New symptoms during MS flare
 

Hugs Faith.:hug::hug:You always have such a hard time with these
personality/behavior changes. They must be so hard to deal with. Its
good you have a supportive husband to help you with this.

Im glad you are speaking up about this as I am sure there are others
out there that need support with this issue.

I hope you are back to Faith very soon.:hug::hug::hug:

Im sorry Faith:hug::hug:

Oh faith, :hug: first, you are NOT alone. When I am in flare, I tend to be...hmm...how shall I phrase it..."hungry" that is a good word. I am hungry for sexual attention. That is one of my clues that its a true flare. its not normal behavior for me. I have not gone as far as to seek it outside of my home, but it is during those flairs that I tend to feel less satisfied with what I have at home. I have come to know this is a "trick!" of my mind, and know that it will pass.

Also please know that ALL MS meds CAN cause abnormal thinking patterns. From A to R and C included. its listed right on the phamplet that comes with them. Please speak to your MD about this. It maybe a flair or a side effect of the meds. Please dont sit at home, and sit in silence. SPEAK UP!

If you feel your husband is being REactive, instead of PROactive, then you may need a go between. Seek out a female counselor, and have her as your referee. You have admitted that you are having an issue, and I think its not unfair to be met with understanding and compassion, but sometimes spouses can feel injured, or insulted. its hard to be compassionate if you feel wounded.

PLEASE dont sit in silence. Speak up. Lets get you some help. Call your MS center or your PCP MD and ask for some couseling. and remember you ARE loved! :hug:

Hey Dej. Thx for your post.

Yeah, a contributing factor for the seeking attention outside was that DH is currently on a med that decreases interest and ability to have and maintain an erection. Therefore, I'm not getting much at home. Would definitely have preferred, even during a flare when my thinking was not clear, that interactions be w/ him and not w/ a stranger.

~ Faith

I may volunteer to go to day hospital for about 3 days, just to get a professional to tell DH that I am fine, and he is wa-ay not ethical in taking away my personal property and legal rights.

Sounds like, if he is told that by them, that he will likely cooperate.

~ Faith

:circlelove: (((((((Faith))))))) :circlelove:

Faith,

I'm so sorry you're having these symptoms and the problem with your DH as well. I hope the steroids will help and you'll be feeling better soon. :hug:

Ditto what Midge said...so sorry to hear of your troubles, Faith. Know that we're here for you in whatever virtual capacity we can be...our thoughts and prayers are with you...
I wonder if that drug...what's it called...Zenvia? would help you. It helps the problem of oh shoot...swiss cheese time...I'll come back when I can remember...

...pseudobulbar affect syndrome. when the frontal, reasoning center is disconnected from the amygdala, which is the primal, emotional center. The drug helps the neural connections so we don't get an inappropriate response.

I do hope you and DH can figure this situation out...sounds as if you're both having health problems that contribute to the situation...
thanks for being honest with what's going on...I never knew that this was a problem before...with MS patients.

:hug: Faith :hug:

The biggest thing is that you NEED to be able to speak HONESTLY to your spouse. It sounds like communication has broken down, and you are not currently able to even share the most basic of information, such as "I think I am in a flare" without him fearing that you are jumping off mount crazy lady.

PLEASE seek some counsel. its mega important to have someone to talk to.

I spoke to my MS MD about how strange that sx is for me. He told me its pretty common for the appetite to change. For 75% it goes the other way! Most dont want sex or attention, most want to be left alone. Hmmm...how can I explain it without being graphic...normally I am not a hungry type girl. Can take it over leave it. In flare, I am just more aware. I am not jumping out of my skin, nor am i banging into walls. The depression that can come with a flare along with his cousin anxiety can really make you question what you currently hold in your hand vs what could be had around the corner. Esp if your current situation is one of frustration or fear or neglect. That goes for NON MS folks as well.

I hope you feel better. Please know you are loved, and cared about. Its not about tricking the husband into believing anything. its about opening some honest conversation and a discussion about behavior on BOTH sides of the fence. Because I am stable, in a secure marriage with a wonderful man, I cant fathom the need to go elsewhere, but I am not sure how I would react should I be in a trouble marriage with a man who doenst trust me.

A hospital may be a good idea if for nothing else, access to a higher level of care, and some time away from the marital home to think, rest, and recover. please feel better. :hug:

Did he give a reason why he did this? Could you be displaying behaviors that you are not aware of and/or remember? He may actually be doing this to protect you. You already know you are exhibiting abnormal behavior in your "soliciting" so you may be doing other things that you are not aware of.

Communicate this with him as well as your dr. as it is important to your health and well being. It may be easier for you and him to go to your dr. together.

Additionally, is the flare your are experiencing from a lesion in your frontal lobe?

Not getting any better. Is not open to perspectives other than his own.

~
 

You may not like what I am about to say
 

This is a hard one for me since I am on the spousal side. Since this is something new, I would suspect it has something to do with the flare, maybe. I just don't know because as a spouse I would question it as well. Please do not think ill of me, just giving you the spouse side as best I can. I told Trish I didn't even know how to respond and be bias.

However, with that being said, I do hope you seek some sort of help because this is not normal. When I read your first post I knew immediately this is not the Faith we "know" at all. It seems strange that your husband would not feel the same way. But, with that said, I can also feel his pain and his anger that you would even think about a site like that because you weren't getting any at home. That's not a judgment, it's how a spouse would feel.

I know if Jim did something like this my first reaction would be hurt and utter devastation that he even thought to go and solicit sex from someone else. In our world sex is not a priority in our relationship at all. It's good, don't get me wrong, and yes we still do. :wink: But if I had to go without it's all good in that sense as well. Intimacy is more of a priority for us. So, yeah, if Jim even thought about what you almost did I would be hurt and feel my world was turned upside down.

I think your husband may be feeling the same way. Think about it, he is having issues in that area too. To have his wife look outside the marital home must be a huge blow to his ego. He may be hiding it behind his anger so you don't see the hurt. I think anger is a normal and appropriate response to this and I think you need to give him time to digest it all and grieve it.

If this is a medical problem brought on by your flare than you need to prove that to him. Yes, prove it because not everyone would jump to that conclusion if they do not have ms or know what a flare can do. Hell, even I didn't know it until your post. I truly am sorry your going through this, I really am because this is not like you. Please get to a doctor and get this resolved so your husband can see that it may be related to your flare. :hug:

I know your thinking why should you have to prove that to him or yourself? Because this is your marriage and he will need to know that is the reason behind your behavior. Only then will he be able to move passed it and forgive. Even if it's not due to the flare he may be able to get passed it but that will take some time as well.

Please do not think I am judging you. Just wanted you to see the other side and why he may be behaving like that. We spouses who stay, and there are many who do, stay because we love our spouse. MS is not a factor and never will be. But when something like this happens, it crushes everything we believe in and makes us wonder why we tried? Hope that makes sense. :hug:

I do hope you two work it out. Be honest and open with him. He's only human.

:Good-Post: :I-Agree:

:hug: Faith :hug:

I can't make my thoughts come out cohesively right now so I hope you don't take this wrong, but I'm seeing both sides in a way. You know that you often lose touch with reality when in a flare. He knows that, too. Just the fact that you are posting details like this seems out of character for you.

You are probably worried that he is never going to ease up. I hope that once you are out of this flare, that things will normalize. I hope that the steroids work quickly and that you don't require long term hospitalization like in the past. I will pray for you.

His ego was probably suffering even before this because of his decreased performance. Men are so much more sensitive to that than women are. I agree with Sandy that he is probably feeling very hurt and is also reacting to that.

You know you are a dear friend, Faith, and that is why I really do want you to go seek counseling and the day hospital option is great. Get an impartial professional opinion about what is right and wrong in this situation. If you are having mental health sx from the flare, you are most likely not thinking clearly about anything right now.

I actually thought that you had provisions in place for your husband to take actions like this when you have a flare of this type. Think about how horrified you would be if you came out of this flare and found out that you had done something immoral. I think that would devastate you because of what a strong Christian you are.

Please, please, please do not take this wrong. You are so very loved and I am very worried about your frame of mind. I hope the steroids snap you out of this quickly and I hope your husband eases up. You have my e-mail address if you need to talk more.

Am considering day hospital, mostly to ease DH's concerns. Following the confrontation/knowledge that he found out what I was planning, and his assessment that it was related to a flare, my interest in pursing those types of activities were immediately gone. I do not see a need for follow-up for me, personally, other than the steroids.

Had not considered, on my own, at all, that the behavior would be caused by a flare, but, as it is so entirely out of character for me, and I have been mostly happily married for 25 yrs, there is no other explanation that makes sense.

I guess the posting details is something we do here. We all experience different symptoms, some of them odd and unusual. It would be helpful for me to hear if others have had anything similar happen to them. We trust each other, and, even if we didn't, there is anonymity here.

This is not "facebook" material. It is for others w/ MS.

I didn't take anything wrong, Holly. As you said, you are a dear friend.

~ Faith

Thx for your reply, Sandy. Yes, not "getting it at home", by itself would not be a reason to seek someone else. But, when there is skewed thinking related to an illness, that is not difficult for me to understand. Over the 8 yrs that I've had MS, my symptoms have been so many and so varied, that nothing will surprise either me or DH.

He is the one that clued in to it being a symptom of the disease. He knows how oddly it can, and has affected me. Although he is hurt and angry, he is usually not blaming, and he will forgive me, because it was not me. I had no control, or concept that, under the circumstances, this could actually be wrong. It was very easy to justify it, even tho, in my head, I knew that it would be breaking marriage vows.

Not sure that proof is possible. Might have been, 5 days ago, prior to steroids, if I'd had an MRI, but inflammation is likely to be gone. Is there another clinical way to prove a flare?

Also not sure that proof is necessary, as he believes that it is a result of my MS.

~ Faith

Faith - I don't think there is a way to clinically prove this and a physician may be hard pressed to get in the middle by saying one way or another because it would be difficult to prove. If you know what I mean. However, discussing this with your neuro, imo, is important. And, yes, this is out of character for you and definitely a cause for concern - as many of us on here expressed.

The brain is so complex, hence the neuros can't grasp it all - they're just "practicing":D. j/k any neuros reading this. With many brain damaged patients (MS or not) there are a plethora of behavioral/personality changes that CAN take place. Some subtle, some not so subtle. Throw in some medications, depression issues, hormones, etc., etc. and . . .:eek::p

I did find this and thought you might find it interesting. . . (Maybe that could be your "proof"). This could possibly, and I use possibly lightly as I am not in your situation, etc., be what you are experiencing.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12056938

The bigger issue here is to not sweep it under the carpet because DH is forgiving. It may lay dormant under the carpet and resurface. Please, talk to your dr about this.:hug:

I thought you said he was not being reasonable which is why I mentioned proof. I do believe since this is so out of character and may be related to your ms a doctor could confirm the possibility. The main question will more likely be is it something caused by ms or something enitrely different? Either way, it needs to be evaluated and I am glad your taking steps to find out. Much prayers to both of you.

tkrik -- Talk to my doc about what? the article says the opposite of what happened to me.

a peice of that article speaks about DYS function, but the next sentence says

In contrast, hypersexual behavior and paraphilias are distinctly uncommon in this population of patients, but have been associated with various focal brain lesions


This is the leg to stand on. You are RARE in what is happening to you, but not ALONE. Others have it Documented as a REAL happening in MS folks.

Thx, Dej. It IS helpful to know that I am not alone. MS is, already, not a hugely common disease whose "typical" symptoms are often odd. It is comforting to know that symptoms as bizarre and unacceptable as mine are not alone.

I don't know the person who did these things.

~ Faith

Dej - That was exactly my point in posting the article and it does talk about "altered sexual behavior" and that Faith is NOT alone in this as it does happen not only with MS patients but others with brain damage/injuries.

Faith - I hope it helps you to know that you aren't alone and that this type of issue has been observed/documented in MS patients, despite its rarity.:hug:

Sounds like you and DH could both use a little of that day hospital. Some therapy by a professional could be beneficial.

My best wishes for you both, Faith. :hug::hug:

Yes; we have some marriage therapy set up.

its hard enough to have a life altering disease, without spousal issues on top of it. It sounds like your plate is full beyond measure, and I would demand a break for myself. You cant work on your marriage, or your partner till you work on yourself. Please, find the time, the love, the respect, and the space needed to work on just you. You are important enough, good enough, and worthy enough to be worked on first. Once you get yourself into a stable space, only then can and should you work on marriage or spouses or children. Make sure while you are working on you, he is working on himself. its harder to knock down a house with a strong foundation.

I wish much love and support for you. Hang in there. :hug:

DH has some sharing
 

Hello,

Thank you for all your sharing and kind words for Faith. She is still in her flare and has the problem with a hyper sex drive. I had given her free computer access yesterday and she has re registered with and adult web site again and initiated contact with a local man in our home town. Her previous activity included emails to several people with dates, times and details planning for sex outside of marriage. She had given her cell phone number out and had received calls on it from one of the strangers. Her mental strengths are down and she has been resisting me and a lot her support friends counsel to be hospitalized as well as has resisted medication to help her with hyper mania issues that include the sex drive. She is just not herself and does not realize it. Her best decision would be to hospitalize herself and we have been working on a court order to have this happen since she is currently resiting all counsel to do this. We are trying to protect the real Faith from this compromised Faith that has in mind to do very dangerous an damaging activity. She of course feels imprisoned in her own home. This disease is hate full for everyone not just her. Thanks for your support, DH

Excuse me, Stop with the word hospitalization and use the appropriate word (COMMITMENT). I understand Faith is not acting in a way you approve of or in a manner constant with her past; however, this is in no way reason for commitment! You also can not commit her. I have not heard that she is a danger to herself or to society!! These are the only reasons for commitment. While I encourage her to seek treatment from her neuro; I in no way encourage her to commit herself!
It seems Faith is in a flair and has lesions which control her mood... This is not uncommon. We all know this or we should. It will end when the flair ends. Should I and others be committed because we scream, yell, toss dishes... due to mood changes while in a flair. NO!! Should I be committed because I want or have sex with the man down the street while in a flair -- NO!
I understand Faith's behavior hurts your feelings, but your feelings are not what I am concerned with. I'm concerned with Faith and the poor support she is getting from her husband.
If I were a husband in such a situation; I would make arrangements with family members to stay close and give all possible support to my wife.
Your current behavior may well be why Faith is still in a flair. Stress can put one in a flair and will keep one in it. Faith needs all family understanding and support possible, and all roids... to help pull her out of this.
I could not agree more - Faith - :hug:Much Love & Understanding - I've been there

Having an intimate encounter with someone you do not know is very dangerous in every way, shape and form!! Disease, assault and yes, even death are a real possibility.

My point is that it is not legal grounds for commitment. Danger to ones self as defined by state law for legal commitment! Driving above the speed limit is also very dangerous as in possible death.
OT - but there are a lot of middle aged men and women without MS who totally change their behavior, clothes.... and have affairs with strangers. Funny, I have not seen a single one committed due to this behavior. Have a great day!

I am going to end this and say I hope faith gets the love, attention, and affection she needs, and deserves. Without ridicule, and without judgment. There are reasons its hard to commit a spouse. in years gone by, a man could simply say "put her in there" and the courts veiwing the wife as his property would comply. With or without just cause.

This has now gone from a woman in pain asking if anyone else gets the same sx when they are in a flare, to a full court press of stress. I am not there. I cannot personally stretch out my hand and hold hers.

I wish the best for Faith, and I pray hard that she gets the help she wants, and needs, but now that her husband is posting in her name, on her account. I no longer feel comfortable responding or adding to this thread. I would hope that he open HIS own account, and respond. Privacy and respect for a spouse are paramount in building and keeping any relationship going.

I dont mind hearing from a spouse as a care giver, we have a few here, but I do have a problem with locking a woman out of her accounts, emails, phones, and computer access, then showing up and posting on her account. I would hope that he opens HIS OWN account if he wishes to add to the conversation. IMHO Faith deserved privacy, and respect and the ability to speak privately to others who may have been suffering the same sx or events, without the responding party having fear of those personal messages being taken away.

Since I can no longer count on who is behind this member name, and whether or not Faith is now actually allowed to see our advice and love, I am going to step out of the circle and simply pray for the best in the very bad situation.

I wish you much love faith. Please find us when you can.

as it seems Faith's account is being used by someone other than herself, I am locking this thread and moderating the account pending verification from Faith when she is again the person using her own account here

Faith, if you are reading this, you remain in our thoughts and prayers and we hope things will soon be much better for you

Re: "New Symptoms During MS Flare"