Dragging... badly
 

i don't know if i'm getting depressed or what.

i thought it was sleep deprivation. my sleep has been all over the map which per se is common, but i was trying to restore a day schedule, so getting less sleep. i've been more and more tired, and drinking more coffee with less and less effect. but i haven't been THAT short on sleep, either! (Today, no coffee because i was upset and slightly agitated.)

i am tapering a benzo. i know that could cause some anxiety tenseness. perhaps some emotional stuff. but it seems unlikely it would cause all this. i am tapering very slowly, and it's a long acting drug.

i am so sensitive to everything, and today i broke down and cried and cried after one tiny incident. i am barely enjoying "recreational" things that i do - even really passive things like a couple favorite tv shows. i still watch but blithely. then, i get real emotional at every nuance (good or bad... no matter.) but i am getting more and more impervious to humor. :(

after today, it really seems like i am heading down a depression hole. i don't really want to go on antidepressants again - well, last resort. considering some "softer" alternatives ... if i can only get myself to the pharmacy! :o today i just cried and slept.

i am not suicidal but can't seem to get any sort of act together. i was in the process of trying to get into a class, one that will help make me more marketable for employment again. and now, i can't seem to take even the tiniest steps to gathering the documentation i need. :(

i don't feel like i can do the whole "suck the marrow out of life" thing. i feel hopeless and lost. i feel like life is sucking the marrow out of me.

~ waves ~

Awwwwww....dear Waves, I'm so sorry you are going through this, and really glad I stopped by tonight. I don't know how much experience you have tapering benzos. It can be horrendous, especially with the long acting ones. It will definately totally mess with your sleep patterns, cause anxiety, depression and many other problems. Have you read any of Dr. Ashton's material? She runs clinics in the UK, and her info is very helpful. It can be harder for some than others. It took me a full year to taper off one myself and maintain some kind of balance. She has a good website and I have seen her answer e-mails as well.

Another thing I wonder about is how well you are "taking care if YOU". You help so many here and you may need an emotional break. Just a thought. Sometimes we can reach for others and other times we need someone to reach for us. You may need a little help getting off that benzo.

I am sure you are aware as I am how VERY important the right kind of sleep is for our emotional balance. Is the sleep you are getting "good" balanced sleep, at all levels? I find that to be sooooooo very important!!!!

It also sounds like you could be stressing with class?? The future possibilty of a job?? Changes are so stressful!

I just want you to know I am thinking of you, saying a prayer, and hoping this will help some. I hope things get better for you, and I am here for you. (((hugs))). I will check in on you tomorrow. <3 <3 <3 xxxooo

I'm sorry you're feeling down Waves. :hug:

I don't know much about benzos, but I hope and pray you are not getting depressed. I can understand why you don't want to be on antidepressants, all those darn side effects, and even then there's no guarantee they'll work. I hope your softer treatments work.



I know so well how this feels, but have never been able to describe it; thank you sharing it. At the very least, you can post here and know that someone will be able to empathize and care; and that is the best depression treatment that i've been able to find.

I hope that tomorrow brings happier thoughts to you. I'll be sure to some extra prayers for you. :)

:hug:

hi
 

thank you both, Misti and Lonely1 for your replies...

Dear Misti,

regarding the benzo... i based my taper plan on the guidelines provided in the Ashton Manual, and also, as noted in the manual, it is flexible based on the needs of the moment. e.g. when i was a little hyper before Christmas i stayed at the same dose for a good while.

regarding the "effect" on sleep, my sleep has been "all over the map" more often than not... when i was on a fixed dose of the benzo, not on any benzo... not on any meds... goes back decades. i'm afraid that is just a "feature" of mine! :o i tend to be a night owl, but have to try to set myself up for day hours. right now, it is because of that class.

now, i don't rule out the possibility that the last step down on the benzo could be contributing to my sleeping a bit less - that happened early in the taper too. but it was producing a decreased need for sleep - that is, sleeping a little less but without being tired. the being tired i believe comes from me trying to impose a schedule on the sleep i think.

i did not expect depression to be a side effect. but it could be the stress from the class. fear. i will have to think about this. one is not supposed to go backwards in a taper but i have only just stepped down by 2 drops 2 evenings ago and i could just consider these two anomalous doses, return to previous dose and hold until i am done with the class, or if i can't get in, until i feel better and not so tired.

i have had some agitation but i blame that on notching up the coffee to keep me awake during the day... it didn't really touch the fatigue, but it made me feel squirmy inside.

emotional overload... from the forums... it is something to think about. i tend to think not though. i don't participate unless i feel i can. hmmm..... :Scratch-Head:

i much appreciate your insights, kind thoughts and prayers ... and checking in with me.

i hope you are well. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Dear Lonely1

thank you also for your kind words of support and encouragement, and prayers.

yes i am indeed wanting to avoid some of the side effects of anti-depressants... although i will accept some Zoloft for a period if push comes to shove. The softer treatments i was thinking of were along the lines of St. John's Wort and 5-HTP (5-hydroxytryptophan) which is the derivative of tryptophan and precursor to serotonin... should have similar effect to SSRIs. it is sometimes added to melatonin preparations, and i was thinking of trying melatonin to reset my circadian rhythm (what rhythm... ok, to SET my circadian rhythm!) The other thing i could try is an herb - St. John's Wort, but its efficacy is limited to mild/moderate depression... i would have to get this going before i end up in the total black zone if you know what i mean. as it is perhaps i should have started it earlier. but this crept up on me. honestly, i think i didn't want to believe it and kept telling myself i was just tired.

i am glad the description was helpful. (not glad you have experienced it, doesn't it suck?)

yes, it helps a lot. people who haven't experienced depression often cannot relate... in fact sometimes it is disturbing. i cannot, for instance, talk about not wanting to face another day (even if i make clear i am not suicidal) or not having a life force at home... they get very upset sometimes overtly, sometimes they don't show it but you can tell it overwhelms them. it isn't their fault.

thanks again. hope you're holding up well yourself. take care. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Dear waves.
 

You might not want to taper off the Benzos at this time. I've been going through the same thing almost that you are describing. Hang in there.
BF:hug::hug::hug:

yes
 

Dear Steve,

Thank you for your suggestion. I've been thinking on that too, after Misti's post, and I know you've been through some rough times with the benzo's. So, tonight i will resume the dose i was at 2 nights ago, and just hold there till things are better. And, no coffee.

The calamity in Haiti has been getting to me as well.

last week's session i talked to pdoc about being tired, and needing to get into that class. anyway yesterday i was a mess and now i am realizing this is soooo NOT JUST sleep deprivation. I called him yesterday, but as i also needed to confirm my appointment, i don't think he 'got' that i really needed to talk to him when i said, i think there's more going on than sleep... he said, ok, we'll talk about it next week and i got tongue-tied and let him go. i tried to call the clinic just now but he is doing rounds. i don't know if i will have the guts to call again. i am all tense now.

i'm sorry you too are going through something like this Steve. :( you hang in there too and let us hope things get brighter soon, somehow.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

on Zoloft
 

i sent pdoc a text message to pls call me not about the appointment time but because i am i at wits end. he called. i talked to him.

he said, at this point, best to start Zoloft immediately (i have some left over from last time i took it) rather than try softer options.

and he confirmed to suspend the taper of the benzo.

~ waves ~

Waves......:hug: I'm sorry you are having to deal with this....zoloft saved my life a few years ago...well that and counseling... I'll remember you in my prayers.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what to say about medication. I am extremely depressed and still taking antidepressants so how can i tell you to try different antidepressants? Are you on antipsychotics? I can't remember. There must be some drug that will help stabilize you but not necessarily make you feel better. The only thing i am looking forward to right now is my class in qi dong(sp)....last time I felt energy was released and i had a high and was floating. Have you ever tried it? It was magical. who knows, that was just my second time and maybe a fluke but that was the first time in ages I felt alive.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBvF6...eature=related
DON'T PUT ANY PRESSURE ON YOURSELF.....
Love
Bobby

I'm happy to see you are working on it Waves. I hope your current plan will ease this distress and depression. I can't drink any coffee after noon without it affecting my ability to sleep. I'm glad you are using Ashtons material for help. Will write more later. (((hugs)))

Hello
 

Thinking about you Waves!

Hi Waves,

I'm so sorry you're having a rough patch.

However, I'm so pleased that you're being proactive about getting medical attention.

I'm also amazed that you can still find the emotional capital to be on the forum offering support to others. Anyone who can care about others when they themselves feel depressed, is far stronger than they think and is bound to be okay.

Hang On:hug:

Well said, Hockey.

((((((Waves))))))

hmmmm...
 

well you know, this has been building up a while, but only the other day did i really fall apart. i TRIED to be strong for a while because

- i didn't want to believe i was getting depressed
- i didn't want to "need" meds
- i didn't want to take meds
- i didn't want to screw up the class

i really wasn't admitting it to myself. i was hoping it was just being tired. it finally got in my face. i'll be alright... relatively. problem is when. i have been unemployed for way too long, this needed not to happen! :(:(:(

Zoloft has worked in the past pretty much. i don't want to be on it but things were going downhill fast, and the sooner i start, the sooner i can stop again. i want to stop my mood stabilizer which i cannot, for as long as i take the Zoloft. (Bobby, no, not on APs. and i have been off antidepressants, just started the Zoloft today.)

you know, it is waaay easier to post a smile than it is to get the corners of my mouth to smile, watch: :):):):):):D:D:D:D see??? just have to press 2 keys...

however, i have actually been participating less here recently, overall. :o there were a few nights of more activity. i have probably learned over time to observe the line between empathy and overwhelm. question of emotional boundaries. being able to peel apart what's me and what's another person. put one foot in their shoes, see how it feels, acknowledge the familiarity - but then retrieve the foot and put it back in my own shoes.

you know, when one is feeling useless, and asked to do something useful and within their ability to do, it helps both the person asking, and the person asked. it helps to know that at least someone else might be a little better off. it is important to stay within that margin of "one's ability to do." sometimes reaching out to others in the same or similar boat is all i can do... i do not see strength in it though. :o

thank you for the compliment in any case. maybe it is all just rhetoric.

but i really don't feel strong at all. i feel horrifically weak. :( and rather desolate.

thank you all for the hugs, and thoughts, and prayers... and just being here.

~ waves ~

a little ditty
 

thanks Goofy, i appreciate that too.

and wrt the Zoloft, yeah... the first time i ever took it i was in baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad shape too. i know what you mean. :hug:

you know that reminds me, when i started feeling better, i made up a little rhyme about Zoloft (it's silly, but maybe you'll appreciate it)... sung to the Mickey Mouse tune:

Who's the leader of the drugs that's made for you and me?
Z-O-L, O-F-T, one hun-dred m. g.

then my dose changed and ... ehhh... ok. whatever. :o

~ waves ~

LOL i love it!!!!!!! and i really do understand..... i was in the hospital on suicide watch when my pdoc put me on zoloft.. it was the only AD that seemed to help. i tried several. :hug:

I am glad waves that your pdoc called and reinstated your zoloft....he is really responsive when you need him to be. at least it seems like it.
I would stay away from the 5 htp or what ever it was that you mentioned....I had always heard that it was not good for us, can cause hypomania....not fun.
Will the zoloft act quickly?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

edited to add that this could be a benzo reduction side effect not jsut the last 2 drops but the overall decrease. ashton says these side effects can last a long time...it is hard to tell what is a benzo side effect and what is not. glad that you are staying put for a while.

Ah Waves...does sound a bit overwhelming!! So much of what you said I can relate to that it makes my head spin...too much for me to respond to right now. I need my cave for a bit myself. I agree with Bizi on the benzo. I have experienced myself and have seen others too suffer depression and other SE's after working to reduce off of it. Strangely enough we have to add a med sometimes to get off of another, and then get off of the one we added. But, it can all work out in the long run.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

((waves)) you are in my thoughts and prayers. Wish that my brain and mental/emotional state were a bit more stable so that I could try to respond to you with something helpful. All I can offer right now is my care and concern for you. I feel compassion and empathy for what you are enduring. I hope that I can talk more with you later when I am not in "that bad place."

from my *heart,
reyn

thanks everyone
 

Thank you all for being here for me.

yes i am inclined to think after reading your posts probably what is going on is related to the benzo reduction, at least in part. :Sigh:

Bizi... (thanks for dropping in on me here, btw) just a mention on the 5-HTP: it can make you manic yes, but for the same reasons any SSRI can. and the two should not be combined for risk of Serotonin Syndrome. however, with a mood stabilizer on board, 5-HTP, per se, should be alright... but... it is not well-standardized since it is sold as a supplement and not a med, and i don't believe there is an established dose range either, so it's a bit like playing Russian Roulette... my pdoc quite firmly advised to stick with the Zoloft so that was that. :o

i slept but i have a nasty headache of unknown origin (could be any of about 4 things again no telling) - kept waking with it too... blech what a night. so i will go for now. :( just wanted to drop in and say how much i appreciate you all.

(((Misti and Reyn)))... i hope you two feel better soon, also. :o

:grouphug:

~ waves ~

Rhetorical? Me? Never! I have my faults (ask my husband), but insincerity in not among them. I do think you're stronger than you realize. Caring about other people shows enourmous strength of character. Think about how many "norms" out there don't give a hoot about anyone.

I just wish there was a way to make Waves and so many other people on this forum realize how wonderful you are. Heck, I'd come here if I had to pick folks to be stranded with on an island.

Cheers

I agree with you Hockey, and feel the same way! I think that is the flip side of facing adversity in illness, and other situations in our lives and not becomming bitter about it. It seems to smooth the edges of our character and gives us the gift of a strong heart and spirit. Lol....emerging from my cave for a bit....((((big hugs)))))) for our room!!!!!

Ssssshhhhheeezz ! I just realised Im bever here when I have to, feel guilty. :(

Waves, how are you today ?

Sorry for not reading your post before, oh man, I feel bad because you have helped me in the past more than once and would have liked to do the same for you...
Im not as good as you on talking about benzo and antidepre... I dont know much about them but... heck, I hope you are feeling better soon !!

Is zoloft working for you ??

I think the most important things have been said... we have very wise and lovely memebers here that I can see were able to help you :hug: :grouphug:

I think today, the only thing I can do, is, give you some hugs, and, think about you...

Tomorrow comes...

You take care.

I hope today is better for you waves....:hug:

hi
 

Hi Folks,

Hi Majo.. thanks for your note of support... and it is NEVER too late! :hug: knowing about meds is no biggie. i started delving into that stuff when i first started taking meds - i do have an interest for it too, but prior to then i was clueless. just think, you surely know TONS about cell biology that i don't know. ;) (i'm lucky if i can remember the stages of meiosis and mitosis... :rolleyes:)

Hi Nikki... i see your "thanks" tags :hug: thanks for stopping in.

((( Hockey!!! ))) oh dear. i feel so bad. i intended that my own preceding reflections in the same post were possibly just rhetoric ... that i had just stated things a different way but maybe it was six-o-one, half a dozen of the other? i never meant to imply you were insincere - i never thought that of you at all, at any time! :o:( i'm sorry it sounded that way. i reread it i can see how it could sound like it was referring to your comments... i was more trying to say something like "or maybe i am just splitting hairs you see i have a knack for splitting hairs sometimes - that IS one of MY faults. :( please forgive me. i do appreciate your support.

Dear Misti - thanks for all your notes and suggestions, you have been so helpful.

Alffe!!! :) :hug: welcome back!!! actually i am feeling a bit better today. i haven't been on the computer the past few days at all...

----------------------------

i have been having *all kinds* of nasty symptoms. i talked to pdoc yesterday as i might not make it my appointment today - i have been unsteady and feeling "butterflies in my blood." :eek: He suspects this stuff is probably from the taper. i would tend to agree - a few other things may be that OR the Zoloft but i have not had side-effects starting it before, other than a bit of nausea, so we don't know. my mood is a bit better but not likely due to the Zoloft (takes several weeks to act). so now, i wonder if it is necessary. but it can be stopped without a problem, so i will likely continue it this week, and see. i can't increase the dose anyway till the nausea (bad this time) lets up. :(

i hope you are all doing as well as possible. i will try drop in later to check some other threads too

:grouphug:

~ waves ~

Dear Waves
 

I'm so sorry that you have been going through a difficult time. I hope that you feel better soon. I hope that things go better soon.

I've been having a hard time expressing myself resently. My words have been few. I'm sorry for this. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Oh Waves, there's nothing to forgive:I could never be upset with you. I was just trying to make the point about how hard you can be on yourself. What you are able to accomplish while dealing with your depression is nothing short of amazing. I just wish that:

(1) You'd stop feeling guilt and shame about having a MEDICAL CONDITION. Folks don't feel guilty about having arthritis or asthma.

(2) You'd give yourself some credit for everything you manage to do while managing your condition. If someone with a cardiac condition climbed a flight of stairs, we'd all applaud...

I'm clapping like a rabid seal for you!!!

Dear Steve
no need to be sorry. :o i understand how it is not to be able to post ... it happens to me sometimes. i was glad to read that you had a good birthday and i hope you continue to have brighter days.

thank you so much for your note of support. it means a lot to me. :hug:

Dear Hockey
i am glad you are not upset with me. :)

you know the guilt / shame is not about any condition per se. but for iinstance, right now, i can't help feeling like i went and screwed things up...

first, i did think about the class before hand and could have chosen not to make any benzo reductions until that class was over (assuming i got in). second... i can't help thinking sometimes there is a performance anxiety thing involved that... well, goes beyond a true "medical condition."

example. freshman year college. i wanted to sing. signed up for choir (required) and made appointment with voice instructor for audition for voice class. the day before the audition i got a sore throat. i rescheduled for 2 weeks later. throat cleared up in ample time. but again, the day before the audition i came down with another heck of sore throat. actual, physical symptoms! but... coincidence or psychosomatic?

:o i can't help wondering if something similar happened, with this class. those voice lessons were important to me, personally. this class was a one-shot deal also, and would have made a big difference in my marketability for the work force. see what i'm saying?

as for the other thing... yes. i need to try and give myself some credit and... thank you - i am grinning trying to imagine a rabid seal clapping, right now. you funny gal, you! :D

thanks so much for sticking with me. hope you're holding out ok. :hug:

~ waves ~

waves, I just wanted to leave you a hug and say how much you are appreciated around here. (((waves)))

checking in
 

thanks, Alffe, you are very kind. :hug:

------------------

my physical symptoms have largely resolved - at least they are not continuous. my head has finally stopped hurting.

but i am really starting to doubt if i will ever have a life again. :( and i really don't believe chemical depression has anything to do with this.

my living situation has been grim for too long, and i'm just fed up of struggling with it and getting nowhere.

~ waves ~

(((waves))) I'm glad to read that your physical symptoms have resolved..that a big step in the right direction.

Struggling and getting nowhere sucks and is bound to make you tired.

BJ quoting her dear mother comes to mind..."Time to put your big girl pants on". :D I love that and I know it's a lot easier said than done
but when you look at where you are...and how unhappy you are...

how's that working for you? *whisper....quoting Dr.Phil now. :grouphug:

I hear what you're saying.

No matter how many chemicals I took, I still couldn't be happy right now because my situation is objectively grim (chronic pain, damaged brain, seizures, major physical limitations, pick up truck destroyed in accident, dog died, brother has prostrate cancer, career gone, huge medical and legal bills, husband's job in peril, marriage stormy - Heck, throw in some ingrown toenails and set it to the key of F and my life would be a country song.) Frankly, if I were happy, I'd be stark raving mad.

That said, I still think the power and responsibility to change all that rests with me.

Firstly, I try to focus on the positives (a great kid who needs me, for example). Although I've broken the rule here, I try never to think about all my problems at once so I don't feel overwhelmed. I take things one day at a time and try not to let my imagination run wild with concerns about the future. Frankly, a lot of things we worry about never happen or turn out to be a lot less awful than we'd imagined. Other things are going to happen no matter what we do, so there's no point worrying.

Worrying eats up tons of energy that could be better spent addressing problems constructively. I know I can't solve all my problems at once. Instead I pick something small and ask, "How can I make this better?"

One thing I knew I could do, was work my butt off in physical therapy. My progress is slow, but over the years I've gotten myself to a place nobody would have predicted when I first woke up. Is it a long way from perfect? Hell, yes - but I'm not done yet.

Aware that over 80% of couples spilt after my kind of brain injury, I knew we couldn't sit back and wait to see what happened. Marriage therapy has been tough: the personality changes caused by the injury have left us strangers to each other. What we have tried to focus on is making ourselves back into a unit that can parent our child in a stable environment. Is this the fun, compatible, passionate marriage we had before? No. However, it does allow us to discharge our responsibilities to our child. This is a limited concept of marriage that is a long way from perfect, but it's better than it would be otherwise - and we're not done yet.

When faced with a mountain of problems, you can wilt in its long shadow or you can start chipping away at it. I wish I had some dynamite that could blow the whole thing away in one big, liberating explosion - but I don't. Instead I have a fork, so I have to look for the soft spots (the little problems) and start scrapping. My progress is slow and often imperfect, but it's still progress. And it's amazing how solving a few little problems (painting a shabby wall, losing a few pounds) can give you the confidence and energy to confront bigger ones.

I know it sounds cliche, but life is a journey and every journey starts with a step. Don't stand still feeling overwhelmed and waiting for some ideal of perfection nobody ever really achieves. Instead, take a step. Take the smallest of baby steps, then don't look ahead and lament, look back and be amazed how far you've come. Follow that simple plan and you might be surprised to find yourself sprinting over the hill that used to be your mountain.

Cheers

well
 

i have NOT been standing still.

and i have put those big girl pants on time and time again.

and got excited about possibilities and worked towards them time and time again.

has it got me anywhere in... SEVEN YEARS????

NO!

people have even quit replying to my job inquiries.

have i tried "something different?"

YES - all kinds of things.

and i'm frickin tired of it... tired of trying and stabbing, and scraping, and thinking, and edging and trying to use my imagination, and thinking out of the box and stabbing and scraping some more with pants skirts and my hair tied up in an elegant bun and STILL just

NOT GETTING ANYwhere.

i'll try not to worry about my retirement. (the way things are going i'd be better off never to reach that age.)

Dear Hockey
 

i think you are one strong woman with a lot of grit and i admire that. i am glad you have made so much progress. you certainly deserve the best, and i hope your well-earned success continues.

~ waves ~

Waves...:hug: I'm sorry if I have offended you when my intention was to offer you support and encouragement. I don't know you very well yet...know that you are bipolar and I do have some knowledge of that illness.

All that any of us can do is share our life experiences in the hopes that others will find some hope and strength in knowing that others suffer and survive...that they have some understanding of the difficulties..be they mental, physical, or emotional.

I don't live with chronic pain as many of you do, or cancer...I can scarely imagine the difficulity just rising each day must be...I "manage" my depression for the most part. But we all have something in common. We need each other or we wouldn't be here, on this forum.

Hugs for the room. :grouphug:

Waves, I've made some progress.

I am a very, very, very long way from where I was before the accident - and there's no way I'm ever going to make it even half way back. Like you, I get frustrated and (especially if I make the mistake of comparing "new" me to "old" me) I have moments of deep, deep despair. There are even periods when I sort of give up for a time. I guess I just can't imagine giving up forever. That, I suppose, might be the upside of the stubborn personality that drove my parents to distraction. Conversely, I may just have some reality issues.

The really hard part comes when you're working as hard as you can - and fate bites you in the bum with yet another unforeseen or unavoidable setback. Still, I figure if I'm ever going to catch a break, I need to be in the ball park. (On the other hand, I might just get mowed down by another drunk driver. lol)

I think I can appreciate how hard you're working. I know I understand that the longer you fight against a health issue, the more your supports seem to melt away until it feels like you're alone against the world.

And the world can be pretty hard on folks like us; that's why we have to cut ourselves some slack. I read your posts: you're smart, funny, resourceful and kind. I just wish you could celebrate that just a tiny little bit.:hug:

Cheers

hi
 

i was not offended.

i hope i did not offend anyone. :o

i was/am just very frustrated. and was trying to express that. and that i haven't been continuously just crying over myself.

i do shut down at times, much as i wish i were the energizer bunny... i'm not.

anyway thanks everyone for listening and for sharing. sorry for being such a "tough customer." :o:(

:grouphug:

i saw pdoc today. it was a hard session. good, but hard.
i am very very tired now in every way. good night.

~ waves ~

Waves,

You're not a "tough customer" - you're an inspiration. I've only had to deal with my situation for a few years now and I wake up every morning wondering how I'm going to manage to do this every day for the rest of my life. I get scared because I don't think I can do it.

Then I come here and find people like you who have had to deal with their health issues for years and years. I see the frustration and pain in your posts, but I also see that you haven't lost your humanity and concern for others. Seeing that its possible to hold on to those essential things helps give me the courage to soldier on.:hug:

You are a tough customer waves....that's what survivors are. :hug:

And Hockey you are a tough customer too!

Keep on, keeping on...no explainations necessary. :grouphug: