Computer died. Out of mood stabilzer. Fell llike Yuck.
 

Hi,
My apple computer crashed tonight. It through me off because , well because having a sick computeer is disappointing. And no, I did not back up documents.
I'm writing on a little tiny small machine -- don't know what it is called --- tiny lap top like thing with MS 10. I've used it like 4 times . . . .trying to get used to it.

DID I TELL YOU I AM OUT OF MEDS????!!!

What was I thinking?
I have some Klonopin. OK
I have ONE Verapmil. I can take it tonight, call the pharmacy's computer for renewal and call again in the am myself to try to get three emergency pills --- Ive done that in the past with a different store. I feel like a moron for not keeping track of my meds and for cancelng pdoc appts .
Part of me thinks that I might have some meds aroudn somewyere -- but my room is chaotic.

I am trying to stay together. Keep myself together somehow.

Work seems to get worse each day. It's almost impossible to go in. I feel stuck.

Thank good ness I have klonopin -- such a magical med. And thank good ness I am so tired I barely care about anything.



M.

Oh Mari, The Klonopin and rest will hopefully give you energy to face tomorrow. I am not sure about Apple but my PC that died I took the drive down to best buy and they made a back up for me.

Hope that you find meds or can get some carry through s before the weekend.
Hugs
di

Dear Mari

you sound like you need some hugs!!!

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

http://dl5.glitter-graphics.net/pub/...inykk28pbt.gif

i hope you can rest and get things sorted out today.
i would probably take the mac to a mac shop - or someone certified for repairs, even if it's just to get the data off the drive.

:grouphug:

~ waves ~

dear mari, I am sorry for the challenges that you face. yes call the pharmacy and get them to give you an emergency 3 day supply they should do this. I am sorry work is so awful right now...things should get better right? in time?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Mari,

:hug::hug::hug:

I have a mac laptop issue (spilled perrier on it!) and took it to the apple store's genius bar. For my issue, they said they could send it out for a $280 flat rate. I haven't done that since I can still use it when it's plugged in and that is a lot of money.
Your issue may be entirely different. They don't charge you to take a look at it. They have all sorts of stuff there to help dx the problem. It may end up being a cheapie fix. Some of the laptops have battery issues, and they can be replaced free.
I would not bring my mac anywhere else.

I hope you get your meds soon and you can get out of this rut!

when it rains it seems to torrent....i am so sorry this is happening to you...
i have an extra blanket you can crawl under and cover your head....sometimes i think that is the only thing that works during these times.
bobby

Hi,

Thank you.
I worked today. I got confused with stuff and had to ask some students to bear with with m e-- we were working on the computer and I was confused about switching windows but also confused about talkign to students. I made up for being so ditzy by being extra nice and smiley.

I called in sick for tomorrow /Thursday. I hope to sleep and get in some exercise.

I have my meds!!
CVS worked liked they were supposed to. That went smoothly after I had to hassle with the broken phone renewal system.

I've got three Apple stores within driving distance. The one that has the easier drive (not much crazy traffic) is almost an hour a way.) I might put it off for a while. I can't deal with it until next week or so.

Yeah, hubby suggested I call Best Buy or some such. HA HA. I want to deal with an apple guy.

M.

sleep my friend sleep....:Zzzz:

Computer in safe mode right now
 

Hi,

I futzed with turning the computer off and on various ways.
I got it to come up in "safe mode." :)

I'm trying to back up stuff by sending stuff to email because I can't use an eternal device in safe mode. But I am tired and only got so much emailed.

Maybe later today after sleeping I can try to turn it off and then on again so I will be able connect to a USB or a use something else that apple has. If I am in the mood I could call Apple (with a charge) to ask about that apple service.

Kay:
You remind me that I need a new key board. The keys have not been the same since I spilled watermelon on it a while ago. :eek:

M.

So glad you got your meds! That helps a lot, the tiny computer is a netbook, I have one I just bought from dell I LOVE! Its how I get online in the evenings now, kiddo is on the desktop and I get the netbook. It takes some getting used to the smaller keyboard though, but it's not uncomfortable to use. I am glad you have one to get online during this time your mac is down. Hope you feel better soon, you planning on going to work tomorrow? Either way I hope you get some decent rest tonight. :)

I can't do this anymore
 

Hubby. Work. No Sleep.

The trifecta.

My heart / chest has been racing since the afternoon even with my correct amount of Klonopin.

I don't see how I can go to work tomorrow. It would reflect poorly on me if I completely fell apart or freaked out and caused a scene in the middle of the day.


I'm lost. I really don't want to deal with this anymore. I want to go somewhere else. Some where far away safe where I can be left alone.
M.

We had a talk
 

I woke up early this morning.
I told him to change his behavior or go to a dr for medication.
He says he is going to change.


I have to work today but I have only slept 2.5 hours and my face is red from crying. I don't know if I can go to work and if I can, I don't know if I should. Works reaaaaaaaaaally stinks. I need sleep.

i am so sorry you are going through this...life can be so bad at times
bobby

Mari

Thinking of you. Sending love and prayers.
Donna:grouphug:

i am sorry that it all seems to be hitting you all at once.
could you ask him to go with you yo see your therapist like you did before? get him on the same page?
((((((hugs)))))
bizi

Bizi makes a good point, he needs to go with you to see tdoc and LISTEN and change, he's not helping you in the right way and surely he wants to be helpful, so that's what I'd do. ASK him to come with you. That was a long time ago, and so much has happened since then I bet this would help him make the changes you need for things to work smoother. I hope you feel better Mari, I know sleeping isn't easy for you, but with med hiccups that must make the problem of resting harder. Thinking of you...

Dear Mari

i hate that you are going through such pain.

i got hubby and sleep problems but lost on "the trifecta" (did i miss a post)?

totally get the not knowing if can handle work and feeling stuck between a should go but also should avoid breaking down there.

heck.
i remember you didn't like joint counseling for you guys. i hope you can get across for him that, to help you, he is going to need it ie get it on his own.

what if you didn't "move" but rented a hotel room to crash at from time to time. that's kinda what i was thinking when i suggested a "temporary" place for one of you. is that it could be transient also. too, there are "business residence places that might rent weekly. they would be expensive but might have better amenities as geared towards business people needing temporary but "complete" lodging, as opposed to a Ramada inn where you're lucky if there's a coffee maker in the room.

sending you positive vibes and keeping you close to my heart

~ waves ~

i would not try to be rational with your husband. i think it takes too much out of you. I would cry your heart out and force him into a position where he has to take action instead of your being the sane one in the family. You are under way too much stress and I don't know how you can bear it.
fondly
bobby

I can almost see you with only 2.5 hours of sleep, your eyes still red from crying, and having to head out to work...
:hug::hug::hug:Mari:hug::hug::hug:

this really struck me... as good advice. hard to reason when overwhelmed. let him see torrents of tears from your eyes then he will know how horrible you feel.
hugs to you.
i hope you can manage work some how - or manage to stay away from it and book yourself in a bset western or something.

Hi,

It's exhausting to bring up anything with him. I'm taking a break from talking to him.


Tdoc has explained in the past that
1. first he has to recognize the problem
2. secondly, he has to be motivated to change the problem
He does not recognize any problem.

=-=-=-=-=

I think he re-recognized in a general way that he is self-ish. That much he gathered from our talk Friday morning.

Neither logic nor tears work. I've tried both in the past. I'm done.
There is no freeaking way I'm taking him to see my tdoc again after what happened last time and I'm not going to find him a tdoc. When he takes ownership of his issue, he can find a pdoc who prescribes TCAs or SSRIs for anxiety.

There is a mood component to whatever disorder he has. He gets slightly up for a while and then he gets slightly down for a while. If he does have a something of a mood disorder, the ADs would be a bad idea so maybe I will rethink the med idea. Maybe he could benefit from a mood stabilzer like the one I am on, but good luck getting a pdoc to prescribe Verapamil for meanness.


He's darned lucky that I even bother with him.


M.

yucko!
 

Oh Mari

things sound just awful. :hug::hug::hug: it is not always this way, right? he does have some good/helpful phases? i have seen positive posts on hubby before ... i hope they were not ehm, you trying to find the silver lining on a huge cloud?

if you want to do the hotel thing for a while, i can help you find stuff in your area. i have time and internet. oh and i'm not groggy. that's about all one needs. you just say the word...

(((((((( :heartthrob: Mari :heartthrob: ))))))))

Waves,
We are not angry with each other. I am just tired of his nit picking.

Here's an example:
Months ago he installed a door with what seemed that I felt had a complicated locking system. I taped a note on the door with instructions on how to open and how to close the door. Today on his way out to the gym and a hair cut he asked if we could take down the note. I said no. I want him to leave my stuff alone.
He does not get to be in control of every item in the place, the fridge, the freezer, and so on. He can let things be as they are.

A hotel room would be uncomfortable for me. The experiment last week with leaving my office for temporary space in the library showed that I prefer my own space. He would be pretty upset if I took off for a room somewhere. I am not taking the option off the table, of course, but ,at this moment, I see it as making the problem worse.
For one, he is still not comfortable each year when my parents get a hotel room for three nights.

He's nice except when we don't give each other space or when we are both stressed -- both of us are introverts and need down time a lone.
The other night we had a guest over for a light supper. Hubby was interrupting and critical about me. The guest constantly tried to redirect him. That's what started this latest round of my thinking that he needs to make a change in how he talks to me.

M.

Dear Mari,

thank you for clarifying. Actually, i think you are being pretty positive or at least neutral in terms of your actions. it seems like you can still be objective about things, which is great.
right. it is your place too.

ok, i get this.

that SUCKS and yes he does. i am sorry you are going through this.

i hope you are patting yourself on the back for your tolerance and patience. Here's a pat, pat from me. sorry to make you look so goofy in this pic! ;):eek::p:rolleyes:

http://www.clipartguide.com/_thumbs/...-2519-1742.jpg

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Sorry that it's not better between you Mari, he really does need to watch how he talks to you, especially in front of guests, sheesh! I would have been mortified! I hope he recognizes that he's in need of something to help his mood, it was how meds made me feel that got me to accept that I had a mood disorder, its amazing the difference meds can make. Good luck Mari. Keeping you in my thoughts....

Mari

I hate to tell you this. It sounds just like a couple that has been
around each other to long. Or many years. I have these problems
with my husband at times. WHen he starts threatening to leave
I tell him to go.

It quiets him down at least.

Donna:grouphug:

I wish he would own up to his responcibility. Even when you point this out he still doesn't get it...
I am sorry.
bizi

Don't feel so good.

hey there Mari,

what's going on? don 't feel good as in getting sick, or moodwise or.... ?

sending good thoughts. :circlelove:

~ waves ~

mood stuff
not sleeping and overwhelmed with work and such

I'm so sorry, Mari. I wish things were easier for you right now, and in general.

That sounds like my husband. He can only be redirected for brief periods. He refuses to recognize problems, and will not seek out any help for his own issues (MH and alcoholism).

I'm praying for better days for you soon :hug:

Mari

I wish you had a friend to take a vacation with.

I am trying to figure out personally how to deal with 80 hours of
vacation time. I don't want to just sit around not using them.

Donna:grouphug:

Dear Mari

thinking of you. I hope you had a good Sunday, maybe with some sleep in it, and that you feel even just a little bit better. maybe more than a little bit. keeping you in my thoughts here...

http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/5.gif

~ waves ~

I don't feel any better.

Exactly a year ago I asked my pdoc for extra med help . .
Then off and on for 8 months we tried this and that . . . and I gave up again.
I have an appt with him on Thursday. I wonder if I should ask him for an old anti-depressant (one that my insurance will cover).


~I could try to tough out this depression (already trying. NOT WORKING!!)
~I could try his meds

-->The downside of trying his meds is that I get devastated when the meds fail me for whatever reason.

M.

I am sorry that you are not feeling any better.
between work and hubby you are under alot of stress and all of that is amplified due to fact that you deal with chronic fatigue and lack of sleep.!!!!!
bizi

I can understand that disappointment, but I hope you will think about trying a new med again.

I have to be careful about what they rx for me now because I'm on a medicare advantage plan... If they can't give me adequate samples, I can't do a lot of meds... generic all the way!

became close to unhinged at work.

work buddy commented on how I looked "'stressed" He was being polite as I was a mess.

I told him I did not think I was going to make it through the end of the semester.

I have an additional work project on top of what I am already doing.
M.

I am sorry this sounds like an awful monday.
((((hugs))))
bizi

Three ADS last year redux:
 

I posted the above back in November 2010.
I'm trying to recall what happened with the ADs.

Lexapro -- pdoc started me at the regular starting dose. Three days later I had huge anxiety w/ chest pains.

Effexor -- caused paresthesia

Remeron -- caused major sleepiness even after two tiny doses.

I wonder if Lexapro is worth trying at tiny doses. Pdoc gave me 10mgs. The pills come as small as 5 mgs. I could take half of a 5 mg at 2.5 mgs for a few days to try.


M.

Thanks, Bizi.
M.