jumpy agitated whiny depressed
 

Hi,
I suspect that I am bothered by a work deadline on Monday more that I expected.

I need to do the following:
1. go to bed at some point
2. when I wake up, finish the one project
3. when I wake up, get clothes and such ready for work Monday.

I need to find something else to do to relax me -- maybe something.. . . . can't think of anything . . . . . .


My friend came over Sat evening. Usually I try to ignore hubby when I am having a hard time. When she was here, I jumped down hubby's throat a few times, almost made a dangerous driving mistake (thank God she was watching), told her not to talk to me until I my .5 klonopin started taking effect in 30 mins or so, got whiny about the work project that she was helping with, . . went out at midnight to buy some chocolate.

. . . very strange that the driving improved considerably with the klonopin in my system.

Later I got started on another work project that is stressing me much more than the first.

I nearly quit work on Friday. By the time the big boss returned my call later in the day, I was ok enough to ask her about something unrelated to quitting. Hubby would freak if I quit work, but for the past week I have been sooooooooooooo close to throwing in the towel.

I can't tell hubby what is going on. We work for the same place. He gets agitated when I talk to him and makes things worse. MUCH WORSE.
I wish that he could help me.
I have tdoc's mantra.



. . . Sleeping at odd times . . . . mostly in two hour spots here and there around the clock. Somedays go to work with 1.5 hours of sleep in the past 12 hours.


M.

Hubby has new rules (again)
 

I stopped Hubby before he left to the gym to tell him to edit himself more.

Last night he was not helpful when, in front of my friend, he asked me if I wore my hair "like that" outside the house.

This morning, he said that my hair needed combing and he was just trying to be helpful.
:eek:
:eek:
:eek:
:eek:
:eek:

NOT HELPFUL. :mad:

So I had another brief conversation this morning to tell him that the point of communication w/ one's spouse is not about information but about feelings.

He said he would do a better job next time.
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I will start keeping a log of his insensitive comments and read them back to him 7 days from now. Then I will make an apt. with him to ask him how he thinks he has improved our lives together by saying those things.

Jerk.
M.

Dear Mari

i'm so sorry. Men can be clods when it comes to things like that. And boy are they thick.

i bought a skirt once that was made, out of 8 overlapping fabric flaps... kinda elfish. on one side, the overlap was kinda high. but it was on the side. so, IF the flap got pulled back you would see a rather high portion of thigh. and often there'd be hose underneath anyway.

overall the skirt was incredibly comfortable, and i loved the elfish look.

my dad he made remarks about how "certain" people (implying males with wandering eyes) would certainly appreciate it on the subway... quite a "show." i used to commute 2ce a day on the subway and other trans. i think i wore it another 2-3 times, then got rid of it because i could not enjoy it any more. :( even though i certainly made sure i was covered.

i like your idea about logging things for a week, and then discussing with hubby.

recently i got very upset with my father over something. the next day i was able to tell him a way in which he could present the information that would be useful to me, and not hurtful or stressful. now my dad is getting on and forgets things, so he might not remember, but but your hubby might...

if there are cases where you feel the information is not bad or good, but what makes it so is how it is presented. and teach him a way of presenting things that you find useful/supportive. be prepared to provide a clear mapping from what he says (your log) to what he might say that would be useful to you. eg. hair.... in private... i like it when you do xyz with your hair, might be complimentary, rather than "it looks unkempt."

you may also have to discuss esthetics with him. what looks "unkempt" to my parents - as hair goes - often looks good to me. and, since we know that is the case, they now mostly keep their unkempt comments behind closed mouths. ;)

~ waves ~

i am so sorry. :(

would it help to tell us?

feel free to get in touch privately if you wish. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Yeah,
He is a bit of a dolt.
I wear the hear like that on purpose.

But it wouldn't matter. No matter how I wore it, if he noticed anything and said anything . . . he would say how something was off.
M.

Thank you. Yes. But later. I need to get through Monday and maybe the next couple of days after that.
M.

Waves,
That skirt sounds dramatic and fun.
I can see how you stopped wearing it. :(
M.

I am sorry that your job is so stressful. Does hubby understand the pressure that you are under?I think if you were to tell him then maybe he could understand how he is not being helpful when he is critical. Does he compliment you at all?
aside comment.
In my head your husband looks like siad from lost....am I close at all?:D

Bizi,
Oooh ma gah. !!! Those actors in that show had such good lines and such good looks.
Hubby is lighter skinned than Naveen Andrews and has green / gray eyes. He would have a thickmoppy head of hair if he didn't keep it so short.

comples....

of course we all know inner beauty is what counts but.... *drools

i haven't watched LOST - i'll save the explanation for now - but i saw one actor (not Sayid) on the cast in another show and *drools double buckets but they are like babies for us.... we all need our heads washed out with soap!!! :D:ROTFLMAO:

glub. :o

oh so he is handsom!!!!!!!:D

i feel for you....
bobby

Thinking about you and wish that that life takes a corner turn into peaceful days,.. well as peaceful as we can.
What is the answer, where is tranquility..
Thinking about you and sending loving vibs....:hug:

Hi,
My work colleague and I completed work project #2 via email.
Then went to sleep finally -- it was 1:00 pm.
I felt better after #2 was over with for now and got some sleep.

Now I am starting back on work project #1.

M.

Work Project #1 is completed and looks nice
 

Hi,
I finished a work project.

I might try to relax a little -- even though I have not slept -- maybe lying down for a while is relaxing somehow.

My alarm goes off at 9:00 am.


M.

I hope that you were able to rest mari, maybe sleep later today if you can.
bizi:hug:

I'm so glad you were able to get the project done and get some sleep.

My family members are pretty insensitive (mixed with overly sensitive-ha!). My father has absolutely NO FILTER MECHANISM and my husband's needs some serious overhauling. Neither one will change.
But I think men are in general are wired differently- look at the way that they talk to each other.

I hope your plan for your dh works out well. Please let me know how it turns out!

Sending you some hugs. I can totally relate. Around here though
its more because my husband is on the phone all the time. And he
then gets mad if I interrupt the call to ask a question.

Its the only way to get a answer.

Ugh

Donna:grouphug:

needed understanding
 

[Your hubby should be receptive if you are hurting. I would want that understanding if I needed that extra to get me through. ginnie

Dear Mari

I am glad you got the two projects done, and that you are satisfied with them.

i hope you can get more sleep tonight and that you can relax more with today behind you.

sending hugs :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

I slept
 

Hi,
Last night I was soooooo tired even though I tried everything I could to stay awake.

I slept during the night for about 9 or 10 hours except for maybe a one hour break some time in the middle. http://bestsmileys.com/dancing/4.gif


It feels strange to be up at 7:00 am after having slept during the night.
I have to fix my breakfast before hubby gets in the kitchen. He is not used to sharing kitchen space with someone in the morning.

M.

Mari
I personally am so glad you slept. Maybe this will help change the pattern.

Donna:grouphug:

wow....i can't remember when this last happened...is it because you have been under so much strain.
i hope it continues
bobby

sooo sleepy
 

I'm too sleepy. My body won't even let me get dressed.
I have to go back to bed.
I'm notifying work that I won't be in today.

I'm astonished at how exhausted I am.


Yes, Bobby,
The strain at work as been almost unbearable.
I'm trying to stay sane.

M.

How are things with hubby now Mari? Has he given you much to write down in your week log? I hope that when you read it over to him he can appreciate where he needs to improve on his communicating skills with you. You're right though, when you said that communication with one's spouse is about conveying emotions....Hope that he realizes that and can work on how he talks to you. I'm sorry you've been under so much stress at work. Hopefully things will even out soon. :(

I slept four hours this afternoon.
'Have a headache.
'Still sleepy.

M.

it is hard to give advice in this situation.

you were deprived but sometimes excessive sleep can cause headache and fatigue. try staying up a little while at least, and see if you feel better.

best i can think, if you have any puttery sort of activity, that might help also, rather than be at the computer or tv.

you should know within 1/2 to an hour if it is going to shake off with a little activity, or if you genuinely need more rest.

~ waves ~ sending hugs :hug::hug::hug:

Waves,
I've been up since 4:00 -- that's two hours up.
I'm going back to bed w/ some tylenol.
M.

it really sounds as if you need this sleep and as long as you can sleep that is what i would do.
takecare
bobby

:grouphug::grouphug:HOping you feel better when you get up next time.

I think the need for sleep caught up with you.

Donna

I am so glad that you are getting some decent sleep...you needed a break!

I slept from 5:00 pm to 9:00 pm.

I wish I could go for a walk or something to get myself to move around -- it's too dark now to walk outside. Maybe I can do some yoga w/ a dvd.

M.

I too hope you get some exercise

Donna:grouphug:

How did you sleep last night? You feeling better I hope? I hate headaches, they are terrible to endure, especially if it's a migraine or cluster. Stress headaches are bad too, sounds like you needed some good rest, I hope it helped. How are you doing this morning?

Hi,
I didn't sleep last night.

I have to leave for work.
I wish I could fix my sleep.
M.

I wish you could fix it too Mari, it's so hard when you can't get a basic good night's rest, I need to start using my cpap again, maybe after this flu runs its course....I feel for you. Take care.

mari, do you still use the cpap? or is that part of the problem?
wish it were easier for you
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Dear Mari

i hope you made it through work ok today.

2 more days and then weekend, whew.

i hope you can sleep sometime, somehow, between now and tomorrow. i hate that sleep is so hard for you. :(

sending soothing thoughts and :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

You sound so exhausted Mari!

I can only wish you the best balance (sleep-wise). :hug:

i feel so badly for you. My father used to verbally batter me until i became hysterical. Only then, did he seem to calm down and lose all his anxiety.
I never found a way of dealing with it........does your husband have a conscience?
bobby