Struggling
 

I havn't been around here alot latley, which is a bit unusual for me, I havn't even been checking out my usual haunts, which is very unusual.....

But I have been struggling, and just am in a lost and sad place at the moment, I need to talk, so I've decided to come here, as you are all so wonderful and supportive. I don't want to talk to family, cos we will all end up crying, and I don't have the energy for that at the moment.

My dear Dad, who is nearly 80, living in a WONDERFUL nursing home, had a scare about 2 weeks ago, they thought it might have been another stroke. It turned out not to be, but then it might have been fluid on the brain. Waiting for a Dr to have the decency to ring Mum with the results seems to be not happening, so she is seeing his GP tomorrow I think, so maybe will get some answers.

Yesterday I went up to visit, the poor old darling could harldy walk, I mean couldn't even pick up his feet to take a step. It is so heart wrenching to see him like this, I grew up on a farm seeing him to all manner of farm work, then he had his own buisness, a Aviation Flying Training school.

Whew, that does feel better, so thanks for listening:hug:

I'm so sorry.........it's so hard to watch your parents age. Especially when they've had such an active life.

I pray that this is just a minor bump in the road for him and he'll be feeling better soon. I remember my Dad at that age and minor things seemed to take a major toll on him energy-wise. It just took him more time to recover.

You and your Dad are in my prayers. :hug:

I'm sorry too redtail. Drs and decency, often an oxymoron. I pray you all get some answers soon and like kitty said, it just takes longer to mend at his age. :hug:

keeping your dad, your mom and ((((you)))) in my prayers:hug:

I'm so sorry I didn't see this yesterday redtail. :hug:

Please know that I'm thinking of you and if you want to "talk" , please feel free to send me a PM. I'm almost always around when you are. :hug:

Thinking of you.
 

So sad to hear this, but always remember we are here at all times. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones.


Darlene :hug:

Thank you all so much. I spent the day with Dad his brother visiting from Tasmania and my Big Sister. We were going through family history stuff, which was good. Iam exhausted tho, its stressfull to watch him struggle. Our whole family will be together on the weekend, it will be wonderfull to have everyone around, and just be together.
thanks again everyone, it really means alot to be able to talk here
Kate

Huggs for You and your family Hun be well. xxxxxxxx

Just found out today he's been having lots of little minor strokes...................nothing they can do, guess I shall just have to keep giving him hugs and telling him I love him.
thanks again

It's good to hear from you again redtail.

I'm sorry the news you impart isn't wonderful, and I do hope that these further mini strokes don't leave any residual symptoms. Please keep us updated on how your dad is doing, and how you are doing, and please don't forget to take care of yourself!

Thinking of you and sending you some hugs. :hug:

still praying for your dad and you and the family, redtail:hug:

Kate,
 

http://dl.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1...b4ubf7xxgd.gif
I'm reading this very late.
But want to give you a :hug: and say you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope comfort find you and your family soon.

Blessings, Friend

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you kind thoughts.
I struggle to visit Dad and see him just struggle to the toilet, but do enjoy sitting and talking.

You'd be surprised about what all he knows?
 

ASK him questions? Asking is also stimulating to his mind and his spirit...even if it's about the past.... ask things you never thought you could ask before? Who knows? He might just give you answers. But, if you don't ask? You will never ever KNOW about a whole lot of his past and thus yours.
Better yet? Make it a 'tell me' sort of project? About his growing up, his getting married, getting a family and on with life? It is 'ENGAGING' and can let him tell you all about him that he wants you to know.... IF you show the curiousity and give him the opportunity. Bring a recorder along to record his words for your children. Words on a page don't have the weight of words spoken. Also? You mite be surprised a bit too [about some things?]! Don't show shock, just an 'OH WOW' sort of response? To any admissions. Besides? You can always play it and have him 'near' you later....
It gives your visits a purpose, and also gives HIM some purpose & to look forward to? ..think on that and do what you feel best, if you can.

AND, yes, the trips to the facilities are the most distressing and dehumanizing aspects of being in rehab? [Been there, done that! Hated it!!!] It really depends on the nurses that you get? The good ones are often not appreciated. IF you see a nurse take good care of your dad? Tell the case worker? If your dad complains about 'someone' find out who it is, and also complain! Good care is hard to find in any country! Thing is they hire cheap and pay cheaper? So...you MUST recognize the good ones! In your case, it's your dad, next time? Could be YOU? It was me and The STAFF knew I wasn't gonna take any gump in any shape or form! When I was done w/them? And I'm not done yet!
I've also had two in-laws in long-term re-hab of the kind one does not exit from? That's been gut wrenching, but staffs were super and I'd always tried to let the staffs know that I appreciated everything done! Rehab was 700 miles from my home and it's not like I could visit weekly...so their reports were welcome news!
I hope this helps? And doesn't confuse things... I will put my mind to hoping that your dad can and does recover to a good degree! Don't be afraid to ask questions, as there are many here far more wise than I am! :hug:'s! - j

Thanks for that Dahlek,

Dads in a nursing home, its a wonderful place, full of caring and concerned carers, just as I was there, one came in and as she left touched his hand and told him to let them know if he needed anything.......

Yes I have been asking questions for years, sometimes I sit and write down on his computer all the things he's telling me, cos I know one day he won't be there to talk to.

Today I showed him one of the Improv everywhere stunts, It gave him a smile. He held my hand and said I'd brightened his morning, as he was having a bad morning. I just have to get strong, and go and visit alot more often, and put aside my angst.....he needs me, and I need him.

I'm starting on family geneology, so will have to take stuff up to pick his brains.
Its just sad that after an hour he's exhausted and falling asleep....still better than nothing.
thanks for your kind words, it helps comming here and getting everyones support
Kate

Sending hugs to you.:hug:

Prayers going up for you and yours, Redtail! :winky:
Continue taking care!

Yes Iam continuing to take care, we moved him into high care yesterday, same place just up the hall. Thankfully most of us were there, so it was quite smooth, but still a wrench.
I have started to do my family genealogy, so I will be taking it up to Dad and getting his imput and talking to him about stuff I'm not so sure about.
thanks again everyone for all the care and concern

Hi All,

just thought I'd update you on Dad. Although I havn't seen him for about 3 weeks, as I've been rather ill, and in and out of hospital. He has settled into his new room, and is doing ok, but misses his garden.
I'm hoping to go and see him sometime this week, I do miss him.
thanks
Kate

Only the living struggle
 

redtail,

You don't know me, as I am usually on another forum here at NeuroTalk. Suffice it to say I have a chronic degenerative illness which is taking a lot from me physically and mentally, but has given me a lot of spiritual opportunities.

I was led here today for other reasons, but I noticed your thread title, and I feel I have something to contribute to the discussion, namely, that I have come to see my own struggles as something that keeps me vital and in touch with the rest of humanity. I was addressing my beloved Deity recently with a whole list of complaints and sorrows--that I was only getting worse, that I will never recover, that I will become immobile, that I had to give up driving and may in a few years have to give up walking. I cried, I pleaded, but still had to struggle to get dressed to go to the doctor. "Everything worth doing is a struggle!," I shouted.

Then it was as if a still, small voice spoke to my heart. It said, "So struggle!"

My tears stopped. I woke up to myself and what I was doing. I was adding misery and anguish to the world, just because I felt frustrated, when I had still more to offer in other areas, such as strength, love, courage, artistic endeavor, companionship, music, freedom, and worship. I felt like I had crossed a threshold in the darkness. Taking my motto from the street workers who put up a sign saying "Dig We Must," I have begun the habit of saying "Struggle We Must" any time it's appropriate. And you know what, redtail? I've quickly discovered that EVERYONE struggles in one way or another.

I hope it won't offend you if I ask, why return anguish for your Dad's good-spirited appreciations for what you do for him? Will your grief and fear spill out into the records you are making of his wisdom?

It 's okay to grieve, of course, but it is also okay to rejoice in lives shared and struggles rewarded with joy.

I hope this is of some use to someone who reads it.

Blessings,
Jaye

Hi Jaye,

thanks for your beautiful post!!! I was really touched.

I have been struggling for about 8 years now with mg, and I think it really has made me a better person, taught me soooo much I thought I knew, but how wrong was I.
I came to the conclusion that I have what I have and I can learn from it or sink into a hole I will never come out of.......

I guess the struggling with Dad is I hate to see that he has become a old man that can't do anything, but his mind is ok.

The other day I had a wonderful time with him, took up some lunch and my laptop and showed him lots of photos and talked, I went away on a high, it was great. I loved that we could just sit and talk, it was great.

thanks again for you post, I appreciate it
Kate

You just made my day
 

Enjoy him double for me next time. I lost my dad at age 16, when he was 44, and my mom when I was 34 and she was 63. I hope the message gets to them that I love them and miss them.

But, Struggle We Must, for joy abounds in this world if we know how to find it. Seems to me you're doing everything right, Kate.

Peace,
Jaye