Totally just had a breakdown...
 

Oh my goodness.

My insides are just going crazy! Half from the flare and the other could definitely be the Prednisone.

I just had a pretty bad breakdown and burst into tears, sobbing for a good 25 minutes. I think alot of it is built up frustration with this disease. I've stayed very positive about things this whole time. I am so angry that I have changed so much about my life to make living more comfortable and easier with MS and I am still being bothered by it everyday. It just makes me feel really insecure of myself. I feel like I am a burden to those around me, I feel like things are already so very hard, and it's only going to get harder. It upsets me that I was going to go hang with my BFF tonight at her house, but can't because she has 22 stairs and I am in far too much pain to walk up them. I'm mad that I stayed locked up inside all summer to avoid heat/humidity=flare and then end up in one anyways. I want to be able to run again (even tho I hate running, I want to be able to do it if I want to) and party with my friends on the weekend (even tho that's NOT what life is about, it still would be nice to have a little party mode here and there). Or stay awake til MIDNIGHT! I want to be a server again, or be able to go out for a day with out a nap or having to take breaks! Or do chores without being in so much pain. etc.

---All of that craziness up there just got released on my poor boyfriend, I feel horrible. It came out of no where and I just broke down and spilled my guts to him, even more than what was put above. I mean I BAWLED my eyes out, I looked at him and he was crying too. (I'm not quite sure if it was because it was a sad moment and he was in it or if he was realizing how crappy this disease is and isn't sure if he's down for the journey anymore.) This was NOT fair to him and I feel awful for putting such a huge emotionally sad cloud above his head. Not even with his problems, with my MS and my problems. I know that MS causes alot of stress on the partner, so any advice for me in this situation that I am in? I was thinking about getting him a card to tell him thanks for being my rock. He's my all and I don't know where I would be today without him by my side.

I just feel like an emotional trainwreck right now. My mind is going crazy and my body feels sooo crappy.. I am staying in bed for the rest of this week and that is that.

-Ana D

PS - sorry this post is 100% l00py!:confused:

Steroids can knock you for a loop emotionally. If this is your first experience with them it's such a slap. It really rips the rug out from under you sometimes. I did 1 round of steroids with my first flare and vowed to never take them again. Not only did I not sleep I was a total grouch for the entire cycle. Up and down emotionally. It was really just too much for me to handle along with the flare, too.

Here's a link to a website called Multiple Sclerosis Sucks....http://multiplesclerosissucks.com/. It approaches MS with humor and it's a great site to direct those in your life to (like your BF) for information that won't scare them half to death.

I hope you feel better. :hug:

no advice, just hugs :hug: and complete understanding. :hug:

Thank you for your response Kitty!

I just checked out that website and as soon as I pulled up the site I was laughing! But I just finished reading it all it was great! and really put a huge smile on my face! The humor was fabulous!! thanks again!:hug:

-Ana D

Thanks Dejibo!!:hug::)

Hang in there sweetie!! Predinisone is an evil drug; period!! It wreaks havoc on ones emotions and body in many ways. Then on top of your illness- you do not need that to deal with.

Hang in there!!!

Hugs

Coffeeiglr

Thanks so much coffeegirl!!! :hug:

I do concur, this drug is wicked! :(

I cried a lot, I still cry. I also take an AD!

I move forward, sometimes one minute at a time. Everyone moves forward just not in the same direction. So it goes.

It is good to vent. And then just keep living. New normal.

Thanks Aacryn!

You're right, this is the new normal so I must move forward, and it felt good to vent. Just gets a lil intense sometimes lol. :hug:

:circlelove: ((((((Ana)))))) :circlelove:

Aww sweetie!! :hug:

It's a terrible drug. I think a card would be nice for him. I think it speaks volumes that he was also emotional watching you.

I don't think he was emotional for his situation. Just not the 'guy' thing from my experience (sorry men, no ill feelings intended!). If he was crying, he was crying with or for you, and that's a huge thing. It means he cares a heck of a lot for you.

Sounds like you have a great man in your life. Now the challenge is to stop living 'around' the disease. I worry that yes, you are missing out on life by staying cooped up to avoid a flare or a relapse. By doing so, you're putting your life on hold, and your focus on the disease.

When you're feeling a bit better, see what you CAN do, not what you CAN'T do. Put the focus there, and eventually explore those 'cant's' again, and then work on making them into 'cans'.

With that said, MS itself is an extremely emotional ride. Add to that the ugly, awful roids and you're hit with a double whammy.

Keep a cool head (as best as you can) about this one. You're not a failure by any means, and your man certainly doesn't see this either. Hold onto that one, sounds like a good man :).

There will be plenty of parties ahead for you. :) Get better today and thanks for coming here to share :grouphug:

(((((((((((((((Ayna)))))))))))))))))))))) Complete understanding hugs. Hang in there. I know it just completely and utterly sucks, but at the very least, you're not alone.

This past March for the first time ever I tried IV Solumedrol after going through a flare. I have MS about 18 years , but wasn't diagnosed til 11 years ago. I had taken Prednisone before, but never Solumedrol. Anyhow to get back on the subject, the Solumedrol really threw me for a loop. I had such high hopes and thought it would help me more than it did. Add to that my Dad passed at the beginning of May when the flare wasn't still quite over. To say I've been very emotional since then is an understatement.

Your boyfriend definitely sounds like a keeper and I'm glad you have him. I'm sure he wants to help you in any way that he can. I bet at times like this he just doesn't know what to do to help. The fact that he cried with you and was there for you to vent to is a comfort I'm sure. I agree that a card to show your appreciation to him is a nice thing to do.

Thank you soo much dmplaura and desinie!!!!:grouphug:

I really do have quite a gem for a boyfriend, like his mom said, he has legs, if he wanted to leave he would have walked away from the situation a year ago, and he did not. I am such a fortunate person, God spoils the crap out of me! And I am EVER so thankful! :D

You are so right dmplaura about the double whammy that I just got hit with. My emotions were so WHACK yesterday, I definitely was a basket case! lol

I just love LOVE LOVE this site. Everyone on here makes me feel like family and I feel like I can talk to all of you guys about anything! You are all so great!!! :grouphug:

So I am going to get my boyfriend a card today and have it ready for him when he gets off. I went to bed really early last night, woke up at around 9:30 this morning and have just stayed in bed since. My body still hurts quite a bit but near as bad as yesterday so I can tell the resting is helping.

Desinie- I am so sorry to hear that you had to go thru a flare and deal with the loss of a loved one at the same time.. :( That had to be so hard and probably made it very difficult to pull out of that flare. Im very sorry my dear!

Again, thanks so much to all of you that responded! It helped so much to write out all my emotions and have people that know fully and understand what I am going thru to relate with me, it's very comforting!

I love you guys!!!!!:grouphug:

(((((Ana)))) This disease does suck and yes the roids do a number on you don't they? Listen, I've been doing this for 22+ years with Jim and I have cried for him, for us, for me, for him, for us, for me...lol It's an emotional cycle for everyone involved. But everyone is right, if he was that emotional with you then he most likely cares and feels so bad that he can't fix it. I hate that I can't fix Jim so I can imagine how a guy could feel about the woman in his life. :hug:

It's almost November Ana! And you know what that means!!! Never thought I'd wish for November, much less January. :hug: See you soon!

(((SandyC)))

You're the best!

I am definitely finding that MS is forever going to be an emotional rollercoaster, good, bad, beautiful, and ugly. What I have also found is that out of every bad and ugly situation that MS presents to me, I get a ten times more beautiful and greater situation the next day. For instance, yesterday, I was a trainwreck from hell, mentally and physically. Today I wake up feeling better physically (rested all night last night) and emotionally. I have my family and my friends, my boyfriend to wake up to everyday and I can walk today. So even tho those poopy situations that I get pulled into suck SO VERY MUCH, I am ever so glad that they happen because they make me such a strong grateful person, well and of course you guys. I soooo wouldn't be here today in this position with out all of you (especially you Sandy! You're what brought me here! THANKS!):hug::grouphug:

And yes it is ALMOST NOVEMBER!!!!!! :D

I think some really good things are comin our way Sandy!
I just read two different articles that seemed like there is great hope for us patients here in Illinois!
Bring it on!!!! :)

Ana, I am sorry to hear about your very, very, bad day. You are entitled to get them every now and then, especially when on meds. I lived in denial for so many years. Then I was angry for all the things I couldn't do anymore.

Truly I never came to acceptance, never felt it made me a better person having MS. But I don't dwell on it. I try to forget it. Everyone gets something, even babies. Nobody dies healthy unless extremely old or hit by a bus. MS is a pain in the hind end, but better days do arrive, so I wish them for you, and your boyfriend too. :hug:

Ask your BFF to come visit you is you can't do the stairs.

Thanks a bunch LADY!

I am really sorry to hear you have not come to acceptance of this disease, but everyone has their own way of dealing with it.:hug:

Luckily there is this forum to turn to when your world/day comes crashing down upon you.

I love this forum and all of its characters!

They were right, we're a huge dysfunctional family! :grouphug:

Thanks again for your response!:hug:
-Ana D