Ughhh.....What A Night!
 

You can tell by the time of this post that it's been an eventful night at our house.

It all started when my neighbor came over to ask us to move a car that was parked in front of her house. It wasn't our car - not sure whose car it was - but she was agitated about it. She has dementia and Parkinson's and isn't doing too well at this point. Her husband uses a power chair due to knee problems he's had for years.

She kept shuffling back into her house and coming right back out again. She also had on a summer type nightgown that you could see right through! :eek:

My DS said he'd go over and speak to the husband. He came right back out and asked me to get the guy across the street to come help. I asked what was wrong and he said the man was lying in the hallway next to his wheelchair.

I scooted across the street and got our other neighbor and he came to help. When we both walked into the house next door I immediately knew that these two people (in their 80's) did NOT need to be living alone. The whole house reeked of urine and it was filthy.

DS and neighbor managed to get him to his bed and he propped himself up on the edge of the bed. He was having a terrible time getting his breath and his feet were so swollen. He insisted he was okay. DS called the ambulance and we waited there with them for help to arrive.

I knew they had a son who lived locally and asked if he wanted to call him. He kept scrolling through his cell phone so finally I asked what name the son was listed under and I would call. I found him and called but got no answer. The EMT's arrived and finally convinced him to go to the hospital. One of them tried the son again and got him. Asked him to come over ASAP. It took them a while to get him loaded up on the stretcher and by that time the son arrived.......drunk as a skunk. And he had driven!! :eek:

The EMT's noticed it as well as everyone else there. He couldn't hold a conversation or even stand straight. Well, after they got the man loaded into the ambulance (with his wife) the EMT's called the police. So we had a fire truck, an ambulance and two police cars on our street. They questioned us since we were the ones who made the initial call. The son kept insisting that he lived there and was the primary caregiver to these folks. He doesn't live there and by the looks of things in their house doesn't do a very god job of looking after them. Needless to say the police would not let him back in his car and, after another police cruiser arrived on the scene, he was carted off to jail. :rolleyes:

Husband and wife were both taken to the hospital and EMT's said that Social Services would now become involved. Thank goodness! I'm still worried about them....bless their hearts.....they do no deserve to be living like they were. When the EMT asked the man what they were eating everyday he said hot dogs and bread. :( If sonny has money to go get liquored up then he has money to get them some decent food. :mad:

I cannot sleep now and I'm worried about them. I pray everything turns out well for them and they get the help they deserve. I'm amazed they were surviving all alone this long. It's obvious they couldn't manage alone. I might just take a ride up to the hospital tomorrow and visit them.

That was our night of excitement here on our street. Wish it had been something positive like me winning the lottery or something! :cool:

How upsetting for you, and how very sad for them to be living that way! We often have no idea what's going on right within arm's reach, do we?

You surely did the right thing by getting involved and finding them help. They are lucky to have someone who cares living so close to them. :grouphug:

((((((((((((Kitty)))))))))))

how very upsetting, but thankfully you and your son were there to help and maybe now they will get the care they need.

how shameful that their son neglected them that way. hopefully this will be a wakeup call for him!!

hope you managed to get some rest after all that:hug:

Kitty:
Your a good neighbour and a better soul - so many people would just look the other way. Heck, their son did.

:hug:

Good job, Kitty! I know it doesn't fix what's wrong, but maybe some good will come of all this.

Makes me wonder if there are social services that look into the welfare of seniors, as they do children?

Also makes me SO glad about where my mom lives. People check on each other all the time there. I'd know in 5 mins if anything was up.

I called the hospital to see what room he's in and he's in ICU! :eek: Good heavens......I'm wanting to go visit (they said he could have visitors even in ICU :confused:). I really just want to make sure that Social Services knows what's going on. Not from their son but from someone who's seen first hand how these poor people live.

I know with all the privacy laws and such it's going to be hard but I'm going to keep trying till I get someone who'll listen to me.

I also want to find out if they are on any kind of special diet.....'cos I want to take them some food but don't want to cause more problems for him if his diet is regulated. I figure two more plates won't be that much of a difference for us. We'd just not have left overs but they tend to get thrown out more than they're eaten anyway. I'm just really worried about these people. They sort of remind me of my own parents (just the age and health problems.....NOT the terrible living conditions).

At this point I'm getting mad at their son. How dare he allow them to live like this? While he's out drinking?? :mad: My own DS said to me last night "he's not a very good son to let them live like that". Even he can see that it's wrong.

**Edited to Add: I called the hospital and asked to speak with someone in Social Services. Got to speak with a very nice young man who listened to everything I had to say. I told him I knew he couldn't discuss personal details due to privacy laws. I gave him my name and number and told him what happened last night. He said that Social Services had already been alerted to this patient and neighbors daughter had been notified. She is in CA. He also said that more than likely the Social Svcs counselor would want to speak with me at some point and asked if it was okay for them to call me. Of course, I said yes.

My main concern (and I told him this) is that the son will pipe up and tell them that all is well and he is taking care of them....which is isn't.

What a mess.. They are lucky to be alive IMO....
I know how stressful this can be. I often wonder how the EMTs do their job, seeing all this agony, every day!

You did a great job, Kitty.

Your neighbors are very lucky to have such a kind neighbor in you. I
think your concern is just what was needed to jumpstart some help.

:hug:s to you Kel, you done good.:)

Kitty you are a star with a very big heart.What luck for them living near to you. :) :hug::hug::hug:xxxxxxxxxx

All I can say is you are a wonderful person Kelly! Too many people would just walk away from the situation.

How sad for those poor people. I hope their daughter will be good to look after them now that she has been alerted to the situation.

Funny how a person can have dementia and know something is wrong, but not sure how to help. Scary to think what might have happened if the wife had not wandered out to seek help!

My own dear mother (who had dementia) was so upset when my Dad wouldn't get out of bed one day. The neighbors saw her wandering about in the yard and helped her back into the house. On the way in she broke her leg/hip.

So that day BOTH of my elderly parents ended up in the hospital! I'd tell you what was wrong with my Dad at the time if only I could remember!!! :confused: It was serious, but he recovered, and so did Mom's leg.

So, I say Thank Goodness for good neighbors, Kitty! I'm glad you are one of those who dares to "get involved." Bless you and your neighbors.

Just paying it forward. We all need help in life at some point. I've been the recipient of some kind gestures in my life. Those people used to be an energetic, happy couple. I could tell how much she loves him. She just kept saying "Paul, you're gonna be alright, aren't you?" He'd just say "yeah, yeah, don't you worry about me". Broke my heart! :(

She's lucid every now and then. It sort of fools you 'cos you think you're carrying on a conversation with her then out of the blue she'll start talking about where they used to live in Ohio and where she met her husband. :confused: Then it's apparent she's not okay.

As soon as DS gets home from his soccer game (and showers ;)) we're going to take a ride up to the hospital and visit him. I would stop by the store and get him some flowers or something but they have nowhere to put them in their house (literally....there is not one clean surface :eek:) plus if I'm going to spend any money on them it needs to be for something they can either eat or get some good use out of. Gotta be practical.

Kitty, you did good. :hug: My mom is in and out of her confusion. She has moments of clarity and wants to go home and then she slips, like this morning and can't hold a conversation. She is in the best place she can be right now being watched 24/7. It breaks my heart but I cannot in my right mind allow her to go live on her own until this is resolved. I promised mom I wouldn't place her in a facility unless she was unable to care for herself. Right now, that's where we are. She is too confused to make the right decisions and could be a harm to herself and others in her state of mind.

I don't get why the son didn't see what was going on. However, if he showed up drunk it could be he has his own issues to deal with right now. We really don't know the relationship they all had but it's good to know they are both in a safe place. They did admit the wife too didn't they? Or did they send her home?

Sandy, I'm wondering where the wife is, too. She wasn't listed as a patient but she's not at home, either. Maybe they let her stay in her DH's room last night. Just so she could get some sleep. I'm going to try and find out when we go up there exactly what's going on.

I don't know the relationship they have with their son but he does come over and cut the grass. Doesn't do a very good job but at least it's cut. Apparently that's all he does.....no housecleaning or any other type of upkeep. Their smoke detector was beeping last night. The battery needs to be replaced. My own DS said he'd do it once they get home (IF they come home). For their own safety I wish they could both be placed (together) in a nursing facility. I don't think either of them would do well without the other. :(

That is so sad!

I am so glad you got involved. I hate hearing about Senior Citizens who don't have anyone to take care of them. They try to do it on their own but as you saw, the outcome isn't always good.

My prayers are with them.

Shame on their son:mad:

Aw Kitty, you're an angel for helping that sweet old couple. :hug: God bless you. I hope they'll get to stay at a nursing facility together, it sounds like it would be the best solution, unless they can get live in help.

Try to rest up today, don't overdo it.

Kelly,
You're such a wonderful neighbor!! And so compassionate. Be at peace knowing that you did a wonderful job of being a neighbor.
It is so telling when you see an elderly couple so devoted to one another, isn't it? No matter how bad their health gets, they just want to be together...

I feel so sad when I hear of our elderly living like this. People like you are angels...stepping up to make sure that our elderly are looked after...whether by the adult children, or by neighbors as wonderful as you...bless you:hug:

Kitty it's a good thing you and your neighbors were there for the neighbors that needed that help. Thank you and your son for being a good people. This world needs more like you.

Thanks for the update.

When you see them again, maybe you could ask for contact info for their daughter. Sure, SS is going to get ahold of them, but it might not hurt if you do, too.

Hopefully, the daughter has her act together and finds a way to take care of her parents.

Once they're both home (IF they come home) I plan to check in once a day. Just a knock on the door to ask "you OK?". I don't want to be a nuisance to them or appear too nosy. I just want them to know I'm over here and will help if they need it. I know their independence is important to them.

There's so many programs they could be getting help from. Meals on Wheels, part-time help during the day.....even if it's just to help them both get a bath. It was obvious they were not getting even the most basic daily care. So sad. :(

It just reminds me so much of how my Dad was when he got older and how much help he received through county services. All I had to do was find the help and ask for it. These people don't even have someone to do that for them. Makes me really mad at their son. :mad:

I've left my number with Social Services at the hospital. If they need me they can call. I don't want to be pushy or anything. I just want them to be OK in their own home.

I wish I could just stop worrying about them. They aren't even my family! But it really doesn't matter. It could be me in that situation some day....who knows. What's that saying......"there but for the Grace of God go I". It could be any one of us.

Kitty, since I can't have you as a neighbour, I'm glad I live in the country where, as Lyndon Johnson said, "folks know when you're sick and care when you die."

hey girl ... don't wear yourself out, tho ... you are a wonderful person for caring ... :D

in our state, there's also the Senior Services through the county that you are in residence ... and they have cleaning people, people that will do laundry, and other service needs ... like you said, Meals on Wheels ...

remember to take care of yourself, too - with everything going on, don't wear yourself out, okay?? promise??

we worry about you too!! :hug:

What a great neighbour you are!!!!
It really is sad in this day and age that so many people are suffering in their own homes, and if it weren't for people like you, would continue to do so.

UPDATE:

I was getting my trash cans and recycle bins from the road and my neighbor's daughter came out to talk to me. :)

She said she lives is CA but just happened to be in SC for her daughter's graduation the day all this drama happened.

Her Dad (Paul) is still in ICU! He has diabetes and several other quite serious conditions. They told her that he was very close to dying and if he hadn't come to the hospital that night it's very likely he would not have made it through the night. :eek: Thank goodness those EMT's insisted that he go to the hospital.

Her Mom (Lois) is at home with her (the daughter) right now. She cannot stay alone and the daughter realizes this. She was being told by her brother that "everything is fine" and "Mom and Dad are doing well". She said she found out differently once she got here and inspected the situation. She even said the smell in the house nearly knocked her over when she first arrived. I didn't mention the fact that her brother arrived drunk the night all this happened. Didn't want to embarrass her and I figured she probably already knows about it anyway.

They're working now to get help to come into the house for daily cleaning and taking care of personal needs. She's also contacted Meals on Wheels for meal delivery. Her Dad has diabetes (I wondered about that) and needs to be eating better.

We exchanged phone numbers and I told her that I am usually always home and to please let me know what I can do to help. I'm here all the time. There's just no reason these elderly people should be living like they have been.

The son is supposed to be staying there with the Mom now but I'm not sure what will be done for her during the day. Daughter leaves for CA tomorrow. I hope Mom isn't left there alone during the day! I need to stop worrying about it but I jut cannot. It reminds me of my own parents in their last years. :(

Just wanted to give ya'll an update. I was shocked to learn that the husband is still in ICU. I do feel so much better now that the daughter has been here and has seen exactly what's going on. Why is it always us women who have to take the bull by the horns and get things done? :confused: Please keep these folks in your prayers. :)

God bless you for speaking up and getting involved.
i can't believe they let the mother come home, especially when the daughter is leaving town.

sounds like they both need to be in a nursing home together.
i hope they'll be alright.

saying some prayers for this couple.

Another Update:

There's been lots of activity at the house next door. Carpet cleaners, yard work, etc. Yesterday a hospital bed was delivered. And someone was in the front bedroom with the windows open....cleaning and airing it out. I can only speculate....but I think maybe they're coming home soon.

What a close call those two had. I'm so thankful for the men and women who choose to be EMT's and Firefighters. If it had not been for them that man might not be with us today. I saw a group of them in the grocery store yesterday getting sandwiches from the deli. They got a call and every last one of them put their stuff down and ran out the door. I didn't see one expression of anger (because I'm sure they were hungry). Just the desire to get to whoever needed help. They're angels here on earth. BTW....the guy in the deli said he'd save their sandwiches if they wanted to come back later.

DD stayed in town and is still here....bless her. If anyone is home next door today or tomorrow I'm inviting them for dinner on Thursday. If they can't come I'll take it to them. :)

What a lovely person you are Kel. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!:hug:

AMEN and amen !!:)

I am truly grateful that there are wonderful people on the Earth like you, Kel...bless you:hug:

Yes, I agree! :) How lucky they are to have you as a neighbor!! :hug:

Sad Update :( :

I'm so sorry to have to type this update. The daughter called me this morning to let me know that her Daddy had passed away on Wednesday. :( Apparently he was doing much better and they had plans in place for him to go into rehab and then transition home with the help of in-home health care.

She said that the hospital had him on Coumidin (sp?). It's a blood thinner (my Dad was on it). She said that he had a brain hemmorage and passed on Wednesday night. So sad. I was so hoping that he could come back home and enjoy his life again.

Daughter is going back to CA and Mom is staying with the brother and his wife. I hope she's okay there. Daughter said that Mom really doesn't comprehend all that's been going on but every once in a while she'll have a lucid moment and asks "is Paul in Heaven?".

Bless her heart......daughter didn't call to let me know before Thanksgiving because she said she didn't want to upset our family gathering for the holiday. How sweet is that? Thinking of others while going through this mess.

She said that the house will be empty and asked if I could just keep an eye on things for her. She's going to put timers on the lights so they'll come on at various times. She'll be back in February and they will decide whether to put the house on the market or not.

DS was really upset by this news......said that their son should have done a better job looking after his parents. DS was one of the guys who helped him up the night we found him on the floor.

The last thing I remember about Mr. Ramsey is the EMT's wheeling him out the front door on the stretcher. He was sitting up and I waved to him and he grinned and waved back and then did a thumbs-up sign. Bless his heart. Okay...I have to stop now 'cos I'm tearing up again.

Thanks for all the prayers for these people. I know that they helped.

Oh that's sad, but maybe he was suffering. :( I hope the son takes good care of his mom. You're such a good neighbor. :hug:

oh, Kelly - so sorry to hear of the loss of your neighbor ... thoughts and prayers continue to go out!!

Please pray for the Mom (Lois)......and for the son and his wife who will be taking care of her. I hope they're patient and understanding with her. Caring for a person with dementia plus her other issues (Parkinson's is one I know of) can be very taxing. Plus, this is the son who showed up intoxicated the night the ambulance was called. I just can't help but worry about her. :(

Sending up prayers now. That is so sad. Jim had to have two pints of plasma when his coumadin reacted with an antibiotic. That stuff is dangerous but a necessary medicine for certain ailments. Jim had blood clots in his lungs after kidney failure so he was on it for a year.

Bless their hearts. I hope mom is Ok too and the kids are good to her. You a good person Kitty and I am sure they appreciate all you have done for them.