An Unquiet Mind
 

An excerpt from Kay Jamison's excellent book:

I long ago abandoned the notion of a life without storms, or a world without dry and killing seasons. Life is too complicated, too constantly changing, to be anything but what it is. And I am, by nature, too mercurial to be aything but deeply wary of the grave unnaturalness involved in any attempt to exert too much control over essentially uncontrollable forces. There will always be propelling, disturbing elements, and they will be there until, as Lowell put it, the watch is taken from the wrist. It is, at the end of the day, the individual moments of restlessness, of bleakness, of strong persuasions and maddened enthusiasms, that inform one's life, change the nature and direction of one's work, and give final meaning and color to one's loves and friendships.

I really like that first quote in the thread.

Enough is enough when you feel it's enough. :hug: At one time, for too long a time for me, I championed for domestic violence/spousal abuse. Then I volunteered my time in a 'safe house' for abused women. I realized then, it was too much for me to bear, so I stopped. Weak? Yes, but I didn't want to climb that hill anymore, it was too much for me.

You're the tie that binds ((Alffe)).

And I sometimes fear that sharing it on a public forum somehow demeans it's affect on our lives...somehow minimizes it's importance. My intent is to try to show others how one persons suicide can effect so many others. And to show that it is possible to go on living in spite of losing a loved one to suicide, especially your child. Quoted from Alffe

the more posts that do tell of how if effects those left behind imo show how HUGE suicide is. how it spreads and mulitplies. how important it is for anyone who is thinking about know that it isn't just going to effect them. it follows generations.

yes, we do go on living. we are changed people. our lives are forever changed.

:hug:

it is always ok to do what is best for you. i ditto what doody said.Enough is enough when you feel it's enough

Oh, Alffe, you can blame anything on me you want, and chances are fifty-fifty that you'll be right. :D But if my thread in any way diminishes the amount of wonderful insight and wisdom you daily submit to these threads, then I have made a huge mistake, and all the other members of this forum are most likely going to be attempting to hang me. :p

You are in the same shoes that I am when it comes to numbers of posts. But if you were to suddenly stop or slow down because of it, I would be greatly unhappy. Just go back and read Curious's last post on the thread I started. It made all the difference to me.

I love these excerpts you have written here. I think that I'm going to go buy the book myself.

And BTW, if you should have possibly caught me "wandering", then you must have been wandering too, don't you think? :eek:

Oh Idealist, my dear friend, :D , what can I say that will clarify how so many of us feel.
And for starters, I have no interest about the # of posts..I never considered it of importance...

We all hurt...we all need something or we wouldn't be reading/posting here.
I wish you would "wonder" more often so I'd have a better idea of your needs..Mine are almost always the same...I'm depressed, or ****** off, or guilty about old or recent errors in judgement...

We have such a good friend in Curious...she is selfless...but you know that.

i love y'all soooooo much. now stop embarassing me! :eek:

:grouphug:

:Heart: :grouphug: :Heart:

I never even pay attention to post COUNTS! Don't look. It doesn't make any difference to me.

Actually, I'd like to make an observation about myself in here. LOL Well, Alffe probably remembers me talking a LOT about having suicidal ideation. Seems like it lasted an awfully awfully long time and I was really tiring of it. I did my own research. :D I dropped myself on my dose of Cymbalta, because I figured, well...it isn't doing my depression any good. When I did drop, I did notice an increase in my fibro pain. However...I also started to notice the suicidal thoughts had dwindled significantly. But, sometime ago I also quit taking Ambien.

I suspect one or both of those meds were contributing to it, but who knows.

I'm not feeling suicidal now, pretty much. Just lonely a lot...and always in pain. I live with chronic pain. There I said it. I'm a chronic painer but again, I feel guilty bringing it up because I have friends with terrible debilitating diseases.

So now I shut up.

And Idealist...watch out. Alffe knows and sees all. :wink:

Don't you believe it Idealist! Doody, my dear friend...sometimes I tend to forget that you are in constant pain because you don't complain, you just don't talk about it and I can understand that. You are one tough lady and I really admire you a lot...I also intend to be a better friend..sometimes I remind myself of Imus...it really isn't all about me! :hug:

And yes, I remember about how depressed you were...you know how I feel about ambien so I won't talk about it again.

alffe can't post pictures...but she can see you through her monitor. :wink:

I really believe that part about Alffe's omni-essence! :p She does seem to know a lot that she shouldn't, doesn't she? Then again, maybe she just pays attention. Hmmmmm.

Doody, you sound almost like a carbon copy of me sometimes. I could have written most of those words you said. I have other symptoms from time to time, but mostly it's just PAIN! And I feel guilty complaining because it doesn't help it a bit.

As for Curious...well, she's just curious, and that's all there is to it...:D

Hmmmmmm, my kids used to think I had eyes in the back of my head...my husband still does or is it I hear things I shouldn't...or read things into what he says or doesn't say, or I hear voices that aren't there..but that's another whole story. :D

There have been many times when I have wished I could reach into this computer screen to embace someone who is in such pain...a gentle touch, a warm hug instead of just words that can hurt or be misunderstood. Maybe in our future...distant future this could happen.

Maybe I'd be reaching for Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Dommer.....:eek: Maybe I just better settle for words...and try to find the right ones. :grouphug:

Someone reminded me of this thread in a pm so I had to go looking for it...*grin

The connection to the net isn't very good at all in our condo and I'm too lazy to carry this laptop over to the lobby.

March is here...:( and I'm praying for those of you that have dreaded it's coming...my neighbor, and our Nikki. Please know that you are in my heart and in my prayers.

And some of you are getting some WEATHER!

Hugs for the room. :grouphug:

Thank you all for all of your courageous posts. Yes, there are some risks and disadvantages involved, but the amount of good that can come about by sharing on a forum like this is just unbelievable. I have spent many nights reading posts-some of them very old-but still very current and relevant. And so very helpful.

still looking, but wanted to give gma sue a hug. :hug:

LOVE this thread!!! thanks thanks thanks!! :hug: