Wonder thread 232
 

I wonder why nobody else has started a thread yet.. as I read that the last one ended over 24 hours ago.

I wonder if anyone knows that although I find this a bit odd (starting sentences off with I wonder...), I have been checking and anxiously waiting for a new one to start.

I wonder what it was in me that finally just decided to do it.

I wonder how much more of this I can handle...

I wonder where I could go if I left home right now.. considering I can't take care of myself, drive, cook, walk more than a few minutes, shower alone, etc.

I wonder how to deal with the blatant lies that tear me apart..

I wonder who I should tell about the situation I am dealing with

I wonder how to handle it without hurting someone in the process

I wonder how much more I can take before I just lose it and explode..

I wonder, when it gets to that point, what it will look like...

I wonder why at the times I need someone the most, nobody is around.

I wonder that since I usually turn out the lights I too wait for someone to start a new thread.

I wonder if Sarah Mae is still here ..wonder if she wants to go to the chat?
PEACE
BMW

I wonder if Sarah Mae knows how healthy it is to wonder...

I wonder at how exhausted and happy I am right now...

I wonder that these are the only wonders I am feeling at the moment...

:sing: Addy

I wonder if Sara Mae knows how happy I was to see her start a wonder thread...thank you! :hug:

I wonder if I can apoligize for being so scarce lately...am guilty of my own rule....NOT talking about it...am alternately between soul searching and keeping so busy I'm worn out...:(

I wonder how I/we can help you Sara Mae...we really do care. :grouphug:

I wonder about Addy and the second interview...and wonder about recent pictures of the grandaughter....*grin More please.:circlelove:

I wonder about how long it takes broken ribs to heal...especially old broken ribs....

I wonder if Mr.Alffe should have to eat Cassie's breakfast this morning...it's Sunday morning and they both get scrabbled eggs & bacon, he forgot and fed her dogfood so it seems only fair that they trade....

I wonder how much fun it was to be on the N.D. campus yesterday for the pregame entertainment...They won, beat Pitt. Yay!

I wonder how Lonely1 is.....and Abbie....and MegVeg...and so many others...:grouphug:

wonder if I can leave a room full of hugs and prayers .
:hug:Alffemom:hug:

:hug:Sarahmae:hug:

wonder that being 2 people down this week how work is going to be .
Wonder that sometimes I feel like a work pony and sometimes wonder that by end of the day ..sometimes I feel like if I never have human contactwith anyone for a year I feel that would be perfect. wonder if anyone else gets like that?:confused:
:hug::hug::hug::hug:
PEACE
BMW

I wonder if MelodyL would wonder with us on the wonders ??

I wonder why I am surprised that anyone responded to my post and cared... after all of the love and support I have seen here, should it really surprise me?

I wonder when I will find the time to get back here and truly reply--life has gone crazy in the last 24 hours--but I do want to let everyone know that I am okay... in case anyone WONDERed... hehe :)

I wonder when the day will come that I can get out of this bed and go help people and make a difference in the world... and

I also wonder if my life will settle down enough so that even if I can't go out into the world and help people, that I will be able to make a difference or help anyone here on this forum. We'll see...

I will be back later, as I said--and will respond/explain. :) :hug::grouphug:

I wonder if Sara Mae knows that she already does make a difference in this world!! Just like our BMW does and really, this entire family who offers love and support when it's most needed....:grouphug:

I wonder if my grilled cheese sandwiches will even come close to the great ones Barbo & I had last week....their bread, four different kinds of cheese, including blue, pesto, thinly sliced tomato....they are in the skillet...

I wonder how our Goofy is...keeping you in my prayers dear friend...:hug:
along with our David...who I miss but understand about "time outs".

I wonder if I can leave a hug for waves who treats me with such kindness and uses a word I adore....splendid!!

I wonder if Bizi's husband got his birthday card....:confused: :cool: :p

I wonder that I think it's too hot to get into the hot tub!!

I also wonder if Melody will wonder.....;)

I wonder if BMW knows how sad I was when I came onto NT and saw that I missed the invitation to join her in the chat. I wonder if BMW would be up for chatting again soon, even if it isn't caused because one of us is melting down at that moment! I wonder if BMW knows how much her presence has meant to me... and that the words and hugs and support are great, but that constant, strong sense of just "being there" has meant so much to me--from day 1 on this board until always. :)

I wonder if everyone read this sentence can go back and reread what I wrote up there ^ and replace "BMW" with their individual username. BMW comes to mind because she is the first person I talked to/connected with from this board, but that any person reading this has most likely touched my life in the same way--through support, whether verbal, quiet, or both.. and through the love and time that goes into replies... and even from posts that are days old or months old that I read long before I ever made my presence known on this board. All of the posts and replies have done wonders for my heart.

I wonder if anyone here has struggled as an adult with someone very close to you is fighting an addiction.

I wonder if there is anyone who has been in that situation who has survived through it, and would be willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on...

I wonder, though, if it really matters if someone has been in that situation.. or if -anyone- could offer love and support, even if they haven't been through what I am going through.

I wonder if I should go through with writing a separate thread on this board about some thing going on in my life... or if I should find another board to put it on. I wonder how people decide--is this board only if people are thinking of suicide or have lost someone to suicide? Or can people post about struggles if they are not in either of those categories? I wonder if there is a place that would be better...

I wonder if I should have started out this thread by telling you all about my username change! haha.. Sorry! This is Sarah Mae... I sent messages to all my friends explaining the change.. but keep posting and forgetting to tell people. I changed my username not to protect myself (I'm an open book and don't care if anyone finds what I have said about myself, but do worry about people searching my name and finding things about the people around me.. I want to protect them.) It isn't much of a change, and anyone who knew me before can see that it's hardly a change at all--but smae could mean any number of things--so it just feels a bit safer.

I wonder why I am so talkative today. I have set out to say one or two sentences, yet everything I have written today (whether on here, MSN, Facebook, my blog, etc.) has been nearly a novel! :eek:

I wonder when someone is going to tell me to shut up! :winky:

I wonder if you all know how much I love and appreciate each of you, for all of the different things you bring to NT. :hug::grouphug:

Wonder how nice it was to see smae in the chats :cool: :D
wonder that i got my shots and did well at check up today.

wonder that it is not looking good for my co worker ..back in hosp the cancer they took out ...wonder that it has grown back again ... :(

wonder that I went to air show yesterday and it was a blast.. thought of my bro who has passed. wonder he was in air force so I went to lots of air shows when I was younger :hug: Ray :hug:...

wonder on hug for EVERYONE with Prayers and positive wishes and blessings on top.
Wonder if I can say Thanks to smae for being my pal and hanging out in the chat with me before :D? :hug:
PEACE
BMW...Tina

Humm Wonder if melody will wonder with us???

I wonder if I will ever reach my goal to weigh 150 lbs.

I wonder if I will continue to do the greatest hobby in the world. SPROUTING!!

I wonder if they will ever find out why my husband has neuropathy.

I wonder if I will ever buy one of those packages that the Bison people sell online. Steaks, burgers, roasts, etc. Only costs over $200. I wonder if I'll ever win the lottery so I can buy them.

I wonder if I'll always buy my Bison Meat from Waldbaums

I wonder if I'll ever be able to talk my husband into eating a piece of Bison.

I wonder if I will EVER see my son again. (didn't want to post that, but it had to be said).

I wonder wonder who baddooo doo doo.....
WHO WROTE THE BOOK OF LOVE???

Remember that song??
lol

I wonder if I can say "ditto!" :D

I wonder how I went from taking 30 or more pills a day down to about 6, and now it's creeping up to around to almost 20 again.

I wonder why the only solutions the doctors give me are pills, when they all know that I rarely am able to absorb even a small percentage of a pill, let along all of this!

I wonder why my stomach is upset tonight.. just the last half hour or so.

I wonder if my Einstein cat will sleep with me tonight. (Reference--this is my Facebook status: "has an incredibly intelligent kitty named ♥ Gavin. He will sit on top of my keyboard until I separate my legs so he can lay down. It's his favorite spot. He loves having body heat surround him--he curls up and snoozes for hours. It's his favorite spot, and he refuses to lay anywhere else. He even takes his paw and trie...s to pry my legs apart so he can lay there. He is SO smart. Not sure if that's a good thing. ;)" and my mom commented and said "sometimes too smart" and I said "I agree! So cute, though.. and he's like a little guard kitty.. he is always there when I feel sick or sad and he makes me feel all better.. so I give in and let him have his favorite spot, even when it makes my legs or hips hurt and isn't the most comfortable.. because I wouldn't give up the love and comfort he gives me for ANYTHING!"

I wonder if anyone else out there has a cat that plays fetch, plays soccer, and kisses on demand. (Not the same kitty that I just talked about, another one--we have 3)

I wonder, if BMW is reading this, if she could tell me approximately what time she usually gets online in the evening/at night. Said we'd talk tomorrow if we happen to catch each other.. and obviously since I am stuck in bed, I have several websites open at once. If I knew about what timeframe (a general one, not down to the exact minute), I would set my alarm on my phone to remind myself to check out the chat room to see if BMW or anyone else is there.

I wonder why the chat room is almost always empty.. and I wonder why I've never seem my new friends from this forum in there... we should all plan a time to get together and chat sometime. :)

I wonder if tonight will be better than last night. Two hours of nightmares and hallucinations... not fun, especially with everything else going on right now.

I wonder if I said something wrong or hurtful or offensive in the other post I commented on earlier... I never wanted to upset or hurt anyone, especially Blue.. was just trying to point some things out and show people that love is worth the struggles we face in this world.

I wonder, if I did hurt someone, if they would let me know so I can apologize directly to them.. I sure didn't mean to.

I wonder why I keep getting the hiccups.. and I wonder if anyone here knows the secret. There are lots of ways people try to get rid of them, and sometimes some of them work.. but here's the trick I learned from my mom, and never, not ONE single time have I ever hiccuped after doing this. When hiccuping, have someone place their hands tightly over your ears, as if they are trying to squish your head. It has to be tight--like, airtight! Maybe that's part of the secret. As a person hold's your ears (or closes them off.. my mom always asks "Want me to hold you ears?" when I hiccup) and then drink as much water as you can tolerate. Very similar to the "hold your breath and drink water" or "drink from a glass upside down" which have never worked for me.

I wonder what will happen with the insurance company. Our basement flooded a few weeks ago, and today my mom and I did searching online to see how much it would cost to replace every thing that was ruined from sitting in water. The insulation need to be replaced in some areas (it isn't a finished basement,and the insulation is exposed), and we didn't know how to estimate the cost of that. But, we were VERY surprised to add it up and find out that there was at least $2245 in damage.. and possibly more since we didn't add my CDs that were down there.. it all got wet, but I haven't had a chance to test it and see if they are ruined or if they can still play. So glad we had flood insurance, though there is a $500 deductible to pay first, so in the end we may just fix the insulation and call that good enough. The $2245 in damage stinks, but we don't have $500 for a deductible.

I wonder why it is so tough for people to understand that when I say I am bedridden, I literally do mean that aside from doctor appointments and showers/bathroom breaks (and sometimes a trip to the kitchen for water if I am home alone), I do not leave this bed. I'm not homebound, nor am I confined to a wheelchair (though I of course have to use one when I go to the doctor). It means literally I have spent 99% of the last 6 months here.. and according to the doctors, I will be like this the rest of my life. No, I'm not choosing to lay around and watch movies and be lazy. No, I'm not glad to not have to work--that would be a dream come true.. this is a never ending nightmare. No, it doesn't just mean I cannot work. I wonder why only a handful of people (out of over 100 people who know my situation) truly know what I say when I am bedridden. It's not just being stuck in one room.. but one bed. 54 x 75 inches. Who in their right mind would want to be imprisoned like that.. held captive in such a small space? And I wonder what makes people think that it is okay to say things like "I sure wish I had your life"... um... yeah. So instead of being perfectly healthy and happy.. holding down a full time job, having an income, and having a social life--you'd give all of that up to be stuck in 54 x 75 inches until you die (be it one month, twelve years, or 60 years from now). I wonder why people sometimes don't realize how stupid they sound. Ugh!

I wonder if anyone actually read my little rant, but am thankful that I was able to post it, even if it was just to get it off my chest!

I wonder if I can give :hug: to each of you, and a :grouphug:!

I wonder if my cruise clothes will fit.....:rolleyes:

I wonder if this time we will finally get to see Carmen...the last time we tried we were leaving for the theatre and looked at our tickets..they were for the matinee performance which had ended...:cool::p

I wonder whether to have ham or turkey for thanksgiving dinner...so happy that I get to host it this year but wonder where everyone will sleep..:o

I wonder that it tickled me to see Melody wonder....:hug:

I wonder how courageous smae is...not sure how I'd handle having so few choices...:( :hug:

I remember how immobilized by fear I was after Michael killed himself..wondering who will be next..another child? my husband? me?

I wonder about raging at God and shaking my fists at the heavens...

I remember our Pastor telling me that God could handle my fury...

I wonder why I can't remember his funeral...:(

I wonder how hard it is to sleep these days..wake up with a racing mind and a poundng heart...

I wonder if this is "mourning"...it hurts!!! I don't like it!!

I wonder if you can put up with me "talking about it"...and I have to wonder if going back there will help at all....:( :mad:

I wonder about Addy at the beach! And about that second interview.

I wonder how nice it was to see Manda post....:hug:

I wonder if Doody will find my message...

I wonder if Nan will.....

I wonder if I can leave hugs for the room...:grouphug:

I wonder that I am going to try to be here around 10ish east coast time. (night not day I gotta work0

I wonder that I recall very easily what it was like for me to be stuck in bed or if 'lucky' curled up on my bathroom floor that I managed to crawl to. wonder even that isnt the same tho.
I wonder that I had 3 cats but 1 just passed away a couple weeks ago. I also have 2 doggies and a gopher tortoise that lives in my back yard I call "Tank"

I wonder that went we go to Virginia we always eat buffalo/bison burgers and it is yummmmm!!!! Wonder that they have farms with buffalo roamin around there. and it sells in the food stores right next to the hamburger for about the same price. wonder that here you can get shark and gator meat :p

I wonder that I welcome the opportunity to "put up" with Alffemom talking about it :hug::hug::hug:

I wonder that not remembering is something that just happens ...even if we try as hard as we can to remember our brains just wont let us go there. I wonder why sub conscious works all funny like that .:hug:

I wonder if I can leave prayers hugs and blessings to the room readers and those lurking.

I wonder that Yess Melody finally wondered with us :D Thanks :hug:
wonder that I like getting a chance to know her better :D ha and I wonder that it is ALL OF US who wrote the book of LOVE !!!!
:grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

Oh One last wonder .. I wonder what sprouting is ? :o I wonder that when I hear that word I think of young boys trying to grow face hair and have a mustache.. I wonder if it is like one of those Cha-Cha-Cha Chia pets ????

I wonder at how vivid the memory of finding mom is today.... 3 months ago today we found her.... :(

I wonder how our visit with my BIL will go. He will be here Friday night and stay for 10 days :eek:

I wonder if my FIL will remember him. He is in the memory care unit now and his alzheimers has started to get worse. :(

I wonder if Alffe knows talking about "it" is a good thing. but then she already knows that. :rolleyes:

I wonder when i'll find the courage to talk about "it".

"IT" has been on my mind a lot lately. :(

I wonder if i can leave a :hug: for our room. I'm still on a sinking boat. all but one of my life preservers have been water logged. Holding on..... trying so hard to hold on...........

I wonder why, when people hear the word sprouting, they think of Chia Pets!!!

I wonder why they don't go to Melody's video on youtube,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjwlIRrKRy0

I wonder, if after viewing my instructional sprouting video, one will go to my other sprouting videos.

I wonder if any of my lovely Neurotalk friends will ever want to learn how to sprout, to put all these lovely healthy delicious foods which one can grow right in their kitchen on a shelf (which is what I do). No refrigeration needed if you eat them as they grow.

I wonder how many people, after reading this are going to go to Google and type in the words BENEFITS OF SPROUTING.

:hug::hug::hug:
lol

I wonder that BMW can now ignore her thread...http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread96172.html


I also wonder how traumatic it would be to find your mother, dead in her bed. :( Hard enough to lose your mother but to find her, unexpectedly ...well, words fail me dear Goofy. You know that many of us are praying for you. :grouphug:

I wonder if it is weird that I have never in my life had a sprout of any kind. :confused:

And I wonder if tomorrow, someone is going to say to me "wow, sprouting sounds like fun!!


lol

It DOES sound like fun! It's crazy how fast they grow! :eek: But, I have no idea what they really are.. what they taste like.. I didn't know that sprouts were made from more than one type of food/seed/whatever! It's hard to believe that they are that easy to grow... I never see them anywhere!

I wonder if you will click on this link

http://www.sproutpeople.com/

and learn ABSOLUTELY everything you need to learn about Melody's hobby!!!

You'll love it.

Mel

I wonder that " It DOES sound like fun! It's crazy how fast they grow! :eek: But, I have no idea what they really are.. what they taste like.. I didn't know that sprouts were made from more than one type of food/seed/whatever! It's hard to believe that they are that easy to grow... I never see them anywhere!" :D

I wonder how much more light comes into our yard since the utility company came yesterday and "butchered" our fir trees...:rolleyes:

I wonder if I can admit that like smae, I have never eaten sprouts...when we see them on food, my dh says it looks like hair....:rolleyes:

I wonder what little critter is chewing on our wiring and what it's going to cost to get it fixed....

I remember when our repair guy was working on the summer kitchen, tightening everything up and a little flying squirrel jumped on his shoulder and ran down his arm....:eek:...same guy coming Thursday...

I wonder if the "Thread Police" (our dear marshmallow friend) will allow this special wonder thread (so much sharing and caring!) to continue on to page 4... ;)

I wonder how successful my 2nd interview was and that now its up to me to provide them with my references tomorrow - the final step in the process.

I wonder that the mommy of Grand-Addy (LOL... I just typed Grand-doody!!!) ... is making choices which take her away from her doll-baby. I wonder that I am choosing to make this a positive thing as it allows me to be a loving gramma :Heart:

I wonder at how simplifying it is to my life when I chose not to react with anger ... which in turn leads to sadness... which in turn leads to those beat-me-up thoughts...

I wonder at how difficult it is to make the positive choices when the depression demon creeps in...

I am wondering if, dear Alffe, it matters not that you remember the funeral... but that you remember Michael :hug: and I would love to help you honour him here. Have you ever scanned all his photos and put them together with music - I am wondering if I can do that for you? I wonder if you know I am very serious about this....

I wonder if you'll all join me in a new thread which I'm going to start for our Goofy-sis :grouphug

I wonder that I'm looking forward to a lovely day off, the windows are open, the sun is shining, the fall colours are beautiful, the washing is on and there are pictures to hang....

:sing: Addy

I wonder why I bother..
 

I wonder why I bother to ever say "things can't get any worse, so the only way is up" because I have been saying that for three weeks and every single day, something worse happens.

I wonder if my heart will ever stop racing from 3 hours of frantically trying to reach my mom, finding out she isn't at work, not answering calls... and thinking that since she isn't in the ER or hospital... there is nothing else to think but that she is very seriously hurt or dead.

I wonder if that makes me sound like a maniac.. to jump to such conclusions.. but I know that if any of you knew my mom at all, you'd totally understand that not being able to reach her for 3 straight hours is very unlike her.

I wonder if she is telling the truth when she finally called to tell me she is okay, and she said she is upset, but not at me... I wonder why I absolutely cannot believe that, and feel as if it is all my fault.

I wonder what happened and how she explained to her boss that she was so incredibly upset that she was leaving work around 11 am and not coming back all day--when her boss doesn't even let her leave for an hour.

I wonder what happened to me last night in my sleep. The pain in my feet is totally normal, but waking up with such horrendous back pain is unusual... yes, there are 5 things wrong with my back and I have lots of pain.. BUT I walk hunched over today and can barely move because the pain is so extreme.

I wonder if I can postpone talking to a Bible study group tonight about my ideas for starting a ministry to reach out to the chronically ill/disabled people in our community.. because I have been crying (more like sobbing hysterically) for 4 hours and I just want to bury myself under blankets and tell the world to leave me alone.

I wonder what life would be like today if the majority of my friends wouldn't have walked away when this awful pain started.. I wonder, would I have someone to call or chat with online right now, when all I need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on? I wonder if I still wouldn't be suffering in silence..

I wonder if there is any way to ease this pain... the only thing that gives me relief for back pain is a heating pad, and I am no longer allowed to use one... ice doesn't help... I wonder if anyone out there has any ideas to help me.

I wonder if, when my mom comes home, it will be calm and peaceful, or like WWIII.. I wonder if, by not working this afternoon (and part of morning) and talking to a friend, if she has gotten it out of her system and will be okay... or if tonight will be a struggle for her--and/or for me

I wonder if my mom truly knows that I do love her and will love her and support her no matter what...

I wonder if she realizes that what I said is true.. I can love and support her but still be hurt or angry at her for things she has done... and that doesn't mean I won't be there for her or that I will love her any less.. but if I don't speak truthfully about the things that hurt me, it is just enabling her (or anyone else) to continue to hurt me and others..

I wonder how much of the house is covered in cat poop. Gross, right? (I went to the kitchen earlier to get some water and there was cat poop on the kitchen floor and the dining room floor.. I imagine it was stuck on a paw when one of the 3 cats left the litter box.. but because of both the neuropathy (which makes me so unstable) and my horrible back pain today, I could not bend over and pick up each cat... or clean up the mess. My mom told me to just leave it til she gets home, but I wonder if that means that they have spread the yuckiness to other places in the last 4-5 hours.)

I wonder why it is so easy to go from encouraging others one day, even with all my present struggles.. and now today I don't feel I can encourage anyone... even myself.

I wonder what it's called when a person is extremely discouraged, frustrated, hurt, angry, overwhelmed, and sad.. but not all the time. I wonder, when it is circumstantial, if it is still considered depression (because when I think of depression, I think of a long term, most of the time thing... not just being sad when there is something major goign on).. or if there is a better word to describe how I feel today.

I wonder if anyone has read my whole list of wonders... I doubt it, but applaud anyone who was even able to skim it.

I wonder what I will do for the next several hours... being so upset and needing so badly to talk to someone...

I wonder how everyone else is doing and hoping and praying that they are having an easier day than I am. :grouphug:

To Smae
 

You are very brave and very strong to stand up to your mother's behavior. Keep talkin' - we hear you. Love, Barbo

I wonder if you know I DO hear you dear smae.... and I DO think that your life circumstances have exacerbated your depression... yes, you are depressed.

I wonder if you ever use a "magic bag" ... you heat them in the microwave (or keep them in the freezer)... for hot or cold, I find them marvelously relieving... and they even serve the purpose of cooling me down or heating me up!

I wonder if you can excuse yourself from events such as the planning to be a youth pastor when your insides are upside down .... :hug:

I wonder if I can remind everyone of David's signature .... Take Care of YOU!

I wonder how to explain to Addy and everyone else that while this may be a bit of depression going on, I am not depressed... not always, not usually, not normally. That's all I am trying to convey--the last three weeks have been very difficult because some horrible things have happened within my immediate family--medical problems including a surgery and a horrible addiction, a car accident, flooded basement (twice), severe pain, fights, emotional pain, major financial problems (such as having $700 worth of bills due for October and absolutely no money), etc etc etc. I'm not afraid to admit I'm depressed or ashamed of it... or anything like that. I struggled greatly with depression back in high school. BUT.. this is not clinical depression where I always feel down or hopeless or struggle.. this is very much based on circumstances and will pass. It may still be depression--I don't know. That's what I am wondering.. what to call it.. depression is usually a lasting thing.. and this is circumstantial. I don't really care what it is called, but it's hard to explain to people that I do not struggle with depression not even a little bit... except all these things are going on right now and they are tough. I don't necessarily think that going through major hardships equal depression.. just tough times.

I wonder if the girls that came with the Bible study tonight took anything I said and pondered it.. if it made any kind of difference in their lives. I may never know, but I do wonder...

I wonder what I will do if my mom goes away for a month or more, since I am unable to care for my most basic needs. :(:confused:

I wonder if BMW has come and gone... I tried to get on sooner, but the girls just left a few minutes ago.

I wonder why my back pain chose today to flair up. I haven't had this much back pain in well over a year.. and I can't stand up straight. Ow. :(

I wonder why it has taken me an hour to write this--oh wait, I KNOW why! Phone calls, checking on my mom, text messages, MSN conversations.... haha

I wonder if I dare say that tomorrow will have to be better than today... because everytime I say that lately it has not been true.. but I truly think there is a tiny bit of light at the end of this tunnel..

I wonder if I can say thank you to all the wonderful people here.. and give them :hug:s for caring so much.

I wonder how soon I can go to bed! zzzzz :)

I wonder if Addy knows that she brought me to tears with her kind offer....

I wonder how I could do that...Michael's "life" is in two scrap books..one begins with his birth certificate and hospital baby picture....it ends with the police report of his death. I don't know how to scan or maybe I've just forgotten how to...Michael's memories are inside my heart...inside a lot of people hearts and this world is not a better place without him in it...but I thank you Addy for wanting to help me...you do help me..all of you help me...:grouphug:

I wonder if smae knows what an incredible person she is...I wonder if she's ever read the piece about "forgiving our parents"....I'll try to find it..

I wonder if smae is an only child...wonder if we are talking about an addiction here.....not trying to be nosey...just want to help. :hug:

I wonder that the tree trimmers came back and took another swipe at our trees....

I wonder if they will return today..

I wonder why men are so macho....:rolleyes:

I wonder if Addy's magic bag is filled with rice??? :winky:

I wonder why I forgot to comment on Addy's suggestion on the bag to cool or heat up... The only thing that helps my back pain is heat... and I am not allowed to use any source of heat--heating pad, hot tub, bag of -whatever- in the microwave. I should have specified that, but wasn't thinking clearly. Heat is all that helps, but because I am on the fentanyl pain patch, I'm not allowed to use heat. If my body temperature raises, it will release too much of the medication before it is supposed to, and I could end up overdosing... so unfortunately, I am not allowed to use warmth to help.. and that is what I so desperately need! :(

I wonder what Alffe is talking about as far as forgiving our parents... and I wonder if I can respond and tell Alffe that I am not an only child, but that I am the only child around here and the only child at home with my mom.

I wonder if I haven't come right out and said it or not... but yes, this all revolves around an addiction (to alcohol)... not MY addiction... but hers.

I wonder why people are so surprised that at 24, I have never had even a sip of alcohol... when I've been watching it destroy lives and families since I was born.

I wonder if it is a good sign that I am feeling a lot better today.. and I wonder if things are going to get better, or if I am blind and this is just another "calm before the storm". I am praying and hoping with everything in me that things are changing for the good.

I wonder how in the world I will care for myself though if I AM left alone for a month or more... I wonder how I will shower in that month since I can't do it alone.. I wonder how my cats will get fresh water and how the litterbox will be cleaned since I can't do those things. I wonder if my mom knows that while I worry about what will happen if she leaves, that even if I have to go a month without a shower and hardly eat anything in the next month (since I can't shop or cook).. that I don't really care... that I just want her to get better.

I wonder where all three of my cats are, because I've only seen once since I woke up and he disappeared some time ago... quiet cats is not always a good thing.

I wonder why I am feeling like I haven't slept in three days.. when I have.

I wonder how everyone's day is going to far... and wonder who will come and share their thoughts next. :)

I wonder if anybody heard Oklahoma had a 4.5 earthquake this morning and the epicenter was 5 miles from our house.... A LOT of shake rattle and rolling going on in my state today :)

I wonder if i can say thank you to everybody for their kind words. You guys have no idea how much it means to me to have my second family here who loves me unconditionally. You have no idea the deep dark hole i've been in since i found my mom.
You have no idea how many times i wished i could join her, and have actually made the plans to do so. BUT i wont. I will NOT do that to my 2 awesome kiddos and to my wonderful husband.
Thank God for a caring psychologist and zoloft. now that the ADs have kicked in i am thinking with a much clearer mindset.
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Wonder what...oh wow:eek: an Earth Quake . glad your safe Sister Goofy. and I know you can use a hug :hug: .so much going on for you right now . it is good to know that the doc and things you are doing is helping . :hug: Love you Goofy :hug:

Wonder that I did jump in here for a tiny bit . wonder that I got your message smae.
wonder that you are so very right in that God is using you to help others with your bible study how you are here for us and also for those who can only read...
wonder that They too find comfort and support strength by you being here wonder even tho it may not seem so... Wonder that maybe God is using you some how in some way for your mom. It is obvious and not a wonder at all that you care and love her very much. But PLEASE follow Davids word TAKE CARE OF YOU !

wonder if Addy knows it is page 4 but ..wonder that my favorite number is 5 .

Wonder that sprouting dosent seem my kinda hobby. wonder I do grow a veg garden and herbs in pots.;)

Wonder that I always jump out and scare people all threw the month of Oct.
wonder so far this week I have scared everyone at work:D and everyone I live with too .

Wonder that I remember Alffemom telling me how Michael had a wicked sense of humor... Wonder if he had a favorite joke or prank??

wonder that the rest of week is super major busy
wonder that some of the busy is fun busy with band competition and biktoberfest photo ops .

Wonder besides me who will look up and see the moon tonight?

Hugs and prayers to the room readers and those on the sidelines reading.
PEACE
BMW

For Goofy
 

HUGS ((Goofy))). Love, Barbo

I wonder that perhaps Smae and I are kindred spirits.

I wonder that alcohol loses all of it's potential fun when you know how evil it is; when you've seen it destroy your mom.

I wonder if that's one of the reasons I have no friends; being drunk is the calling of EVERYONE my age after all.

I wonder if I can stop wondering now...

I wonder how "old" lonelyone is?
Wonder if it is close to my oldest daughter in 2ed year of college 20.
Wonder that I agree that many younger ones that age find drinking is "the thing"But NOT EVERYONE.
Wonder that there are a few out there who arent into that scene so much. wonder that it honestly is not everyone .

Wonder that one of my younger fb friends kinda like a adopted daughter family friend she is in classes and about ready to take calls on the crisis hot line.
Wonder that my daughter is getting pass port and shots so over summer she can go out of country to Africa or Haiti and build water systems and other things to improve life for others who live in poverty country or disaster area .wonder that she is in substance free dorm . wonder that she drums and runs all the time instead of getting drunk all the time..


wonder if smae will get my messge I sent her here ? wonder if my suggestions will help ?

wonder that I need to google getting s shot and find out how long it hurts after . one arm for flu that is fine but other arm phenomena hurts more then ever .
wonder if I am a sissy.. naaw dont think so :rolleyes:

wonder that it is time to go look at the moon ..time to send good karma and positive thoughts out to all of you and be thankful all of you are in my life.
:grouphug:
PEACE
BMW

I'm all wondered out tonight.... but wanted to say just this one thing.

Thank God the miners in Chile are free!!!

Hallelujah!

I wonder at the power I feel when I hear that word!

I wonder if I can tell BMW that I'm 22.

I wonder why people find the need to drink horrible, additive poison in large quantities.

I wonder what is the benefit?

I wonder that while looking for the article about Parenting I found the small booklet by S.J.Anderson ...When Someone Wants To Die....

I wonder that I'll be quoting from it later...

I wonder that I also found "On Parenting"...most excellent and informative..

I wonder that our electrician is crawling around in the attic dropping wires down and it sounds like critters in the wall....:o

I wonder if I can admit to being short on patience, a tad paranoid and overall tired....it's called depression I guess...:mad:

I wonder if smae knows how much her sharing all that means to me/us...I just can't be that honest right this minute or I'll completely melt down...

I wonder if BMW will understand that right this minute I am too furious with Michael...yet again!!! to share his great wit...what a waste!!

I wonder if Barbo, after reading all this, is looking forward to having lunch with me...:rolleyes: I'll be good....I promise.

I wonder what it would be like to see two great friends (((Alffe and Barbo))) sitting at a table .... and to perhaps join them....

I wonder how big that circle of a table would grow and many here would love to join us....:grouphug:

I wonder at how our friendships have grown in this online space... I don't often describe it to others because it is difficult to explain... how we sense and know that we truly are being supported here.

I wonder if I might share a thought I had while writing a sprouting PM with Melody... I told her how I had been with all 3 of my sons and grand-addy last night... how I took the shared smiles and put them in my pocket... which led me to remember ....

and wonder about the song I sang as a kid - "Catch a Falling Star and Put it in your pocket... never let it fade away.... " ...

and it led me to wonder ... if that is what we must do in our lives with all those bright stars in our lives... quick... put them in our pocket... and don't let the happy moment fade away... and... pull them out now and then....

and then I wonder what it would feel like to "have a pocket full of starlight"..

LOL... and now you are gonna wonder... what's she smokin?!!!

:D Addy

:Dhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U08iKG4tfFE :D

I wonder if we really will get down to see the moi's this year...:grouphug: