before, so you know how I feel and you know that I have never and will never judge you and you also know that the past never changed my opinion of you being a good person..... I'm glad the tenants board was also able to see that you are a good person :) (and I'm also happy to hear that you are getting a larger apartment... I remember you talking about your square footage once and so hearing that you are getting more room is great news) :D


I'm sorry to hear about the falling out with your mother. I can definately relate to that one. My mother and I have had a lot of difficulty recently. My whole life, my mother and I were alwasy like oil and water (didn't mix, but could co-exist next to each other peacefully) but recently we are like ammonia and bleach (each fine alone, but mix us together and you get a heck of a chemical reaction that clears the room and causes the HazMat team to be called in for clean-up). But we both keep trying, and on Christmas we each called each other when we knew there was no one home so we were each able to say Marry Christmas on each others answering machines.

Well, I am babbling again (as usual) :)

It's good to see you again. I'm glad you found us here. And I am very happy to hear that you are doing well.

Take care and keep in touch,
Liz

Tritone,

Nice to meet you.

befuddled2

Well Happy Birthday Bizi! I'll be 41 next month. Time flies...

Thanks Liz - its a tough situation as you know. It really helps to know there are people who can see through it and form their own opinions rationally and not hysterically. Not everyone has reacted rationally to this. The main thing is having a roof over our heads and the second is having something meaningful to do everyday (meaningful = pays the bills and keeps the brain going). When the integrity of either situation becomes uncertain we start getting a little worried. Hopefully our renewed tenantship here in the building will be friendly and uneventful. I don't care so much any more if people dislike me (eventhough I AM a really nice guy!), but I don't want my wife to feel threatened.

Dear Tritone,

Talking to the board about your past was probably good because of their response. It seems that overall they accepted your explanation and your evidence that you are stable now.

You can start learning to give yourself some slack on that too.
You were manic.

For those of us NOT living in NYC, can you tell us how big a much larger apt is? http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/jumping0007.gif You don't have to tell if you don't want to. I'm making a joke, even if it is lame, because I remember that when you said the sq ft of your last apt., we didn't believe you.

My new(ish) Hubby and I moved out of our 850 sq foot 2 bed rm apt into an apt of 1350 sq feet because, well, I FELT CROWDED after he moved in. We've been in the new place since Oct 06.

Maybe some people in NYC learn to live without so much stuff and crap. I also hear that many people in NYC spend much time OUTSIDE their apts -- they use public space more than the rest of us....don't cook much at home.....
OK. Enough of that. What do I know?? I am fascinated with NYC for some reason.

Oh yeah, that's why -- I studied piano http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/musical/keyboard.gif
for a zillion years and alto sax http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/musical/saxophone.gif for a few
and used to think about performing and teaching there.
But it is ok. I stunk.

I sold the sax 18 years ago. And each time I visit my parents I play their piano a few minutes less than the last time. We are down to about 20 minutes a visit now -- couldn't find the show tunes (:eek: ) sheet music, but didn't look real hard.
So now I imagine having enough money to hangout in NYC and having the money and energy (oh Yeah, forgot about the bipolar med side efffects problem...and the sleep problem for a minute) to take in performances.

OH yeah and Parents. UGH. I can't deal with mine. I can't. After the last viist in July 06 I have seriously been considering never visiting them again.....but still not sure how I can do that....especially since hubby and I are not on the same page -- he loves them. Well of course he does!! They are great to people not related to them.

I call my Mom every few weeks and we talk about safe subjects.

That's my way of saying sorry that you have a difficult mother. You already did your best and now have my permission (for all it is worth) to stop trying.

I'm in therapy (again) dealing with them. Thanks Mom. :icon_wink: I am more balanced than anyone I know....even if I do travel in very small circles 0000000 0 00 0

how are the doggies? any pics to share? http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/jumping0002.gif

Apologies if my goofiness is misplaced.
It is nice to hear from you and know that you and your wife are doing ok. I remember how much your old job was wearing you down.

Mari

dang, i spent an hour writing a reponse and my logon timed out and I lost all of it. DANG!

So here's the Cliff notes:

The apartment is over 900 square feet which is huge to us compared to 365.

We are home bodies and don't go out much. There are a bunch of restaurants of various kinds that deliver. Sometimes we cook. We go up to the 'country' farily regularly to visit family.

I was a saxophonist, Bachelor of Music degree, etc, etc... I did this into my 30's when I needed a change. I play piano for my own entertainment and enjoy it.

I see my PDoc about once a month and go to weekly group therapy for offenders. The therapist who leads the group is amazing. I feel very comfortable there and I've met lots of really great people. None are sociopaths, none are repeat offenders, and none could be called a danger to the community. I stopped seeing my other therapist because I didn't think the cost benefit made sense any more. She was nice, but I think my particular case is a little over her head. If i could afford private therapy with the group leader I would.

Here are the dog pics! See you later, T

http://users.ntplx.net/~tritone/1.jpg

http://users.ntplx.net/~tritone/2.jpg

http://users.ntplx.net/~tritone/3.jpg

http://users.ntplx.net/~tritone/4.jpg

Ok now I am officially jealous! :)

You live in the city, but you have more square footage than I do now (we have 750), and your dogs are soooo adorable!

Here are 2 of my fur babies -

great pics
 

Dear Tritone,

Thanks for the pics.
The doggies look like they are having a great time. :icon_cool:

This is a huge apartment compared to your old one. Enjoy it together.

I'm happy that you still enjoy music.

A good therapist is a jewel -- even if you only see her/him in group therapy. I remember reading that a good therapist is harder to find than a good friend.

Mari

Dear Witt,
Thanks for the pics of your fur babies. They are darling.
Hubby would like a cat or a dog but I am holding off. (And he keeps changing his mind anyway.)
mari

Hey T!! Been awhile. Glad to see you.

I am so happy you like group. What a blessing to find such a wonderful therapist.

I hate moving. It takes me a year to get everything where I want it. Very annoying. And for some reason I always loose very important tools. Like hammers and scissors. Which makes picture hanging and basic crafting impossible until they are repurchased. And as is life, once you purchase said items, the old ones show up. sigh.

Tell your wife she is beautiful and wonderful for me. She is such a dear heart.

so glad you found us! your new day sounds wonderful. depression is a mighty beast to slay and I don't think it can be but just recognized for what it is...a bipolar symptom that comes and goes...
the pictures are totally adogable...the shoot must have been so much fun especially the nose to nose....
i have about sixty fifty square feet....but a huge terrace which I hardly use because of my kitty cats even though I had some workmen construct a wire fence. I just don't trust one of my little devil's Abby....She has more adventure in her than my others. She has already figured out how to get on top of a high wall unit and a high cabinet.
So nice to hear from you. So nice to hear about your job. It sounds awesome and fulfilling....
Bobby

Its really nice to see everyone! This is a strange time for me - the past year has seen a lot go down. Most recently the move, the closing - the board and my past issues.

My PDoc thinks i was hypomanic last summer which led to me crashing last winter. I lost my Dad last fall and began a new job a few days after his funeral. I didn't like the job much and spiraled down into an anxious depression which put me in the hospital last January. I came home from the hospital too early and had insomnia and panic attacks for three days straight. I could barely speak. It was bad. My PDoc put me back on Seroquel at a much higher dosage and it killed the panic and insomnia but I had to quit my job after two days. I couldn't work.

It took me until this May to find the job I have now. I am very grateful.

I felt myself going toward depression as summer progressed and fall arrived and that is when I went on the patch. I think it was a good move. I'm just in constant fear of that awful place I was in mentally a year ago.

Today my Mother told me that the animal control people are coming to put down her/my Rottweiler. I haven't been able to be with him much, she is 82, and he has had serious tempermant issues all his life. In short he's bitten a bunch of people (including me fairly recently) including the animal control officer. I feel incredibly sad about it. He's only six. I feel like he didn't get a fair chance to be a good dog. He's been through obedience training. We have tried. I also have to admit that he is dangerous and my Mother definitely can not handle him by herself. Sometimes things just suck.

Gosh, me having more room than somebody... and somebody outside the City... Thanks for the pic!

Hi Bear - nice to see you. I will definitely relay the message.

Bobby - it is great to see you again. I thought about you quite often when BT was down. I am so happy to see you here.

I am touched. I thought of you too and was so hoping that things were going more smoothly for you. RATS
I am so sorry about your dog...how painful...how excruciatingly painful.
I am sorry about your father. I don't remember what type of relationship you had with him. That plays such an important part in mourning...
I still believe if you try, things always work out for the best no matter how bleak thinks appear and no matter how hard we fall on our face. We didn't ask at least in this life time to be bipolar so we have to learn and learn to be gentle with ourselves. I was going to type patient with ourselves but I couldn't because I think that is too herculean a task and would create way too much stress....our nemesis...or at least one of them...
Bobby

Thanks Bobby, my parents got divorced when I was 7 and I saw my father one weekend a month for many years after that and less often as I got older, into college, etc... My wife and I had really started building a new relationship with my dad and his wife and then he sick and died just two months later. He was a very simple and gentle person and he and wife were always a calm juxtasposition to my mother's volatility.

My big dog... I just don't know what to say. I wanted to tell somebody about the whole thing. I just keep telling myself there is no other option. Its very sad.

Gentle is a good word I think...

Dear Tritone,
I am so glad for you that you had those 2 months with your dad.
What wonderful memories to hold on to.
YOu are sounding very healthy right now...for this I am very happy for you.
thanks for sharing!
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Sadly I don't think there is another option either. This is just one of those unfaceable decisions that has already been made...I don't even think you made it...it made itself which still makes it unbearable.
I am so glad for you that you were developing a stronger relationship with your father and so sad for you that it had to end so abruptly.....but I believe in guardian angels and I just bet now he has become your guardian angel, another golden safety net. I also believe that some things are supposed to be...and are very spiritual in nature.
You keep on trying and keep on getting confronted by ordeals but I feel so strongly it will all work for you....but I have no clue as to time frame.
Bobby
ps are you beginning to have the same feeling?

I do. Everything is going to be alright. That has become our mantra...

I am so happy for you and your wife...way to go
Bobby

HI, Good to hear from you! I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and your Doggy.

Sending lots of Hugs, Nikko