RSD'ers... anyone else have a mountain???
 

I have to ask..when RSD gets you down..where do you dream of re-treating to????? When you are forced to make life long changes in your life and others around you, your support system just carry on with their day...do you find yourself feeling sad or lost..best described as empty....

I have for a very long time thought of going to a mountain...a place where I can be alone and think..feel the warm breeze and even cry for myself...

Any of you have a place that you think about????

I send each of you, my friends a hug! KS:hug:

Not a mountain - that image is too cold for me!!!

I dream of a quiet, warm beach!! That's not too windy!!! Where it is peaceful and beautiful. And where I have no worries or anxieties or pain and my husband is with me.

XOXOX Sandy

Hi KS,
 

My kids have a cabin in the mountains and I was just telling Susan yesterday to get me a key made for summer.

I do think of just getting away from everything quite often. You described how I felt today. I had a baby shower to go to and just couldn't pull myself up mentally enough to go.

I did take a walk though. The view from my walk is 60% surrounded by mountains and Bill and I spent many a day hiking, hunting, and picnicing in them.

The way I feel at times when I take my walk is that I just want to keep walking until I fall off the end of the earth. Crazy, huh?

It has nothing to do with what's going on in my life. Everything's fine right now, it's just my depression. Being disabled to me gives me a feeling of not belonging anywhere.

You are right about the support system carrying on with their day. My problem is I could have been with my support system today at the shower and chose not to. That's my fault.

I love the mountains and I do better in the cold but we have a dry cold here so that's better then the wet cold. Seeing those mountains give me the incentive to climb them.

Hope you start feeling better soon.

Ada

thank you!!
 

Hello Sandy and Ada...

I loved reading your posts.. Sandy, I understand the beach might be warmer..but in my thoughts..I need to be way up and I am not missed.. no cells phones allowed...and the crazy part is I am afraid of heights!! How am I getting there?? But it is my dream... like the Bucket list, is my so favorite movie, I can relate to it very well........ Anyway.. Ada, I understand your thougts on walking til you drop off the end of the earth, as I feel it too...it represents our sad.. lonely hearts and that unless people live with our saddness due to our health concerns, disabilities... they have no idea... no idea our disadvantage on life... so what they are busy and distracted by their daily routines..least they see people and have routines!!!

I think the world of you all.... KS:hug:

Maui Hawaii....I think about the Aloha spirit and relax. It's taken me a year to learn to live with RSD and my family is learning too. If by some miracle I go into remission, RSD has taught me how to slow down and don't sweat the small stuff. I love this board, because I know I am not alone. Some days I get upset and feel like I don't belong anywhere, so I come here. If I hadn't found this site I don't think I would be as well adjusted right now. :)

Dear ladies,

This illness has the ability to demoralize our mind, body and soul. You all have a wonderful place to go and you should go there. Just close your eyes take some deep breaths and imagine that you are there and you will be.

For me, I visualize a long winding road surrounded with trees and lively animals. I love to walk, so I imagine that I am walking down this road surrounded with nothing but peace and unconditional love. I love to watch the animals, I listen to the birds, the squirrels, the deer, the owls, carrying on with their lives. They do not fear me, they do not run, they just carry on. I always include a bench along the side of the pathway, where I can sit and rest, and there is where I talk to God, and sometimes I just listen.

Ada, don’t worry about the baby-shower, I understand the mental challenge of trying to attend a family function. I have forced myself to attend such family functions, the anxiety, the fear, the pain, but I would go and only stay an hour or so (that was the best I could do), and I still got criticized for not staying long enough. I do not worry about those things anymore. I, you and probably everyone one else who is inflicted with this condition do the very best that we can do in a day and that just has to be enough because it’s all we got! Don’t beat yourself up over something that you cannot change. Be patient with yourselves, climb that mountain and enjoy the serenity that it produces, enjoy the warm breeze on the beach and take that walk (no walking off the face of the earth) just enjoy the walk.

God bless you all, I wish you all peace and serenity.

Jeanie

Thank you all!

I have very much enjoyed your journeys and shared them with you! We all need to find our peace...Rest, my friends. We deserve it!

Sometimes I really battle with hurting everyone around me, their feelings ie..family, friends in that I need outlets but I am afraid to let them know that..and to isolate myself from them... then other times, due to my RSD I am so darn needly of their support, time and love... there is no satisfying me..I guess how can we make sense of our emotions on this illness rollercoaster then how can anyone else make sense of it????

One day I will make it to my mountain.. air kift..as my RSD is the worst in my rt. leg... it won't just be in my dreams... I hope we can all live out our dreams before we are not able to..

Did you hear/read that our life expectance is a bit shorter than the norm due to the chronic pain??? I read 3-5 decades... kinda hard to do the math when I am really not sure exactly when my RSD began..as not I look back, I had symptoms long, long ago...


I love my family here....KS:grouphug:

Good morning Everyone

I know that depression you speak of well...and identify with the need to avoid certain crowds of people. My support system has become smaller, by choice. I can't explain it. My husband's family, who are from RI, make me nuts with their stares and rude questions, so I stay away from them. I think that they are waiting for my affected body parts to fall off or something!! Also noise hurts my ears and my husband's family tends to be very loud when they get together in a group. It's so painful!!

My family all lives far away from me - South Jersey, SE PA, Dover Del, etc. So my immediate support comes from my husband and my neighbors. Sometimes I cry just because I am lonely for my family. When my kids are finished with school we may move to the mid Atlantic area so I can be near them. An added bonus would be that the better docs for RSD are there, also.

Because I have lived in the East all my life I've never seen the Rocky Mountains, except in pictures (I have flown over them - they go on forever!). I understand that they are truly beautiful beyond belief. One day I hope to be able to see them for myself.

I hate Mondays - when my husband returns to work, the kids are off to school, and I am all alone in the house ("cave") playing the waiting game with WC....

Thanks for your posts, XOXOX Sandy

Sandy...

I hope this helps you by me saying that you are not alone..by any means.. why today so far I have carried the dang phone in my bathrobe pocket and into the shower with me waiting for my disability rep to call and give me hear updated blessing .... OGH!! So many people here have said ... just invite her to lunch and let her see me!!!!

I know a big part of RSD is loneliness... Even if we chose not to build that big wall around us..RSD seems to separate us from the world in that our "needs" are different and we are not as socialy able as we once were... I go in waves as I am a people person... I miss my work for that reason but at times I'd rather have just a solo one on one and share my sadness.. but that always has to be scheduled and it doesn't work that way...

Some how some way..I firmly believe after the red tape and it is al said and done with...We will be looking down knowing that this happened for a reason..we were given a different route to follow and RSD was our means to get there....

btw..tell the in-laws to quiet it down a tad in your presence... just this weekend, I opted to drop out of a visit to mine as the ride is just too much for me.... so they called and bugged me.. can't win!!!

KS:hug:

Sandy,
 

I have pictures in my album of the cabin and the scenery from it. If it looks like 2 cabins, it's because a tornado took the roof and porch off of their old one last year so they are building a new one.

I also put pictures up last week of my walk. You can see Pikes Peak with snow on it. It's beautiful. We walked half way up it years ago but couldn't make it the rest. That was before RSD though.

Come to Colorado and you can stay here and see the mountains. I am kind of afraid of heights myself. When I drove up to the kids' cabin the first time, OMG, the cliff on the side of the road scared me. Coming down it worse. One thing though, it doesn't hold a candle to some of our other roads here.

I believe that's why I like it here so much is that when I take my walks I can see the mountains and it brings back good memories.

I can't stand loud noise either. It would have been noisy at the shower for sure. I have always been a people person but since getting sick, it's hard to be around them.

ks, don't worry about hurting people's feelings. I think it's something we just can't get around at times. I don't do it very often but I have long ago took the attitude, they'll get over it. If not, oh well. Sometimes we have to be ourselves. When we are in pain, it's hard to keep our stress down so as not to be cross.

Ada

You area sounds so beautiful....What is it about mountains, Ada???? They seem to hold those unexplored... private times...take me there, Calgon!:)

Ironically.....
 

I dream about being at the gym and doing such things as running on a treadmill, swimming in the pool, and taking a yoga class; all stuff I used to do pre-RSD. If I can fantasize where I'm going to be, I'm also gonna fantasize about having a non-RSD body to enjoy with it ;)

okay Vanna.... get this, I use to fantasize about going for a long, long walk... Now, that is something I can't do at least comfortably anymore as my Rt. leg is my worsely affected side... but it is the one thing I really wanted to do!!!!! How crazy is that??? Now thats deep!!!!! AND whenever I dream about my mountain..I am never painfree...sadly, it follows me... but still so worth the "down" time, I guess...

Nice to dream eh'?...

Hi KS,
 

What I like about the mountains is getting away from people and the peace that comes with it. You won't find anyone there unless it's hunting season.

The nights are wierd. Sitting around the campfire even with people around seems like the loneliest a person can be.

The deer, the elk, the bear, the birds, coyote's, and so much more to
see.When you're in them, you thank God for the beauty and awe of it all.

When I take my walks, I do imagine being in them. It's a calming affect.

Ada

Ada...

Hello my friend..I am so glad you have those walks and they are so beneficial to you... do me a favor... dream a bit for me and toss one up in recognition..as I will continue to dream and sit on my mountain... one day..I will be up there... light, warm breeze... noone missing me and freeze my love ones as not to miss me or look for me.. just RSD and me....

Bless you my friend....KS:hug:

My favorite place on earth, that will always be so, is my grandparents' cabin in the hills above Ojai. It's kind of a little compound- maybe eight little houses in the woods, most of which are owned by my aunts or uncles. I grew up going there, having family gatherings there, and sitting on the porch with my grandpa. It is one of the most beautiful places- what we California people call a 'river' and acres of brush and oak trees. But it's the smell - mossy and dirty and earthy and sage- that I think of whenever I am sad. My grandpa had a studio with a kiln and a wheel and he would also paint. I loved to watch him. I remember my cousins and I having moss fights at the creek when it was filled with slimy algae. Big parties with a live band where we would dance the night away with assorted inebriated adult figures.

My family is kind of strained now, with assorted weirdnesses having happened in the last six years, but I think that this place holds some of my best memories and happiness in it. Whenever I meditate, that's where I am- sitting at the creek with the summer sun on my face, and I can see my grandpa in the distance.

Lynn

Lynn...

So nice to hear from you... and waht a wonerful place to go and if only in your mind now... Take yourself there, as often a you need to.... Seems we all need our solitude now why our present and future endeavors when it comes to RSD... My wish is that we all go to our "spots" and spend much time there before they toss us the rope up....we deserve it and others can't understand but in these cases they don't have to they just have to give us our space to fulfill our hearts wishes....

Soft hug, KS:hug:

I dream of retreating to 9 years ago... Before my dad died, before I got RSD before I moved. I would make sure my Dad didnt die so if I still ended up getting RSD he would be there to help me, instead of trying to go at this alone. I feel lost all the time. I feel sad and empty all the time, knowing that I have something that will never go away, knowing that my dad isnt here to see me struggle through this and be proud of me for making it. I would go back to the park across the street from my old house and imagine myself playing with my dad there... RUNNING as if I'll never run again. I have only had RSD for 4 years but everyday I sit and ask what would this all be like if my dad was here to help...

Snowboarder 13......

Don't look now but your Dad is with you... and he is proud of you.. I am sure of it....just do your best and let him care you when you feel sad and alone because I am sure he is putting you on top of his priority list!!:hug:

Dear Snowboarder, Your Dad is with you everystep of the way to help you. Whenever you feel really down or scared, I bet you think of your dad. That is him in you. He is watching over you everyday and you will always be in his heart and he in yours. Unlike most of our families, he is aware of your pain and struggles. I would be very proud of you, I know he is. Enjoy your time with your dad, even if only for a moment, embrace it and go there just as you said, just you and your dad running and playing as you always have.

God Bless You, you are a special little creature!!

Jeanie

keep smilin....I too have always wished to have a place that gives me peace and comfort like nothing else will. Having crps for 15 yrs. now, I have waited for the special place to forget the pain and anxiety that can bring my mood to a lonely state, to materialize and make my search worth finding. I found that place by searching in the area I thought it would be. I try to get there at least once a yr. I take in the serenity and the beauty long enough to stay with me for the rest of each year. That special place is in the Grand tetons in wyoming. I think of it when my pain keeps me from living my life. I hope you find yours and it brings you comfort as well as peacefor youer soul. mellowguy

So Mellowguy.... It is real!! Seems we all have a safe haven somewhere and you have found yours... I am so tickled that you did and I bet when you first discovered it and knew this was the place for you..you must have felt so "re-newed".. Like the first thing since RSD that you can went your way!! This sounds really crazy but I have times when I feel I could just exit and look for mine but know that my family would be crazy looking for me as the grocery store is a not even a solo trip for me!! Then again admittably, I can't go to the store alone as my condition limits me now... One thing for sure..we all have a place we want to visit in order to re-collect ourselves since RSD.... So how long do you stay at the GT in order to feel better and ready for the following year?? RSD.... What an animal!!!
Thanks for your note...KS

well...I stayed as long as I could which was 1 week. I toured the area and found a serene place called Jenny Lake. The water is so pure you can drink from the lake since it is mountain snow fed. I took a chance going htere because your on your own there. No cell phone coverage or people. At the point I was feeling at the time,,I didn't care at all. I felt like I woke to a new beginning of my life. What works for some people doesn't work for all,,this worked for me. my pain was forgotten for the time I was there. I would go back in a heartbeat if i could. Thhanks for the reply...mellowguy

Well then..you have found your spot!! It's a big world but if you or should I say we all can find the spot that makes us feel relaxed and make one with ourselves again.. then we then have at least an edge on our RSD... One day I will make it to my mountain...it will have to be an air lift drop as my RSD is in my legs, the worst and I am afraid of heights.... but in my mind my mountain experience will be much like the Bucket list!! I am setting no clocks...cell phone stays home and spray my loved ones as I don't want to be missed....

Thanks for your reply...:o

Dear friends,
I try to read the boards for a few brief moments but have not posted, as my 97 year old mother has been very ill with pneumonia..E.R. Paramedics, in the hospital. The reality of working full time, and my mother, now incapacitated, and needing full time care for now, is raining down on me...tryin' to hang on!
I've had very little sleep in the last 10 days..my brother came up to help but he has to go home in about 10 days..

I have an appt. next Monday, at Stanford Pain Center that I have been waiting a long time for, that I cannot miss...(W.C. finally approved it, only after a lot of letter writing, phone calls, etc.. )
everything, once again, is changing.

In skimming over the inspiring posts about favorite places,
I wanted to share my love for the ocean, it's source of comfort, many memories, and recollections of hiking along it's shores and coastal mountains with the waves glinting in the sun.

I can only hike in my mind (new sport...mind-hiking and mind-waling!) as the RSD is in my legs (and now possibley in shoulder, arm and jaw..
One night in RSD pain, (we all have those nights!) and trying to do deep breathing, I listened to a C.D. of ocean waves, and wrote a few lines in the middle of the night...


We receive comfort and inspiration from many sources, from Nature and from Spirit; it is uplifting to read and be bolstered by everyone's experience.
I think about all of you everyday..and you are my sources of inspiration.
Take good care, friends...I hope you are having some good moments and/or days of comfort! talk to you soon..

Much love,
hope4thebest :grouphug:

Hope4thebest..... I am so so sorry for your ailing Mom and all of your concerns with taking care of her.... It is never easy to have our parents be ill...it crushes us!! I hope you can care for her in manner you wish to without too much pain.....

You and I have some real stuff in common!!!!! My RSD originated in my legs and is also in my shoulder, arm, jaw....I can understand the legs and arm stuff but jaw too???? Now that is weird!! Jaw pain even without chewing..nerve pain, right and does it radiate along the jaw line?? Myself.. I was tipped off because the most pain was near a tooth that has had a root canal so no nerve there to cause pain but my Endodontist can see a "halo" on the xray in the nerve bed...

Tell me you experience.... BTW... I loved reading your dream spot... it is wonderful and needed for us all to have a place of seclusion... I so want my mountain one day... but as yourself.. can not walk well so where am I going I ask ya??

Soft hugz...KS

I just wish he was back. The funny thing is that when I try to snowboard when my pain is a little better i have this patch thing from his funeral, i have that in my snowpants pocket. It makes me feel like he is there with me. Thank you for what you have said, my heart is open to him all the time, and now I believe he is here watching me just like I hoped.

He is..don't doubt that... oh btw.. can we put the patch on a string or something of the like so nothing can happen to it?? I see that going thru the washer one day...keep the love in your heart and speak to you Dad... I am sure he is placing his hand on your shoulder as we speak!

KS:)

somewhere WARM... and quiet! With my boyfriend!!!