HELP!!!! Depression Setting In..........
 

I feel depression setting in pretty rapidly. I am on 60 mg. of Cymbalta, but please some encouraging words would be appreciated.

These constant pain, burning, abnormal sensations, etc.....are not only painful, annoying and disturbing, but the thought of them being with me for the rest of my life is leaving me very depressed. The only time I am not feeling something is when I sleep (with the help of Valium).

I am only 53 years old, I'm sure most of you with non-length dependent are about my age, maybe younger.

I find myself looking at my friends, etc....my age and actually feeling jealous, resentful, not nice thoughts!

How do you cope with this day in and day out???????

It has been a year and a half for me and I am starting to lose it!

Knowing it is progressive and with no cure just puts the cherry on the cake!!

Sorry for such venting, but wow this is tough!

Any words would be appreciated!

[QUOTE=invisable;704180]

I find myself looking at my friends, etc....my age and actually feeling jealous, resentful, not nice thoughts!

*** Whenever I feel myself becoming depressed about my condition, I actively seek out friends -- not to complain about my condition, but to just have some human interaction. It's a distraction from the pain and I don't focus so much on it.

*** Reading a new book called [U]The Pain Chronicles[U] :

http://www.amazon.com/Pain-Chronicle...6983109&sr=8-1

and she discusses the fact that chronic pain changes the brain and always leads to depression. The fact you're posting here is a healthy action, but you should talk with your provider to see if there is any other help they can give.

*** Yes. It is depressing to think that every single damn day for the rest of my life I will be taking pills, applying Lidoderm patches and having to limit my evening activities. But when I consider the alternative.... well, I'm grateful for what I do have. For now.


*** Earlier this week I thanked my wife for listening so patiently when I whine and complain. I try to not put that all on her because the simple fact is despite all of her expressed sympathy, she cannot truly sympathize with me because she doesn't have chronic pain.

*** This message board, on the other hand, is full of people who have chronic pain and understand, so it's a safe place to complain.

*** BTW, I do use a sleep aide maybe 50% of the time, but it is Ambien. You may want to switch to an actual sleep aide rather than the valium. My doc says it is totally acceptable use (even daily) of the ambien.

CB

Good advice, cowboy!

And you're right, invisable, it is tough. And I won't tell you that there's really anything that takes the place of just making the pain stop, but I've been dealing with this for 3+ years, and can tell you that bad days vs good days aren't always about my level of physical pain. What I mean by that is that some days I can take more pain emotionally/mentally than others. So when people say that you have to try to stay positive and that sounds pretty lame to you (believe me, I know the feeling), try to remember that there really is something to it. Feelings have a way of feeding on themselves, both bad and good.

But also remember to kvetch when you need to--just like you're doing now!:hug:

It's hard... Tierd of crying.
I know bow you feel. I have been suffering for 12 yrs and ii am 32 so it started when I was 19.

I have two kids and don't jnownhow I did it and I feel all the jealousy resentment too.

I wish I can wake up one day and it's gone like it came.

I understand too. I take my dogs to our dog park if I'm up to it. It helps me to get my mind off what hurts and to be around other people. It really does help me. Plus, it is great to watch my puppy wear herself out playing. And maybe the folks there hurt too, but it generally isn't discussed. Or I'll take her for a walk if I can, just to get out of the house a few min. Or maybe go with a friend for coffee. Anything I can do to distract myself from myself helps.

Chronic pain patients (and others) go through 5 - 7 (depending on the source) stages similar to those of grief:

Shock or Disbelief
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Guilt
Depression
Acceptance and Hope

Not everyone goes through all of them - they may skip one or two - and not everyone goes through them in the same order. There may be something on them on one of the boards here, or you can search for stages of grief on the web and read a few of the articles to get a better understanding of each stage and what to expect.

People in chronic pain can also experience a phenomenon where pain, depression, and insomnia (and/or sometimes other symptoms) feed off of each other. Pain interrupts sleep cycles, which can cause depression, which in turn adds to the perception of pain.... etc. This is known as the vicious cycle. Search the web for chronic pain vicious cycle for more articles about this phenomenon.

Knowledge is power - and empowering.

There's a common element in each of the replies already given that are the key to most people's coping - distraction. Distraction can take many forms, but taking your mind off of the pain and focusing on things that bring you joy is the crux. It becomes a full-time job in some cases, but it's how we all cope - one way or another.

this past year i had counciling every monday over the phone and with it started celexa.I feel much better now mentally have a plan when i see myself slipping back into that dark place i am proactive.

Chronic pain is depressing.when you cant go and do like your friends it is hard to deal with.you feel cheated somehow.But I always see someone who is worse off than me and i am so thankful i am alive and doing the very best i can.
I also take amatriptyline for nerve pain my doc. thinks this is helping my depression some also.

Hi I am sorry for everyone mental pain on top of the physical. I can very much relate. I do see a psychiatrist and on meds. Also doing biofeedback. I do feel these things have helped to a degree. I overall cope better yet of course when I feel physically so bad and more physical symptoms mentally it is hard.
On my own I have been trying to stay in the day and get through it in the best way I can. I worry and fear a lot of the future and the what if's. Now when the thoughts creep in I try to stop myself and say worry about today and getting through it in the best manner. My pain doctor and I know I have said this before but says on the bad pain days do the best you can and on the good pain days do the best you can.
I agree with others that one goes through stages of feelings through physical conditions. To the OP have you taked to your doctor about trying another med for depression or maybe a combo? I am on cymbalta but with other meds. I am not sure how beneficial I feel Cymbalta has been. Of course everyone is different.
I also developed my condition at 28. I do wish I could do normal things like people my age but what I try to do now is work on ways to find things I can do. Of course it is sad and hard to not be able to do what others can but finding things you can do with your limits may help feel less of a loss. None of this is easy trust me. I am going through a very down time again so these are constant things I need to remind myself. Just hoping better will be ahead and trying to get through the best I can. I wish the same for everyone here too

I want to say one thing before I get started with what I have to say... You are 53 and have had your condition for less than two years.. yes, any condition is hard to deal with--but be thankful for the many many years you had without it.

I have had chronic pain since I was 8... and have been bedridden for 6 months. I could very easily spend my whole life depressed.. what 8 year old cannot participate in being a child because of chronic pain? What high school student wants to miss a ton of school and never be able to go out with friends because the pain is too bad? What college student wants to struggle through college with many professors and school officials saying "you can't do it--you might as well quit"? What 24 year old wants to be told that from this day forward, every day will be this way--being stuck in bed, not able to even sit up in a chair, not seeing the sunshine or feeling fresh air, never working to use the college degree, never having a chance to marry or have children?

And.. what 53 year old wants to have to cope with a new "normal".. struggling to find the good in with all of the bad that life has handed him/her? NONE!

None of us asked for these problems.. none of us want them.

I know that a lot of people with chronic pain experience depression.. and so I am not at all saying it isn't normal.

BUT.. I truly believe the symptoms of depression can be lessened (not totally swept away, at least not always) by learning to be grateful for the things you have.. and being thankful for one more day to live.

If I would have given in to all the depressing thoughts that have entered my head since 8 years old, I would have absolutely nothing to live for.. and I would have been gone a LONG time ago. Even in the last year.. it is extremely hard to lose my dream of becoming a mother and a teacher when, according to doctors, I will spend every day of my life (whether that is three months or seventy five years) in this 4 by 6 ft space.

I'm not saying that the key is to deny the depression and pretend like life is all about puppies and rainbows. I think people do a great disservice to themselves if they deny the depression or shove it out of their minds.

The fact is, it's a part of life.. for a lot of people. Even more so if you are dealing with chronic pain. There are a lot of ways to treat depression--therapies, medications, holistic approaches, talking about things, writing about things, etc. But what I am saying is that you need to find a way to address the struggles in life--and then beyond that, try to stay as positive as possible.

I have been lucky to not struggle a whole lot with depression. I have bad days, yes.. and I have a lot of days where I am down and out physically and sometimes my emotions go right along with that. But, I've been through severe depression before and I am not struggling with that right now, despite my more than 10 medical problems.

When I am feeling down or am frustrated with how things are going, I write. Some people talk, some people cry, some people exercise.. I write. I have a blog as well as a CaringBridge which I use not only to vent and talk about the things that bother me, but also to keep a record of doctor appointments and important events... and to keep the people in my life informed on my conditions.

When I am upset about something, I write. I may say two sentences or twelve pages... but I allow myself to "get it all out". Then, I try to move on. Does that mean those things never come back up and that I am 100% better? No. But I know that dwelling on them for days and weeks and months on end does absolutely no good. I make changes where I can.. and if it is something out of my control (like how discouraging it is to be 24 and stuck in bed all day and all night), I try to just think about something else. I watch a movie, read a book, talk to a friend, play with my cats. Many times I have stopped and challenged myself to write down all of the good things in my life. That list is probably ten times as long as the list of problems in my life. I think it's natural for us to focus on the bad things in life because they are usually the ones that affect us the most. But when I force myself to start looking at the positives, I am able to see good in even the negatives.

The hardest thing for me is to be stuck in bed. I would give almost anything to be able to sit up in a chair in the living room or be able to go to the grocery store or be able to take a walk outside. But what is the good in the situation? I can rest my body all the time.. I can be there for my friends whenever they need me since I have no other commitments. I can watch lots of movies. I can read whenever I want and go through multiple books a day. I can spend hours just cuddling with my cats. I can use my time to reach out to others who are hurting. I don't have to get up early to go to work. I don't have to go outside when it is -25 degrees and three feet of snow. I can dream up ideas for children's books (which has always been a dream of mine--to write them). I can do a lot of research and learn as much as possible about each of my conditions so I can get the best possible treatment. I can spend time each day writing letters or cards for people who need encouragement. If I need to sleep or rest at odd hours, I can. I don't have the added expense of gas for my car. I can spend time on NT and other websites meeting and talking to people who can relate to my situation. I can catch up with friends that I have lost touch with because I've been "too busy".

I think you get the point. Every single bad thing in my life also comes along with some positives. If I never take the time to think about them and focus on them, I would indeed spend every minute of every day depressed. I have a lot to be thankful for...

I am not saying that clinical depression can be whisked away by happy thoughts. Depression is a serious medical problem.. and usually requires treatment of some sort. But beyond that depression.. we all have a choice what to focus on and what kind of outlook to have. Even in the absolute darkest time of your life, there are positives. You just have to train yourself to look for them. It's the only way I can stay positive and hopeful... without it, I would see absolutely no point in living my life.

Thank You So Much........
 

Thank you all for the wonderful, heartfelt responses. You all contributed to putting some oxygen in my lungs.

Sometimes I forget some of the things I do have to be grateful for........the pain and abnormal sensations seem to take the lead in my mind.

I will try to put to practice some of your suggestions.

You are all to be admired in your coping skills, thank you for sharing them with me.

Wow. It sounds like I could be talking to myself a while ago. I've got PN, failed lumbar spine surgery (so eventually a hoveround for me) and severe osteoporosis in my lumbar spine and I'm only 47. I do my best to keep focusing on the positive. I can get people to do things for me that I can't do anymore. People listen to me as though I have the wisdom of the ages (I love that). When I do get my hoveround I'm buying all the really cool shoes that I can't wear now. I won't be walking in them so I'll have stunning looking feet without damaging my spine. And I'm very eager to turn 50. I plan on having a half-century party. I'm in pain ALL THE TIME. Even with the multitude of meds I take there really isn't any relief. So one thing I found is to focus on helping other people. It really keeps my mind from turning on itself. I try to help as many people as I can. Even if that help is just telling them a joke to make them smile. For me, I feel like if I can't help those around me, what's the point in breathing in? I hope you find whatever it is to pull you out of your funk. I can't tell you what will work for you, only let you know what works for me and pray you find your own way. Best of luck to all of us!:hug:

Don't try to think of the future, it is only the here and now that we are anble to do something about and make sure you do as much as you can each day( says me who has slept all day but I have had a lovely week at the sea so am not worth much now but it was wonderful during the week)
the future terrifies me but it has been compartmentalised to the back of my mind.
Take care and good luck.

*** I'm reading a great book called "The Pain Chronicles", written by a journalist who suffers from chronic pain. In it she talks about the spiritual aspect of living with chronic pain. Not only does the conscious practice of gratitude distract from the pain, it does -- biochemically -- reduce the depressive brain chemicals.

CB

Thanks! While I didn't know that, it doesn't surprise me one bit. I will have to search and see if I can find that book--do you have it handy? I'd like to know the author's name.

I have a strong faith in God and while I know that God did not cause this in my life--he allowed it for a reason. Knowing that through this experience, I can make a difference in the world, by reaching others who are in similar positions--makes it all worthwhile. Does it take the pain away or make being bedridden easier? No. But I have always wanted to make a difference in the world. My dream was always to be a teacher and work with children--particularly children who may not have people in their lives to love them and encourage them. Not being able to leave this bed, let alone stand up for 8 hours a day teaching is really tough. Still, God has shown me that I can do other things to leave my mark on this world. I do what I can to reach out to and encourage people who are hurting and struggling with medical problems. I am starting a ministry at my church to help those who have a chronic illness or disability. I know that that is a ministry that could continue for decades and generations to come. Would I be spending my time and energy doing these things if I was teaching full time? Nope. God always takes the bad thing in our lives and makes good out of them. Sometimes it just takes time for us to see that.

I know that not everyone believes in God.. but the same thing can apply to anyone's life regardless of belief.

The more positive I am on a day to day basis, the easier it is to deal with the circumstances in my life.. and the happier I feel. :)

The way I look at it is if my wounderful wife, daughters,new grandson,son in law , family and friends dont have to live with this crap.Then keep sending me the curve balls and my love ones all of the home run pitches.

Also
 

Just remember this....It isn't always progressive. I got it in my feet several years ago, and it has not moved at all.

Also, if the Cymbalta isn't working, you can try another medication. Not alll meds effect people the same way. For me? I take Lexirpro. It doesn't give me any side-effects, and it definitely helps with my anxiety/depression.

Lastly....you are alive. Check the obits.....people over 50 drop dead every day from heart attacks and strokes. Be thankful that you are vertical.....dust yourself off, find the right med that works, and don't assume that it will get worse!

Last month I added this little bugger called "Tinnitus". Now THAT'S a lousy disorder. Google that one, and you will know what I mean.

I am right there with you. I am 43, still raising kids and fighting the monster of depression and anxiety. I don't know what is causing my neuropathy, all I know is that it is progressing.

So I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday, having a 'what am I going to do' tirade, and she gave me some good advice. The first part is from her boyfriend, who is a recovering addict: live each day with an attitude of gratitude. List those things you can still do, and appreciate them. How much we take for granted when we are healthy...it's crazy! Another good one: take it just one day at a time. For me, thinking too much into the future makes me very anxious. Wake up thinking about making it through that day, trying to focus more on good and grateful. Lastly, she reminded me that I am so much more than my disease, or broken body parts. My heart, soul, words and actions will remain healthy and unbroken if I can allow it to be.

Easier said than done? Of course! But it is a starting point and everyone has to start somewhere.

This is a wonderful thread. I woke up in much more pain than usual, stormy rainy days can do that. I am 51, losing the ability to walk up stairs and having trouble with my arms, getting dressed, etc. I have CMT so it is progressive, and I will be on heavy pain medication for the rest of my life in addition to landing in a wheelchair sometime in the next few years.
I still have children at home, my youngest is 14. I am thankful that my 5 were mostly grown up before my symptoms got really bad. Only one of my three biological children seems to have inherited this disease, and I am thankful for that.

I do get depressed about losing my needlework skills, which were a big part of my life, about losing so many hours in the day to my increased need for rest and sleep, I used to get up before dawn, only needed about six hours, now I seem to need ten or more. Being in constant pain, even ameliorated by the meds, can get to me.

The advice to not think too much about the future is good. We have had to do some planning and renovations to stay in this house, but otherwise it is best to try and live one day at a time, building in as many treats and pleasures as you can. My husband actively tries to plan things for us to look forward to, after years of ignoring ths disease as much as possible. He has finally accepted the reality of all this and has been so much better.

We all need to treat ourselves well, to take care of ourselves and not expect too much.

Keep Going
 

I'm 60 and when my condition began over 3 years ago I laid on the couch and thought I couldn't walk. The thought of this for life was depressing. My issues change and they get worse and then calm down. I do a lot of alternative stuff, eat well and follow advise from here. However I had to take breaks from this site and continue living. What keeps me going is that I stay involved with my passions. You can't focus on these conditions and pain or you will go under. If you have to whine, do it here. Limit it with family and friends. I feel crappy every morning but once I get up and move around it gets better. I still bike, kayak, hike(tho more limited) and garden. I also have non physical creative hobbies so if I can't be active I do other things. When I started to panic about all this my doctor gave me adivan for anxiety but I only needed it a few times. Pain sucks, but there are a lot of things to try before we give up. Believe me, none of this is easy. Also remember that as we enter our 50's no ones body is the same as it was in their 20' and 30's. We have to get to know that new body and listen to it. Hope this is encouraging.

WOW.....you wrote exactly how I feel too. I am 43. I hope it gets better for you. My heart goes out to you, I know how the depression feels and feeling almost envious of people (mostly women) who appear to be perfectly normal.

Maybe it will make you feel better to know that I am 29 and have had this for 3 years now :-)
This site has saved my life-but I too, need breaks from it ,doctors appointments, etc etc to do normal things. I am now in the acceptance stage. Resistance seems to make pain worse.
I rest when I need to, and try not to go on about it every day to everyone. What's the point..they know I'm suffering..no point in making them suffer with me.

It can always be worse. A good comedy can help so much too I find. And of course, massage!