Trying to quit smoking yet again...
 

So cold----> pneumonia for the 1st time.
I've been on antibiotics (they changed it sometime last week) for 11 days, but I keep coughing. I'm miserable and don't want/fell up to doing anything but sit on the couch. I feel so guilty that my house is a mess and my constant coughing must be driving my husband nuts...

He says he can hear me coughing outside our apt. I'm sure that my neighbors can hear me... they probably think I'm disgusting or dying or something. It's embarrassing. My chest hurts from the pneumonia and my head and neck hurt from the cough.

Mucinex & cough suppressants haven't worked for me. Still getting little bits up tho. I know it's not the best idea to take a cough suppressant when I have pneumonia, but I'm going to try a new cough medicine with one in it. I've still smoking like a jackass....

I have 4 cigarettes left and that's it. It's really time to stop.

I'm going to use that electronic cigarette & nicotine gum & regular gum. I hope it sticks this time. Not easy with hubby smoking and unwilling to quit.

-Kay

wow kay!
I am so sorry that you are still this sick.
please continue with the mucinex to bring up the stuff that needs to come up.
I know how it hurts to cough they make that spray stuff that numbs your throat....can't rmeember the name of it but that can help.
cough drops helped me but I was also taking anti histamines, what does your doctor say to take?
YOu are drinking plenty of fluids, warmed helps the throat but so does ice cold stuff too so try both.
I used robitussin dm cough syrup jsut a couple of weeks ago it has the decongestant in it also. I would suck on a cough drop at night putting it by my check so no danger of choking on it.
sorry that you are going thru this...I so relate to you.
stoping smoking will help your over all health in so many ways...good for you for trying.
wish your hubby would get on board too.
bizi

Dear Kay,

Did your mdoc give you any cough medicine?
I remember getting a good script when I had bronchitis.

Pneuomonia makes a person weak. Take it easy. You don't have to clean or do anything except get well.

The us gov has some web sites to help with quitting smoking. Have you seen some of those?
http://www.smokefree.gov/medication-guide.aspx
I've heard that essentially you need at least two tools -- great that you are planing on two. How about the patches as well?

Mari

Thanks Ladies!

Day 1: no butts :) so far I'm not missing them.

I can't use the patch because I go nutty- it heightens my anxiety & MS spasticity. It's better for me to be able to control the amount of nicotine I'm getting.

I'm feeling a little bit better today. I've decided not to take anymore cough suppressants... I want all this crap up and out ASAP.
I took a pass on the prescription cough medicine because of the codeine. It makes me nauseous, sweaty and really out of it.

Thanks,
Kay

Good Luck Kay!!!

and i do hope you start to feel MUCH better soon!

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

You are doing great! :Dancing-Chilli: :Excited: :Dancing-Chilli:
M.

Thanks guys!

Still no butts! I was smoking in my dreams last night tho. Lots of urges this morning, but I didn't cave.

Still coughing, but I'm feeling a little better today. No fever today either! Woo-hoo! I called my mdoc's secretary again to ask for the results of the tests I had done almost 2 weeks ago. Still waiting.

-Kay

p.s. I just re-read my post... and started thinking I'm sensitive to a ton of drugs. So is my sister.

I am glad that you are feeling a little bit better today...darn cough!

Oh, Kay,
Fever is gone! :D Good news.
I hope that you continue to feel better each day.

You are doing great . . . on your way to being free of the cigs. http://bestsmileys.com/textinbubble2/1.gif

M.

I'm so sorry guys....

I'm already off the wagon. I should have waited to post. I feel like a total a-hole.

I plan to restart on Monday. I'm going to join one of those support programs the nicorrette people provide this time.

Still no temp over 99.3! This is a big improvement!
I called the 3rd time for my test results and got hung up after 7 minutes on hold. Called back and heard the famous, "someone will call you back." UGH.
I really want the lyme disease results. It could explain all the joint pain and fevers. I'm doxycycline, also a treatment for lyme, and my fevers are going away....

Thanks for your support & I'm sorry I let you down. I'll only update on the butts if I've actually made some progress.
-Kay

Kay, you haven't let anybody down...

just remember, practice makes perfect! ;)

keep quitting. it's a bit of a process. even for those who manage to stay "on the wagon" ... it's still a process. beating yourself up won't speed up the process (it's kindof a human part of the process for most of us, i know, but it's a part that is best dispensed with as much as possible ;)) ... try to just take stock, and give it another whirl when you are ready. when you find yourself thinking, geez i couldn't even stay quit a whole day... talk back to yourself... say, hey! but i did stay away for 4 whole hours even though i wanted one after 2! mark those little successes! every single one helps you get there.

glad your temp is coming down. hope you keep feeling better. :hug:

~ waves ~

Dear Kay,

If you only update when you make progress then you deny us the opportunity to cheer you on. :cool:
Regarding Lyme: I hope that you get the news you need to move forward with the treatment you want.

Take care.
M.

eeks Lymes...i hope that has been the problem so you can be easily treated for it...it is such a b#tch of a disease til properly diagnosed. I know of a dog that was thought to have cancer until i told the owner to have them check for lymes disease. I had a couple of friends who had it and were in severe misery til diagnosed.
I was a heavy smoker and because I was a heavy smoker I was forced to give it up because I could no longer afford it. I used nicorette. I think that helped. I went cold turkey. because it was so expensive it was a lot easier than I thought it would be because I had no choice. Is there a way you can some how make it so you have no choice and just have to quit? Will power didn't even seem to come into it. It was as if I had hit a brick wall. Maybe the imagery of a brick wall lol.
feel better and keep on posting and seek support from us. Don't beat yourself up. I would still be smoking if it weren't so expensive.
bobby

yes kay keep psting.
we want to encourage you even one day is a good day to not smoke.... it means your lungs had a break for a least one day!
keep trying that is all you can do.
I wish hubby would get on board for you that would help alot!
bizi:Bang-Head:

Thank you so much, guys!

All my test results came back negative!!! I guess that's a good thing. I'm still in pain, but my temps are only in the 99's :)
The temps come and go, tho. So I'm cautiously optimistic. If they return, the next step is going to see an infectious disease MD. I don't need anymore docs. I'm already being sent to a rheumy next month.

Smoking is expensive!!! That is definitely a factor in wanting to quit. I smoke less than my husband, tho.
I bought the brand name nicorette 1st, but I also have the 2nd step generic which is a lot less expensive. It's actually cheaper than buying butts. I don't use as much as recommended.
The e-cig cartridges are much cheaper. I like these a little better, too.

It's a total challenge to quit with my husband still smoking, and butts in the house.

It scared me that my cough was like my mother's when I had pneumonia. She died at 46 from lung CA; but part of me doesn't want to quit because I'm pretty handicapped now, and I don't want to see how bad I'll be over time. I struggle with so many health problems now at 30... This definitely holds me back.

That feeling is not a product of depression. It's actually logical. It may sound strange to you guys because you aren't in my shoes. I've taken care of many progressive MS patients over the years and I know what lays ahead.

Thank you for your support, you guys are great! :)
Kay

sorry if this is morbid or if i misunderstood, or both
 

(((Kay)))

glad no Lymes.

are you saying you'd rather get lung cancer so you can die from that before you get too handicapped from the MS?

i understand the "logic" but... on the flip side....

you might not get lung cancer... emphysema is slow and painful and disruptive...

the MS they can't do anything about (for now) ... but no sense risking emphysema or other types of COPD on top of it.... ? :(

i'm sorry if that is not what you meant or if i'm being too forthright or downright morbid. :hug:

you sound so wholesome. i am sorry you are already suffering with so much stuff at 30. i guess, all you can do is try to be as well as you can? :heartthrob:

~ waves ~

I too was taken a back when I read this....emphazema is a terrible way to die!!!!!!!!!!
lung cancer is not a picnic either....
bizi

Hi,
It helps me to know that you are a nurse.
I knew a nurse who used to talk about the worst ways to die. She thought that cancer was worse than anything else.
When she did die (I had seen her about 16 hours before she passed.) it was peaceful but nothing like she anticipated even a few months before.

We don't know what lies in our future.
I think for me, I have an obligation to do the best I can.

Have the house cleaned and painted (curtains washed, floors scrubbed, bed linens cleaned.. . ) and tell him he has to smoke outside. :p

M.

Waves, you're correct, and you read my post correctly. Yes, it is morbid.

I have been present when many of my patients (and my mother) took their last breaths. I did hospice and home health care for years, then worked in hospitals on floors that specialized in oncology, general med/surge, hepatibililary and liver transplants.

Everybody dies. Nobody is immortal. Whatever the cause, pts. can still have a "good death."

I, like many pts. with chronic disease, want to maintain some kind of control over my life and death. I have a living will. It is VERY specific because of my nursing experience.

I worry about being totally dependent. Dependence and lack of mobility scares me. I keep my weight down and take care of my skin because those factors influence quality of life later on when pts. become immobile (ie/increased incidence of bedsores and other infections).

My disease will advance, and it's likely I will die when I lose control over my own respiration (similar to COPD and emphysema).

Morbid.... Yes, yes, yes. But I'm hardly ill informed.
I'm very proactive in my medical care. I keep all my docs updated on symptom and med changes. I've been very persistent with ruling out causes of my fevers and joint pain, and think it's important to find the real cause.

I have no idea how I will die- neither do any of you, unless you have already been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

For now, I'm still smoking. Other fish to fry right now.

My mother's birthday is in 3 days. My brother, sister, father, and I check in with one another on Oct. 10th every year. Aside from that, I try to forget about it.

Thanks for your concerns and feedback,
Kay

((Kay))

Wow- you are definitely not feeling well! Bronchitis is bad enough I cannot imagine what you are going thru. My asthma doctor tells me the same thing that Bizi recommended: Robittusin DM. It does help reduce the coughing to a variable degree.

I have heard of the various types of cigarettes that help quit smoking. My BIL tried one of them but I can't remember what type it was. He didn't smoke the last time we saw him- which was not normal for him. I forgot to ask him how things were going with his attempt to quit too.

Hang in there Kay!! You can do it!!!! Hope you feel better soon!

Hugs

Coffeegirl

oh kay, I am sorry if I upset you and I did not figure out you are a nurse...my memory is terrible if I read that somewhere else.
sorry.
I too am a nurse but have not worked in a regular setting for 13 years now. I work with feet.
My brother commited suicide about 21 years ago and My mother participates in the sos survivors of suicide forum here.
It is a very good place to find support if ones depression deepens toward that direction.
We have members here who post there on occasion.
I am sorry if I sounded judgemental...
please forgive me.
bizi

Dear Kay

i am very sorry. what i said didn't sound like what i wanted it to mean i guess. or maybe it did and just wasn't appropriate.

i wasn't trying to call you morbid. i was afraid i was being morbid. nor "threaten you" with emphysema as pressure to get off the cigs... last thing i wanted was to pressure you about the quitting attempt... i was in a way wondering at the idea of smoking as a sort of "slow-suicide" tool versus smoking to feel better somehow... and trying to point out it wasn't exactly predictable... which is really idiotic of me because of course you know that - and yes i do know you are well informed... and thensome through your nursing experience.

heck no use even rambling further about what i did or didn't mean... i wish i hadn't said anything because obviously what i said was upsetting. and i'm so sorry about that. i am sorry for being an insensitive dolt.

i mean maybe i just don't get it or something... i have not, in fact, been dx'd with a terminal illness.

fwiw, you don't know when you're going to die either even with your dx.

you, like any of us, could die tomorrow... we could choke on a crust of bread... or get hit by an unhinged blazing toilet seat re-entering the atmosphere....

i think it is nice that you and your family still honor your mother's birthday together. it sounds painful for you though and i'm sorry. i am sorry she isn't there. :hug:

~ waves ~

Dear Kay,
You've see a lot. Nurses work hard for us and are not appreciated enough --- and yet they do the work of angels.
Thank you. :Heart:


Those kinds of birthdays are hard. It is nice that the rest of the family will be checking in with each other.
Be kind to yourself.

M.

Dear Kay,

Good morning!

Did the 11 days of antibiotics help?
I hope that you are feeling better.

M.

Dear Bizi & Waves,
I was in no way offended. I was just trying to explain my line of thinking, and I'm sorry if I came off rough or angry.

Dear Coffee Girl,
I have those special cigarettes, too. They look just like a regular cig., but they run on a battery, and use cartridges that contain only nicotine and flavoring. I haven't had any luck quitting yet.


Dear Mari,
I'm much better now, thank you! I have a little residual cough- that's all.

I'm going to post something a little later, but I want to be able to offer more info. You that you have all offered me nothing but support, friendship, and good advice. Thank you.

Kay

I'm a mess right now.

I'm safe right now, but since last night I have been having regular s/s thoughts with some planning. I am not feeling impulsive, but I am anxious. My pdoc is on vacation, but I left a message for my psychologist to tell her about this and asked for a call back that hasn't happened yet. I had an appt. with her Monday and my mood was good. The session went well. I did discuss the logic of not stopping smoking to her & she understood.

We'll probably just discuss my safety plan:
Distraction & self talk.
Reach out to someone close to me.
If thoughts intensify, go to ER or
If alone, lock myself out, call 911, and wait for them on stoop.

I tried to write my follow up post to explain my rationale not to quit smoking earlier, but just couldn't do it. I guess all that has been bouncing around in my head since then.
Add constant financial problems, all the medical stuff (mine and my sister's), and my mother's upcoming birthday (actually 10/11, not 11/10- dates are difficult for me) and you have the recipe for the perfect storm. I'm overwhelmed.

I chose to write about my reasons for not stopping smoking because I needed to talk about it. Nothing anyone wrote to me in this thread contributed to my current psych problems- I promise you that.

Distraction is proving to be somewhat useful & I'm trying to remind myself of the impact of suicide on my loved ones.
I told my husband & sister that I am having mood and psych problems. They know what that means.

I'm worried that all this is going to worsen the closer I get to my mother's birthday. I always have some sort of psych reaction, but not like this. I see myself in the ER soon.

I will do what I can to keep myself safe. I am safe right now.

Kay

Hi Kay

i am glad you were not offended! i was more worried that you were hurt. hopefully you were not that either. if you're ok, i'm ok. :)

you'll quit smoking when you're good and ready. keep taking shots at it. sometimes there's just too much going on or whatever... and golly, with a live-in hardened smoker??? sheez! i had the WORST time, when i moved to this country, having quit... because people smoked in the office, in restaurants etc etc etc... i am not your typical cigarette smoker because i never enjoyed the way most smokers do. yet, even i started smoking again, here, multiple times because i was immersed in it...

... sometimes i was stressed out and it was too easy to bum one or two... then i'd buy them because i don't like to bum...

... sometimes there was so much second-hand smoke around i'd start smoking again just so i'd notice it a little less.

is your husband receptive at all to the whole you wanting/trying to be smoke-free?

you know, even when i smoked and lived alone, i always smoked outside. a couple times when it was cold, i cheated and smoked by a door/window exhaling through the screen and holding the tip of the cig there too... but most of the time i piled on the clothes and hauled my sorry freezing butt outside and smoked through chattering teeth. or passed up on the cigarette, to avoid the cold.

i guess i'm wondering if it's feasible (for you, and for your husband) to turn your home into a non-smoking environment, quit effort aside.

(i think it will help during the quit attempts... and it might help cut down quantity... for him too.)

another thing - this was one of the last places to go for me was, in my car. as a smoker i would measure distances by the number of cigarettes it took to get there. :rolleyes: then at one point i acquired a car that had always been kept pristine, detailed weekly etc, never smoked in. so it became a non-smoking area. eventually i made the other car non-smoking area too - but that was hard. just the gestuality of getting in the car, involved pulling out/lighting a cigarette! it was all mixed up in there with the seat belt, hand brake check mirror business. :rolleyes:

~ waves ~

And i'm glad you are feeling better!

i've never had pneumonia... :( and i don't relish the idea! :eek:

:hug:

~ waves ~

oh kay,
I am sorry you are struggling right now.
I am glad that you felt safe enough to post.
Please know that you can always post what ever here.
thank you for sharing.
There is a forum specifically for people who are suicidal...I wonder if you have found it yet?

this is the link to the sos forums: http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

know that we care and I am glad that you are safe....
keep us posted.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Kay,

I am concerned about you. :hug: :hug: :hug:
Treat this episode like it is an emergency now.
Execute the safety plan now.
Can you make an appt to see the pdoc on Monday or at least Tuesday? Sometimes it helps to get through the next two days or so (for example) if you know that you have an upcoming appt.


When you reach out to someone close to you, do they provide you with the help that you need?

You can marshall your forces and get through this time.

Mari

My pdoc is on vacation, but my psychologist gave me a call back. We talked about what was going on with me, my safety plan & I contracted for safety. She asked me to tell my husband that I've been having suicidal thoughts. I did and did it in plain English.

I think I'm doing everything I can re: my safety plan, with the exclusion of going to the ER.
I saw my brother today and spoke to my sister twice on the phone (reaching out).
I went food shopping, made chicken soup, trimmed all 3 cats' nails, and watched a movie (distraction).

I've never been to the sos forum. I'm not having s/s thoughts right now and don't want to try it out, but thank you Bizi.

My husband will be home all weekend. He's been helpful in the past when I've given him a heads up.
A lot of my loved ones mean well, but just don't understand how this happens, and seem to think I can flip a switch to make it stop. I'll call these people to talk and remind myself that they love and would miss me, but avoid sharing my suicidal ideation.

I've been thinking about making a cake, maybe I'll try. It sounds like a good and lengthy distraction.

Thanks guys. I'm okay right now and really appreciate your support.
-Kay

oh kay,
thank you again for reaching out ot us here.
you are doing a good job of distracting yourself.
the sos forum is a wonderful safe place to talk aoub tyour thoughts they understand depression and suicidal thoughts. they have been there and done that so they know what youare struggling with.
my mother posts there her name is alffe.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Oh Dear Kay

i guess i took so long to respond to your post re: the smoking, yesterday ... i TOTALLY missed the post you added afterwards, regarding the suicidal ideation... :( :Bang-Head:

i am glad others were around for you! :hug:

glad your tdoc eventually got back to you and you could make a contract with her, too.

i understand not wanting to talk about suicide to others who don't understand. (i've been told things like "don't be ridiculous" and "don't talk nonsense" ... oh so helpful. :rolleyes:) just making contact with others in the way you are doing is good, though.

i hope your hubby is supportive.

anniversaries are hard... right now this is crisis mode and may not be the best time to delve, not on outpatient basis, surely.

when you feel better, i'd consider discussing with your pdoc if there might be better ways for you to observe (or not observe) your mom's birthday. what you're doing with family sounds "nice" but clearly isn't helpful. i am wondering if her absence might not clash with the family observance for you, causing you to go through a sort of acute mourning period, alone. for this time, if it feels odd to you to do all the getting together on the phone and stuff - you can bail... don't do it. and when you feel up to it try talking with tdoc about it all.

how are you doing today?

did you make the cake? what kind? how did it come out?

~ waves ~ who is now going to check back if there aren't other posts i missed, meanwhile.... :rolleyes:

Dear Kay:
I like the cake idea.
Kitchen work can be involving and gratifying.
What kind are you making?

(If cake works for you, maybe you can make arrangements to drop off a cake somewhere once in a while when you are up to it.)
That's good that you told your husband what is happening and that you made contact with your brother and sister.
Are your kitties helpful to you? What are their names?

'Sending good vibes for you.

M.

Thinking of you Kay. Didn't have a chance to post last night but read what you posted.

You are right. Family members think that with s/s thoughts you can just flip a switch. They do not understand at all. Keeping yourself distracted and busy will help you thru it. Journal your thoughts too. It sounds strange but by writing down your thoughts will help you ease the anxiety down.

Please keep posting so we know you are okay. Thinking of you with lots of love and care.

:hug:

Coffeegirl

So far today hasn't been too bad.

I picked out some recipes and I think I'm going to make pound cake. I'm going to make a roast beef for dinner, too.

My sister is organizing something for my mom's birthday Monday. My mother loved Annalee dolls and they're opening a new store (about an hour away) this weekend. A few ladies in the family are going and my sister asked me. I told her I'd be there if I wasn't in the psych ward. At first she said, "you'd better not be." But then I told her that it was an absolutely miserable feeling, and I would stop it if I had control over it. That shut her down- maybe she's starting to get it.

Not sure how I feel about the trip right now. I'll go if I think I can handle it. My mother died 13 years ago. I guess it never gets easier.

The weather is pretty good right now, so my cats are very active. They're kinda driving me nuts right now. Rocky Balboa is male 5 yo., Buddy Lite is a male 4 yo., and Dottie Doo is a female almost 2 yo. They're all glued to the sliding door.

Thanks for your support all :grouphug:
Kay

I wish I had some words of wisdom but currently don't. When you have those thoughts of suicide please post them here. I think a lot of us have them or intermittently have them and we can supply you at least with you are not alone. I think you try to be way too brave and don't allow yourself to nurture yourself. You are very admirable and I really look up to you but i feel for you because I wish you would treat yourself more kindly.
Smoking is a form of nurturing. Drinking beer is a form of nurturing too. Since i stopped smoking I haven't found a substitute for that nurturing. Sometimes lately I might think of a cute dollface in my life...whether it is a kitty cat or a person..that helps if I am in not too much pain. I don't know if it can work for you. Your kitty cats sound precious.
Bobby

hugs to you today kay.
((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
bizi:hug:

How I quit smoking FINALLY
 

I started smoking in 1973. I quit in 2009. How do I know this time it's forever? I had to replace it. I replaced it with an entirely new way of living! I started a Zumba class, I started a healthy diet (Dr. Josh Axe - online) and had ALOT of sex with my husband. My husband is happy, my house is cleaner and I treated myself to a trip to the beach to try out my new smokin hot body in my new bikini! I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS GOOD! Do it, do it, do it!!!!!!!!!

Wow packer girl....you sound so happy with your new life!!!
that is wonderful!
I started exrtcising in march and I feel better for it.
thanks for popping by.
and welcome to these forums!