I hugged an autistic teen!!
 

This started to happen two days ago and I just want to find some info so I know more about what to do.

The young man is 17, non-verbal (at least until two days ago), and just played video games. Never saw any interacting with outside strangers.

I would see him visiting relatives ( they are my friends). I have seen him in violent stages, banging his head against the walls, running to and fro with no direction and it would take them a long time to get him calm.

He goes to a day program.

Well, two days ago I ran into them while they were waiting for the school bus. Well, I was never so surprised in all my life and I felt I must share this with all of you. This young man has never spoken. I have been in his presence numerous times over the past 7 years and I once asked his brother "Has your brother ever spoken? and the answer was "No, he never speaks"

And when I would look into his eye, THERE WAS NOTHING THERE, if you know what I mean.

Well!!!! two days ago, I approached the grandpa who was holding the young man's hand. I stuck out my hand and the young man held it. I was absolutely amazed. He has NEVER responded to me before. He only responds to his family members (if you can call it responding).

So there I was yesterday morning, having him hold my hand and I just looked up at him (he's over 6'2) and I said "can I give you a hug?" and he grabbed me and hugged me.

Well, to say I was dumb struck is putting it mildly. I smiled a big smile and put my hand on his face (and he let me). I started stroking his face and he let me do that. I was so amazed I can't even describe this. I continued to stroke his face in a calm gentle way and I spoke softly to him.

His grandpa was beaming. I was beaming. I'm sure the heavens were beaming.

So I had to go on an errand, so I politely said goodbye and that was that.

That was YESTERDAY!!!

Well, today you could have knocked me over with a feather.

I go outside, they are standing there and I walk up with a big smile on my face, looked up at him and held out my hand. He grabbed it and we just stood there and held hands. He again let me hug him. Then he said "HI"

He said 'HI!!!!" I looked at the grandpa and there was a smile from ear to ear.

I looked up at him and I said "My name is Melody" and he repeated it. He said 'Melody". Knowing the whole family speaks Italian, I said 'Melodia" I then said "Can you say Melodia?" He said it.

Now here's the kicker.

I asked him his name and he gave me his name (I'm not putting it here for privacy reasons). BUT HE SAID HIS NAME. I have never heard him speak and now he says his name. Absolutely amazing.

I have NEVER heard him speak in the years I have been in his company. All he ever did was play video games and get frustrated and now we are standing outside and he said my name, and gave me his name!!! How awesome is that!!!

I then started shaking his arm and beaming and he starts giggling and he was VERY happy at his accomplishments. He was actually giddy. The grandpa was smiling broadly.

I looked at him and said "you be good in school and have a good day, bye"

And he said "bye".

This is a 17 year old boy who never spoke, was completely non-verbal and THERE WAS NO LIGHT IN HIS EYES, if you get what I'm talking about.

And for two days he's smiling, letting me hug him, he hugs me back and grabs my hand. And he spoke!!!!

Well, if this is not a miracle or something phenomenal, well I don't know what is.

I just want to know if I should be doing SOMETHING different if I see them again? Should I try and engage him more, let him engage me?? I really don't know what to do.

The grandpa does not speak english so there's a language problem and all we really do is stand there smiling, but this young guy said my name, first as Melody, and then as Melodia, and then he gave me his name.

I am still struck speechless over this.

Quite remarkable don't you think? Whatever they are teaching him at this day program, well we are talking PROGRESS here!!!

Just wanted to share.

Melody

Well!!!!!

I'm not familiar with autism, Melody, but I'm sure this young man sensed your sincere friendliness and caring nature. You probably helped him make a tremendous breakthrough. :) You should be proud!

Well, I am happy and I really have no way of knowing if he began speaking recently or whatever but I definitely know that for YEARS he was completely non-verbal and non interactive and then he goes from being that to inter-acting, and speaking, well I was blown away.

I'll probably run into them again sometime this week. And if he walks over to me, grabs my hand and starts talking, then I'll be on the first plane to Lourdes because that truly would be A MIRACLE. But until that happens (and it might not, or it might, only the guy up there knows for sure), well, I'll happily and calmly approach him, take his hand and let him react in whatever manner he is ready for at that moment.

It's all about not frustrating an autistic person right? Not overloading them sensory wise and not stimulating them (at least this is what I've read).

So if anything NEW happens, I'll be sure and update on this thread.

Thanks a bunch for the nice words

Melody

that's not true, while some have sensory issues that cause them to easily be overstimulated, others don't have these issues, or have the opposite, and look for stimulation. But this shouldn't influence your social response to anyone, because most people on the spectrum do indeed enjoy being social regardless of the sensory issues.

About the being non verbal, most people who are on the spectrum are able to speak and say many words, even if someone says they are "non verbal". Most parents use it to say that there child doesn't speak, as in not being able to have a conversation. While the exact meaning is individual to the person, most don't use it to mean that the person has never verbally said a word before. I can say with a certain amount of certainty that he does at least say words, even if this is the first time you ever heard him. Just saying, a lot of people understand "non verbal" to mean "mute", having never talked, when most of the time it is not the case.

Being autistic and non verbal also doesn't affect intelligence, so he might actually be thinking your being silly asking him if he can say his name and these similar type of questions :D
Many who are non verbal totally understand what others are saying, but might not be able to respond verbally.

I am not always able to speak using my voice, and I am almost always never able to speak to people I don't know. I totally understand what people are saying to me, just not able to get my brain to get my thoughts out in speech. When I cant speak, and I need to say something, I use alternative forms of communication, like my communication device (fancy laptop that talks), or sign language, or various other forms of communicating.

If he is non verbal, he might use some other form of communication that your not aware of, or that you might not be able to understand

You might be surprised at how intelligent he is if you find the best way to communicate with him

Okay, I get what you are saying. I actually have no idea if he is understanding everything I say. But this communication between he and I was a first.

I have spent MANY occasions visiting with his family. All this young man has ever done is sit in another room and play multiple levels of playstation or some other video game. And he never spoke. He would just rock, and grunt. And many times he would bang his head against the wall and someone would stop him and just bring him back to the game. Also I have seen him bang on the table, and throw food and open up soda bottles so they would explode.

But he has NEVER said one word. As the summer comes up and more people will be sitting outside, I will try and find a way to see what he actually can do (without being intrusive or asking anyone any questions). It is absolutely not intention to intrude into this family's personal business even though I am friendly with the grandparents.

When I first met this young man years ago, one of the family members said "severely autistic, non verbal" and then I spoke to the brother and he also said "he has never spoken".

So it just might be that the day program he has been in, well, they are working on that aspect. COMMUNICATION. and inter-action.

And the fact that when I tried to interact with him before (years ago) by saying hi to him, and he never had any recognition in his eyes. It was like he was looking through you instead of recognizing your face and interacting with you. Now he is doing that.

I think this is remarkable. And here's a question. I read that autistics love puzzles and sometimes they see life as in numbers and puzzles and math.

Now I have no idea if this is going on in this young man's brain, but the fact that he plays video games (and hits the highest levels), and he can do this for 10 hours a day sometimes, what does this mean.

Do you have any idea what is going on in this young man's brain?

I'm just trying to learn here, not fix him, or intrude.

Please know this. The family is very nice and I see them often.

Thanks if you can help clear this up for me.

Mel

I think one of the points I was trying to get across is that everyone is different. No two people with autism are the same. Even if what we all have in common is a very loose set of symptoms that make up the definition of "autism", each person has various different issues to varying degrees. In the simplest definition, autism is a impairment in social interaction. Along with that social impairment might be anything from a infinite list of various issues, of any degree. Some people you might never be able to tell have autism, while others might not ever be able to talk or fully take care of themselves.
Many people use "low functioning" or "high functioning" to describe people with autism, but even then, it really doesn't describe much, because all people with autism are different. I use "high functioning autism" to describe myself, but only to say that autism affects me to a less degree then many, but it probably affects me more then most with asperger syndrome. Even so, that doesn't tell anyone the things I have issues with, and the label of autism alone, doesn't tell you much of anything about a person.

I am HORRIBLE with math, so much so that this is a big issue for me. I have trouble with anything math and numbers, like money, shopping, managing my bank account, etc.
The idea that people with autism love math and puzzles, etc, those are all stereotypes. You will find just as many who are bad with math and puzzles as are good with them. Stereotypes dont work, so it might be helpful to get rid of any stereotypes you might have. We are not all rainman, and I wish I could say I am some sort of mathematical genius, but I am not :p

The only thing it means, is that he likes video games :). Of course it can mean other things are going on, but we have no way of knowing what those things are, and since we are not trying to figure out why, we can only say that he enjoys playing video games.

I don't have a clue, all I can do is relate to someone with similar experiences as me. The only people who might know what is going on in his head, are his parents or anyone really close to him.

Obvious you could read about autism, but I think the best thing you could possible do, is drop any stereotypes you have about autism, and treat him with respect, be kind and caring, what your already doing

to add to what I said, about the playing video games 10 hours a day, while I cant say I know why he does, I know that for many people who are not very social, or have trouble with social stuff, usually have tons of time to spend doing whatever interests them. This is true for anyone, not just people with autism.
I am not a very social person and most of my friends are people I ride with. I compete at the pro level in cycling, and am able to, not because I am exceptional in anyway, but because I dont have a job or much of a social life, so can easily devote 6 hours a day to training :ROTFLMAO:

He might be in the same situation of being really good at video games because he spends 10 hours playing them, with very few other things to think about

First Thank you roadrunner for so much information.

It has also helped me. I advocate for yound people with autism. So learning anything I can helps.

Melody, I personally think you are doing what is best to learn more about
this young man. One thing I think that would be good for you to do to learn
more about him, and maybe others with autism would be to go visit the
day treatment center he goes too.

But mainly because many of the young people that go to these center's can
use friends that will work with them so they can do other things in society.

My son Derrick will be going into a day treatment center, along with working
at his job in the next couple of years.
And I know that if people in this world take the time to learn what makes
him and his friends tick they will enjoy them.

Donna:grouphug:

Hi. I shall try and learn as much as I can. No one who speaks english comes out in this type of weather. But in the spring, other family members visit, and people usually sit and chat and if I see a family member (only if the boy is there), and I strike up a conversation, I might say "I notice how well he is doing, it must be the day program he attends", and then if I get a positive response from that statement, maybe I can push a bit. If I get any type of silence or wall, it will be apparent that no one wants to go in that direction. You know what I mean.

It's very hard for family members to discuss a family member who might be challenged. I've been in their company MANY times and no one, absolutely no one, spoke about him. I tried to once, a long time ago, and no one bit, so just in case, don't think I didn't try. I ALWAYS try.

For example, there is a lovely young man named Robert who is now 25. I know him and his mom for almost 20 years. He has downs syndrome. Years ago, I used to dress up for Halloween and he would come trick or treating and I'd make him smile.

I run into him and his mom from time to time. I'll never forget when they came down my block once. I walked down my porch, put a big smile on my face, yelled "Robert, you look beautiful". He absolutely beamed, and he came over to me and gave me a big hug. That was the first time I had ever done that. So after that, whenever I see him out with his Mom, I make a point of making eye contact and talking to him. He'll smile (he has never spoken). He's a very calm pleasant soul who makes you want to give him hugs. (I'm always hugging him, calling him Big Guy), He seems to like this. He loves basketball games and various things on tv. His mom always chats me up and we discuss him and his day program.

We really are our brother's keeper. At least I try to be.

Melody

Melody

You are giving this young man's mother a gift. Someone to talk to about
her son. That doesn't judge. From someone with kids with disabilities
thanks.

Its a rare person that can see this need and act.

Donna:grouphug:

Hi Donna:

No problem. Love to do this. I started "reaching out", when my son became so soul-less, so unempathetic (addicted to video gaming to an extreme degree), and nothing we could do would reach him. So I gather because I could not mother my own son, I was determined to be a better person and reach out to anyone who needed a hug, who is depressed or who needs an ear. It's like I'm giving back to the universe what my son has taken from it. It helps me be a better individual.

Let me tell you something really interesting that happened yesterday. I was walking back from breakfast and I noticed there was a young man walking in front of me. I recognized him immediately. I have lived here for 20 years and everyone knows everyone. But this young man, well he has had his share of difficulties. No one actually knew what he was diagnosed with. About 15 years ago (he was about 10 at the time), he had run out of his house screaming. I was walking to the store with my son and we both jumped out of our skins. I said "oh m god, what is happening to this boy?" and my son had said "he's nuts". I said "no he's not nuts, something IS wrong"!!

So he just stood there across the street screaming his head off. We continued to walk because he suddenly stopped and walked back into his house.

Well, many times after that, as I walked down the block (across the street from where this boy lived), he would run out of the house, start screaming and then run back in.

Of course he became the talk of the block because of his behavior. Turns out he had a brother one year older who was perfectly fine.

So the years would pass and many of us would sit on the porches of our neighbors and this kid would pass and people would whisper "you know, he went away for a bit". I once asked "where did he go". and we found out he was in an upstate juvenile facility.

So one day about 8 years ago, he passed, I said "hi, come up on the porch", and he came up. Since we all knew him "just to say hi", he just came up and we said "how is it going?" and he said "not very good, I was upstate and they would have us in lock up, and I couldn't do anything". I said "was it a school?" and he said "yeah, I went to school upstate" I gather he was in a facility for kids with behavioral problems.

So we would see him from time to time and really not know what was up with him.

So......yesterday he was walking ahead of me. I had the opportunity to reach out and I took it. Wow, did I learn things.!!!

I said "hold up, young man, how are you doing?" It was like a flood opened up, he just needed to talk. He said "I am not happy". I said 'why, what's going on?" He said "my boss and co-workers are mean to me?" I said in my mind: "Oh this kid has a job" I said "oh?? where do you work?" and he said "I work for FedCap." Not sure what that is but I think they place people who are on SSI. I said "so why are you unhappy today?" and he responds:

"Well, I just bought 9 lottery tickets for $10 each and there was no winner, I'm going to sue them". I just looked at him and I said "you did WHAT?"

He said "you would think that in 9 tickets for $10 each (the guy was very articulate by the way), you would think I would get ONE winner"

I composed myself and said "let me get this straight, you just spent $90 on lottery tickets all at once?? and he said "oh I do this all the time, I spend my money on lottery tickets"

I said 'you do realize that you are gambling and you can't sue anyone over this, don't you:"

He said "oh, I know it's gambling but I'm bored and I wanted to win but really, 9 tickets and no winner, c'mon, somethings not right here"

I then said "you mean you bought 9 tickets off of a roll of tickets and the guy just pulled 9 tickets ($10 each), and you separated the tickets and you didn't win ANYTHING??"

And he said "that's right, something is crooked and I should have won SOMETHING?"

I said "Well, actually you should not have blown $90 on lottery tickets but that is another discussion entirely, WHY ON EARTH ARE SPENDING ALL YOUR MONEY ON LOTTERY TICKETS?"

He said "Well, no one listens to me, I'm in therapy, I talk about everything but no one helps me, no one listens, my father is an alcoholic and my brother yells at me, EVERYBODY YELLS AT ME" Seems his mother just lives there and does nothing.

So I just listened (we were standing on the corner) and I let him vent. He was very frustrated. I calmly and carefully explained about how gambling is not productive and he can find other ways of spending that $90 and I knew he was not going to listen to me but he seemed to want to talk and have a conversation. I told him to go to his next therapy session and ask the therapist about his gambling and maybe the therapist can help him make better choices.

I then said "If you don't mind my asking, have you ever been evaluated by any psychiatrist or professional?" He's 25 by the way. He was very forthcoming.

He said "oh yes, I have depression and I get bored" I just nodded, patted him on the shoulder and said "Listen hon, all I did was listen to you and let you get out your frustrations". Go and talk to your therapist and see how it goes."

I know there is nothing I can do but listen, and pat him on the shoulder but this is more than anyone in his family is doing.

So that's what I do. If I see a soul that needs comforting ...I comfort.

There are SO man souls like him. So many frustrating young people. I watched the Oprah show the other day with the 10 year old who tried to kill his mother when he was 7. The rages in that kid, oh my!!!!

So sad

Melody

U soud great MS.Melody!
 

Hi Ms. Melody!This is kiran! I can see your effort to notice this special teenager and I underatand that you are keen to make a difference in his life with your presence. generally kids with autism have intelligence and have their own way of approaching society. The basic point to consider here is winning their trust and I think You did it! i would like to motivate you to have follow up with this teen, his daily activities, school, training programmes etc so as to get to know him better. May be this will help you to reach out for many others with this kind of problems in future and you can be the one to support many in your own possible way! Sincere efforts are always rewarded at some point. All the best!

Hi. Unfortunately I can't do any follow up with this teen because I only see him periodically and the parents do not live here. He resides (mainly) with the grandparents (who don't speak english). The autistic young man (well I don't know how much he knows yet), because he can't communicate with his grandparents (I found this out the other day). I met up with the gandpa and I was saying (in Italian), how impressed I was by his grandson's verbal communication. The grandpa sadly said "yeah, he does speak sometimes but we can't communicate because I don't speak English". The younger man has only uttered some words in English but never in Italian, so what we have here is people living in the same house speaking two different languages and the older people will not learn English. It's too hard they say.

But when the weather gets warmer and everyone hangs out, I will do my best to teach them a few words in English. I've tried before and they get frustrated but I'll use the excuse "But you can communicate with your grandson more easily". This approach might work or it might fall on deaf ears but I'll give it a try.

When there is a language barrier EVERYTHING is much harder.

But I will tell you a funny timely story about something that happened to me yesterday on a city bus I was on.

I got on the bus only to encounter a mom trying to control her 2 year old daughter ( I found out the age of the child AFTER the meltdown).

Well, I have seen tantrums, and I have seen meltdowns but NO ONE on the bus was prepared for this one.

The child was making noises like she was possessed. People were turning this way and that trying to avoid watching but honestly, when she would burst out with screams, we literally jumped out of our seats. I kind of thought "well, she's a baby, she wants her way, she's screaming". Babies do this, I know this, and they say the terrible 2's are the terrible 2's for a reason, right? And since the kid was on the floor BEHIND the seat, we really couldn't see what was transpiring, only hearing the noise. The poor mom never raised her voice, never did anything but say "Mia, que pasa". which I gather is "Mia, what's wrong"?? in spanish (I speak a little spanish and thank god I did).

So the kid starts hurling her head agains the steel frames of the seat in front of her. Now this aroused everyone's attention because we all thought she would split her head open. Never saw such a rage in a two year old before.

So now my stop comes and I and several others get off the bus thinking "well, that's the end of that". We go to the bench where we all sit down waiting for the second bus to arrive. Thank god no one said anything about the child because all of a sudden we hear the gutteral noises and the screams, and we all look to the left and there was the poor mother trying to navigate a stroller, her handbag, and the kid and it was not happening. The kid broke away and the mother left her purse and stroller and ran after the kid.

I said out loud "we have to help this person". I ran over and grabbed her purse telling her what I was doing (in spanish). I grabbed the stroller and I said "Grab her and sit on the bench, we'll help you.

Well, you never saw us moms break into action to help another mom. I had my own push cart that I was holding. Some other mom took MY pushcart, I held the mom's purse and stroller, and the mom held the baby who was going nuts. Another mom ran over to the baby and tried everything to get her to quiet down because we were about to board another bus and unless this kid quieted down it wasn't happening. The poor mom was so sad she looked defeated. That's when I found out the kid was 2 and driving her crazy. I couldn't get any more information (just in case you are thinking "was this kid autistic).

I finally said "my my, what pretty sneakers, look at how they glisten, and all the moms were cooing and trying to be low-key with no excitement. In a short while the kid got so tired of screaming (she must have been doing this on bus after bus because the kid was knocked out from all her meltdown.

So here we were, 4 women, stroller, pushcart, purse, and kid and the second bus pulls up. There were men about the board the bus and I yelled "Back off, we are moms trying to help a mom with baby". The men looked at me and said "Okay lady, no problem". And we all board the bus.

We all took turns holding various stuff and the mom held the baby who was closing her eyes. I whispered very softly "she's asleep" and the mother looked relieved. That did not last because when she went to look at the toddler's face, she woke right up. I said "uh oh", and the mother said "uh oh", too.

So we rode like that for 10 minutes or so. Then the mother looked at me and said "we are getting off at the next stop, what can I do, I can't get off with the stroller, the purse and the kid". I said "don't worry, we'll get off with you, settle you down, and we'll re-board the bus"

Everyone heard me say this and we ALL GOT UP, GOT HER OFF, she buckled the kid in the stroller, we all got back on the bus (thank god the bus driver was a human being, and thank god no one took my seat.

We all sighed and said "holy cow", because we knew that mom had a hard road ahead.

But we moms stood together and helped another mom.

That's what it's all about.

And I have to tell you what happened exactly one minute after that mother got off and another mom of another 2 year old got on.

We had just gotten done with helping a mom with a screaming toddler and now a quiet sweet toddler boards the bus, sits next to her mom and starts waving at all of us and says 'hi". We all looked and you should have seen all of us moms. From one extreme to the other, this little adorable baby girl was determined to say hi to everyone on the bus, even the bus driver. She just waved and we all waved back and said hi, and we all burst out laughing. I asked the mother "is she always like this?" and the mother said "yeah, she's something special" We all smiled and said "you have no idea HOW special"

Sorry for such a long post but I had to share what happened yesterday.

Melody

I agree with u
 

Hi MS.Melody! I agree with you that it is unfortunate not to be able to communicate with this young man. But I can c u reaching out for people in need every day. It is a rare quality that can be seen in this busy world. I am sure persons like you have an ability to sense others requirement. You are empathetic I mean.I am glad to meet you here. Its becoz , may be bcoz our thinking match! Nice meeting u! I am a mom of 13 year old child, who is a known asthmatic. Thats how I came to know about this help group. Good day!

Well, hi there yourself. Under your location it says KSA, is this Kansas? I probably sound stupid but I'm trying to figure out what KSA means.

Hope you are having a nice day and that your daughter is breathing well today.

Melody

Hi ms. Melody
 

Hi Ms. Melody! I am currently working in Kingdom of Saudia. I am an Indian. I felt so happy to c ur reply this morning. hav a gud day! My daughter is fine now. Take care! Let ur light be shining for many today !:)