Husband is retiring
 

He was planning on retiring when he turned 62 next year but he will bring in a better pension from his employer if he retires at the end of this year. So in about 2 1/2 months I will have my D(?)H at home with me all the time. I'm not sure how I feel about it. He likes to go out and eat all the time. I mean all the time. He doesn't like the idea of simple sandwiches and such for lunch. And he has very specific times he likes to eat - 11 AM and 5 PM. I like my DVR and I catch up on the previous evening shows the next day. I won't always have that luxury now. Right now he has been on vacation all this week and I have about 20 hours on the DVR I have to watch. We are going to visit the grand-kids this weekend so I have Sunday through Tuesday eve scheduled on it so it is going to get pretty full.

Since he won't turn 62 until July I will have to start drawing my pension from the same employer in March. I was really hoping to put that off in order to make the pension check a little bigger. Plus we may have to take some out of my TSA since I won't have any penalty being on SSD. We aren't sure if I have to or not, just according to what our insurance costs are going to be.

Plus this retirement a little earlier may affect how we are going to be able to save for our big vacation next October where we take both our girls, husbands and grand-kids to Disney World. We were going to try to pay for as much of it as we could.

So I am stressed! Thanks for listening.

Ugh...


You need some ground rules, sweetie!

I mean, it's compromise surely. But he cannot dictate every meal time, and make you miss your shows. It is not okay for him to tell you what time to do what 24/7.

I am going through a HUGE thing with my whole family over control issues right now, so maybe I'm taking this personally. But my dh is sort of like yours, and thinks if HE goes to bed, I go to bed. If HE has toast, we all have toast.

:confused:

I told him he's gonna be moving by himself if he doesn't get a clue soon.

:D

It was so much easier when he worked 70 hrs a week. He still works - 40 hrs. But this job, he sits and opens/closes the bridge. He's all alone up there. Comes back from work and wants to gab gab gab. All wound up. Drives me nuts.

Now I'm in OH and he's in FL, he calls me 5 times a day.

:p

Rules. I'm sayin'....

BGB,,
I admit I'm not crazy about weekends. Between two teens and a DH who thinks I should go to bed when he does,is the center of my Universe, often doesn't like my show choices so that means he can talk and criticize so I can't hear a dang thing from TV or sleeps through the evening not meeting my needs for dropped remotes, a little wine, using bathroom, etc. I can do all this from my chair myself. it just takes forever. Also I get really bored. But as a friend said - he doesn't drink, doesn't beat me, has a job, doesn't womanize, etc. I'm dreading retirement. Rules and Boundaries!!! Talking about if makes me the bad guy, but someone has to mention this stuff.

You guys are making me happy that I am single and live alone!:D

I've gotten so set in my ways over the past several years that I don't know if anyone could stand being around me!! :o

I wasn't always like this......my DH was the "ruler of the roost" (or so he thought). I learned there are ways to make them think you're going along with their ideas when in reality you're doing just as you please......and they're none the wiser! :cool:

It will be an adjustment Doydie but you'll work it out. It was a shock to both me and DH when he took early retirement. We finally reached a level where our routines are both flexible. He can do almost as much as he wants as long as he helps out around the house some, and cooks some meals, etc... We don't always go to bed at the same time or get up at the same time.

Sometimes I'll do his chores and he'll do mine but he's very good at trying to make his chores permanently my chores... :cool:

His latest one is that why should he have to make me a salad when he cooks dinner? After all, sometimes lettuce can have dangerous contaminations on it, he read it on CNN. whuh??? :confused: And he takes vitamins so he doesn't need to eat a salad at night.

I have to lecture him a bit after these requests and he comes around, but he always tries anyway. :p

Anyway, just let him know what time you do certain things during your day, and that while you love him soooo much, you know he'll understand since he's such a sweet guy. :) Let us know how it goes and remember, it might take some adjusting from both of you.

DH retired and was loving it for TWO WEEKS! He told me one morning that he needed a reason to get up and there was nothing for him to do.

He was right; our lawn is rock, desert plants and cacti with a drip system and the house was new so no maintenance yet.

He got the best job working 8:00 am to Noon and time off whenever he needs it. He comes home happy every day and we always have something to talk about.

*Example:
He was telling me about a woman who when she got out of her car the wind caught her dress and it nearly blew over her head and he said he didn't even look! :cool:

Is that the most amazing thing? What a gentleman.:rolleyes:

He gets no company benefits as he already has insurance through Medicare and his retirement plan.

He and I are both thrilled with the extra play money and he feels good about working. It's a win-win!:D

My Dad retired, my mom died very soon after that, he got a P/T job at a store at the mall, much below what he used to do, but loved it! Getting "coffee and" at break, taking the kids and grandkids shopping with his employee discount, belonging but no responsibilities, PT, no worries, a little extra cash, etc. My sister lived with him awhile after her divorce, he would make the cleaning lady she hired sit down and make and serve her lunch. That man needed a job!!

i guess you'll both have to figure out new roles and maybe some "house rules".

maybe making a budget will help with eating out issue. you could make it a date nite.

Somewhere...
 

Somewhere I read these wise words from a very intelligent woman:

" I married my husband for life but not for lunch." :rolleyes:

My DH retired early too and now, I am soooo glad, because he was gone, in less than 4 years..


Make it fun..:) :hug:

You all have given me many things to ponder over. I love my husband, in a weird way but still I love him. I do not believe in divorce unless of course he was beating me or some terrible thing like that. He has never cheated on me, never complains if I want to go shopping. Maybe because I never want tog o shopping. I'm to fat and don't like to shop for clothes. I don't think he realizes that retirement comes with different emotions from both spouses. I tried to talk to him today that we will both have to work on communications skills and maybe both have some changes. He just said he is to old to change his way! So I know I'm in for some fierce weather here. I don't want to threaten to either have him or me move out. We married for the long haul. He told me that our vows said in sickness and health and that includes my MS.

I did ask him today if I needed to give him a doctors excuse for my forgetfulness. He does have problems with that!

Wah Wah Wah!!! I Wanna retire!!!

I don't know why. I'd just die.

When my wife and I got married some 22 years ago, we said - age 54. That's it. Well, that's coming up pretty fast. I don't think it's gonna happen, and there's really no reason for it to happen. I guess this shouldn't bother me. I've had MS for all but 2 days of this period and I really am happy that I've been able to live a normal life (getting married caused my MS...).

Tom

Well Tom, 22 yrs ago 54 probably sounded pretty old. And now, not so much, huh?

:p

Personally I hope my dh never retires. It was hard enough when he was only working 40 hrs, he was home TOOOOO much, in my way, I could not get anything done. It was like babysitting 80 hrs a week.

I actually kind of enjoy that he's a few states away, kind of sad, but you know...

:o

I can watch what I want - and hear it, nobody saying how stupid that is. Nobody comments on what I eat, what I wear, what I do or don't do. I get tired of how he complains about what time it is (no matter what time it is) and complains every time the phone rings - and it's always for him.

He rants to me about what the kids are doing, but will not tell them. ugh...

I guess there's a ton of stuff that drives him nuts about me too though.

My h usband retired early due to disability so I think I can comment.

For us, the beginning was fine then the novelty of having each other around wore off - and quickly in my opinion. I could no longer vacuum correctly, cook my specialties right (thanks to his mother and FoodNetwork shows!), shop for groceries properly (huh?), etc etc etc.

I bit**d, whined, complained and turned a deaf ear as long as I could. Finally I was vacuuming (making the wrong pattern of stripes!!!) so I yanked out the cord and marched off down the street. That worked for a week or so.

While cooking Thankgiving dinner for 20 he kept hovering over me telling me that is not the way so and so says to do it, you are doing it wrong, etc. Picture the turkey pulled out, mid basting, stove top a bubbling, etc. I am talking right smack in the midst of that crazy period we all get into to where everything needs doing all at the same time... I told him "Since you can do it sooo much better, please be my guest" I then marched into the living room, whipped out the newspaper, turned on the TV and sat on my royal bum till he dinner was brought to the table.:D I njoyed y time with company chatting away. All the older wives would not let me move an inch saying "All husbands have to learn sometime!"

We now just do what needs to be done, avoiding either of us thinking one is the boss over the other. For us (most of the time) life is good. We just needed to learn how to live 24/7 with each other. I think we have become even closer after 20 years of marriage and 10+ in retirement.

I hope I can sound off here too. I am not married but the fiancé and I have lived together for 10+ years and he is the one who is retired on disability.

At the start we were both working 4 jobs (by choice!) and we rarely clashed. The he got sick and was home all the time.
Then he started messing things up and not cleaning up afterward, which led to the DSD thinking she could do the same. They expected me to clean it or for it to clean itself, I guess. I tried to be nice, truly I did...until I exploded. It didn't work. He didn't clean, she didn't clean, so I stopped cleaning. I kept one room clean and lovely, and that was my sanctuary and no one was allowed in it but me. I even took my meals in there for a few weeks! They finally figured it out and started picking up after themselves. It wasn't perfect but at least they made an attempt regularly.

After the DSD went to college, I let him know that I would not live like that anymore. He started picking up the slack. Now he cooks almost all the meals, he cleans the bathroom, he vacuums, loads and unloads the dishwasher, he takes care of the firewood and feeding the wood stove, and does most of the yard work. I do all the laundry, shopping, and the jobs he doesn't realize need doing, but all I have to do is ask and he helps.

I figure he's home all the time and I still work (although it's only one job now, it's odd hours and lengthy shifts with OT) so he can do the majority of the housework! I don't criticize his work and he doesn't criticize mine. I no longer go behind him and do it "my way". It's not worth the time, effort and fighting. We're actually almost to the bottom of the pile that clogged the house for years.

You learn a "new way" of doing things and let go of the "old way" and hopefully it all works out. When there's strife, you try to discuss it without being accusatory or overbearing, and when it doesn't work, you ask yourself: "in the big picture is this REALLY worth fighting about?" and for me, usually the answer now is no, and I hire someone to do it, and that drives him nuts so he does it from then on!

PS: Television in two different rooms helps too! :D

A deffinate must!!!:p

Think your stressed now? Just wait until he's home every day. Ha, ha, just kidding. It'll all work out and eventually you'll find so many wonderful reasons that he is home with you. I know I've had to make changes since my DH changed his job a few years ago and is home quite a bit with me now. Most days it's great but I do miss my "me" time. So one day I'm annoyed that he's home but the next day when he's either sleeping (because he worked overnight) or is at work, I miss him and wish he was home. I wish you and your DH the best during this transition into his retirement.

in other words what we are all essentially saying is:

just like having MS, being retired means you will both find your "new normal":)

The sanctuary idea really sounds like a winner. We all need our own space. If I could just run off and collect myself I could deal with anything or anybody, lol.

Thanks, RW!

I think you said it best. We must find our new normal. I'm just sure how long that will take.