Three tricky words...
 

"I used to". I have to be really careful with those words!!

If I think, "I used to" and reflect on happy memories,with gratitude for having been able to enjoy good times and/or "do my share", then I'm good.

If I think, "I used to" and determine to figure out if there's a new and different way of doing those things, or similar things, then I'm good.

If I think, "I used to" and get caught in a vortex of self-pity, then I'm toast.

I tend to do all of the above, sometimes all in the same day. Sometimes all in the same mental conversation. Sometimes I don't know when to put on the brakes before the first two skid into the third. Oh well. Just pondering.

It is a vortex.

Yup. And I always seem to have at least one foot in it.

Your name says it all, "Blessings2You." You have to look beyond your current self. I'm an admirer of yours, dear. Keep a stiff upper chin! :hug:

Glad you mentioned "upper"...I wouldn't have known which chin.

Your name says it all, "Blessings2You." You have to look beyond your current self. I'm an admirer of yours, dear. Keep a stiff upper chin! :hug:

I avoid thinking those evil words. I try to think of only the good things that have happened in my life. The bad thoughts creep in, though, and then I shake them out of my head, saying "I can't hear you" 10 times. By that time I forget what I was thinking anyway..:D

Blessings..:hug:

Kitt, I hope you don't mind I borrowed this from your signature line:

"It is what it is, it's not what it was, it's not what it could have been, it is what it is."

I have to keep reminding myself of this from time to time to keep myself from "living" in the past, or being totally unhappy with where things are.
B2Y, you're not alone with this feeling (obviously!), but as the saying goes, Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans.
When you find yourself stuck in option #3, step away from the edge and remember we love you no matter what!:hug:

Occasionally, late at night, when my DH is holding me and stroking my hair, I will sob, mourning what was...what I can no longer do...
then I wake up, thank Creation for another day, another opportunity to live, and I work my best to make it worthwhile. Sometimes it works, sometimes I sleep all day...
We can't change the past...it's gone. We don't hold the future...it's not here, and not guaranteed...
All we have is this very moment, this breath.

so do we utilize it by mourning what we can't do that which we used to do?
Do we utilize it by agonizing about what we might not be able to do in the future?
Or do we work with the moment, do what we CAN, and be grateful for that?

Not the easiest path, by any means, and I won't judge anyone who vies for the past or future...I try my best to live for this moment. Not always successful, but when I am, I have bliss:)

Dreams & memories
 

I was 23 when I was diagnosed with MS by that point I was using a wheelchair quite a bit of the time. Though I eventually did walk for a while unaided I never got back to 100%. I never was able to run again, ski again all the things that I previously enjoyed.

Over 25 years later sometimes in my dreams I am doing that marathon bike ride or pitching the winning softball game. I even sometimes see myself running with my dog, Esperanza in the park & I have not been able to run since I got her.

Yeah I miss it. I have a lot of regrets. I had a rough childhood & lost most of my teens & early 20's to other things - I was trying to find myself or trying to create what I never had - don't know which.

The "if onlys" & "what ifs" still haunt me. I am sure many of us would do things differently if we could. But this is life we do not get any do overs.

Very often I listen to the 70's music chanel on cable it drives my PCA & others crazy. I "lost" most of the 70's don't remember a lot from that time & many things I do remember I would like to forget but in a way because I was so "out though" the 70's was the easiest time in my life. It was really the only time in my life that I belonged & fit in (granted not with the right people or right crowd but it felt good to be "part of"). The music kind of brings me back.

I am going to be 49 next month & I am having a harder time with this birthday than with any other. Don't know if it is the advancing MS, the loses, getting older or what. I want to be that 17, 18, 19, 20 year old skiing hunter mountain, riding 2 & 3 day bike rides & playing varsity softball. I know there are no do overs but I WANT ONE.