Tired of people I can't count on
 

Okay so the other day I wake up with a bad headache and a stiff(worse than normal) body. I can barely get out of bed and I am just feeling awful. DH is back at work(he works offshore 1 week on/1 week off) so I'm home alone. I manage through the day but I just can't manage dinner by myself so I call my cousin. Now my cousin is my age, single and an empty nester and she and I meet up for dinner every other week or so and we spend hours on the phone. Our phone calls consist mostly of me listening to her talking about her ongoing long distance relationship(complicated) and her work woes. I give her a loving ear and pep talks when she needs them but when I have a problem she blows it off because I'm "married"(not entitled to have any problems) Now I know that this is kind of one sided but I really do love her and she has a good heart, we have a great time when we get together. Anyway.. so I call her and ask her to come by and she says that she is too busy helping her mom get ready for a big dinner this weekend. I should not be surprised but I'm hurt none the less, she always says stuff like "We'll get through this together" but I know this is Baloney!
Now my parents did come by and bring me dinner but I do need someone else to count on besides them. Where do I find people that I can count on? I moved here after my 1st husband died because I already had a support system(or so I thought). Sigh....
I want to depend on myself but thanks to MS this just isn't possible all the time, What do I do? Does anyone have any cheese to go with my wine???

Wait, do I get this correctly? You are literally too ill to scrape together your own dinner or to get a delivery at the door?

Dudette, if that's the case, you should be counting on in-home medical help!

No, actually I could have done it(I didn't think delivery) I think I was just so worn out by the end of the day that I really wanted some TLC. Sounds pretty silly looking at it now. Thanks for the reality check:o

I think she was just hoping for a little understanding from her friend and for her to bring her something to eat and listen for awhile. Am I correct? And your friend is always too busy to help in that way, but you do so for her all the time?

Okay, well, then my answer is that there is virtually ONE mortal on this planet who I can always count on: me.

Forgive the foibles if the friend is special, recognize that you can love a person and never be able to depend on him/her for certain brands of support. ;)

Wiz is right I just needed some TLC from someone that I'm always there for. That being said I know that AMN is right when she says that you can love some people even when you know that you can't count on them. I have been through this with my cousin before and I had decided to really limit our relationship but then I found that I was missing out on the things that I love about her. And once again I will just accept this and realize that I will have to count on myself or someone else. Sad but true!

Girl, I think it happens to all of us at some time or another. I just don't expect help anymore so then I don't get hurt or what not. Honestly? I have come to realize that just because we have problems and/or tough times doesn't mean others have to be there to pick us up. Does that make sense? :hug:

My SIL (after her cancer taught her) said "live your life like there's no one else in it." Unmet expectations happen all the time and can hurt.

I think I get it. She is tired, worn out, and she is always there listening to her friends drama, and latest silly crap, and she felt like it was HER turn! Husband out of town, feeling alone and a bit left out or run over. Wouldnt it be nice if your friend said "hey! you sound down, how bout I bring a pizza?" or chinese, or italian or whatever.

Sometimes are friends are so busy living their lives without a care that they forget we are in the breakdown lane. Some times we need to stand up and say ITSMYTURN! I want you to bring a pizza and come sit with me. That should leave no doubt that you needed a friend.

I hope you are feeling better. :hug:

I hear you, Hula..:hug::hug:

:hug: Hula. I understand. Most of my cousins and aunts are same as your cousin... all about them. Never contact me unless they need me or something. Makes me glad I don't live close enough for drop ins!

Thank you all for the hugs and support:)

Wow, some of the things people said give me a lot to think about here!

I just want to say this, that this friend may not be good for blowing off steam to, but there is a reason you like her. Know her strong points and weaknesses, and try not to let either get to you.

There's a saying

A friend is someone who knows everything about you - and likes you anyway.

I have those friends too, that want to tell me all their troubles (huh, I never knew I was such a good listener, but I guess so) and they don't always want to hear my problems. But luckily I have some family I can talk to. Or if not, I have my dogs. Really, they are the best cuz I never have to worry they'll repeat what I said.

;)

LOL You're so right Brain! My dog is my best friend and confident when DH is out of town. She's also always willing to lay in bed with me as long as I need to, what more can I ask for?:yahoo:

In a perfect world, you could tell your cousin how you felt, how you needed TLC for just a small moment in time.

But in this reality world, she would probably get defensive and possibly angry thinking she is supportive in all ways. :(

DH travels almost every week. I understand your feelings.