Death and Dieing.
 

I've decided that I don't ever want to die.:p I don't want to suffer in old age, but I don't want to miss out on our future either.:cool:

I suppose that, if we are going to be part of a spirit world and still be able to watch our loved ones grow and prosper, then, OK.:D

The older I get, the more I think about the day I will not be a part of this world and I'm scared s**tless.:eek: I know that, in this fear, I am not alone, but that doesn't help me to overcome the fear.:(

Are any of you truly not afraid of dieing and if so, why. I guess it's just a simple fear of the unknown and no matter how many loved ones you have watched die, you won't know what it's like, till it's our turn.

How do you other Seniors and almost seniors, deal with the fear?

I know no one is going to ask my opinion. It's one of those things I'll have no control over. I'm not saying I'll go quietly but I know I don't want to be ancient with the added inconvenience of MS! Circle of life and all that but don't know how philsophical I'll be as it happens.

I'm not saying I can't imagine fear but know this is not up to me.

I think everybody thinks about it. It's inevitable. It's going to happen to everyone.

I've watched a lot of my loved ones go before me. It'll never get any easier but I suppose my faith keeps me grounded. I'm not afraid of dying. I think what makes many of us uneasy is not knowing how we'll go. But I wouldn't want to know anyway.

One day we'll understand all about this process......but until then I'll just keep on keeping on till the good Lord needs me somewhere else. :)

I have no fear of dieing. When it is my time, it is my time. I have attained pretty much everything I wanted. Only thing left is jump out of an airplane, within the next couple of years.

Jump out without a parachute and take care of two birds with one stone..JK..:D

I'm not afraid of the dieing part. It's the journey between now and then that is so uncertain. Like my Mom and dieing. She says she is at peace and ready. But it's the several months of bone cancer and pain that she doesn't see yet. I think she just thinks her 2 daughters will take care of it just like we have taken care of everything else.

I try to imagine the Earth in all her glory, and with all her history . . . from way out in space. As I draw closer and closer it becomes apparent to me that there definitely is an ebb and flow, a growing and a dying, a rising and a falling. We know there were dinosaurs, and we know that they became extinct. But they left us fossils, and fossil fuels, and a lot to ponder about how they lived and what they looked like. We know there were Medieval knights and Lords and Ladies . . . and they are gone, but left us a legacy. We know we had great-great-great grandparents who are no longer living, but we are built from their DNA. And we look beyond our short lives to our children, and grandchildren, or to those whose lives we have touched gently or not . . . and we will be carried forward.

And I try to think of myself in the context of those who lived before me, and will live beyond me, and see that I am here for only so many days. I am like the oak leaf that opens green, transfers energy and nutrients to the tree, turns color and falls to the ground, and becomes food for the mushrooms at its roots. Without me the tree would not thrive, but there are many of "me." And we worked together to help that oak make acorns that season . . . and therefore we contributed to the continuation of life.


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What is most difficult for me is what we will leave behind. Right now we are cleaning out my mom's condo, as she has moved into an Alzheimer's care facility. I am the only sibling that can not get home to help, and I have no idea what has been sorted through. And it is just stuff. Am I supposed to want to keep her stuff? And is anyone else supposed to want to keep my stuff? It is those moments we shared while she was alive that are important . . . not the stuff. But how do we keep those moments alive?

not one of us is getting out of here alive. At some point, its a step we all must take. Ready or not, old or not, sick or not. used to scare the bejeebies out of me. thought about it for hours as a kid. :(

I am not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of dying alone. I have no children so I wonder who will be with me when I die.

I also don't want anyone to have to go through my stuff! I am determined to weed out all but the necessary things and a few mementos and books. I have a niece who has agreed to go into my computer and delete everything after notifying my contacts and saving any wanted pictures. I already gave out all the family mementos to members of my family who wanted them. I told the old man to give everything to whoever wanted it or to charity.

I made out a will and the usual POA and HCP. I have it set up so he has someone who will come in and check on him and clean if need be, if he is here after I am gone. He gets a life estate in my home and when he is gone it goes to family to do with as they wish, either keep it or sell it and the proceeds go to a trust fund to ensure that our family summer home continues on since many of us are scattered there and I am going there as well. I've got it fixed so none of the little buggers can change anything and do not gain anything if they lose the place, until only one or two direct descendants are left, if that happens.

I feel good that no one will have to deal with much of anything, but still wonder if any of it matters since I will be forgotten in a few years anyway! I've left a few hidden reminders at the family summer home to be discovered after I am gone but who knows if they will even care...They have their own trials to deal with, without me gabbling at them from beyond!:p

River makes a great point. Do all you can to make things a little easier on those left to take care of the details.

After DH passed away unexpectedly I got a crash course in "final arrangements". I wasn't ready for it......and didn't do well. Four years later when both parents passed away I got a refresher course. :( Then three years after that my sister passed. I'm getting experienced in this now......and still don't like it.

I've made my Will. Made DS's my POA's. Made all my final wishes known...in writing...and made it legal. I want to be cremated. DS's don't want to talk about it which I can understand. So, I did the work for them before I go. This way, I get to have the last word. :cool:

One thing most folks don't think about is what happens to your bank accounts when you die. I want my sons to have access to them. Not now.....but when I die. I don't want them to have to wait and go through lots of red tape just to get what's theirs. So I took care of that with the bank. It was easy and, as I found out, very commonplace.

The more you do now to make sure your wishes are carried out then....the better you'll feel. An unexpected death is hard enough to deal with without having to make critical decisions at a time when your brain isn't prepared for it.

I respectfully disagree
 

As they say, life is terminal. As a Christian I know where I am going and with as much pain as I am in on a daily basis- the physical struggles, the financial struggles, the sooner I can get off this rock the better.

Earl makes a good point. Yes, selfishly I want all my loved ones to be here with me forever. Or at least as long as I'm here. But I know without a doubt that they are safe and sound and I have to think that I might just be a little envious of the fact that they don't have the day to day worries I do. ;)

Hi Sally,

I'm coming into this conversation late, thus the reason for the re-post of your original post.

I am honestly NOT afraid of death because of my perspective on living life now. Death is simply a transition of our soul or life's energy from one form to another. The biological unit may fail but the spark of life continues on in spirit.

Once the spirit decides to leave, all attachment to this life is of no concern. The experiences are not lost nor what is learned while we are here. Of course, all of this is simply theory and not really substantiated in fact.

I totally agree that I have no wish in mechanically remaining alive, by medical definition only. I am a classic DNR, no extraordinary means to maintain life other than the purpose of viability for successful organ transplant.

I do not wish to, (well this isn't even a point any more), live as long as my parents, 87 and 86, and not here mentally at all. Alzheimer's. My dad's mind reboots with a clean hard drive every two minutes and my mom time travels. No thank you!

Had I a fear of dieing, I would not have been a front line police officer, Army Airborne/Ranger going on the missions I did. Experiences including High Altitude Low Opening (HALO) military jumps, low level high speed insertions into a jungle environment, knowing people were waiting to shoot at me. In civilian life I bunji jumped, para-sailed, climbed a 10,000 foot volcano, with goals to hang glide and fly a powered ultra-lite, still on my bucket list.

Regrettably, I had to remove zip-lining in the jungles of Kauai because they had no sense of humor about a totally disabled guy wanting to do it.

My last thought on death and dieing. Funerals are for the living. A method for them to deal with the loss and mourn. I chose to be cremated with my ashes placed in a Mickey Mouse cookie jar. Then hold a "celebration of life" at a local ball room, open bar, disc jockey, open microphone for stories and a nice DVD shown of photos from my family. After that the entire family takes a 7 day Caribbean cruise and 7 day Walt Disney World vacation leaving some of my ashes at each location.

One stipulation though, NO ashes on the seat of the Dumbo ride at WDW because I don't want to be stuck on some lady's butt who is wearing big baggy white shorts.

Now you know and it is probably TMI. :rolleyes:

I'm much more afraid of what this disease is going to do to me than dying. I really don’t want my family to have to take care of me for an extended period of time. I don't have daughters and I can't imagine my sons or dh being capable of doing some of the things that may need to be done for me. I'm really horrified by that thought!

Same here!! Although I think they would do what was necessary.....they'd still be mortified. And I probably would be, too! :o

Not afraid of dying...more afraid of continuing on with MS and what I'm dealing with.
I know after my parents died suddenly that the kids need to clean out all but $100 of all bank accounts and also need to clean out the safety deposit box. The bank flags all accounts and makes them non-touchable within 24 hours after the death until all legal issues are cleared. That way, they'll have the money to deal with all of the after-death issues.
I don't want a coffin-I would rather they just got rid of the body I'm using...it won't be any good to anyone else:rolleyes: No mass, since I've left the Church...just a few words and a nice kegger afterwards.

I've been thinking a lot of this lately due to the severe pain...promised one of my sons I won't take matters into my own hands and let God do it. But I'm not sure God and I are on the same time schedule:rolleyes:

I feel that life is a very precious gift; even in the throes of pain, I am grateful for every moment I've been given on this wonderful planet. If only I could get rid of the pain...and get my cognitive functioning back. But que sera, sera, non?:cool:

Thanks Craig, this helped me to put things into prospective, more than you know:hug:

Thank you all. I'd rather deal with reality and life than be ignorant of it. (or try to be)

A PM from Kicker, she gave me permission to post here.:):hug:

I want my loved ones near me. They called me an angel for what I did for my parents. I guess I'll be lucky to have an angel by my side when I leave this world.

Very specific
 

I am estraged from most of my family for a reason. They take "abuse" to a whole new level. So I really consider my mom my only family. She is 80 years old & recent health problems have caused her to deteriorate rapidly. While I worry about being alone when she passes I think of the alternative - being with negative abusive people & I choose ALONE every time.

I have my will, living will and all related papers but I think one of the things I worried about most was that all these negative money grubbers who treated me so badly in life would show up at my funneral & pretend to be so sad that I was gone when in reality they just cared about what I left behind

I therefore have VERY SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS of who is to be notified when I pass, that I do not want a funneral or wake but a "CELEBRATION OF LIFE" and in my instructions I lay how who is to be invited.

I do not want a bunch of phonies standing around saying "I'm so sorry, I'm going to miss her". If your so sorry why didn't you treat me better when I was alive? Miss me? Why didn't you acknowledge me on birthday's & holidays. Don't say nice things about me when I am dead if you didn't have a kind word to say to me while I was alive.

I would rather die alone with my dog & a couple of close friends that I know love me than with a bunch of phonies.

These posts have brought to mind something I wrote about back in 2008. If I may, I'd like to share it with you in context of this thread.

I was doing some self-development reading of Jeff Olson's "The Slight Edge."

There was a story in there I had heard years ago that was reiterated in the book that I wanted to share with you. We are always so caught up in what other people think of us that it can either make our day or totally ruin it. I would like to especially have you think of this when posting and reading posts on the many forums we visit.

If you were to die today you are considered a success if five of your immediate family members and friends attend your funeral. Some would say 250 would more of a success, but is it really?

Of all the people that come to your funeral, only ten (10) people will cry. Of all those people at your funeral only 10 people will cry? What's that all about? :confused:

There you are. in the casket, laid out for everyone to see, your big final farewell to all of the people you have intimately touched throughout your life and only 10 people cry.

In addition, the big predictor of how many people will attend the burial is the weather. Yes! I said the weather. If it is raining only half of the people will attend the burial. :eek:

Now why do we spend so much time and energy on worrying about what other people think of us when firstly, they won't even attend our funeral, secondly, only 10 will cry who do attend, and thirdly, if it's raining only half will go to the burial?

Bottom line is, if you won't even come to my funeral and cry then what do I care what you think of me?

Kind of puts things a little into perspective. Well, at least according to my sick sense of humor. :wink:

death
 

I watched my father and mother both die. My father was very sick and so struggled to breath. That was scarely. However; they gave him enough morphine to ease his breathing so basically he was able to sleep into death.

Mom went peacefully as I watched. They gave her a little morphine to keep her comfy. She had Hospice there so her death was closely monitored and again she slipped from sleep to death.

When you die (not suddenly) you reach a point of drawing away from this world. You even start to push loved ones away. You are in your own world. You may even start dreaming of family and friends who have passed before you. Getting closer to death you have one foot in this world and one foot in the next. The body starts to shut down, temp can go up, blood pressure and heart rate may increase and thats where morphine comes in nice. It slows everything down to a more normal pace. Then you just slip out of this world (and from what I have seen).....you aren't going to really know whats happening. You are so tired that you just take that final sleep and everything (brain, lungs and heart) stop without you really knowing it.

The most you can hope for (and make wishes known) is that Hospice is with you. They will not let you suffer and be afraid.

My cousin just passed away recently at the age of 54 from diabetes complications. She knew death was coming and said she was not afraid of death but was afraid of the dying process. I think that is natural due to the fact that we aim to survive. But in the end....we want to sleep and nature will take its course.

Try to live each day as best you can. Think about your bucket list and do the things you are capible of doing. Tell everyone you love them every chance you get. Yep, to not wake up one day and have the world go on without you is unthinkable....but it does and you will take your place in the universe.

Thank you, Karilann, that was lovely and very comforting..:hug:

I don't want people to cry when I've passed...I want them to laugh! I hope that there are good memories to share, and people can shake their heads at my flaws and goof-ups.

I remember how many cars were in my mom's funeral procession. She was a sweetie who was well-loved. she passed in her mid-50s, yet left love in a lot of hearts. She passed too young...and I still miss her.

I was praying the other day...and a thought came to mind of Jesus' saying, "Love others as you wish to be loved (or are loved, or whatever...my brain is mixed up, but I know the intent of the message.).

But for those of us who can't forgive our missteps, the times we've hurt others, etc, it is a useless statement. I'm one of those...

Anyway, a thought then entered my mind. Rather, a voice. It said to me, "For you, the message is to love yourself as you love others." I understood immediately...it is hard work to forgive yourself, and allow the past, with all of the mistakes, fade away. But it's also a waste of the present to wallow in the past. I'm working on it. This idea, or thought, will help me...

Our passing can be a very calm experience, or one filled with fear and despair. Our bodies will fight to the end, as is it's natural tendency to wish to survive. Our minds and spirits...that is the $64K question...

My DH used to say he'll go kicking and screaming. Now, he's not so sure, after watching his parents, 87 & 89, declining and struggling to live a life of quality in the midst of illness.

Dr. Andrew Weil states that the optimum life is lived to the fullest for as long as possible, with a quick decline and death. Amen to that!!

This has been a very interesting and thought-provoking thread...:)

I