I’m going to turn down a promotion and I’m feeling guilty
 

I feel like because I am not going to fight for what is fair and right, I’m letting not only myself down but the MS community as a whole, but I just don’t have the money or stamina to fight a multi-million dollar organization and end up losing. These situations are the reason ADA and discrimination laws came to be and it turns my stomach to think they’ll get by with it but I have to do what is right for me financially and not bring on any unneeded additional stress.

Every year the subject of our annual member’s picnic comes up and every year I get harassed about it. My boss goes to the location on a Saturday – unpaid, which in and of itself is a violation of our agreement since she’s an hourly employee – and sits out in the hot sun and makes sure our members have enough alcohol to get drunk, which is obviously very important. Every year I get snide remarks about how I’ll have to take this over as part of her position. Well, I had already worked it out with a co-worker – I was going to delegate it to her since she goes to the picnic every year anyway. Every situation that MS could potentially screw with me on, I had a workaround.

I had another discussion with the manager last week and she said I would be required to do the picnic as part of her job. WTH? What difference does it make if I’m there personally? :mad: I pointed out to her that our boss can’t legally force me to do something that I am physically unable to do due to a valid, documented medical condition (MS) which he and my immediate supervisor are aware that I have. This is not a valid part of any office job description – sitting out in the hot sun on a weekend, donating your time to the company and watching drunks make idiots of themselves! LMAO

She also mentioned that I would have to move to her office area, which has terrible airflow problems. It’s always too hot on that side of the room. I told her I didn’t think I could move to that area because of it and she said it wasn’t an option. I said I’d hate to think that our boss would want me to pass out at work! I also mentioned that it “could” be (I know damned well it is) a violation of ADA.

She then went on to say she didn’t know why I wanted her position anyhow and that I could get a medical excuse, etc., but that our boss would make my life a living hell because of it. He already calls her on some weekends and she’s had to come in (unpaid). She is expected to be at his beck and call and if I took the promotion, I would be too.

She pretty much ended the talk with go home and talk it over with your husband but I don’t think either of you will be happy if you take this position!

Long story short, I’m going to inform them within the next couple of weeks that I don’t want the promotion, I’ll stay in my current position. I’ll just suck it up and give up any aspirations I had for becoming the manager. It’s too bad too, because I had a lot of good ideas on how to improve our work, make us all more efficient and save the organization money, but I guess they’ll never know now.

Don't feel guilty, Cherokee. In know way should you feel as if you have to put yourself through that kind of stress and unreasonable expectations..:mad: Your boss sounds like a real jerk. It's too bad you have to work there at all.:(

You do what is right for you and nothing more.:hug:

Hi Cherokee,
It sounds to me like they really don't want you to take the position. :( The big boss would be "Put Out" by any words like, "Sorry, I can' do that weekend stuff for you."

They have ways of talking you out of taking positions that they don't want to have someone in, that is not fully able to complete, on demand. Then they make it sound like it would be in YOUR best interest not to take it. That is the impression I get.

I was in a similar position, it was the stress that made my job get harder and harder and double the work load. They knew I had MS but would/could not accommodate my hours, or my asking for a part-time person to assist me.

When I first started the job I had a part-time person to help. But trying to work well and do my best, they let that position stay empty when my assistant left on maternity leave and did not come back.

They said my job needed X amount of hours and they had no better explanation. They refused to add back another assistant for me. I know that the ADA would have something to say, but I wasn't about to go that route either.

Once you get on the head person's bad side, for any reason, they make life miserable in the work place for you. I have seen it done to others that had to quit because of the demands they put on them. It is so unfair.

I am sorry to hear that you have to be put in such a lousy situation at work just to do your job, and do it well. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do.:)

These people are bullies. Take a deep breathe, try not to be personal and emotional with a no thank you - I must do what is best for me and the company and will stay in my current position where I can be effective best. It's them, not you!!!!

you have to put YOU first, then worry about improving the lives, and working conditions of others. Its not selfish to put YOU YOU YOU first! It sounds like you work for a bunch of knuckle heads. DRunken weekends, being on call without pay, little accountability, paying a great deal of money for booze, but not for fixing the air flow problem (sounds like they have warped priorities) which would benefit the health and well being of the staff. yep! these folks are winners.

Work is work, it isnt supposed to be fun, and we do what we have to do to survive, financially, and professionally, but it sounds like this crew isnt gonna care much about protecting, or taking care of their employees. As long as the drunken weekend in the sun gets pulled off, all are happy?

Good for you! :hug:

You're doing the right thing, Cherokee. Nothing to feel guilty about. I know how it is to work for demanding people and trying to stay two steps ahead of them is exhausting. I couldn't do it now. You're doing the right thing for you and that's all that matters. :hug:

Listening to the story, even without MS, I wouldn't take the position! They probably wouldn't want me to. :D

When it comes to someone wanting me to do unpaid work when I'm an hourly employee would not set well with me. :mad: I've had two places of employment already that I went searching the department of labour to make sure some of the stuff they did was within the rules. Barely, both times. :rolleyes:

Of course my first response about overseeing the picnic as part of the job, I would've said "got it in writing?" :D Don't think they would've been interested in someone like me. ;)

About 5 months after my craniotomy for my diagnosis I had a similar opportunity, though it's for a good outfit and I get along with everybody fine. They're exceedingly understanding.

But the added responsibility and the sort of long range thinking that's required I'm not up to anymore. I wish I would've stayed where I was which was nice and comfortable and not that much less money. You're doing the right thing. As soon as a position becomes available I'm going to take a pay cut and move back to my old job or something similar.

Don't feel guilty!!! Those people will never care about you as much as you care about you!

To me that promotion sounds like a tremendous about of stress. Don't feel guilty about turning it down, you need to think of yourself first. I'm sorry they are making it so difficult for you to accept the promotion and do a good job.

work stress is almost like a killer. i know how much stress i had at my job right before i resigned.

i wouldn't worry about others and the job. just take care of yourself and put you first. that's the most important thing.

i would start documenting dates and the things they're saying to you just in case you need to consult an attorney. they sound like they're really harassing you and it's not right.

Did you really want the promotion but feel you couldn't accept due to the extra activities, or did you really feel the promotion was too much for you and were happy for an excuse to say so? Sorry Cherokee, but I wasn't sure.

I really did want the last promotion I applied for which was just before I retired on disability. I had been "filling in" for the position for several months before it was advertised, and I really liked the job. One good thing going for the position (in my favour) was that it was the only position available in my workplace that I could have done on crutches or my cane..... (and I had been told as much)

I was so disappointed when they gave that position to the boss's daughter who was 20 something and new to the field. She had absolutely no experience, but had just got married and wanted the job because it was 9-5 in a work environment that mostly offered shift work.

I guess when they gave her the job I knew it was time for me to retire, as I knew that there'd be no more positions available for some-one like me... with a chronic illness.

I left 2 weeks later and haven't worked since.

Well, I spoke to my manager today and declined the promotion. I told her it wasn't that I felt I couldn't do the job - I knew I could - but it was the other non-job related demands that would be placed on me that I couldn't physically perform and that I felt it was in the best interest for all concerned if I continued to do my current job and they looked for a replacement for the manager's position. Thanks everyone for your support - it helped me to feel not so guilty about not fighting back for the very first time in my life. I *always* fight back at injustice and unfairness. This is a first, and hopefully the last.

My manager wanted me to take over for her but her big roadblock - and mine too - was the boss. She told me she was afraid I couldn't work directly for him and I told her she was probably right. This guy really treats women like doo and he'll come in some days just looking for a fight. Frankly, I think he gets off on yelling and berating women who can't or won't fight back to make himself feel better. I told my manager I was married to someone just like him at one time and it's the reason I got a divorce and I sure as hell wouldn't put up with someone taking out their anger and frustration at who knows what on me because I happened to be the first person he saw when he walked in the door. Basically, the manager knows I'm outspoken and fight back and wouldn't take his crap in silence like she does. :D

She spoke to the boss today and I was not included. I do know that he was acting strange towards me when he left for lunch, almost like he didn't know what to say or that he was hurt or sad. Personally, I think he wanted me to take the position as well, but while I like him on his good days, I just can't subject myself to his Jeckyl/Hyde persona.

We also have a problem employee that the boss will not allow us to do anything about - she's his favorite and can do no wrong. He would not allow us to fire her and if I took the manager's position it's the first thing I'd want to do. She has drug and alcohol problems, is always late, misses a lot of work, screws up when she is at work - heck I sat and watched her mix an alcoholic beverage at her desk one day and she was just sent home two hours early. Any of the rest of us had done that we'd have been fired on the spot. See, it's the fairness thing again, not to mention she broke a company policy. While it will kill me to sit back and watch her continue to screw up and be rewarded for it, at least it won't be *my* problem, but the new manager's and I feel sorry for her. :eek:

I'm sorry that you "had" to decline, but I feel I already know the girl you mentioned....... I'm sure it's the bosses daughter who got the position I applied for. :(

Sending you some gentle hugs. :hug:

Aw, thanks for those hugs Koala! :hug: I bet this co-worker is a sister to your bosses daughter. ;) While I know what I did was in my best interest it's still hard to put away all those visions I had for making this place a better place to work. I purposely told them my decision so they'd have almost two years to hire and train the manager's replacement. In typical fashion, they've decided to postpone hiring someone until after the first of the year - now I REALLY feel sorry for the new person!

Oh, and the best part of it all? I work for a union but you sure can't tell by the way things work in the office. :Thats-Funneh: So much for protecting workers rights!

Reading all your posts, it's hard to see how you could have made a better decision for yourself. I think you absolutely did the right thing. Sounds like there are some toxic elements to your workplace and much as you might want to have a positive impact on them and change things for the better, without support (to do the right thing) from upper management, you'd get ground down trying to change the culture alone and even worse, possibly end up the scapegoat.

Smart choice! :)

Becca44

You really did do the right thing. I used to be a boss in a similar situation. I wanted so much to improve my company, but we had to protect my business partner's wife who was an employee. She had a toxic personality much of the time and it just wore me down. We could have taken that company far if we hadn't had to deal with the limitations of her being there.

Safeguard your own health and when you see that craziness going on around you, just try not to let it get to you too much. :hug: