What do you do
 

What do you do when you're all alone and desperately lonely, yet when there are people around you'd like nothing better then to get away from them?

What do you do when you can't bear the thought of living so depressed, but can't think of a single thing that can bring you joy?

What do you do when you ache for someone to talk to, yet in the presence of others you can't find any words to speak?

What do you do when the expression of happiness from others makes your own world seem darker?

What do you do when each day you wake up and are disappointed to find that you're still alive?

What do you do when it hurts so bad on the inside that physical pain feels good?

What do you do if you have forgotten what it feels like to be happy?

What do you do if you can't remember ever being happy?

What do you do when you've lost the will to live?

A Reason to Live
 

A Reason to Live is a practical handbook for people who may be struggling to find a way, or a reason, to live.
It's for people who don't want to be here.
It's for people who don't consider suicide an option but wish they were dead.
It's for people considering suicide as an option and wondering if they should stick around.
It's for people who don't want to kill themselves but get trapped in suicidal thinking, or attempts, anyway.
And it's for people who want to kill themselves but wish someone could give them a reason to live.
It's also for people trying to help someone else - someone they know, love, or care about - a reason not to die and hope for life.

The book is a collection of articles written by authors across the nation. Some of these authors are professionals who counsel or help people haunted by the idea of suicide; some are people who have grappled with the idea personally. The alternatives to suicide are ideas that have worked either for them, or for people they know, or for their clients.

The reasons to live come from their hearts.

The author is Melody Beattie

***************

It's in paperback Lonely1 and I hope you won't reject it instantly. :hug:

Lonely1... :hug:

What Alffe said!

lonelyone

What do you do when you're all alone and desperately lonely, yet when there are people around you'd like nothing better then to get away from them? [ take a break away from people out of choice , but sometimes talk to strangers, as they offer the best advice because they have nothing to gain or lose.]
What do you do when you can't bear the thought of living so depressed, but can't think of a single thing that can bring you joy? [ lonelyone dig deep into your soul and remember what has made you happy, and constantly try to recreate this feeling]
What do you do when you ache for someone to talk to, yet in the presence of others you can't find any words to speak? [say nothing & just smile, the conversation will come to you]
What do you do when the expression of happiness from others makes your own world seem darker? [hang out with those people, they will teach you happiness, and brighten your world ]
What do you do when each day you wake up and are disappointed to find that you're still alive? [Sleep that night, and extinguish all self for- filling prophecy LIKE ‘tomorrows going to be a bad day’= OR it probably will be
What do you do when it hurts so bad on the inside that physical pain feels good? [ Have years of physical pain that excruciatingly hurts , and pray to GOD your glad inside you don’t feel the pain inside]

What do you do if you have forgotten what it feels like to be happy? [remind yourself how it feels when your sad]What do you do if you can't remember ever being happy? [ ASK YOURSELF WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS?]What do you do when you've lost the will to live? [ Write a living will....to survive]
__________________~ Lonely1

Please know Lonely1, that whenever you're awake in the dead of night..... I'm often just a click away!
I can't promise always, but often sums it up nicely.

No-one should ever feel alone... especially when that "one" is sad, or having issues that are much too hard to deal with, or they just want to be heard, if just for a little while.

Typing HELLO, or anything else for that matter, then clicking, thumping or just simply gliding over the Enter Key ..... when you're tuned into the Sleepless at SOS thread..... will usually bring me out of hibernation if I'm around, and don't forget that "my around" is mostly when others are in the Land of Slumber.

I say usually because .... I get an email whenever some-one posts to the Sleepless thread. When that comes through I'm alerted that some-one is looking for some company.

I will always respond if I'm online, although if I'm having dinner (say) you may need to be patient for a while!

I will turn up eventually! :D

Thank you all for responding to me. Sorry I haven't said anything for a while. I feel kind of embarrassed that once again I've writen the same thing, and once again I'll have the hardest time making myself follow your advice... and I can't seem to convince myself that my life is worth all the effort. I can't even find enjoyment in anything, nothing is worth the effort of doing anything. What's the point of living without joy? How could you possibly find happiness without being able to enjoy life, without even being able to pass the time?

My roommates have officially moved away. That's kind of a good thing, because now I don't have the stress of having to deal with them. On the other hand, now I have nowhere to live, and the number of people who I know has dropped to zero.

Anyway this is all just pointless rambling and ranting. I'm sorry I can't be a more positive thinker, I know it's annoying to listen to, after all, that's why I can't get close to anyone unless I were to lie about how I feel all the time.

Thanks again for trying.

Depression is an illness and there are medicines that can help...Please see a dr. Lonely1. :hug:

Lonley1... I don't know if you have any idea how similiar we are in the fact that when I have my down times, I'm completey back where I started, too. Each time it happens to me (which can be daily, last for weeks or not even occur for weeks), I search my brain and beat myself up wondering how "it" happened again... I lie in bed thinking about how difficult it is to continue living and I start thinking ... why am I living?

I'm usually pretty gentle on myself when this happens... I let my house get a mess, I watch a lot of TV - into the wee hours of the night - and sleep in until noon if I have to... AND now, more than ever before I tell a couple of my close friends who completely understand.

We keep pushing you towards taking medication and a therapist because we have learned how important it is. We know how difficult it is to find the right med, or how you don't like how you feel when you're trying the meds... but the long and short of it is... we are missing a chemical in our brain... and its up to us to find that which is missing. It take a TON of work - reaching out is the most difficult.

So my friend... don't beat yourself up... its all about taking it one day at a time... one step at a time. I am grateful you talk about how you feel ... because I know you are reaching out. Bravo!

:hug: Addy

Lonely1 - thank you for putting into words how I feel. You are not alone and I can't even describe how it helps that I'm not alone either. I'm going to pick up that book the next chance I get because I am seriously considering giving up and checking out but do not want to do that to my family.

Thank you again for your post and thank you to everyone that responded. I'm new here and still finding my way around.

Debbie

This business of living
was meant to be more
than plodding along each day
with head bowed down and eyes on the ground
while time ticks the hours away

God made this world
a delightful place
with beauty everywhere
the skies, the trees. the mountains. the seas
the tang of the clean fresh breeze

A world to be lived in and laughed in and loved
and to be met with joy and zest
a world with the challenge to each of us
to give it our very best

This business of living
was never meant
to be a treadmill sort of thing
There are mountains to climb
rivers to cross
and glorious songs to sing.

I do not know who the author is to these words, but have carried them close to my heart for over fourty years. Tonight, when I wanted to share them with you all, I cried when I found out that this was another thing that RSD has stolen.

thank you Lisa, that was beautiful. :grouphug:

Lonely1.....
 

Join a Class

Whether it’s an art class, an exercise class, or a class at your local community college, joining a class automatically exposes you to a group of people who share at least one of your interests. It can also provide a sense of belonging that comes with being part of a group. This can stimulate creativity, give you something to look forward to during the day, and help stave off loneliness. (See this article for more on the benefits of exercise and taking classes.)

Volunteer

Becoming a volunteer for a cause you believe in can provide the same benefits as taking a class — meeting others, being part of a group, creating new experiences — and also brings the benefits of altruism, and can help you find more meaning in your life, both of which can bring greater happiness and life satisfaction, as well as decreasing loneliness. Additionally, working with others who have less can help you feel a deeper sense of gratitude for what you have in your own life.

those blue "pages" have expired but the message of Volunteering and joining a class remain good ways to help shape your life. :hug:

hello
 

I feel about the same way as you do, I-wonder what I am hanging around for at times.I am reaching out to this list in hopes of gathering strenth for my coming storm. If this turned out poorly, or I wind up in a worse conditions than I am in now. I truely do not know how I will respond. This has been no picnic for any who are on this list. I do not have the support of all my family.My son is in my corner, and I have two very close people who I do call my family, so I am lucky in that respect. Emotionally I know I am not doing that great. I think for the most part because I am so scared. Keep reaching out, and I will too, may be there really are people on this site that can help with group hugs though space. ginnie:grouphug:

I do try to talk to people when I get the chance. I always sit there desperately trying to think of anything to add to the conversation, and of course there's never anything for me to add, so I end up sitting in silence. Inevitably someone notices me sitting awkwardly, so they try to fix it by asking me about myself. Then I have to watch them become less interested in me as they find out how boring and pointless my life is. I have to see them judging me when they find out I dropped out of college, then again when they find out that I'm not going back, then again when they find out I have no backup plan, no ambition, no interests at all. I hate talking to people because no matter what their intentions were, they always end up bored and disinterested with me. Every conversation is forced and awkward, and I can't stand it.

I honestly think I have no interests. It's not that depression made me lose interest, or that I don't have the energy; it's because I was never interested in anything to begin with. People will always write it off as me being to lazy or stubborn to apply myself, they think I'm being melodramatic or exaggerating. No one wants to belive there are people like me in the world. Everyone tells their children the same lies: that everyone likes something, that every person has something they are good at. No one wants to help the child that isn't good at anything, no one can tell him what to do to be happy, they just say "think harder" and then go off to help someone who does have a future. Then the child grows up lonely and depressed, thinking he's a freak because everyone else is good at something, and he's the only one who's useless. Then, of course, the child turns into me, the only way he can find "friends" is if he pretends to like the same things as others. The alternative: being yourself and ending up alone and miserable. No wonder children are told these lies, no parent wants their child to grow up to be me.


Sorry about the rant, but it would be impossible for me to actually talk to a doctor about all of this. It's taken about two hours to type this, and if I tried to actuall speak it to a person my mind would go blank, and I'd just have to sit through the judging stares of another person. God didn't give me the ability to turn my jumbled thoughts into words, all that comes out is a sentence that only I can understand, or some inane comment that is of no use to anyone.

Sorry again about the rambling, and thank you all for replying and trying to help me with my humiliating life.

Lonely1
 

Do you have a printer? You could print the words you've typed and hand them to a health care professional.

I do have a printer but it doesn't work.

I wish I could just speak and act like a normal person...

Hi Lonely1, Maybe just give yourself time to "grow up". I really did not know what I wanted to do until I was in my late forties. I think that you are good at something. You are able to write achingly poignant messages that touch many peoples' hearts and souls. It occurs to me that perhaps maybe you might just be shy. I often feel the same way when I am with groups of people. I have just learned to turn the conversation back to the other person by asking them questions about themselves. To me, you are a normal person, and I am glad to know you, Lisa

Yes, I am shy. Maybe cripplingly shy. I guess it doesn't help that there's never been anyone who really wants to get to know me. I try so hard to talk to people whenever the chance arises, but I can never get anyone to care about me. (excluding the people on this forum because they've never had the awkward misfortune of having to talk to me in person :o) *Sigh*... I just can't seem to make any since unless I have an hour to figure out what I'm trying to say.

Thank you Lisa, I'm glad to know you too.

Dear Lonelyone,

very articulate.

except for the physical pain one (i dread pain of any kind)...
all the other points, i could have written....
every single one...

bing bing bing

bing-go.

yes, depression is an illness. three cheers for antidepressants... if only they would hurry up and WORK though... no telling when, or to what extent... sigh. :(

i may try to get that book too.

~ waves ~

Dear Lonelyone

having now read the rest of the thread... :o

i agree that maybe you just haven't found what your interests are. people can be awfully unkind. the fact that you dropped out of college and choose not to return doesn't make you a second citizen. but i know what you mean. i am afraid of showing one of my transcripts for how many Fs it has on it. they don't really speak for my ability, but it doesn't matter... i can't stand the look on people's faces...

and i do, btw, find you very articulate. maybe when you speak the shyness causes things to get jumbled. but you do write expressive posts. one day who knows... perhaps you could publish something... not to put pressure on you now.

Lisa, thank you for your post - it is comforting to know one can figure oneself out in one's late forties.

~ waves ~

Thank you for the words Waves. I know there are always a lot of people here who feel the same things I do, but it's always nice to be reminded, especially since depression tends to make me forget things like that.

Lonelyone


I have been thinking.............would you say your extremely shy ..in so much that you physicaly find it hard to hold a conversation?

if yes there is a condition called Selective Mutism, usualy found in children but some continue into adulthood...[it is a known condition and with therapy curable]


if at present you find it hard to convey your life to a doctor.........say for 3 months give this ago and see if you feel any different.
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/food/news/...1110-1,00.html
this is just one site but there are many 'MOOD FOR FOOD' sites.......some list full daily diet plans that incorporate all foods for a balanced diet and healthy mind..........[i am looking for the link i used at work 6 years ago to develop a diet for clients....but cant find it but will keep searching]

then there is cognative behaviour therapy............you could even do it on line......[some charge....but it could be worth it].............it helps indiviuals look at life from the here and now....and clarify positive and negative thinking....and put it into factual rationalisation]

i tried this in my earlier reply to you.

CBT makes you see things clearly and helps your brain recognise signals and then transmits the way you respond ...rationaly......

for example and i quote " Inevitably someone notices me sitting awkwardly, so they try to fix it by asking me about myself. Then I have to watch them become less interested in me as they find out how boring and pointless my life is."


CBT would teach you to imagine the other persons response to you...lets say i am the person you describe above.
i might say to myself
" I wonder why that guy is quiet, i wonder if he is like me, shy?...maybe i will go over and say hi" half way through our conversation i may say to myself " he is still not saying a lot, maybe he does not like me...i will be polite and move around the group...i hope i havent bored him with my life'

CBT could teach you to act and not react.....at no point is our perception of others 100% correct its just how our brain transmitts what we see and hear into a feeling.......the feelings we recieve react to our emotions........... and our emotions then...interpert how to react....[often by what we have learned as children]


if someone in the past said your boring once and then a hundred times......the chances are you ...then believe every rebutle from human contact be associated with you thinking...that person thinks your boring......

CBT is about training your mind to alter an emotional stimulant............... and think objectively before responding.

i am going on a bit now so i will go.....i just thought you may want to look at all your options, ..................a daily diary including all you eat and drink aswell may help a health professional recognise your dilema..


David

just trying to help

Absolutely brilliant advice David! My goodness, this is the type of therapy people pay for ... you have given our lonely1 a great springboard to start helping himself.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is the way to health dear lonely1.
It still takes a ton of energy on your part... but you can do it!

I wish you all the best :hug:
Addy

I know I need to see a doctor, (and there may be something to the selective mutism thing) but I also know I'm going to hate every second of it. I have been to see doctors countless times for many different reasons. I have NEVER gotten ANY benifit out of it. Most of the problems that caused me to go to the doctor 12 years ago I STILL HAVE. I'm either given a useless prescription or they tell me to "keep an eye on it," which is a polite way of saying "I don't want to exert any effort to help you, so learn to live with it." Let's just say I don't have much faith in doctors' ability to help me.

It doesn't matter anyway, because I have too many other concerns right now to think about getting help. It would be great to be able to get help online, but I don't think my ADD brain would be good at comprehending CBT on it's own; I wouldn't be able to stay focused.

Thanks for the information David, but I guess I'll have to hold off getting fixed for a while.

Hi Lonely!

I sent you a PM, not sure if you got it. But I think David is definitely on to something. CBT is a great start, but I recommend using a professional to help you out. You don't need a dr to get help, lonely. A therapist can help without prescribing meds and as long as its a good one, they should be helpful. If you need any help, I am here. :) Don't give up yet.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd...t_symptoms.htm

Cognitive-behavioral therapy – Cognitive-behavioral therapy encourages you to identify and change the negative beliefs and behaviors that are causing problems in your life. Since many individuals with ADD/ADHD are demoralized from years of struggle and unmet expectations, one of the main goals of cognitive-behavioral therapy is to transform this negative outlook into a more hopeful, realistic view. Cognitive-behavioral therapy also focuses on the practical issues that often come with ADD/ADHD, such as disorganization, work performance problems, and poor time management.

Lonelyone if you get chance check out this site there is a lot of information on here.

You say [quote] "It doesn't matter anyway, because I have too many other concerns right now to think about getting help".


Then might i sugest you make a list in order of priority to what your concerns are.
Start at the top of list and work through that concern slowly to try and remove it as a concern.......if you cant fix it its ok...we dont always overcome obstacles at the first try we become masters by repeatedly trying [and failing in attempt many many times].


Good luck my friend......if my contribuytion is stressing you out please ignore me..........[but i sincerley believe you can turn your life into so much more...if you reach out for support.....even if the support comes from within your very soul reach out]

David

Lonely, Why is the time not right now?? Taking care of you is the number one priority right now. I've sucked it up and made an appointment for Friday even though I feel a lot like you do. Be brave, Lonely!! Look outside yourself for help. Think about how wonderful it would be if you were able to share the wonderfulness of you with other people like you do us. I think that you must be a very beautiful person from reading the words that you write. Lisa

I just can't do it right now. I don't have the time or the energy. I've got too many other problems that are much more pressing. I need to find a new place to live before the end of the month, and since there will never be a person willing to be my roommate, rent will be about 75% of my monthly income, and there's not one place that will approve a lease like that. They won't let me get a cosigner if I'm not a student, and there's a million spoiled college students with a lot more money then me, so they automatically get priority over me. Plus I need to train for my new job which I am terrible at, and if I don't jump through hoops for them I'll be fired. And while I try and fail to do these stupid things for them, I can't help but think to myself that the best ending that I can hope for in life, is to be stuck in a job I don't like, living a cheap, delapidated appartment, while constantly struggling to make enough money to survive. And it would just be so much easier to just lay down and die right now. I don't want to exert so much effort knowing full well my reward will be a life of misery.

Anyway, that's all way off topic, and the point is, I can't have another stupid, depressing problem in my stupid, depressing life. I can't handle it. I don't have the time, the energy, or the patience to try to find a good therapist, especially since I'm struggling to stay employed and to keep a roof over my head.

I'm glad your getting help Lisa; I wish I was capable of doing the same.

Six weeks ago my wife's name was practically in a hat...at her place of work for redundancy ......................she survived [this time]

The first of July i found out my job IS redundant in 3 months........i can apply [along with many other workers] for a job £2,500 more money with six times more work....or one job, £5,000 less money with a similar..... if not more! work load type role....or a job £7,000 less ...or WALK [VIA - REDUNDANCY]


to ......... YESTERDAY HEAR [my area/LOCATION where i work may even shut down completely in December/January because of external local government cuts to services...due to world recesion...and UK MASSIVE ...GOVERNMENT CUTS IN THE PUBLIC SECTOR........

Oh my son [18 years old] 2 weeks ago......... left home after being an arogant ...mean ...rude...abusive young individual towards his mother......

i have watched and heard her cry everyday since...[as she trawls her mind as to what she has done....that caused this young man to show much Angst...and direspect]

My Mother is 85 years old............and riddled with disease............and i worry about her daily.................i am the youngest child of a family of nine.......
[4x brothers...4x sisters]...............................i speak to one....maybe three times a year.......i see him maybe once a year if i can afford to go there.


Other than my beloved wife .[ for whom today i share our 21st wedding anniversary today 19/8 ...alone yet again...though i prefer it that way.... but acknowledgment would be nice from family nearby] ..

i can honestly say i have no friends.....[well at least no one whom i could call and say'''" lets go for a drink" ....a meal ...................or i need helpppppppppppppp].....i know at lot of people as aquantances.....but not well enough to rely on anyone
[ Why??????/ because i have spent 18 years raising my kids....saving all my money for them....holidays...gifts...school...etc.....and polarised my life for their future.....]

Oh.....and i forgot to mention.......... I HAVE BI-POLAR..........And most of my day is consumed with either hurry hurry hurry.................or cry cry cry.........intermittenly cofused with F.../ it.. ...............and thoughts of my own demise..........PLUS.............................. .................................................. ............GUILT/TERROR/FEAR/SADNESS/LONELINESS/ABANDONMENT/APATHY/
BEWILDERMENT/SORROW/MELONCOLY/PAIN/DESPAIR ETC............................................... .................................................. .......
Along with more long standing embarrising physical ailments i care to divulge in....at this time

Oh and i go to work ..............and work with people more socialy / economically/ and mentaly ......even more screwed up than me...........................

I AM ALIVE BECAUSE OF THIS FORUM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CkKuA86Mis

David

vent/rant over....................

For David
 

We love you David!!

for Lonely1 and David
 

Dear David

congratulations on your 21st wedding anniversary yesterday! :hug:


Dear Lonely1

- certainly keeping a roof over one's head is vital. this is a big, and very stressful problem. moving is big, and stressful too. and everything is that much harder when one is depressed.

i realize many places/complexes will have similar rules but they won't all be identical. it might help if you can provide written references from your current place (and previous if any), including rental amount. showing you have always paid rent before will attest to your reliability, even if you weren't the only person on the lease. they are only interested in reducing their risk. and regardless what they tell you is "standard policy" - they will go around it if you can convince them you are likely to pay rent.

there are advantages to complexes, but another thing i can suggest though, is consider renting from a private. here, you won't run into "policies" as much.

good luck. one thing at a time. :hug:

~ waves ~