Alone this Christmas
 

I just don't know. I spent another Christmas alone. I thought that I was going to be invited by a family member.

I feel so alone deep down. It makes me feel sad.

I'm glad that you all are here. Please pray for me. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Oh Steve
 

I'm so sorry. :(

I checked the forum yesterday (Christmas) but there was barely any activity... I wish you had checked in... i know it is not quite the same as being with family, and in person too. But maybe you would not have felt so totally alone... i don't know.

I did post to your snowing thread couple days ago then but other threads were active so then it sank down again... was concerned that maybe you were stuck due to weather problems.

I will pray for you. I have spent Christmas alone before. And it is a rotten sinking feeling.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Dear Friend, :hug: :hug: :hug:

Christmas can be hard.
I pray for you.


M.

Christmas comes a day earlier in Australia BF, so I was here yesterday as well. If you're ever feeling alone, do sign in because there always seem to be a few of us around, no matter what the day. :)

I tried,and tried to get onto Neurotalk last night,but the local service was down. That is a rare thing for the internet service to be down here. I rebooted the computer,and checked it in other ways,but came to the conclusion that the internet service was temporarily down,and there was nothing that I could do about it.

I've had a sudden deep depression episode tonight almost to the extent where I didn't want to live. I've gotten a little better. This type of mood swing is very painful. No one around me ever understood this mood drop,and panic that happens with it sometimes. I don't understand it either. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I feel for you Steve
 

Dear Steve, the depression would have been the result of your loneliness last night.

Festivals thrive on promoting the value of togetherness, so the sense of rejection is at its keenest at these times. Yet very few people make the attempt to be inclusive with even the closest of family.

Feeling alone is what even the great philosophers feared. Even in monastries, if you have noticed, isolation is not a given. There is always the certainty of human company if one reaches for it. It is in not having the choice that the misery lies.

Human beings are social animals. Imposed solitery existence has always been a frequently used form of torture to try and break a person down, and instinctively we know it. In childhood it begins with a guardian ordering a child to go to his or her room, and through out life the need is to seemingly measure one's relevence in terms of one's popularity. And we are all human Steve, and all of us want to 'belong'. And with our poor mental health we are more vulnerable in our interactions.

It is a very evolved person who can voluntarily give up all company.

Is there no way you can make new friends Steve? Volunteering is a wonderful way to establish emotional contact. In the lonely days of my teens I volunteered in orphanages, in old age homes, in homes for handicapped children. Some of the friends I made there are as good as the best of family even now, thirty years later.

:hug:

Thank you Isis.
 

When I lived in the Capital city of my state,I did volunteer work between jobs. I volunteered my services in a hospital,I visited a nursing home,and I helped homeless people on the streets with the ministry of the church that I went to that we called the Coffee shop. We tried to help people who where down,and out,who where wondering the streets.

The problem is where I live now. I live way out in the country(rural area),and it takes alot of driving to get to urban areas. The gas is to expensive.

Thank you for the suggestion. Have a nice day BF .:):hug::hug::hug:

Ugh! I am sorry I suggested this.
Do take care and let me know if there is anything I can do?
I know it is difficult to focus when one is low, but is there anything you can think of that you will enjoy doing within the constraints?
Think hard, you may be able to come up with something. I came up with indoor gardening. Never had I any interest before. I think the tactile nature of the activity and watching something grow helps me.

Hugs and Prayers
 

Dear Steve, :hug: :hug: :hug:

You need someone to advocate for you and get better meds to help with your anxiety. When you feel less anxiety, you will be able go out and deal with new people in your life. They will find you. :Heart:
M.

Oh Steve, I'm so sorry you were alone on Christmas.:hug::hug:

However, I sometimes wonder if that's better than wishing you were alone. I have an uncle who spent the day asking me when I was going back to hockey and work because I looked "so well." Sigh. It's hard to have a nice time when the one on the table isn't the only turkey at the dinner. Still, I can imagine how difficult it was to pass the day without even this (semi) human companionship. Steve, if you lived close, you'd be on the top of my Christmas dinner guest list.

Let's make sure nobody greets the New Year alone. How about we throw a virtual New Years Eve party in the chat room? I'll bring the obnoxious noise makers.:partytime2:

Dear Hockey
 

I'm really sorry Hockey. What a downer for you. :( :hug::hug:

Sounds like a good idea Hockey! :) I'll be there... at least somewhat early :o ... what time frame are we talking? (and relative to what zone)

we probably need to set at least a time frame to orient ourselves. US alone will spans 4 zones. i am 6 hours ahead of eastern, so i will be around earlier ... may not be up at 6 am my time (midnight EST). but i will check in that day periodically - chat and forums. :) Anyway, sounds good!

~ waves ~

Dear Steve
 

What horrible timing about your internet lapse right on Christmas. :( You really got hit with a double-whammy, not even being able to reach people online. :(

I get steep depressive drops like you mentioned too... usually there is a trigger, and i have learned to recognize/manage the thoughts of death as what they are: thoughts, feelings. nothing more even if the feelings are powerful.

i hope you know how precious you are, to all of us here... but also intrinsically.

you are a gentle living creature no matter the feelings and the pain, always seek compassion for that gentle innocent creature... just as though you were thinking about your kitty cat. try making that comparison when you feel like you want to end it... for i know you would not want to end your kitty cat - and you too are living and precious.

when i was quite young and before i learned the word "depression" i endured a "bad spell" and had a strong urge desire to end my life, yet simultaneously fear of doing any such thing. well, i broke through it quite accidentally one day. i was looking at my fine wrists and in a flash in my mind they seemed so similar to the little arms of the squirrels i used to feed at the park... i looooved those squirrels. then it was all different. something inside me broke ... i became in my mind like a squirrel... a gentle creature to nurture and treat only with kindness.

sorry if all this sounds gushy. :o this happened actually during a long depression not a momentary one - my first severe one... it was before i turned 20. it did not take away the depression, and maybe not the desire not to be alive right then than be in all that pain, but it did take away every inclination of suicidality... because i realized i COULD NOT DO HARM. not to a squirrel, so, not to myself.

i hope you have recovered some by now. have you thought about calling your family yourself for New Years and suggesting you join them? I don't know if you feel like doing that.

:heartthrob::circlelove::heartthrob:

~ waves ~

Sorry you're feeling blue Steve. We're here though. Take care and Happy New Year's to you! :D

I am sorry that you were alone for christmas, I am sure that feeling was intensified due to your isolation in general. You have your ham radio do you make friends on it? could there be conversations with others that you can reach out to? that you participate?
(((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Steve !

I'm praying for you :hug:

Sorry you were alone... But believe, it was probably better to stay alone than to be with with people but lonely like happened to me... My relatives were horrendous like a posted in my christmas letter thread....

So, yeah, hope you are fine today :hug: and we are always here for you :)

hello out there...
 

Dear Steve

How are you doing?

Were you able to make any plans for New Years?

:hug:

~ waves ~

Setting up a time for Chat
 

Hi, Hockey and Waves,

I have to go to the dentist at 2:00. Let's say I can check the chat room starting 3:30 EST. Later I have to go to my friend's house with hubby. I have to leave here around 8:00 perhaps.

So I can check-in off and on from 3:30 pm to 7:30 pm EST. We need party hats too.
http://bestsmileys.com/party/2.gif

M.

Hi
 

Thanks Mari!

I'm starting a new thread for this so everyone will see it.