BJ
 

Has anyone heard from BJ resently? BF:hug::hug::hug:

I heard from her, keep her in your prayers.

'Sending prayers to BJ. :grouphug:

M.

Sending prayers


Bizi

Tell her we are all thinking of her. Would you and praying for her.

Donna

yes please.

i have been wondering about BJ. see if she will give you permission to share a bit of an update with us... ?

send her hugs and hope and prayers from me :circlelove:

~ waves ~

when I have written to her in the past she has not written me back.
when the forums were down a while ago, I sent an email to a few of us here including her that the forums were down for an unknown length of time....and she wrote me back!!!
I was really surprised.

her depression is bad again, needs to start reposting on the sos forums but she doesn't.

I wish she would post back here...
I wrote back to her and she did not write back.

sigh
bizi

Aw my God... Keeping her in my prayers... :hug:

Please, if you can, tell her to come back... that we love her here and, aw damm :(

We are thinking about her !!! :grouphug:

oh geez Bizi... i'm sorry to hear that.

thank you for reaching out to her and giving us that feedback. :hug:

((((BJ))))

if you are lurking... we miss you... would love to hear from you even just a little peep if you are not up to talking much... the world is a better place because you are in it.

old-fashioned (((hugs)))

~ waves ~

I just don't know
 

People always say there's light at the end of the tunnel. But what if that tunnel is black as coal with no way out. Where is hope?

I know tomorrow I will be alone, a day as dark as night. I can't get it out of my head that I was born to follow in my brother's footsteps. It took a lot of courage what he did but I can't even do that right.

I hope tomorrow will be different, but I know different.

I'm sorry for isolating myself. I don't know why I do it. I just sometimes think, like my brother did, who would care. But if he only knew a lot of people cared. Why can't I feel that? Why do I shut people out? I'm just so tired of wearing this mask.

Bizi thanks for reaching out to me. I just don't want to bring people down. :hug:

(((BJ)))

Thanks for coming !! :hug:

You would never bring us down. You are light in this place.

there you are!!!!!
I am so glad that you have checked in with us here.
When you don't..... we just worry the worst.
I don't mean to lecture you but
I thought we were family?
Please post when you are up to it just don't wait for soooo long between posts.
We love you and miss you and are worried about you.
Last we heard from you.... you were undergoing cancer treatments......
are those done? I hope so they were making you so terribly sick.
I want you to know that you don't have to wear a mask here.
we are here to support you.
Please let us do that.
thank you for posting...
I hope that you post in the sos forums as they miss you dearly as well.
love you:hug:
bizi

Hi BJ I'm so glad that you checked in. I'm so sorry that you are going through a prolonged period of sorrow. Please keep yourself in the palms of God's hands.

Things have gotten a little better for me. Things should get better for you.
I hope that the cancer is under control,and gone. BF:hug::hug::hug:

:circlelove: Dear BJ :circlelove:

i am SOOOOOOOOOOO glad to see a post from you this morning!!! :) :)

:trampoline::Head-Spin:

i too am wondering where you are at with the cancer treatments... hoping its just a bad memory and you are just having checkups now... but i don't know the reality...

i am sorry the tunnel seems black... maybe you are in a very twisty turny tunnel that does have an end but before each twist and turn it looks like a dead end... and then you turn, and it looks like another...

the road to Santa Cruz is like that ... curve after curve... it always looks like the road stops and you're gonna drive off the cliff ... it's actually "fun" if you like to drive... (except when Neurontin hits exceptionally hard! :rolleyes:).

but i assure you, the road doesn't end, it endds up in Santa Cruz, which is delightful. by day and by night. :)

have you ever wondered about whether this thing you have with following in your brother's footsteps, might be a way that you are trying to "connect" with him... i mean certainly it would be a dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy... but i understand how it can make sense to you in certain ways.... do you think it could be something like that? if so, maybe it would help to try and reframe your relationship and loss of him, emotionally... ? perhaps by finding new ways in your life to connect to his life.... that sort of thing. maybe do some things that he would have enjoyed, or that he would have been happy if you or someone done them... (i don't know i'm shooting in the dark here).

i hope you are able to post again soon. sending you lots of love BJ.

~ waves ~

BJ
 

(((((((Hugs))))))):hug::hug:,and more (((((((Hugs))))))) BF

Bj
you are such a special type of person who makes people gravitate towards you..your spirit is incredible....you have a powerful gift. we care so much.
i am so relieved that you posted and so sad that you have felt you had to isolate from us...you are so worthy ...i don't know why you isolate...you must be in so much pain...maybe it is a protection. but love is healing and we love you. please keep on posting.
bobby

BJ
 

That's so true. We love you BJ. We are all struggling,and we all need to talk to each other. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Yes Bizi I hope we are family. I only have one thing on my mind right now and it's hard to shake off. Yes Waves I do want to connect with my brother, more than anything in the world. I want to share but I'm terrified. It's hard to explain. I'm so tired. I'm going on 3 days without sleep. I need to sleep.

I hope you can sleep tonight.
((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
I don't know what meds you're on right now.....
If you have any anti anxiety meds maybe you could take more of those.
bizi

BJ
 

I understand. There are times when I don't feel like writing what I'm feeling like either. I hope that you get some rest tonight. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear BJ

i hope you can get some sleep. some good sleep.

:hug::Zzzz::hug::Zzzz::hug::Zzzz::hug:

~ waves ~

Dear BJ,

Have you ever done any art or music therapy?
Those kinds of therapies do not require you to come up with words to express what is happening.

If you don't have a professional therapist, maybe art would be helpful even by yourself.

M.

BJ

We all love ya. And hope you will keep checking in with us. As everyone
says we all miss you when you don't come around. So do a check around
to let us know your here once in a while.

We want to know your okay. And we love you.

Donna:grouphug:

Yes we do love you and want to know how you are.

even if you're not okay. it's okay not to be okay around here! ;) :hug:

'member that book, "I'm OK, You're OK?" i keep thinking someday i'll write a spoof sequel:
"I'm not OK! And neither are you by golly! (and that's not OK... but it's OK.)" or something like that. :D

BJ, are you still able to work on your garden at all? working with hands and in touch with nature can be therapeutic... grounding.

art too. and if you aren't big on art... as a "formal" hobby it can be expensive too... consider pencil drawing, or just doodling, or using crayons. (i've actually done some pretty cool "crayon paintings").

~ waves ~

Dear BJ,
Or get some Play-Doh and work with clay.
It could be healing on some levels.
M.

BJ
 

Are you doing ok? I hope that today went better for you. I know how isolation feels. When I sit down neer someone,and unconsciously lean my body away from them. I don't know why I do that.

I guess that I'm very uncomfortable around groups of people,and feel like I could be harmed. I did have bullies hit me though,when I was in school. This has had a impact on my adult life. I guess that I need to keep forgiving them. This can ease the bad memory a bit. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Dear BJ,
Thank you for checking in with us.
I am so very sorry that you are feeling isolated...that must be very lonely...
we are always here to support you ...and you know that the sos is ALWAYS there to offer you support, ALWAYS!!!!
Please post there too....
Everyone on these boards is worried about you and we want to help you.
I am wondering if you still have a therapist to work with?
Where are you in your cancer treatments?
how is hooper girl?
Hugs to you tonight.
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))):hug::grouphug::hug:
love bizi

Dear BJ, :hug: :hug: :hug:
I'm sorry to hear how isolated and sad you sound.
I wish that you felt better.

Do you have a tdoc? Do you still see people at church?

You do have people. They cannot fully understand the hurt that you have, but they can help.

M.

Dear BJ
 

Hugs,and more (((((((Hugs))))))) to you. I understand. (((:hug::hug::hug:)))
Hang in there. BF:hug::grouphug::hug:

((((( BJ ))))))

so good to see a post from you. so good. i am sorry though about your situation. i have some thoughts on some of your observations... when i am able to put them into words, i'll come back and post.

for now i hope you will accept some hugs :hug::hug::hug: and good thoughts from me :circlelove:.

i will be back and i hope to see you back too.

~ waves ~

BJ

As a couple have said, we are always here to listen, be supportive
and give hugs. None of us can know what you are going through.

And I personally wish I was there closer to help you. And be the
supportive person you need daily.

Donna:grouphug:

Bj i think it is healthy to feel so angry and to question why all this has happened to you. the feelings were probably always there and now that they are surfacing they will start losing their power.
i don't know how but your next direction should be on trying to spend all your energy on loving yourself and nurturing yourself. It is so painful to feel isolated and hopeless but there is always hope. There are nice people out there but just hard to find them. Most people are so self involved these days including me just trying to survive. Do you even know what you want from people....maybe a warm hug and reassurance. You are such a kind and wonderful person and your goodness shows through. you will eventually attract some caring people and have a mutual relationship. right now i am happy for you that you are in touch with your anger. I really think it is a sign of health.
fondly
bobby

It has been since november since we have last heard from bj....has anyone "seen" her?
I hope she is doing well.
a quick hello...if she is reading here.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))) )))))
to you dear girlie.
bizi

I was wondering the same thing. I don't think that I have heard from her in about a year. I still think about her from time to time,and wonder how shes doing.

Hi BJ if you still read the posts. I'm sending big hugs to you. BF:hug::grouphug::hug::grouphug::hug:

she is one special person
bobby

I always have her in my thoughts.... I was about to ask about her.

(((((BJ))))

Dear BJ

i spoke of you to someone just the other day... your struggle with cancer.... your mother's before you... i think about your losses, and yet what an exquisite person you are. i remember your pictures of your beautiful garden. i remember thinking the garden reflected your own inner beauty.

i think about you often too and i hope at some point you will be able to come back. or want to. i wonder if you feel somehow isolated from us in your mind.

we all miss you.

i know these things can take a long time ... my friend's dad went through chemo for melanoma.... it was a long and extenuating process and he suffered a great deal. he is well today as i hope one day you will be.

sending you many hugs :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

I also have been thinking of BJ.

Hoping she is at least reading. And that if someone hears from her
they will let us know.

Donna:grouphug:

thinking about our bj today....
((((((HUGS))))))
if you are reading...wish you would trust us again....
we are here for you.
bizi