I have had enough
 

i try to be a good father but not goood enough obviously



I have tried my hardest to resist thr lure of suicide fot 20 years.............but god help me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it is so prevevlant now,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

(((David)))

I'm sorry you are feeling bad today !!

Fighting for 20 years against suicide is something to be proud of... You are strong, have a huge heart, think very wise....

Why do you feel you are not a good father ?? You seem very wise and sweet man to me, and to be honest, several times I've dreamed with having a father as strong and responsable as you....

I hope you can start feeling better soon !!!

:hug: we love and admire you here A LOT !!! :hug:

David Please go to a Hosp. or call a suicide hot line... Please keep fighting .You ARE a fine father and protector of your family .You provide for them and LOVE them. You ARE a Great parent. These feeling will pass .This is a temporary urge .David please fight the urge please seek help.
Read some of what peter has left for us that alffe mom and others shared here in the fourm... Stay strong .
We are here for you.
Sending strength Prayers and protection from any type of harm to you and to all my family here. Seek help if you need to. :hug:
PEACE
BMW

Thankfuly i fell a sleep through drink. anger amd sheer upset....


I LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY

to Blue majo, Barbo. BMW, & MY DEAR WAVES,,,



At times i wonder why i stay on this forum.....and your replies are why...


thank you so ....so .....so much......

and Da-duck

The Living Years
Robertson/Rutherford

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGDA0Hecw1k


Every generation, blames the one before
And all of their frustrations, come beating on your door
I know that I?m a prisoner. To all my father held so dear
I know that I?m a hostage to all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

No crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thoughts
Stilted conversations, I?m afraid that?s all we?ve got
You say you just don?t see it, he says its perfect sense
You just can?t get agreement, in this present tense
We all talk a different language, talking in defence

Say it loud (say it loud)
Say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear (as well as you hear)
It?s too late (its too late)
When we die (ooh when we die)
To admit we don?t see eye to eye (we don?t see eye to eye)

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
And it?s the bitterness that lasts
So don?t yield to the fortunes
Sometimes see is fate
It may have a new perspective on a different date
And if you don?t give up and don?t give in you may just be ok

(So say it say it say it loud)
Say it loud
Say it clear (oh oo say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear (as well as you hear )
(Because it?s too late its too late)
It?s too late when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don?t see eye to eye (we don?t see eye to eye)

I wasn?t there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn?t get to tell him all the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit later that same year
I?m sure I heard his echo in my baby?s newborn tears
I just, wish I could have told him in the living years
(So say it say it say it loud)
Say it loud
Say it clear (come on say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear (as well as you hear yeah)
(Because it?s too late)
It?s too late when we die (its too late when we die)
To admit we don?t see eye to eye (we don?t see eye to eye

(Hey So say it say it say it loud)
Say it loud
Say it clear (oh oo say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear (as well as you hear)
(Because it?s too late)
It?s too late when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don?t see eye to eye (we don?t see eye to eye

Dear David
 

i'm glad you fell asleep. :) sleep is good.

and you sound a little better... i hope that persists... stay with us... keep posting.

i am enjoying the poems. ;)

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

David
 

Please hang in there. It sounds like your going through a very ruff time. You can make it through this. Gosh it gets so difficult emotionally sometimes. You can make it through this. BF:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::hug:

Poem
 

Good poem David. Did you write it? Hugs.

Love that song... haven't heard it in years.

Hang in there indeed. It's all we do most days, but that makes us survivors..right?

(((((David)))))

Hope you are feeling better today...

Remember this will pass too... :hug:

We are here for you, always, anytime ! :hug:

And.... here is Peter Gabriel too... I know you like great music, so, perhaps you can enjoy this one ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAecdC3W3Yg

((DMack)) Hang in there....

((( hugs )))
 

Dear David,

how are you doing? would you give us a shout please?

((( HUGS )))

~ waves ~

David, I'm glad you fell asleep too... I dont know all the details of what happened, but i can assure you that you would be greatly missed here.
:hug:

Thank you all so very much..in this time of darkness and despair you are the light at the end of my very long tunnel.

I have a 17 year old son who is testing the patients of a saint, On Sunday it came to a head and his Mother told him to leave. I went to speak to him [he fled to his girlfriends without clothes i might add, so obviously did not take the threat seriously]

I told him he could return only if he changed his ways. I returned home lost my temper because i felt he had no intentions of altering his ways, broke my kitchen sink [money out i can ill afford] and blah blah blah..

last night back to square one my wife and i were awake until 2am waiting for him to come home . I resist shouting at him because regretably [i punched him in October after a huge row when he was barking orders at me] I think he thinks i wont do it again therefore he thinks he can act as he wants to.

I love him but i dont like him.

I get so frustrated that i feel like a rabbitt in the headlights of a car...not knowing which way to turn....i then turn inwardly and feel i'd be better of out of it......but that panic passes i understand that is no the option...............but when in panic mode i get so scared of what i might do.

once again thank you all for your concern....

David

the words are a song Da-duck but so very true...very very true....

David
 

Might you all go for some family therapy or is that out of the question?

Aw David.... :hug:

17 years old... the worst age :o I did stupid things too... :o Now I know I might had offended my parents... :o

Try not to desperate...... hang in there.....

:hug:

Awww dear David, 17 year olds in this day and age!! Definately can be enough to drive a parent to desperation!!! It's very hard not to turn it inwards on yourself. But when you do it becomes tooooooo much to try to bear alone, and then that ole beast sees the opportunity to rear it's ugly head and tempt. I'm glad you made it through and are still with us. You do, indeed, mean very much to us here. Very happy you are being watched over. It is so true but hard to remember at those times that, "This too shall pass.". Praying for your strength to hold up and some place of peace in the midst of the storm. ((hugs))

David
 

Ditto what Mistiis says about 17 year olds - they can drive us nuts if we let them. You sure aren't alone - ask other parents of 17 year olds!

Great song David...oh how history does repeat itself! *grin. This too shall pass..please don't be so hard on yourself. That great song really does say it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGDA0Hecw1k

((David))
 

((David)) I really must apologize..... I saw your thread, and I knew you needed support, but I wasn't able to give it to you. The last words my Dad said was, "well, I think I have had enough" ...... the title of your thread sent me deeper into my own dark place.... I couldn't even read your thread... I just left.... and I am truly sorry I wasn't able to be here for you. I hope you can find it in your heart to understand.

I LOVE this forum and all the family I have found here!! Yet at times, the pain here can be overwhelming. Both witnessing the pain from those who feel so badly they want to end their pain, and from those survivors falling apart after a loved ones suicide. I find myself in both categories and I have a major conflict within myself.

Suicide is never the answer. It is not even an option for me, period. But, I do understand the want to escape the pain...............

I am so sorry you were in such a bad place. But, I am grateful you were able to find the strength and courage to reach out. You amaze me, over and over again. I hope life will treat you kindly, much love ♥ Nikki

David I'm sure you've seen this...it's so true..
 

http://www.inspiredparenting.net/art..._parenting.htm

Hope it's some better at your house today...:grouphug: