starting Cymbalta soon
 

Hi,
I have not picked up my 'script yet because the insurance company won't authorize the Cymbalta until they talk to pdoc.
I'm annoyed with them.


I have been on very few antidepressants except for the old fashioned kind:

Starting in 1988:
1. various Tricyclics including Sinequan and Anafranil (with lithium)
2. 6 weeks of Prozac-- culminating in a 4 night hospital stay (with lithium)
3. two weeks of an MAOi (with lithium)
4. Wellbutrin from 1993 -2005 (??) (with verapamil)
5. 3 days of Lexapro (with verapamil)
6. Wellbutrin starting in July 2010 (with verapamil)

I'm not comfortable with trying a new med.


I'm still taking the Wellbutrin 50 mgs.
Pdoc said I could take it for a week while I am on Cymbalta a week.

M.

Dear Mari

i hope the insurance and the pharmacy and your pdoc get your script sorted out soon. it amazes me how our systems that are supposed to facilitate us can end up making us jump through more hoops.

Effexor is the other SRNI (same class as Cymbalta). If your pdoc can't get the Cymbalta for you he may script Effexor, since it is much older than Cymbalta. Or he may have reasons not to. I don't know much about how the two compare.

i hear your discomfort with trying something new. It sounds like you are willing to go forward in spite of it. I think that's positive.

You still have control. You get to change your mind if you want to.

And if that happens, would you consider going to an older med you've taken before - one of the tricyclics? How well did those work for you and did you have issues with them?

~ waves ~

I hope the insurance comapny gets thru to your pdoc ASAP!
sorry for this snafu.
I hope you day ges well and that you get some sleep.
bizi

I am on cymbalta and I love it. I hope you get the same kind of help
from it as I do.

I am not sure even why your insurance company wants to talk to
the pdoc. But hoping they do soon.

Donna

Hi,
Tdoc and I have a phone session later today. We last talked early August. I think I am going to sleep for now.

M.

Tdoc says to get book: You Can Heal Your Life
 

Hi,
Tdoc has told me before that people are having difficult times right now -- something about the collective energy of the times:

She tells me to stay in the present ----
-- past not helpful
-- future out of our control
-- center myself in the present because I do have control over the present.


She told me to get the book
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hays
http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Heal-Y.../dp/0937611018

(I see someone has put up a 2008 version of the movie on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYCamVx4fSQ )


We talked mostly about sleep.
She reminded me about sleep hygiene. I told her hygiene is not the problem. We talked more.

She gave me an affirmation from the above book:
"I give myself permission to release the need to stay awake." -- or something like that.

Our phone session went well.

M.

Dear Mari

i am glad you had a good session. look forward to hearing how the affirmations go.

i am feeling pretty cynical right now... maybe because i'm upset (angry/disappointed) and obsessing over an interaction that happened this morning. whatever.

anyway - the title of this book reminded my cynical clockwork here of something a programmer friend of mine used to say in college:

"one of these days i'm gonna write the function solve_all_the_worlds_problems()."

i guess the book sounds utopic to me.

well, trying to play devil's advocate with my cynic here, i guess there are things we can learn from utopias to make our life better. maybe that's what it's all about.

for starters, i am trying to reframe my obsessing in terms of the being in the present as your tdoc suggested. the obsession is on an event in the past and how the event will affect the future - but it has *nothing* to do with the present (other than distracting me from things that do, like my tea, sleeping, this post... etc). so i thought hmm, how appropriate her suggestion is to me too.

~ waves ~

Yeah,
I know that my descriptions of my tdoc make our interactions sound goofy, but I sought her out because this is the kind of work she does.

There was a poster a while ago here (can't remember) whose tdoc encouraged making a visiion board (which is a graphic of an affirmation.)

That's cool about the idea of writing code like that.

Sorry to hear about your obsession.
You could assign weight, color, and shape to it, wrap it up in a package, and let it float off down a river far away -- she's done this via hypnosis. Her hypnonsis works, but it needs regular visits and the last time we had regualar visits that were not driven by crises was summer 2008.

M.

I forgive myself.
 

Hi,
I've been practicing variations of affirmations such as "I release myself from worry about sleep."

A little while ago, I woke up from a nap.
This is what I heard in my head: "I forgive myself."

This came to me without having to force it. I will try it out tomorrow and practice saying it.

M.

aww geez... i really didn't mean it to sound that way. the book title is what struck me as a "too good to be true" sort of thing... that's more what the cynicism and thoughts on utopia were about.
hehe. well actually this was a part of the cynicism. he was being totally sarcastic. it was a geeky way of expressing something too good to be true.

i am always interested to hear your T's thoughts on things. her observation about being in the present is not new to me - it pervades Eastern philosophy. But there is a lot to it, and it was interesting how well it applies to obsessions. being "present" would be mutually exclusive with most of the stuff i tend to obsess about.

interesting. but it sounds like hypnosis would be needed. i might be able to try that right before falling asleep, which is basically a hypnotic state.

cool. this sounds personally meaningful to you, even if you don't consciously know why. maybe staying awake at night is like an enforced vigilance related to trying to make amends for something you missed/didn't do due because you were asleep. maybe forgiving yourself is the key to letting go of the need to stay awake.

~ waves ~

Yes, Waves,
That is pretty close to what is happening.
Tdoc and I learned of the nature of problem via hypnosis years ago but have not "solved" the problem. We've made almost no headway until I woke up "feeling" that I can forgive myself.


On another note, I have completely trashed my bank account -- too many withdrawals without enough deposits.
What a mess.
I tried to fix things on Wednesday -- looks worse on line tonight.
'Will call in the am.

M.

Dear Mari,
I am sorry about the check book disturbances...I hate that when that happens.

I was very happy to read about your interactions with your therapist....and your personally forgiving yourself.
that must have been so powerful and affirming.

bizi

Hi Mari!

I'm thinking of you. It is hard trying new meds. It is like walking into the world of unknown. Very scary and unsure of what will happen especially when you have experienced bad results in the past with other meds.

You have the right thinking process. I hope you are doing okay today. Keep thinking positive. Hang in there!

Hugs

Coffeegirl

I forgive myself
 

Hi,

1.
Still working on getting the Cymbalta.
If I don't have it by Monday, I will go back to pdoc's office with a list of generics and ask him to pick the most appropriate one. :p


2.
As I was waking up from a nap earlier Thursday, I had this come to me:
-->> "I am relaxed."

This is amazing.
I am so calm and relaxed right now. Anxiety has floated away. I'm almost happy.
Hubby has been very relaxed since last Wed. night too (even in the midst of my mini banking debacle -- something that would normally upset him.)

3.
I am going to write down some more affirmations to print out to say on the way to bed tonight and in the morning on the way to work.
M.

Dear Mari

what a positive experience! :)

i am happy for you: :):):)

~ waves ~

Wow Mari, I am happy for you!
bizi:hug:

That is awesome Mari!! Inspiration!! Keep it up. :hug:

Coffeegirl

Mari, I'm so glad to hear that you're sounding more positive!

I have been instructed in guided imagery and mantras, too. I agree with Waves' cynicism with this book's title. I actually avoid self-help books altogether.

The easiest way for me to fall asleep (may sound strange) is to close my eyes completely, but not tightly, and to begin to kind of focus on a particular spot (yeah with eyes closed). I usually see occasional fleeting images that are neutral, and the result is I fall asleep quickly. It doesn't work for me if there is light in the room. I don't know what you call it, if it even has a name. Maybe a kind of trance?

I'm having $$$ and bank account issues right now and often. It triggers a lot of anxiety for me. Sometimes I have to pay some bills late.
I try to say "everything will be okay," over and over again. It usually works for me, if only temporarily.

Keep staying positive!
Kay

money
 

Hello,

I got email from my bank saying that my one credit card was canceled. :eek:

I freaked out for a day and then called.
Apparently I lost it getting gas and the gas station called it in for me. I am getting a new one in the mail.

I get freaked out over money matters -- mostly I got into deep financial straits after grad school and divorce and illness. Then I spent almost a decade paying back huge debts.
Every money transaction was anxiety producing -- still is I suppose.


M.

sad
 

Not so anxious.
Sad now.
Maybe I am mourning something.

Dear Kay,
That's a good technique for focusing / relaxing.
Also your self talk about bills and other daily stuff helps me as well.
M.

running out of patience
 

this is very upsetting, your insurance won't aprove it? is that the hold up?
could you get the docs office to intervien for you?
I am sorry for the delay.
bizi