What should I say?
 

The other day my father in law and i were talking about my foot and back probs. He does not know I am on SSDI for bipolar, borderline personality disorder, ocd..etc...anyway, we were talking and he kept saying that I should apply for SSDI...I brushed him off. I love him to bits, and I totally trust him, but he drinks now and again and I fear that telling him the truth would be dangerous because he may slip and my wicked mother in law would start trouble and tell everyone she knows within minutes...he kept pushing the issue, so I told him I had applied but was denied...well, initially I was...so I said I am in the appeal process....I hate to lie to my father in law, he is such a great person, but I can't tell him...what should I say when a year passes and he asks again? I know I have to lie and say I was denied..I guess I am just looking for confirmation that lying is the only way. Other suggestions are greatly appreciated and welcomed!:confused:

I am not sure what to tell you, because if I were in your situation, I wouldn't lie. I'd just tell the truth. It's not really anyone else's business if you are on it or not, and why.

I know that some people get angry or jealous when they find out someone is on SSDI or SSI.. and a lot of people look down on those who get "a free ride from the government", even though that isn't what these programs are about.

I was just approved for SSI on Tuesday, and I am certainly not going to announce it to the world. However, I am not ashamed that I need help because my medical problems make it impossible for me to work right now.

I guess I'm not understanding why it would be so awful if it was spread around to "everyone". Yeah, it isn't their business--but what is the worst that can come of it?

I personally think that being honest is always the best solution... but if you feel that he absolutely cannot know, then I'd suggest trying to just avoid the topic or tell him that you don't wish to talk about it--rather than blatantly lie and say you have been denied. But, that's just my opinion. It is ultimately up to you--and I wish you the best. :)

The Social Security Administration has found you sick. First I would tell your father in law the truth and ask him to let you tell your mother in law. Then I would tell her that you need her support right now because you are sick and fragile and to please not make you feel bad about yourself. I think it would be better for you if the truth comes out, because then you wouldn't have that extra stress in your life. If she calls you a liar and whatever just tell her you're praying for her and you forgive her. The bottom line is the government has found you ill and agrees you need help financially and physically right now. I'm sorry that part of your family doesn't support you and hope things get better for you in the future.

i disagree with the above 2 posters. there is nothing to be gained by telling people you are on ssdi and nothing but aggravation to lose by not telling them. i have no trouble brushing people off if a topic is none of their business. Judging by the way you feel about your mother in law i would keep it to myself.

I agree with Echoes....it is no ones business.

So do I. The less people who know, the better.

Thanks guys...I am going to go with my gut...no ones business.

This is tough. Many many people have asked me what I now do. I have told them I am currently disabled. I won mainly on mental issues. But I have also had 6 knee surgeries over the past 2+ years. So they think I won because of this. Now that the knee is starting to get better people ask me when will I be working again. I would be on the streets without SSDI but it is so difficult telling people that I am on SSDI. I know alot of you say it is no one's business but it is not easy telling 10 brother in laws/sister inl aws all the time I am still off work. I hope to try and work fairly soon. I see my psychologist and psychairist and both of them tell me the best way to get over some mental issues is work. But on the other hand I hate to give up my SSDI for a minimum wage job. My monthly benefits are without going into detail very good. Basically what I am saying is I know what you are going thru. I hear some type of comment from someone everytime I see someone I know.

Pretty much everyone close to me in my family knows my situation. If you can't be honest with close relatives who can you be honest with? One of the reasons that it is out in the open is because my cousin works for the SSA in North Carolina and I had to come clean with her so I could pick her brain for advice.

I dunno...I just can't. My husband's family will think I am weak and that mental issues are no reason to be on disability--they are very old fashioned. I can't function as a normal person would. They know something is wrong with me, but I think they just think I am stupid.

I guess it depends on what your family is like. You know them better than any of us so do what you think is right. I am just sorry to hear that you are in a situation in which you have to keep it under wraps. That in and of itself must nerve racking. My parents are very old school and when I applied for SSDI I did not tell them because, like you I didn't want to deal with thier reaction. A few months after I applied I was at my parents house and my Mother suggested I apply for SSDI. I was shocked but relieved. My parents finally accepted the fact that I could not work due to my psychological disorders. I wish you the best.

Honestly, you need to do what is best for YOU. Only you truly know what that is.

Yes, I would tell the truth. I try hard not to lie to people, because I am firm in my beliefs and do not think that it is right to lie, even if it is just a little fib or to protect yourself.

Does that mean that I would look down on you for doing the opposite of what I would do? Of course not.

Ultimately, this is your life and you need to make your own choices. There's nothing wrong with asking for opinions or advice, but in the end--it is up to you.

I would tell the truth... but if you feel that strongly that you don't want to tell them the truth, then do what you need to do to protect yourself.

I absolutely agree that it is not anyone else's business. As long as you are doing the best you can do in this life and are not causing problems for others, you are free to do whatever you'd like.

I truly wish you the best and hope that once you make a decision, that things go smoothly for you. Take care--and do what you think is best. :)

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Some people consider any mental health issues to be a sign of weakness and there is little you can say that will overcome their prejudices.

You also don't need the additional stress that their comments might bring you. I think your decision not to discuss it with them sounds wise.

I handled my situation differently. I'm pretty vocal/open about most things.....and my ssdi application and final approval was one of those things. A key difference is my family and close friends were very supportive of me. None of them would 'make fun of me' for being on ssdi.

I do have more casual acquaintances that have not been so supportive. Jokes about me seeing 'Dr Summeroff', etc. In their 'defense', they see me only on my good days when I've taken a bunch a pills and am all showered and dolled up.....they aren't here when I'm in bed and in pain. Some of them, I have been able to educate and enlighten. Some will still make snide comments periodically. Oh well

If you are anticipating a problem with your m-i-l, I wouldn't mention anything to that side of the family. Just keep repeating "I'm working with a good doctor and he says I have to give this more time."

I wouldn't lie, I just try to keep putting people off/be as nonspecific as possible. If someone comments on your not working, repeat "I'm working with a good doctor and he says I have to give this more time." If someone asks how you can afford xyz if you aren't working, just say "We are getting by, thanks." If someone asks if you've thought about ssdi, say "Thanks. That's a good idea."


Hang in there

Thank you Finz..that is good advise and I will definitely use those phrases!

I am getting really good advise on both sides here. I thank everyone for their input!

I love this website. Everyone has helped and supported me so many times.
Thank you!!!!!!

That's what we are ALL here for.....sometimes it's giving advice or support and sometimes it's to receive

:grouphug:

I wouldn't tell your FIL. What I would do is tell him you decide to take his advice and apply, waiting 4/mo or so and tell him you were approved for your back issues, not the psych issues. I think it is the easiest solution to your problem and then who cares if your MIL tells anybody. Good Luck with your decision!!!:)

I agree with the above post 100%. See I have had 6 knee surgeries over the past 2+ years. While I won for mental issues mainly I tell everyone it was from the knee. No one needs to know anything other than you or whomever you want to know.