completely overwhelmed /
 

Hi,

I went to speech therapy today and the offices smelled like glue because a nearby office was undergoing remodeling.
I told the therapist I could not stay.
She photocopied some exercises to take home. I will see her in 10 days. The exercises having to do with processing and memory are hard.

On the way home my brain got confused and addled.
I didn't feel safe driving.
I emailed that I would not be at work for an event.
I stayed home and felt so out of it and not able to do anything.


Mood was fine. I don't feel depressed. But these brain issues have been going on for a while.

I'm starting to give jobs to members of my team that I cannot handle.
My team members are overwhelmed too in their own way and I don't know how much of the slack they can pick up.

I'm frightened about needing so much help and about trying too hard to fake it at work.


On top of that, I'm thinking I have a carpal tunnel issue. Internist told me to wear an elbow splint. How would a splint help??


M.

Hi Mari,

I see a speech therapist for cognitive therapy, too. Like you, the processing and memory work leaves me in a total brain fog. It is sooooo hard. Hubby has to take me because of my seizures. I couldn't imagine trying to drive afterwards.:Crazy 2:

Dear Mari
 

I really feel for you about all this happening.

Seriously, have you considered a medical leave at work? I mean this is not like a flu or something like that. (not that i think one should go to work with the flu either... but it sounds like total time off might be the best thing. the other thing is if you were to take a med leave, their insurance would be paying you, and they could hire a sub to cover at least some of your responsibilities. you have said before about the culture being anti-illness related ... i know what you mean ... but this isn't your run of the mill illness. please consider it. perhaps talk to your internist, and also to hubby about it. see what they think.

splint on elbow... :confused: ... carpal tunnel?

well, splinting a joint would serve to reverse nerve compression to avoid damage, as there may be none yet. Location of symptoms is telling wrt which nerve is compressed, at what level, and where the splint would be of benefit.

1. Carpal tunnel syndrome involves compression of the median nerve compression / entrapment and sx can be alleviated by splinting the wrist at night.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carpal_tunnel_syndrome
http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/topic.cfm?topic=A00005

however the median nerve can be compressed at the elbow. Perhaps, your doc thought this was more your case, based on symptoms?

2. Other syndromes involve ulnar nerve compression / entrapment, which usually involves elbow posture here even though sx will manifest at finger and wrist level... i have have had this and did exercises to resolve it completely, btw.

http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/topic.cfm?topic=a00069
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulnar_nerve_entrapment

if you look at the above stuff on ulnar nerve entrapment and your symptoms "match the map," the exercises i used might help if i can find the link. they are from the athletics dept of a university but you should still get approval from your doc before doing them. my case was pretty cut and dry so i went ahead (proceeding very gently is part of the instructions anyway) and saw immediate improvement so i kept it up.

((( hugs )))

~ waves ~

sigh
 

the link was for NYSU at Buffalo / University Sports Medicine. But the site is all different and they no longer have those exercises - or any others it seems.

:(

~ waves ~

mari, I was having carpel tunnel symptoms a few years ago and switched my mouse to the left side...symptoms all but went away, simple fix for me.
maybe that would help you too.
sorry about all of the mental foggyness.
maybe some time off would be helpful.
I know it is mid semester and all....
~sigh
bizi

I also think that you might also need to take a leave of absense unless you can get rides to places you have to go. I find this all so sad but all so ironic. You are finally forced into a situation where you have to take care of your own needs. I don't know how you are responding to this. I am amazed about your moods. I wonder if somehow the stroke helped you chemically -have you been getting more depressed less depressed or same? how is your sleep?
in NYC they have access a ride for the disabled. it is two dollars a ride and you call up the day before.
How are you feeling in general? Is anything better? Are you scared? Is your husband being understanding. You sound so low keyed.
Aren't there keyboards for carpal tunnel syndrome to help reduce the stress?
I feel so badly for you but I am struck at how it is working out that you are still young and finally being forced to take care of your own needs.
fondly
bobby
http://www.geeks.com/techtips/2006/techtips-09mar06.htm
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_1...efix=wrist+bra

yes.

when i was in development i too had initial sx of carpal tunnel syndrome too, mostly on the mouse side.

i started doing the odd flexing and rotation exercise in between tasks - that helped in general. there are wrist-rests which can help with typing position, as well as adjusting chair/table height for better ergonomics.

i learned to mouse with my left hand (hard at first but gets easier quickly.) from then on i switched sides for the mouse, every three months.

i don't know if it's affecting one or both your hands.... and whether from mousing or from typing.

~ waves ~ wishing i could wave all your troubles away... :o

our useful sticky thread on the thoracic outlet forum has links that will help with repetitive strain problems too.
post #1 has the most concise list of links -
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread84.html

overall posture and upper body is very important too.
the head , neck and shoulders - if rolled or forward of the main body lines it can cause strains and compressions on the blood flow & nerves that travel thru the neck, collarbone & armpit areas.

Dear Mari
 

Unfortunately I don't have any input on your work situation. I live in another country, so I don't know the system.
But listen to your body.

My body told me when I had to begin to give myself a break.

What I thought was going to be a short break has now become a long break, and I've had to adapt. I have cut down on work to the least possible without having to give up completely.

Financially, I have to depend on my husband to bail me out often which used to be very embarrassing, but he has been sweeter than sweet and I have learnt to ask when I absolutely need to. I, thank Heavens, don't need much.

It is not how anybody wants their life to be, but this IS how it is.

Take care. :hug:

I'm sorry Mari. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Hang in there sweet MAri. you will be fine. Just give your brain some time... think neurons have to re-grow and extend their axons, and, that take some time, hang in there.... :hug: Trust me. :hug:

Gosh Mari,
Why can't we go in for a brain flush and reformatt like our computers hard drives.
Life would be so much easier....
:grouphug:
Di

Oh Mari, I really feel for you, it must be really stressful to go in for speech therapy. When I take Jackie in he gets excited but has trouble with the processing stuff she is teaching him to do. He's doing better at it with time, so all I can say is KEEP at it! It WILL get better, just stick to the plan the therapist made for you and work as hard as you can. I hope it gets easier soon. :)

I told one colleague about the stroke
 

HI,

I ran into a colleague who was complaining and whining about someone I had given some important tasks to.


She wouldn't stop talking about how unfair the situation was.


So I told her I had a stroke in the summer and I needed that other person to do a bit more work than he has been doing. And he was going a good job.


She felt bad (a little).
She said she remembered that I told her over the phone a while ago that I wasn't feel well.

M.

Speech Therapist / also possible carpal tunnel
 

Hi,



Here was the first question the speech therapist gave me.
I shook my head and said I couldn’t do it.
I told her I could not see myself ever baking a ham.


Just now I looked at the question again.
I still do not understand it. If I am supposed to baste the ham one hour from now, I baste it at 4:30. The 20 mins is only there to throw you off.


=-=-=-=-=

Regarding carpal tunnel:

~~The pdoc / neuro said it could be carpal tunnel and not to worry about it.

~~When I saw the internist the symptoms had gotten worse. My outside three fingers were tingling. She said that could be a nerve issue happening at the elbow. But I also told her that the tingling pattern seemed to be constantly changing and was a whole body problem.
At any rate, the wrist and arm hurt now too.
She’s going to send me for tests and stuff.

M.

Dear Mari
 

Yes, you do understand it. You just gave the right answer and saw that the 20 mins are irrelevant. You correctly interpreted "in one hour" as meaning "one hour from now."

Tests and stuff good. Outside three fingers implicate multiple nerve: ulnar nerve innervates the outside two, median innervates the middle one. Pain in the wrist and arm are consistent with compression of both nerves. But these issues can have roots at deeper levels... indeed if the problem manifests in other areas, testing is absolutely warranted.

You are on the right track to getting answers.

Hang in there! :hug::hug::hug:

:grouphug:

~ waves ~

well I got the math test wrong....i though you subtracted the 20 minutes....
~sigh

Dear Mari
 

This must have been hard. :heartthrob:

You handled it very well. She need not feel terrible - she probably felt embarrassed or even quite thrown more at the time... and may have frozen up a bit. But recalling your saying you weren't well seems like she was coming to the realization that the 'unwellness' was not just a spot of indigestion, or stress. This sounds good. I think if there is greater appreciation of what you've been through it will make things smoother, whether or not you decide to take a leave.

As for that, i still hope you will talk to your doc - perhaps your T too - and your hubby about it. Talking to them about it will not impact work at all.

:Heart:

~ waves ~

awww
 

Hey sweetie,

Don't sweat it... it's a trick question after all!

When i first read it my first reaction was to do arithmetic with the 20 minutes... but something thrashed about in my head and made me reread it. I'll bet you dove on impulse, huh?

I think we just got a taste of the brain-thrashing Mari's therapy puts her through! :(:(:(

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

How work is going
 

HI,

Here are two more bad speech therapy questions:

This one is worded better than the first question I gave you, but it is still vague. 20 more minutes to wait for WHAT?! The question does not say that I am going to watch the program. Stupid.
9:40 is the answer but dumb question.


Eight days from Monday or eight days from Thursday?
Perhaps the shoes will be ready in 4 more days because the first four days have already passed.



=-=-=-=

I came home from work the past two nights and dropped fast asleep on the couch for a nap. Then I stay up most of the night.

=-=-=-=

I am doing very little at work.
But I have been leading my team and encouraging them to make some changes we need and start a new initiative . For the most part they are helpful.

As bad as my cognition is, my speech is worse. Speech stinks.

=-=-=-=-

My students are a little confused when I yell at them once in a while.
I sort of randomly yell if they are talking too much and then I get back to not yelling.
They know it is not personal.

Thank goodness they are used to me now (since August) and they cut me a lot of slack.

=-=-=-=-=-

I don't think I am depressed / sad.
But I am very low energy and having difficulties coping.

=-=-=-=
I don't like changing the clocks.
It will be dark sooner and I already have to pay lots of attention when I drive.

And this time of year makes me sad anyway.



M.

Its a phase Mari.
You will figure it out.
We BPs are famous for our tenacity and adaptibility.

Thank you, Isis,

I keep holding on.

And yes, I will find a way.
Right now I am trying to take it easy.
At some point I will be better. I will be ready for that point.


M.

Dear Mari, you are coping with school still and making it work.
This is comendable.
others may have just quit.
YOu are still trying which is very good.
I hate math questions they are dumb.
pat your self on the back
could hubby be more helpful supportive? any more thoughts about bringing him to a therapy sesssion with you? that seemed helpful before.
maybe you could do more yoga together or get to the beach sometime?
I wish you felt better and wish it were easier.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Mari

I'm not sure why your getting these kind of speech questions. I personally
think you should talk to the therapist about this. Its really seeming to bother you.

I also believe that you might benefit from the kind of physical therapy I went
through. I can't exactly explain it. But some of the problems you have been
talking about having cognitively. I had after my PCS's and then when I had
the physical therapy it really helped that.

It was very good to retrain my eyes to work the right way. But you see
my eyes hadn't been working the right way from my birth. So it was something that if I hadn't been taught to retrain my eyes. Then I would still be going through life not being able to use them correctly.

I'm starting to have dizzy spells again. And probably need to go back to physical therapy but I have to figure out a way to explain it to my doctor so
I can get a script.

Or it just dawned on me, I can just restart my therapy I learned.

Donna

Take it easy Mari...

It is normal it is hard at the beginning (and it sucks I know), but you will be fine soon and everything will seems easy :hug:

Hang in there my sweet friend... :hug: Time, time.... hold on...

Mari I am sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

Sharla:hug:

speech questions - semantics, not math
 

there is no math anywhere here. there is ARITHMETIC involved but it is trivial.

the real difficulty is CHOOSING which arithmetic operation, if any, to do. and that CHOICE is based on the semantics of the phrase, on one's interpretation of it. there is only one correct interpretation (i.e. that corresponds accurately to the semantics) provided language skills are up to par, including usage of verb tense and time modifiers. the numeric response given serves only as an indicator as to which interpretation was chosen.

i do feel they could be better constructed... but this is not language therapy - it is after all speech therapy. so the phrasing is a bit taut to reflect spoken language with the fact that so much is left implicit in spoken language also.

i too felt the first question could have said something to indicate you would watch the program, but in the context of speaking about about a favorite program, the mention of "waiting" (even without a "for it" tacked on) carries an implicit connection to the program. in writing i would probably mark a student down for doing that however especially if it were a formal piece.

however, depending what the answer you are given for the second one - shoes - i might object to their proper use of the English language. you will have to let us know Mari. as far as i am concerned it is the same type of question as the first one you posted... the clue being in the "in X time" phrasing and use of present tense.

Hang in there Mari. :Heart:
~ waves ~

I wish math and I can be friends. But math does not wanna be my friend :p lol

awwwwwww
 

Not everyone is good at math.
You don't have to be good at math to be a good person! ;)

... or to be good at other stuff.

ROFLOL! :D Hearing it put this way was funny. Thanks for the chuckle. i needed it. :)

((( Sharla )))

~ waves ~

today I felt good
 

Hi,
Today was the best I've ever felt. :) :) :)
It's the best I can ever remember feeling. Seriously. http://bestsmileys.com/sun/4.gif

I spent part of the day trying to figure out what is working.
I stopped eating wheat and gluten products 2 weeks ago.
I've been taking major vitatmins / fish oil, zinc, 2000-4000 vit D, b12 . . . for about 3 - 4 weeks. Sleep is improving.


And yesterday I sat out in the direct sun for 16 minutes in the late afternoon.


I think it was the sunshine.
Laugh if you want.
The other stuff would have been an incremental change.
The change in brain fog from yesterday to day was dramatic.


M.

resistance
 

Thanks, Waves,

Thanks for walking through those questions with me. :)

Probably I am resisting for no good reason.
I am supposed to write down the answers and bring them in with me and talk to her. I could probably justify an answer and she would be ok.

We only had about 5 minutes in our meeting last time (total now of 35 minutes since I started therapy). She has used the word "processing," as in this work is to get you to "process."


I'm supposed to practice the stupid word list a couple of times a day.
I am supposed to pronounce the words slowly and then again quickly.
I'm not sure if I put it in a place that I can find it again.
I have not looked at the folder she gave me. I'm not sure where it is.

M.

jsut caught up with this thread...
I am so glad that you had a good day Mari!
good for you...
trying gluten free that is hard to follow, how is it going?
bizi

Hi,

For a long time (a year?) I had been feeling so down that I thought I was dying.
I barely felt any life force and was very much afraid.
It was like brain fog only worse -- a tremendous heavy curtain.
. . . . And totally overwhelmed, unable to do anything much . . unable to think enough to hang up a shirt . . . .unable to return a phone call, . . .
. . . faking my way at work . . . trying to say the right things . . . not caring much if someone noticed much one way or the other. . .


Since I posted on Sunday, the curtain has lifted.
I have more energy.
I feel like I am alive.

I still have the other stuff, but the curtain has lifted.

M.

wow Mari
 

you haven't seemed that way... not for a year... just goes to show how easy it is to "seem" more ok than we are....

i'm really glad you are feeling so much better now. :):o

:Heart:

~ waves ~

this has been a terribly upsetting year for you.
I am so glad that you feel some relief.
You deserve some peace and happiness and some steadyness.
I know that when you are more unpacked and settled in you will start to feel more like at home, nesting, setting roots, that this place is truly yours to do with what you wish.
(((((HUGS))))
Do you think it is the gluten free diet?
could be!!!!!
bizi

i am so happy for you Mari.....you described the way I sort of been living...
we are heroes aren't we
fondly
bobby

Mari, I have felt exactly the same.... and Im so happy to read you are feeling better !!! that is fabulous !!!!! :hug:

Keep strong :hug:

I am happy you are doing better Mari. (((MARI)))
:hug: