Ways you cope
 

Thought we could share ways of coping to help each other get thru sad times.

I know Christmas time is very rough for me...

A few ways that have helped me is our organisation in Danny's memory
Visiting and decorating his grave site.
Still have his pictures on my wall

Even tho he is gone he is and always will be MY son

Hugs

My dad's birthday is coming up in October. I find myself obssessing about it, because I actually forgot my mom's birthday. My sisters both said that it was because we were moving on, but I don't want to move on. KWIM? I just felt bad for not honoring her on her day.

Both of my parents were cremated and are interred at our church in the Chapel of Angels. I'm so happy when we moved here that I could visit them more than once a year.

((((Julie))))
If you ever need to chat please just yell.
I am glad you are now close enough to visit more...

I feel that is a little help in our sorrow

hugs

Losing is hard~
 

Hi,
I lost my husband in July of this year. I miss him a lot. He meant everything to me and even more now that he isn't here. He had cancer and wasn't suppose to go in three months, so they told us. He first had Brain surgery which came out fine. Then we found out the lung cancer had spread in the spine. In the meantime he took Chemo and Radiation. It was suppose to shrunk the cancer. He just got worse until he decided not to go ahead with the treatments. We got Hospice to come in and they were a God send to the both of us. They stayed with us to the end and even yet they see me for grief couseling.

I am thinking that God may be guiding me into the direction of helping with the dying patients. I strongly believe in what they stand for, and already I have helpped with money and plan to leave them what I can. There is no call higher than to serve the Lord with all our heart and soul. There is no higher calling than that. I got an e-mail this evening and it too is telling me to be ready to do God's work.

I am just 16 days post-op from back surgery and I am needing another surgery in Oct that is minor compared to the other. I will keep praying about this till I get an answer. I believe God healed me quick so that I can help others.
Fancylady

Hi Fancy
I am sorry for your loss. I understand how hard this is for you...


BIG HUGS

Hi again, need some advice~
 

It's been a sad day for me today. My furnace has quit working worse yet is the thought that my husband knew how to fix it. I have one I can call on but he isn't answering his phone. I never can get them when I really need them. It's been a rainy dark & gloomy day for me.

I don't feel good and everytime I get up I'm in pain. It's my side where I am to have surgery in 12 days. I really don't want to do it for this to will lay me up even longer. I am selling our country home and moving to town hopefully to better living conitions. I'll have electric heat there plus one gas heater in the living area. I can't move till near the end of the month tho for that is when the closing is.

Things aren't the same without my husband. Our son isn't around here and what family I got, I can't count on them much either. His brother don't care to help me with anything and he lives the closest. He was so close to my husband & when he found out he was dying he just pulled back. He has never
offered to help with nothing around here. They don't call me or nothing.

I too dread Christmas. I feel so all alone. We don't exchange with others, so it will be different.They have big families that come home. If I can I might have them come over here.I will have one big room I could serve food in maybe that is my roll in life now, to make others happy. If I can just get over these two surgeries by then, I don't mind to cook.

It seems I am finding it hard just where I fit into this family. It's my husbands and they are odd to say the least. I was used to a small family setting at Christmas & my husbands family was large and don't buy much, just get together. That is fine with me. I hope I am not moving to soon tho. I was reading a person shouldn't make a move for 6 months. It will be only 3 mos. for me. The memories I can take with me tho. here they are ever to present in this house. is there anyway I could help myself out of this gloom? If I felt better things would be different.
Hugs,
Fancy:)

Have you tried journaling? I did that when our son died and then forgot about it....came across it yesterday and was really suprised at some of the things I'd written.

When our 8 yr.old grandson died I wrote him a letter that first Christmas and told him how much we missed him. His mom put it in his stocking. It's hard to look at those empty dinning chairs.

If his family doesn't want to come, have a dinner party for church friends...people who would also be alone. Hugs.

Just wanting to send all of you ((((HUGS)))) Although sometimes words may fail, there is always room in my heart to lift you up in prayer.

Christmas is the hardest for me seeing we lost Danny the day after in 2001...
I still have his pictures hung on my wall and we visit the cemetary at least once a week...used to be once a day but we have back off a bit.

BIG HUGS to all

Christmas is a rough one because kids love it so much...Santa, the tree.
All those holidays, birthdays, anniversary of their deaths are so difficult.

It gets better with time..we never forget them but we are able to talk about them without sobbing, given enough time.

Hugs for everyone who needs one...and that's all of us!

Please feel free to start a new thread and tell us a bit about your loved one so we can get to know who he/she was and how you are doing.


Hugs

Hi to All~
 

I want to take this time to thank everyone who has replied.

Alffe~ I have started to journal several times and just don't keep at it. I know the importance,but I have so much to do right now. I've just had the one surgery & getting ready for another. Then I have sold most of the farm and bought a place in town. And I need to have an acution soon , before selling the house. Then the moving process will begain and I don't have any business lifting nothing. I don't know how to manage it all the way it is. My churchfamily is here or I am there all the time. They are good to me.

Mama Sue~ Thanks for the prayers.I will always need them.I do have good days, but it don't take much to push me over the edge. I also have a nephew that is willing to go the second mile with me. Our son is in prison and I don't see him. When I had my will made out I had help threw a lawyer where my He is like a son also. No one else has been this kind so he will be rewarded when I can't manage or if I die..

Rocking 4 Epilepsy~ I'll be to tell the story about my husband, but I think it is on a different forum. May I can copy it, I'll check. I have a doctor appointment shortly and don't have time to type it all up now.
Blessings,
Fancylady

(((Billie))) You sound down today..more so than in the past..bet it's that dang pain! Gentle hugs.

When our son killed himself, one of my sisters got me a "Grief Journal", I'd never heard of such a thing but it has short pages, and comforting quotations, and I'd find myself just writing a line or two on a page.

I put it away years ago and was so suprised at some of the things I had written when I came across it recently. When we are in shock...we are truly someone else...someone we don't know.

Hugs for the room.

Yes Please do...
Start a new thread so we can all post replies and be able to find it easy

Hugs

A Sad But True story~
 

This is on the other BT Smoking forum. I was unable to copy it as I as I am on the notebooIk computer. My other is in the shop I can highlight but carry it here, so I'll start all over again.

There was a time when my husband (BOB) & I both smoked. When I decided to quit was when we were approved to adopt a son in our family. I told God I had a habit that he wanted and he had the power to grant what we wanted.
After much thought, I told the Lord I was willing to stop before we brought this child to live in our home. And I did, Never to smoke in the last 30 years. It wasn't that I didn't want one, but that Bob thoufgt this wasn't a good time to stop, but I did in fact that I promised God not man. It was my choice!

Much later I noticed he wasn't looking to good but he was the kind that wouldn't go to the Dr. no matter what. On March 24 of this year Bob was working at home in a little repair shop, that he passed out while letting my pastor in so he could work on his truck. I had seen him outside eariler and he looked fine. There was about 5 men here that afternoon, when all of a sudden
one came runnung to our home saying Bob had passed out. I went out there
& took one look and said Stroke. He looked bad and knew nobody. One had a cell phone and was calling 911. It wasn't long before the first responders came. We do live about hauf hr. away from an ambalance that get here. in the meantime they worked on him and he just didn't come around enough to
know anybody including me or his brother. H e couldn't seem to talk.

Findaly the ambalance came & they decided to take him to the nearest hospital for they couldn't even get his vital signs. At the hospital after xays and CT Scans they decided he had a large lump on his lungs and one a little maller on his brain.
Next he was taken to a much larger hospital where intern's interview him all night and ran many more test. Finally they sent in a Neurosugeon to see his
xrays and said he thought he could operate on him the next day. it was successful and they were sure he had got it all.

The next thing was to decide what to do with his lungs. Bob over heard his Dr. say he wouldn't live over 3 mos. & he didn't want to do nothing. Those dreaded words no one likes to hear!
He did make arrangments for Bob to be seen nearer to our home and have Radition & Chemo near our home. After 2 weeks of radiation his hair came out but he wasn't sick. he wasn't sick but had a very dark tan andthey soon had to stop the chemo for he couldn't take both.

The radition went on for 2 more weeks and he got very sick as the days went by. No more driving as he was on Moraphine and he lost all interest in food and they suggested Boost or Ensure drinks. We got him an ATVto drive to the mail box & on the farm so he could have a little enjoyment out of life.
He begain to sleep a lot but the Drs. were encourgaing and said he could live 8 mos. to 2 yrs yet. I was having a hard time beleiving that for a could walk good all the time and he was starting to say things that didn't make since. He has always be smart and had design many things in his life.

It wasn't long till he slep 19 hours a day, then would be up of the evening till the wee hours of the morning. I was wearing out, being awake most of the time. I tried to keep my eye on him as he would wonder. One night the Dr.put him back inthe hospital because he was disorented & Dr.thought he might of a stroke. he hadn't, but they let us know he was dying. Hospice came in and said you don't have to go on with the Chemo, that they could make him confortable at home. That's what we did. But my heart was breaking knowing we were living in his last days. Hospice was wonderful and I could call day or night. he seem to slip right out of our hands fast. Everyone was surprised he went so fast. The last eight days at first were nice,we dread closer together and one nightI ask him to ask Jesus into his life, people had been talking to him all along, & he said "YES". I was so happy and he was too.When My paster came the next day we told him about this and we did rejoice.

Here comes the hard part, in about 5 days or so he wasn't hardly responding at anything. The nights were long and finally Hospice said they would give him continous care until he passed. He died in my arms at home July 18, 2006.

Everything has changed for me now as I am selling the farm and moving to town in a doublewide home. I am having a hard time knowing what to do with myself. Oh, I have been busy and I have had a back surgery and will have another surgery at the end of this month. I am planning to do work for Hospice when I get back on my feet but in the meantime I don't know. What I said on the other forum. It does harm you to smoke, unless you want to go ahead and die before your time is up. We are both just old enough to retire and look what happen.
May God Bless You,
Fancylady