so much going on
 

that at times it makes my head spin. I have so many different issues going on that it has me rather out of it at times. There is so many different things to take care of and some of them are major things. As the saying goes, "when it rains it pours." Well, that has certaintly been my case. I am finding out all kinds of things that make me wonder, "what the hell!" I wish that life was much simpler. I'm beginning to realize just how little control people actually have over their lives.

I am really getting down about not being able to go places on my own and be independent. That really has me feeling so helpless. It is hard to be alone when going through a serious surgery. I can only take it one day at a time though as I have been.

Barbara

Barb
I think you have done a great job. And just give yourself a little more time.
You will be able to get out again soon. Donna

Thanks Donna. I hope so. A girlfriend may come by tomorrow and take me out to eat lunch. That will give me something to look forward to. I enjoy her company.

If another person tells me to listen to music to pass time I will scream bloody murder. I honestly do not know what people are thinking I have been doing for the past 3 weeks but listen to music when I can not do anything else. For crying out loud this is getting on my nerves so bad. I just wish that one person could walk in the shoes I've been wearing the past 3 weeks and let them then act like it's no big deal. Just listen to music. HELLO! Why would I need to to told to listen to music anyway. Am I some kind of embesole and can't think of it on my own. I know none of you here have told me that but I just needed to vent about the others telling me that cause I'm too nice to say something to them.

barbara

Dear Barbara,

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

'Wishes for a full and speedy recovery.

M.

Thank you Mari,

I can not even go to sleep and end this miserable day. I can not take this any longer and am ****** off at the world. There are tons of people who I am always there for and when I need someone to help me they act like they can't be bothered. People can't even pick up the phone and God forbid if I ask them to do more than just pick up the phone. EVERYONE I KNOW has somone, a kid, a hubby, a mom, a sibbling, a best friend. At least someone has someone else and they will never know the rough road I walk all alone. I am completely alone all on my own. Not one soul can understand the hell that brings. I am sick and tired of being the strong person for my weak friends. My weak friends can not ever be there for me. I have not one soul to be there for me, zilts. If I were to die tonight there would be no one to take care of my after death arrangements. Don't you think that doesn't bother me? How do you think I feel when I have to get a next to stranger to be the person the docs talk to in case of an emergency. I don't even trust this person to be talking to the docs but they won't take you unless you have a person they can contact. I don't think anyone knows the living hell I go through a lot of times. People think because I am a strong person that I don't feel the pain of loneliness or burden to shoulder everything on my own with absoluteiy no help at all. If I complain people don't want to hear it.

Dear Barbara
 

loneliness is terrible. i wish you had closer friends. come a certain age, it is hard to make friends, too, i notice. :( good, strong, bonds that is.

~ waves ~

Thanks Waves. I canceled my eye doctor appointment to day so I can sleep all day.

barbara

Barb
When you feel like it post more. Let us know what you feel. Its what
we are here for. I am always one that can listen to others.

I'm here for you.

Donna

Will your eye heal in a long time frame? or is this a short waiting period or a wait and see kind of thing.
When are your restrictions lifted?
could you wear an eye patch if that would help?
When can you drive again? the eye patch might help you....when that time comes if your vision is still not right....I don't know.
Thank you for trusting us to vent your frustrations to us.
come vent when ever you need to.
(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

It can take anywhere from 6 months to a year for my vision to improve. The lady at the Eye Istitute said my surgery is one of the most aggravating ones to have to have with a long recovery period. I'm so very sleepy today and just want to sleep to forget. The good thing is though is that I ate good today for a change.

barbara

I'm gettting ready to call it an early night tonight. I can not get anyone by phone to talk to tonight. I watched a little T.V. for as long as I could stand it with my eyes not focusing. I feel really deserted by a lot of people that I know. That hurts a great deal to know that people can be so cold to anohter human being. I hate my brothers who have always told me I need to be indedepent. All that boils down to is they don't want to ever be there for me. If they saw me this down in the dumps they'd try to have me put in the hospital so they would not have to deal. It's just as well they are not in my life.

barbara

Dear Barbara
 

i am sorry it will be such a long time healing. i had no idea. that is an ordeal. :hug:

your brothers don't seem to have the concept of independent down too well. being independent doesn't mean never needing anybody. i'm sorry you don't have some family that you can get on with. time back, i think you mentioned a half-sister that you talked to sometimes... are you still in touch with her? i think you could use some companionship plain and simple, even if you aren't very close.

~ waves ~

Dear Barbara,

I'm sorry about your brothers.
Remind yourself that you have done well with this.

Contact your doctors and get some help.
They are aware of agencies in the area that can bring you
recordings of books on CD, movies, equipment that can help you,
and so on. Also, you might be able to get someone to come to
your house twice a week or more often to help you during these weeks after the surgery.
You might be able to get someone to give you rides to the
grocery store and stuff like that.

You live in a big enough place that has these services.

Contact each doc and nurse that you have dealt with and let them know
you are alone and need help. Ask them to refer you to some agencies.
Also, contact your health insurance.
HELLO! They might cover some things that your docs has not
asked for and that you have not thought about.

Social workers tend to be hooked up with information more
than doctors but doctors can send you to social workers.

Good luck Barbara.
I looks like you might need plans
for 1) short term, 2) mid range, 3) long term while you recover.

I'm sending you healing vibes.
Dark blue is a good healing color for the eyes.
I'm sending you intense blue. -- pretend that this is indigo.

M.

Thanks you Waves and Mari.

Mari, I had some help for the 1st 3 weeks. I Can Not get anymore help unless I pay for it. My main concern is being alone and bored. I can do for myself pretty much except drive. No one is going to pay for some one to be here to keep me company. I do not want books on video. I have a T.V. I can listen to if I want to listen to something. Books are boring to me, a big BORING unless they are textbooks which in that case it would take some action on my part. I really appreciate your suggestions but I have been hearing the same things for over a month now.

This is what I do that works for me. I walk to the local bar and try to be around ohter people instead of being so isolated. I can not sit in the bar all day and there are not going to be someone there to talk to each time I go there. If it rains I can not walk to the bar but have to stay home all day.

I have a bubble in my eye which is a real PAIN in the butt. It puts me in a bad mood when I can not see good enough to fix my hair the way it should look. It bothers me when I can not see very well who I'm talking to. I have business that I need to conduct on the day by day living that I have hard time doing becasue I can not see good enough to take notes or to even get to the places I need to be to take care of the business.

I know everyone is trying to be helpful with suggestions of what I can do but I have already heard the same suggestions a hundred times and I should by all means know by now what I want to do or can do. I guess from now on when I post I'll have to say please no suggestions.

Dear Barbara,
 

not sure if i made a suggestion but i do apologize if my question was indelicate. i certainly did not mean to add insult to injury.

thank you for speaking up about not wanting suggestions. as you say, people try to be helpful and in the way of that, when we think of things... we do tend to suggest them. so it is good to be clear about that. i don't always think of it myself, and in some situations, i get frustrated by suggestions. but until that happens, i often don't realize i perhaps am needing/wanting a different sort of support.

take care.

~ waves ~

Thank you Waves for understanding. I suppose it would be a good idea for us to post that we are not looking for any suggestions from the get go. I just want some hugs and sympathy I suppose.

I walked back up to the local bar again today and was able to have a pleasant conversation with another person in there. That made me feel so much better like I'm not so isolated. I feel like a complete different person now after having some human contact wiwth a person to talk to. My head feels clearer. The bug man came to spray before that and spoke with me which really lifted my spirits. He asked me if I worked from home! Imagine that all the business I have to contact makes my home look like I am taking care of a working home business.

:grouphug::grouphug:Barb

I'm not sure but there are agencies that can help with the paperwork,
and with some of the other things you listed.

I don't know but you might try contacting the agency in your area that
handles things like Medicaid waivers. See if they have any thing that
can help you.


I am not sure this is making sense.

Donna

Donna, my resources are too much to get any type of assistance from anywhere without me footing the bill. Believe me, I know this good and well by now. I don't need anyone to take care of my paper work as it can only be done by me. The only paper work someone could do is to write out my checks but there are tons of other paperwork that needs attention. I can not say at the time of why I have so much paper work as for now it is best not to talk about due to the nature of those things.

I am really going to be alright as I am taking care of things one step at a time. I may reach out to some of you in PMs for your expertise on information that I could use.

Thank you,
barbara

Thanks for letting me know Barb.

I wasn't thinking of resource's.

Donna:grouphug:

You welcomed Donna. I have been busy half the night tonight getting things ready to go out in the mail for one of my legal issues. I'm now wininding down and hope to go to bed very soon. I feel such a sense of accomlishment after getting all those papers ready to mail. I am so awfully tired though as I had gotten use to going to bed early for some time so now is really late for me.

Good night folks.

good job
 

good job on the papers barbara i hope you get some good sleep - it is late over there i hope you don't have to be up early - there seems to be a sleep deprivation epidemic lately. :eek:.

~ waves ~

Thanks Waves. The phone woke me up early and then when I went back to sleep someone at the door woke me up again. I did not get enough sleep last night so I'm out of it today. I walked to the local bar and got myself some breakfast to eat. My neck and shoulders are killing me so I'd be better get off from here.

I'm doing much better today. There is one legal issue that I am going to hate to have to work on again but if I don't I'll regret it. I'm hoping that my bf does not have to work late today. I am so much looking forward to seeing him tonight. Then tomorrow I plan to go visit my best girlfriend and have some drinks with her. I haven't been able to see her all month due to my surgery. I walked to the local bar and had a nice time talking with the regulars in there. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack walking home though, I had to lay down for hours after getting home to settle my beating heart down,

Be care for Barb

On those walks.

Donna

Thank you Donna. I felt the same way last night while going to sleep so I plan to make an appointment with the doctor. It doesn't feel like an anxiety attack but different.

barbara

Barb
I'm glad you are going to make a appointment with your doctor.

I have a question, in your area do they have agencies that help
people that can't drive for some reason get to doctor's appointments.

In Indiana it doesn't have to do with income. The groups I'm talking
about. They are van's that are for all elderly or disabled.

In our area they thankfully also take them to the grocery store. And because
we live so far from town, if they are taking them to town. They will stop at Walmart and places like that.

Donna

Yes Donna we do and thank you for bringing that up. I had forgot all about the American Red Cross transportation to medical appointments. I will call them tomorrow for my appointment I have with the eye surgeon. One bad thing about the American Red Cross for transportation is that you have to give them 2 weeks ahead of time notice and they may not let you know right away if they can take you. I also have a Van service that I can pay for to get rides although sometimes when waiting for them you have to stand up so they'll see you because they won't go looking for you. I know because I've been left twice before standed by them. I can not stand up for long or sit out in the heat too long waiting for them due to medical conditoins. I could possibly get ride to the grocery store for a couple of things though as the grocery store has a window to look out of for them. The van service would be very bad to take to my eye doctor appointment though as there is no where to sit outside wating for them. I also may be able to get a ride from my Sunday school teacher who has had the same surgery I had a while back so she can relate to what I am going through. I should call her later.

As to how I've been feeling; I think I know what the problem is because I've felt this way before. I had all the symtoms of being dehydrated. I didn't think of it soon until today when I realized some more of the symptoms of dehydration showed up. I don't drink a lot of water because it gives me heartburn. I'm going to buy a water filter though as it's the chemicals in the water that give me the heartburn. When I started drinking water today to help the dehydration I got heartburn really bad. So even though my weekend Friday and Saturday morning with bf was good the rest of my weekend I was not feeling so hot. I used a suppository for the constipation and that was a lot of relief just by doing that.

Thank you so much for bringing up the subject rides I can get to places as it made me think well of course there are. Now can you help me clean my house. :D Just kidding. I know I'll get some housework done for sure tomorrow when I'm feeling lots better. Well, what I can do with my restrictions.

barbara