Discouraged,overwhelmed,and tired
 

There is a situation that developed suddenly. I don't want people to judge me. I feel a great sense of loss. I don't want to be awake. I don't know what to do about this circumstance. I am so tired. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Steve,
I am sorry that something has happened to you.
we're not going to judge you....we all have our issues.
post what ever you want to/need to....
we will listen.
((((hugs))))
bizi

Steve

Bizi is totally correct, we are here for each other. Now I just wish
my c on my computer was here for me.

Donna

Dear Friend, :hug: :hug: :hug:
I'm sorry about the loss.
It is good that you came here.

Mari

One of the ways that I try to feel better is to divert the bad thoughts,and throw myself into my hobbies. I have alot of antenna hardware on the roof above me. It took a great deal of work,and money. At the time that I put these antennas up for my Shortwave,VHF,and UHF hobbie,I had the money.

I think that the person who owns this house wants me to take them down. This goes for my back yard lights,and cameras. One of these cameras is like a window for me because I have a monitor attached to it,and I like to look at it. I don't feel so alone with that camera,and monitor.

I haven't felt like this since I went to the Wellness hospital last fall. I feel a deep sence of loss,and discouragement. I don't know why I feel so bad. I have no laughter,and no peace. I don't even have a counsellor. The other one retired. I just have such a bad feeling,and problems on top of problems. It's like it's the last straw,but worse things can happen. I don't know why I feel so bad.

I should have gone to church today,and then gone to the grocery store. I didn't go anywhere,and I don't feel like going anywhere.

They are putting a new siding on this building. The workers might judge me because I'm upset,and worried about my hobbie antennas,and I don't have a job. They don't know my circumstances,but will probably hear gossup about me. I'm on SSD.

I feel just really bad. My knees also are injured due to where,and tare from the sports that I played back in school,and at work when I had a job. I can't work on that roof to take the antennas down. I may fall because of my knees condition.

I feel like a dark cloud has moved over me. I just keep thinking about this,and can't get it out of my mind. I don't feel like going anywhere,or doing any thing. I don't feel like being awake. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Friend,
Can you reach out to someone in real life? Someone at church? Another counselor?

Let your pdoc know what is happening.



M.

Dear STeve,
try not to worry about what the workers think about you....they are there to do a job and mind their own business....and you can certainly tell them that if it comes to that.
I am glad that you have a hobby.
I do feel sorry to hear about your depression, I thought you had a counselor.....wish you had one now.
keep posting, we are listening.
bizi:grouphug:

I think I can talk to the new counsellor. I wouldn't know where to begin though. I feel uncomfortable with the way counsellors are coming,and going in the State Region 10 facility in this county. They where over billing me,and I just got that straight.

I have a sinus/bronchial problem,teeth problem with the gritting of my teeth,one of my eye's is getting blurred. I'm feeling small lumps on the left side of my body. My knees are hurting. I wish that I had parents again. My dad is still alive,but he's in a nursing home.

I thank you all for resonding so quickly. I have been so quiet resently. I haven't felt like talking very much,except to my friend who lives near the Gulf of Mexico. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thank you Bizi. I did have a counsellor,but she moved to another part of the state. Someone at Region 10 said that she retired. BF:hug::hug::hug:

maybe you can try to get a new one?

Dear Steve

i used to be around at night (my night, your evening) but i am resetting my hours... i just missed you last night. i'm glad others were here. :hug::hug::hug:

good job. it is hard to start with new people, especially when they come and go. but it is the way to go. you explained the current problem, with the hobbies and the equipment pretty well in this post. you can tell him/her what you told us. i also hear a lot of social discomfort, esp with the workers... you not feeling good about yourself.

doesn't your brother own the property? has he told you he wants the equipment down? has he given you any reasons? maybe he is just blowing hot air and is not really that serious?

as for the workers, i grew up with ridicule and i am afraid of it. so i know this fear. but we just have to stand up to it as best we can. those workers surely have their own problems, and may not think about you that much. and they might think completely different things. they may think you're a shy kinda guy. i bet more than a few will be wowed out by all the equipment on the roof!! :D;) many things can go on in people's heads. when we don't feel good, we tend to think bad things are going on in others' heads.

remember God loves you just as you are. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might, and love your neighbor as yourself." a friend of mine once pointed this last bit out to me... we are being taught to love ourselves here.

one thing at a time. first work on this imminent thing that is bothering you right now with preserving the hobbies that are your outlet for feeling ok.

i am glad you have been talking to your friend, and i am glad you posted tonight. i will be sending you good thoughts. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you Waves. It has occured to me that I might have misunderstood what was said to me about the house. I get all emotional,and become a wreck at the slightest thing,especially when it comes to what people say to me.

I found out that I am not only diagnosed with OCD,and panic disorder,but also schizoaffective disorder. I hate the thought of,and sound of this disorder. I'm still on the seroquel,which is for this type of thing. My ear doesn't ring as often as it use to. It helps me to sleep. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Friend,

That's good about the Seroquel helping.
Have a good day today. :hug: :hug: :hug:
M.

I was discouraged,and depressed. Now I'm angry. I hope he isn't going to make me take down the back yard lights,my cameras,and my expensive antennas. He wants to put wood sideing on this house out of the blue. I'm bored enough as it is living to far away from any big city,and I don't have friends out here. I use to live in the capital city of my state for most of my life.

My Shortwave hobbie,VHF,and UHF scanner hobbie,and my PTZ camera are my hobbies. Without them,I only have a TV set,and a computer. With nothing to do,I could always go to my Shortwave radio,and dial to see if I could hear whats on the shortwave bands. With the camera I could at least watch the cars go by. With my back yard lights I could at least turn them on when I would go to my car,and see if anyone is out there. One time there was a snake on my porch. Dogs run around this house now,and then.

I wonder if my brother in law is doing this to start the actions to move me to a home,or something. I wonder if he rejects me. Why all of the sudden. My world is getting smaller,and smaller,and I don't like it. It's not my fault that I have these illnesses. My sister,and I are at peace now. I don't know what to do. BF:confused::hissyfit::Hum::confused2::crazy:

Dear Friend,
I am happy to hear that you and your sister are in peace with each other.
I don't know what your BIL is up to. Most likely it has nothing to do with you -- maybe he just wants to fix up the house a little in case he ever gets someone to buy it.

I think your equipment is great. It is wonderful that you have found the communication technology that works for you.

'Sending you prayers. :hug: :grouphug: :hug:

M.

Dear Steve,

i hear that you are feeling your home threatened by these changes.

i agree with Mari that your BIL's thoughts on improving the property probably aren't to do with you. but i understand the fears since you've had difficulties in the past with him.

i don't know about the process of applying wood siding. i guess i don't see how it would require you to take things off the roof. if some wiring has to be moved, then that should be a part of the process - competent people need to be hired to move and ensure it is functional when they are done. the idea seems to be to improve the house, not to trade technology with wood siding.

i remember when you and BIL had a run in before, about the house and rent and whatnot. but it seemed like that got resolved. i think that this can probably get resolved so that his improvements do not impact your hobbies in any way. i am glad you and your sister are at peace. can you relate to her? do you feel she understands you, and your concerns? maybe she can help in dealing with BIL?

i am saying prayers for you too. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

p.s. edited to add: am reading a bit about 'siding' and when to do it ... your BIL may have determined the exterior of the house is deteriorating and needs residing to protect it? if that is the case, it is actually in your interest ... will prevent leaks and damage to your stuff.

hy he is using wood siding when a vinyl siding would be less maintanance that is unless he wants to put up hardi plank which would only be required to be painted once then it lasts a long time. what kind of siding is on there now? are they going to have to remove that is up?
What is so upseting to you is this unknow aspect of what will happen to your stuff. I agree ask your sister to help you thru this process.
I am sorry thta you have to deal with this. I understand you being upset.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear BF,

I just wanted to send you :hug: and to let you know that I'm sending good thoughts your way.

-Kay

Steve

I too would encourage you to talk to your sister about what is going on.

It may be that even if the stuff needs to be taken down for the siding
to go up. They will put it back up for you.

Donna:grouphug:

I'm not angry now,but I am discouraged,and depressed. The house is old,and has a metal exterior,and it's painted white. It was built in the time frame from 1890,or up to 1910.

I don't want to jeopardize all of our new found peace in the family. Our family,and cousins,and past friends are all linked on Facebook. We are at peace. I don't want to loose my hobbies either,for it helps me to not go up the wall. The hobbies help to divert negative thinking.

The worker should be able to work around the coax,and electric cords that are coming outside my window. I can move one thing that is leaning up against the building. My knees are aching from walking to work for about 14 years. I played soccer,and got a varsity letter. What ever happened I don't know,but my knees hurt.

I can't walk on the roof anymore. One of my antennas is tied down in place,elevated for a good shortwave reception,tied down with many guide wires so the wind won't make it move around. That was a real hard job about four years ago. The hardware of these antennas,and the antennas where very expensive. I wish that I could talk to him like I can talk to you all.

If the workers are good,they should be able to work around my electric,and coax work that is coming out of one square foot of space. BF:(:mad::(:hug:

Dear Steve, :hug: :grouphug: :hug:
The worker should be able to work around your coaxial cable, antennas, and electric work.
Can you go outside and talk to one of them?
Can you ask your sister to talk to them?

It is great that you enjoy your equipment.
M.

Thank you Mari. Someone needs to talk to them. If I have to,I'll even help them when they are in that area. I'll pull the cables up,while they work around,and over them. I'll pull the ground rod wires up. What I'm not sure about is my bil intensions? BF:confused::(:mad:

This is so nerve racking for me. I've be handling one problem after another,and now this. It never seems to end. BF:mad::(

Dear Steve,
I understand that this is nerve racking.

Can you call your sister and ask her if there is anything else you need to know about?

M.

I don't want to risk that. She,and I have become friends again. It sounded like she was a little aggrivated about what bil's going to do. BF:hug::(:hug:

Dear Friend,
Can you talk to the guy doing the siding?
He will want to do a good job. Let him know about the cables and wires.
M.

Dear Steve,

sounds good... that you can work with the folks doing the siding, and help with the wires if necessary. good luck with everything.

i understand you are concerned about intentions, but for the age of the house you mentioned, it sounds about "due" for this type of work... seems like just conservation of property to me. i really think it will be ok. the house will be better insulated for the winter with the new siding.

hope everything goes smoothly. take care.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

I just don't feel better. I couldn't sleep until about 12 PM. I took my seroquel around 3 AM. I was woken up by a maintenance worker who I wasn't expecting at about 4 PM. I felt better,then I felt worse. I don't know? BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am sorry that all of this is happening to you. I am hoping that they get this job done ASAP!!!! so you can have some peace of mind again.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

(((( Steve ))))

~ waves ~

Hmmm

I'd send you my maintenance man. You'd not have to worry about
the time, He would probably never get there. But you live to far
away. Of course nothing would get done either.

Sorry he is making me mad

Donna

Thank you Dmom3005
 

I found out yesterday that my bil wasn't planning on taking down my antenna matterial. We just had a lack of communication. He wanted to clear the front of the house for two businesses to move in. That's all. He's going to have siding put on two sides of this large house in the front.

I live in the back of the house,and I can still have my camera so I can see the parking lot,and street. He said that he was going to install a front light,and a expensive central air conditioner for the business tennants.

I hope that I understood correctly what was said. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Steve,

i am glad things got cleared up and that your equipment and hobbies aren't going to be impacted. miscommunications can happen in so many ways. it happens to everyone. what happens to me sometimes, is someone might mention something in a very general way, and then i first wonder, then believe there will be certain implications, and proceed to have conniptions about it....

anyway, i hope the work they have to do is over with quickly and that they don't disturb you too much while they are there. (((hugs)))

too bad you can't have a little of the expensive-tenant airconditioning though! ;) :hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Thank you Waves
 

I was going through conniptions.lol I received a message fragment,and thought that I was going to loose my radio,and camera hobbies. I am so Relieved!!!! The family is healing. My sister,dad,bil,and I are all getting along.
BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am so glad thear this steve, happy for you and bet you are relieved!
happy about your family...that is amazing, can I ask what do you think happened that you are now getting along?
bizi

The anger between the family members just stopped suddenly. A number of factors where involved. Time,prayer,medication,and understanding of medical,and mental health conditions,and ect,and etc.

I still have anxiety,and the other problems that I've mentioned. Sometimes it's worse then other times. Right now I feel better,but back in my thoughts,I feel like something bad could happen at anytime,which puts me on the edge of anxiety. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am glad that the anger stopped for what ever reason.
glad for you and your family.
bizi

Thank you Bizi. Yes things have turned around for the better in the whole family. We had a bad 10 years,with all of us moving,and everything.

My dad told me a long time ago ,that things have a way of working out. That's a general saying that seems to be true. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear Steve

i am so glad for you and your family that you are all coming together in peace again. :) :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

hello
 

i know how u feel about being over whelmed u need anyone to talk to or listen im good for that :)