too many scary experiences for me
 

I have for this week and a half had some very scary experiences.
I got my head stuck in the subway train door today. The people were trying to help me out by pushing me free and pulling the door open. I reported that train.

Next today I witnessed a two year old mother allowing her child to hit her with his toy. She said like father like son. I told her that you are mom! Just take away the toy. He can not do nothing that way and it is a punishment for misusing his toy. She thanks me then starts smacking the child acrossing hands and grabs him by the arms harshly. She then screams at him in her native tongue and continues beating him. Now I wish I said nothing.

Last week, this Jewish man followed me. I noticed him staring at me across from me on the train. Decided to study and not pay any attention to him. Next time I look up and is standing in front of me. Then he asks where I lived and where I worked and where I was from. I lied the whole conversation. Well when my stop was up and I had to get off the train, He lift his arms up so I could not go anywhere. He blocked me so I could not leave the train in front of a crowded train. I told him to move!
He move and got off the train with me. Then I asked him why he did that? And he said he was sorry. Then he went up stairs as I glared at him. Then he watched me from upstairs. He was waiting to see what train I was getting on so he can follow me again! So I went up stairs and he ran across the station to another set of stairs and went down them and I chased after him at this rate because I was so mad and tired of being so nice. I want to physically harm him. I thought it is about time I show people how truly dangerous I can be when I am threatened. The first person I hurt will be my complete transformation of the new me. I am done with being nice to strangers. I will no longer be vulnerable to manipulation. I will be the manipulator from now on.
Anyways, he got away by jumping on a random train. So I let him go. Well monday this week I was sitting on the train when all of the sudden I see him again. He saw me too because when he walked in he saw me and walked right out and waited for another train. That made me feel good to know that he is afraid of me. He's the victim now. I win.

This is wrong but what can I do?
Sorry if I upset my friends I will not hurt you!

Hi,

Be careful of your head!

Perhaps you are in a place you did not grow up. You are not accustomed to the ways people get around in the big city.
Maybe stay away from people as much as possible until your learn cues better.

I thought that people on the trains often try to ignore other people as much as possible. For example, they don't make eye contact, . .

I suspect this it not true of everyone.

I would have left that woman alone because I feel vulnerable and anxious to start with. I don't have enough energy to deal with strangers. Maybe you are in a similar way right now. In that case, save your emotional energy.


Also, I really really hate when a stranger says something helpful or nice to me. I look at them weird, mumble and move on. I don't want to engage with people. I'm not a weirdo -- I'm not. But I'm having a hard day and I don't want any interaction. Other people I suspect also do not want a complete stranger talking to them. Try leaving people completely a lone for a few weeks and see if things are better.


Do you have any one (female) who can travel with you on a train and give you feedback about how you are sending out signals?

Here is a good book about following your instincts, staying in close touch with yourself:
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/T...Save-Your-Life

M.

This is a great book!
My dad is friends with the author!
I am sorry that you had these scarey things happen to you.... getting stuck in the door sounds just awful....I am glad that other people helped you!
bizi

Thank you Mari!
I will get the book ASAP! Looking forward to reading it.
I will be more careful.

Hugs

Sharla :)

Sharla, you did have a lot going on didn't you? I hope today was better.

barbara

train incident # 2!
 

So the same train from yesterday did the same thing yesterday but to other people. I am so upset no one can get out or in and adults and childrens hands and arms were closed on. People had to fight to get their arms and hands from the doors. I hope this is just a train malfunction. I can not imagine some train tendant doing this on purpose. I reported this incident to protect the public.



I just got off work. I am looking forward to getting home and hiding in my room for the rest of the day in bed. The warehouse men whistle and holler at me and I am not wearing anything to get that attention. One try to say hi and I just pretend no one is there. I want to call in sick tommorow. I miss Michigan.

:(

Sharla

Sharla
Your last post was much better acting.

I think its a normal reaction for the guys to be whistling and things.

Ignoring them is hard, but good. You did a great job.

I think you will do great.


Donna:grouphug:

Dear Sharla,
Trains might do that even though they are not supposed to.
Keep watching out for yourself.

There is an old Sex in the City episode with Miranda getting fed up with those men. I tried to find it on youtube but could not.

Men do that. It has nothing to do with what you are wearing. You are female. They are in a group and feel extra obnoxious. Ignore them. Practice ignoring them. You will get good at ignoring stuff.

Yes, stay home in your room. Relax tonight.
Be ok.

M.

I feel so stressed. I hope I get used to this madness soon!
Thanks Donna,

Hugs Sharla

I want to have better days. But New York is insane. It is as if I have to hold my breath where ever I go because everything has been intense lately. And I am homesick.
I pray tommorow is better.
Thanks Barbara

I did not know that you were living in new york now!
when did you move there?
things will get easier with time.
bizi

Sharla, I can so relate to missing one's old place. Even though I did not move to another state I still had a lot of trouble adjusting to my new neighborhood. I miss being able to hang out with the old neighbors that I had become freinds with.

How was today? I hope better. It may just take some time though. Hang in there.

barbara

big cities
 

Dear Sharla,

i feel for you adjusting to NYC. big cities are not my cup of tea either.

ignoring people is safest in metro areas, especially when you are uncomfortable - with or without obvious reason. avoid eye contact and do not answer questions. it is good that you lied about stuff to that weirdo, but better yet would be not to engage someone like that at all. pretend that they are talking to someone else altogether no matter what they say.

use peripheral vision to determine where they are and keep a safety zone around you, without making eye contact or looking directly at them.

here, people stand up and get near the door of the train as soon as the doors close for the stop before they need to get off. i have seen this in other places in europe too. where i am it is also common on a busy train to ask people near the door who did not clearly move-there-to-get-off, whether they are getting off at the next stop. they know from the question that you need to get off and will either say yes or let you get in front of them, so you don't have to scramble through an obstacle course when the train halts. i have never been on the NY subway though - i would check out how other people prepare to leave the train.

i am sorry about getting your head stuck in the door that must have been terrifying. i got my little finger caught in the door once - it was my fault but it was still scary. when the sensors don't work that is bad and it sounds like that is the case with your train. you did well to report it!

i understand the motivation to intervene with the child and the toy. but once again in metro areas it is really much safer not to intervene. first priority is to stay safe 100% of the time. besides there being different cultures, there are all kinds of weird elements, groups and gangs out there. a person who seems innocuous and alone may not really be alone, that includes a mother with child - it may be unsafe to mess with them. you just don't know. my great aunt used to say, trust is good, but suspicion is safer.

if something really bad is going on, call an authority. call more than one if you have to, say, call the cops on your cell phone and go and report the transit authority as well, in the case of subway incidents.

~ waves ~

:)
 

I am on the womens retreat right now. I am out of New York. We drove to. Pensylvania! All green and less concrete! And I am around my friends at church. They do not think I am a freak! They really like me. They really accept me.


I am so glad about this and I am glad I went on this retreat!

I needed it really bad and now we are making a art craft.

Talk to you all laters.


Sharla

Dear Sharla,

People living in big cities find ways to connect with green areas and nature.
Observe how others do.

I'm glad that you are out of town for a weekend with friends.
Enjoy your retreat.


M.

so happy to hear that you are with people who accept you.
have a great time!

I moved to New York at the tail end of Febuary.:)

Thank you waves :)

I am doing better and I am adjusting better to this cold city I live in. The womens retreat was something I really needed.

I really miss Michigan. I really miss the space and the openess.

Sharla

I enjoyed my retreat Mari. I have to admit I was a bit nervous at first. I was afraid of me being the loner of the group as usual. But I was determine to be a part.I helped out with arts and crafts and I just started doing things to help out. People appreciated it. And everyone was talking to me and conversing came naturally for once. No one walked away from me while I was talking to them. They took the time to listen and understood me. And we all sang songs and laughed. I really enjoyed my time in Pensylvania.

:)

Sharla

Sharla

I am glad I am with people who accept me for who I am. This is very comforting to know I can talk to those around me with no trouble.

Sharla:)

Today was much better and yesterday was totally awesome. And I am back in NY right now. I believe I am ready to face the crazy city life again.

Thanks Barbara

Sharla, I'm glad you got to go to PA to the retreat.

barbara

Sharla

You should pick someone in this group and ask them if they have somewhere
they can go close to the NYC area to get a green area. And a openness
place.

Also see if you can maybe have lunch once in a while with a couple of them.
This will give you a start to someone to do something with.

Donna

Dear Sharla,

i'm glad you got to go on the retreat and be with folks you could connect with. :hug:

i like Donna's ideas of seeing if you can meet up with any of them at other times.

i too was hit hard by the reduction in 'space' moving here. small streets, smaller apartments, smaller offices, smaller office cubes, less personal space - being packed like sardines in public transport ugh. everything is smaller even the dang soda cans are smaller!!!! my mom says they make things smaller because there is less storage space!!! :eek: sheesh.

i've heard japan is even smaller!!! :thud: HINT: DO NOT MOVE TO JAPAN! :D;):p

:hug:

~ waves ~

Hey Waves

Thanks for the Small Space idea. Because I wouldn't like it in Japan.

Hee ehee

I can't even seem to get the idea of moving out of this little town now.

Donna:hug: