Self esteem/sensitive question
 

Our relative, who I have mentioned here before, has been dx'd with Bipolar Disorder. She was adopted as a child, although today she is an adult woman.

She seems to get into many dilemmas simply 'cause she can't say no to folks. There are too many "far out" unbelievable/not to be believed stories to tell. When we tell her to speak up for herself (some of these instances she is clearly being taken advantage of...ANYONE could see it), she'll say "I don't want to be a rude and/or mean. Sometimes she gets into situations that are very complicated and somewhat dangerous, all because she is too quick to say "yes," to friends, casual friends...even strangers.

I was wondering, is this something that might occur when someone is manic? Depressed? Suffering from low self esteem? Might the adoption itself lend itself to this type of thing?

Has anyone else here had problems in this area and overcome them? IF so, how?

Thank you very much for your input. It has always been appreciated.

If she is an adult then she has the right to live her life how she sees fit.
If she doesn't think it is a problem or does she?
I would highly recommend that she see a therapist if she is unhappy with herself.
She seems to be a people pleaser type and hard to get out of that.
She will continue with this role until it no longer meets her needs.
tell us more if you want to.
bizi

HI,

These things could be mood related.
They could also be entirely unrelated to mood.
Do you talk to her about this? Does she recognize this pattern?

M.

thoughts
 

Dear Vowel Lady,

the way i understand your description, it doesn't fit clearly with bipolar. While many bipolars may have this issue, many non-bipolars do also.

i agree a therapist would be a good idea if the young woman concerned is herself concerned about this. a person with self-esteem issues, or a dependent type personality is likely to have this kind of problem.

i could see a possible relation to a bipolar episode ONLY if this is not a constant behavior for her, especially if it happens only when she is clearly depressed. in depression, one's sense of worth could potentially be eroded to the point of fearing to stand up for themselves even against their better judgment.

with mania, people sometimes engage in dangerous behaviors, but usually it has to do with elevated impulsivity, lowered inhibitions, or impaired judgment. a manic person generally is more likely to have an inflated sense of worth and is less likely to go along with others - unless the activities presented sound attractive to them, at least in the moment. it does not sound like this is the case.

i think Mari and Beth make important points about your relative's adulthood and whether she considers this a problem. on the other hand, i also appreciate that even once a person is "legally" an adult, if family members see clear ways in which they are undermining themselves, then it only makes sense to try to help them, just as a good friend would do.

sending you all good wishes.

~ waves ~

very well put waves....:)

I agree with waves.

I dont think that has to do with bipolar... is more a... mood thing... a personal thing...

:hug:

Yes I understand a people pleaser. They want friends and that is why they people please. It happened to me because of emotional abuse and being isolated for so long. She's going to want to have to do something about it on her own for anyone to help her. Complaining to her about it may just well make it worse.

barbara

I will touch on the one thing, I don't believe anyone has. This can definately
be low self esteem. It can also be that she feels so inadequate that she
feels that being asked to do these things is a honor. That it shows she is
a needed, wanted person in peoples lives.

I think one of the things you need to do, to help her. Is to help her find ways to be needed and wanted. That are not dangerous to her. Make sure
she has a way to build a good self esteem.

I can totally relate to your friend. I have a low self esteem. And have I'm sure done things to please others just so they like me.

I also know that I have allowed people to walk all over me, (Husband)
See I have had to learn to stand up for me, and what is right.

Donna

She may have a co-dependent personality.

That would very likely make her unable or unlikely to say no to anyone asking her for anything.

She may just want to feel or to be needed. Some people are just this way.

:confused:
Abbie

dear vowel lady,
I have psoted this somewhere before but thought I would quickly state that:
WE are all different people.
WE each have different triggers for stuff.
WE all deal with stress differently.
We all have different issues that trouble us mentally.
Even though we are bipolar that doesn't mean that we don't also have another diagnosis under our belts.
Some deal with anxiety, a number of different personality issues, co dependant, borderline, eating disorders, self injury, OCD, ADD, mixed moods, rapid cycling moods, suicidal thoughts, drug abuse, alcohol abuse,
the mental health issues that we can all face weather we are diagnosed or not...jsut like the genreal population. there are a lot of trouble people out there with out medical services available.
I again would encourage her to see a therapist for some self esteem work and her people pleaser personality.
anyway I am sure it is frustrating to watch her do these things....she may be being impulsive and doing what she thinks is best at a split second, risk taking behavior yes this could be mania....then rationalizing after the fact.
I have gotten in all kinds of trouble, treaded where angels fear to go when hypo manic/manic.
hOpe this helps ......
bizi

Thank you all very much for your wonderful responses.
She is a bright and kind young woman, but does seem to have low self esteem. There are times these situations worsen...and during these times there seems to be an impulsive component to them. That is when I suspect her illness might be playing a role. Treading were angels fear to go....yep...that kinda describes it.
She has seen a therapist in the past and it was somewhat helpful. I plan on gently suggesting she seek additional treatment.
Thank you again.

Hi,

This might not be about self-esteem.

It sounds like impulse control as you mention.
Also, she could be very trusting.

I think that this can be helped via counseling.
Counseling might help her learn to avoid situations that result in strange or serious consequences.

The frontal lobe controls this impulsive behavior:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0302115751.htm

http://www.arlenetaylor.org/brain-re...tnatal-summary
M.

I am so impressed with all the thoughts in this thread.

I see someone I know in this and it makes me want to figure out
a way to get them to therapy.

I just might.

Donna:grouphug: