I have been manic....
 

long time hypomania turns into mania after a while.
this is what I have been doing.
Over the last year I lost 30 pounds, but the last 10 have been from obcessive dieting, exercising and then my new face stuff, palo diet restrictions, all control issues.
I called my pdoc and let her know that I had lost more weight...she was not happy about that. Called upon my tdoc who I had not seen in months.
I see her on wednesday. I have 2 weeks off of work to get more heathy in the head and my shoulder of course....am trying to take all of my meds the right way with food to get the best results from them.
I am still controling what I eat.
no caffeine, no alcohol, paleo except now I am drinking dairy.
I should be eating lots of calories because I am trying to heal myself...but I just can't seem to do that.
I know that is not good. I am making an effort to get enough calcium, 1200mg a day plus 3 glasses of milk, 2000mg of vit d.
my business is really suffering from this, I hope that I don't lose too many clients, I don't see how I can keep up with them....
I am worried about poor harriet...
sigh
bizi

Bizi

You and Harriet will heal together. I think maybe your shoulder is trying
to tell you its time you took some time for you.

Sometimes things happen for reasons. So I'm guessing that is what happened.

I will send you good thoughts.

DOnna:grouphug:

You gotta eat more, eating equals life, I know you know that Bizi, but now more then ever you need to be getting more calories so you can heal up faster. Think of it as fuel to speed up your recovery. I am sure your clients will understand. Hang in there Bizi, it's gonna be okay. :)

Dear Bizi

i don't know about the mania ... it's weird/sudden... your posts have sounded normal to me i guess...

it did sound like you were getting obsessive/controlling about the body and dieting stuff... maybe something to bring up in therapy as well?

did not realize you'd lost so much net....thought you'd gained it back... sort of yoyoing

i just hope you feel better. :o

i know you don't like talking to your tdoc but if you believe you are manic i must encourage you to do so.

Finally, remember the DSM, fwiw, says if hypomania continues 1 week or more it is defined as mania, btw, it doesn't have to be severe mania or psychotic or anything. i do not want you to get severely manic or psychotic -you don't sound it, for now, but... the internet makes for a good screen. (i certainly do not post all my stuff here. t'would not do!)

sending caring hugs for you.

go eat yourself a hamburger or something. maybe bacon and cheese. :D

jk sort of. i mean, if it would appeal, try it. if not, pick something that appeals and go scarf it down.

~ waves ~

Dear Bizi,

The most important thing is to keep the bone protected. Keep yourself in the sling and with very limited activities as the mdoc advised.

If you are a little under or over your ideal weight, it is less important now than that shoulder. I think you are probably at a good weight for your height and age. Here is a BMI calculator:
http://www.halls.md/body-mass-index/bmi.htm

While you are home helping your shoulder recover, eat what works for you: almonds, fresh and frozen fruits, maybe some sardines, salmon, turkey . . . .

That's good that you are taking your meds with meals. Maybe you will start to feel better soon.

M.

Hey my sweet and dear friend,

I dont have many info and Im not as wise as our friends here, but wanted to say I completely understand what you mean... I have been maniac/extremely obssessive with things since I was like 10 ?? :rolleyes: Sometimes important things, things that make sense like, taking care of what I eat.... some other times, of stupid things like, counting hair, by hair how many hairs I had lost that morning... :rolleyes: This state make us feel sad, worried and tired right ? or at least that happens to me as I cant get "that" thing out of head and I wouldnt sleep thinking about that until making me sick...

Oh no, Im rambling again, what I wanted to say is, please dont make you sick, call doc... mania is not good... we start feeling good because we start for exaple, loosing weight, but, in extreme, we all know it is dangerous and incorrect...

Try to realise when you are starting to feel obssessive towards something so you can stop... on time...

and what else.... ? oh yes, hugs !!! :hug:

thank you!
my weight barely fits in the desired weight limit....:o
I just finished making a list of things that I need to do, new meds/vitamins, pill box now, ROM exercises...it is a check list because I was forgeting stuff.
now I have a list and pill box to help keep me organized.

Dear Bizi,
Love your body. It is strong and healthy. Feed it. Nurture it. Take care of it.

Ask your tdoc for help about obssessing. She can help you,

I'm sending lots of good vibes. :hug::hug::hug:
M.

thanks mari.
I am sorry thta I can't contribute much on the forums...MY carpel tunnel is acting up since I can not use the mouse in my left hand due to the sling.
I see my tdoc in a couple of hours.
bizi

Don't worry about it Bizi, just hang in there, you're healing and that's what counts. I think we all know you need to watch how much you type, so no one minds at all that you need time away from the forums...We all miss you very much. Hang in there! :D

Oh Bizi I wish it were better news, you need to heal and be better. Sending hugs and thoughts, wish there was something I could do or say.
Love you dearly
di

oh geez Bizi i did not remember you have carpal tunnel sndrome too, or maybe i didn't know... i wish you did not have so much to deal with.

good job getting organized! it can help to feel less overwhelmed with things and then you will have more satisfaction to as you feel more able to keep up.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

I feel so stupid!
it has taken me this long to figure out that my collar bone is attached to my shoulder blade....and not even close to my humerus...
why did they not order an mri of my shoulder????:mad:
saw mitzie today....my tdoc...she said if I was unhappy with my doc get another opinion....I just don't know...I feel frustrated...
she told me to learn how to do nothing...
how the hello do you do that?:eek:

jeff says I need to find a new hobby....
I have no life....
I have not painted in a long time.....
i over did it today, cooking up a new recipe...that is what i have been doing, shop in the afternoons and cook up a storm for dinner.
which includes lots of chopping of fresh veggies etc.

the ortho said there is a fragment, i saw it, don't know where it is exactly...could cause me problems and require surgery to remove....
sigh
i hate all of this...i have no patience in this healing process...
i need to rest and I can not....we usually watch an episode of lost in the evening and that is the most rest that I get during the day. I even got up early today...not a good sign. wanted to get started on my range of motion exercises...that the doctor did not tell me to do but my therapist friend did. I trust her more....
sigh
Our cat harriet had surgery today and was not well enough to come home yet, still bleeding some so we pick her up tomorrow morning.
my face is a mess, sorry wrong thread....
anyway.
I am a mess.
and I am about to start drinking again!!!!!!!!
bizi

Dear Bizi, :hug::hug::hug:
You can call your insurance company tomorrow to ask about the second opinion.

You can call your pdoc tomorrow to get temporary meds (2 weeks???. . . . ) that will help you relax.


Do you have a chair that you like? You can listen to music, listen to audio books, read books, . . . watch movies?

This is a really dumb question ---- are you allowed to walk? Can you take gentle walks in your neighborhood or let someone drive you somewhere to walk?

You can buy pre-chopped vegetables. Keep meals simple. Pay extra for convenience --- like prechopped veggies, nice cuts of meat or fish that do not need much preparation. . . .

There is a fragment. You probably should get your instructions from the mdoc. Call the office in the a.m. to ask if you can do range of motion exercises.

You can learn enough (enough) patience to get through this.

We understand that you cannot type responses to us. We can post to you and hope that you are getting better each day.

It's going to be all right. In the big picture, this is a very short amount of time to do nothing. Soon you can be busy again. Right now take it easy as best as you can.

M.

thank you mari,
I over did it today and my shoulder feels worse...
I am not using good judgement.
I was trying to create a nice new meal to acchomplish something....
I have a feeling that this healing process is going to take a very long time.
thank you for writing to me.
I created a check list to keep me on tract and I use it all the time to reorient me to the day of the week too.
I am now afraid to dothe light rom exercises...maybe that is why i hurt more now....no i think that i over did it making dinner.
we pick harriet up from the vets tomorrow morning, my friend is going with me.
I woke up at 4;30 this morning in pain and then got up at 7;30 which is unusual for me. I have to get up early tomorrow.
I hope you are alright.
thank you for being here with me.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Dear Bizi,
I am sorry that you are in pain.

That's good that Harriet is coming home and that your friend will go with you.


Make this your job for now and take it seriously.
Go into healing mode. Treat yourself as nicely as you would treat someone else who needed to go into healing mode.
Think of this as aggressive rest. Focus on rest and taking things easy. That is your job right now --- to take things very easy. You can do that.
The more rest you give yourself, the better and faster you will experience overall healing.

Cook something for dinner that is very simple: A nice piece of fish or meat with some precut veggies. Buy yourself several kinds of nuts (cooked, raw, . . . whole almonds, sliced almonds, pecans, . . . .) so that you can get calories while doing very limited cooking preparation.)


Bizi

thank you mari, I actually sat and read a bit last night. I am picking up harriet from the vets today with a friend as she is too heavy for me to carry even though my right arm is fine heavy weights pull at my shoulder so have to limit what I carry in that arm. so today will be a trip to the good will to buy some blouces that button in front...these 3 are not cutting it that I have right now.
I will try to take a nap today...or at least lay down. I slept well last night!!!!!yeah!!!!
that is good!!!!
goals for today rest, check book reconciliation, good will. something simple for dinner. we already have pork chops thawed and need to be eaten and left overs from last night, but those will be there for tomorrow night.
going to eat at the health food store with a girl friend I hope.
bizi

harriet is home now, and she ate some soft cat food, she is laying resting.
she gets anti biotics and pain meds twice a day. jeff has to give them to her....because of my arm...sigh

I am going to call my pdoc tomorrow and ask for more meds. I am a mess.
it is like I am in a fog....can't remember things...that is why I write them down so I can refer back to them. We have a guest coming in from out of town and he is staying with us....not good timing. mardi gras is late this year so it will be warm, might rain though. I have to get up early tomorrow 7am to be ready by 8 am to take jeff to get his car worked on his timing belt and other maintenance done.
I am headed for bed, sling is off and feels good....but am very stiff. really hard taking a shower tonight....sigh
bizi
edited to say that I got my chores done but did not rest. it takes me forever to do things...
I think hubby is getting impatient with me....
how can I work with my brain this screwed up?
i have stopped dieting I almost had a beer but drank an oduls...yuck.

Dear Bizi,

I'm sorry to hear you talk about being a mess. I hope that the pdoc helps.

Have a little talk with your husband. He will be ok once you explain again to him what you need.
Do you have any teenagers in the neighborhood who would come over for a few hours and help with a few things -- like putting things in the dishwasher or whatever you need done? If not teenagers, pay an adult to come over two hours a day for the next week or so.
It is important that you feel supported.

Stop doing chores. It is important for you to aggressively slow down.

This is really sukky. Call the guest to let him know that you will be resting the whole time he is here. Inform him that he will be helping out around the house because you are on very limited activity rules right now. Keep the sling on -- it will serve as a reminder to you and everyone else that you are healing right now.

Feel better.


I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed -- if something in here does not sound right, I apologize.

M.

thank you mari, i will try to do as you suggest. my pdoc office is closed on fridays i forgot. i am going to start taking more klonipin, i have some extra.
have already started taking more geodon....tylenol takes the edge off...for now i don';t want to take other pain meds because they can cause constipation.....i took jeff to get his car and left my purse in the car,,,,so even if i wanted to walk somewhere i don't have any cash or key to the house ir cell phone jeff willbe back at 12;30 fridays are short days for him.
then we will go out to eat for lunch.
so I should jsut rest till he gets back.
bizi

Bizi,
Resting is good.
I hope that the rest of your day goes well.
M.

i am in a sad, mad, all over the place place 0 and in the throes of aching nostalgia but i still managed to love the (quite possibly inadvertent) pun in your post, Mari.

the rest = the remainder - 1st reading, no back reference.
the rest = the repose - 2nd reading, back reference to "Resting is good."

never mind, word has it that i am strange. so i am told, yes, indeed.

tonight i was told upside down and around just how strange i am... by a perfect stranger. how perfect is that. i dare not say strange.

Dear Bizi i am sorry i did not leave you at least a couple hugs last night it was like i flew in and flew out like i needed to catch a plane or something.

well as it is i got caught up on the thread. i am glad harriet is home.

i have never been foggy when manic, always feel sharp very although sharp although i do get very forgetful even from one minute to the next - can't concentrate for squat is that what you mean? are your thoughts racing really badly?

mari gives good advice on taking care of yourself, "carefully."

i know jeff can can cook - maybe you guys can agree for him to do more of that until you heal up? for starters he could do his "company's coming chicken" for your guest that is staying. i know houseguests require a lot more attention than dinner but maybe you and jeff can do things together. you can direct the traffic (him) and he can be your arms and legs
-- put fresh towels out, no not that one, the big blue fluffy set
-- check if the room needs anything...
a....
b....
c....

remind him and keep reminding yourself your arm will heal it is all very temporary. what's more, if you are careful, it will heal quicker and with less pain.

don't worry about drinking. it will take the edge off the pain a little too.... sigh.

sending you healing thoughts :circlelove:

~ waves ~

Dear Bizi,
Good luck with your weekend and your healing plans. Stay focused on getting well. Put as much work into getting well as you do your other projects --- in other words, REST.
M.

wel harriet is resting in my lap making it almost impossible for me to post.
i slept in...i think the mania is subsiding
i feel more focused.
thank you for your support.
i am off to get my hair colored....and it has been raining.
between my arm, my face(neosporin and band aides and other products) and harriet, it is like a rehab facility, dan doesn't know about all of this....it is mardi gras and i don't feel like celebrating. we pick him up tonight, i will have to move my clothes out of the guest bedroom.
off i go
bizi

oh (((bizi)))

maybe it's my impression but you sound like you're crashing... i mean you sound so bummed.

i hope your friend Dan is understanding and kind to you. it might be comforting and nice to have the company, if he is clearly supportive of you. that is my hope for you. celebrations don't have to be wild and physically extenuating. y'all can maybe party a little less crazy this year. (i say that quite oblivious to how 'crazy' you normally get... maybe not that much.)

but i am imagining a fun meal, maybe other invitees - if so, have them bring a dish, do a pot luck. and alkyhol, that will take the edge off things for a while. sometimes when a solution will take time, the occasional bandaid help bear out the wait....

i don't want to encourage in a way maybe i am :o you did so well not drinking, i just don't want you to beat yourself up about it, if you do it. if you choose not to, well then kudos to you for holding out.

just keep taking care, and getting the rest you need.

~ waves ~

Dear Bizi,
I'm so sorry you've have so much going on...
:hug::hug::hug:BIZI:hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad that Harriet is on the mend.
Please be kind to yourself if you can.
I hope that you are leveling.

Kay

p.s. Please tell me you're not doing ROM on that arm...

yes i am doing pendulum swinging of the arm, very gentle passive circular and back and forth. i don't want my shoulder to freeze up on me.
bizi

Bizi,
Keep yourself safe. :hug: :hug: :hug:
M.

I am still not well.
took extra meds and am going to bed.
I feel like I am having a panic attack...feel very disoriented...feelphysical discomfort in my right color bone now....why!!!!????....
jeff is here and I am glad that the day is short tomorrow. I need to rest this weekend.
just took 2mg of klonipin....hope that calms me down....
ugh
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am shaking........
what is wrong with me????????????????????????
sighbizi

Jeff gave me a great mini back message. it was great along with deep breathing and the extra klonipin...I feel much better more calm and am going to sleep.
my period was shorter this month, and I felt so out of sorts maybe I am perimenopausal?????????
good night
bizi

I hope you are feeling well Bizi :hug:

This is the second week back to work.
My assistant is very nice and helpful.
I heard say that it could take 100 days to heal a bone...that is 13 weeks!
thank goodness I am not in alot of pain.
I visited a 103 year old client of mine who had broken her collar bone too. hers hurts and she is not sleeping...I feel sorry for her.
I am eating better...still weighing myself...crazy...gained a couple of pounds, told jeff that I looked pregnant...
he said I could do some sit ups.....
(does this mean he thinks I look pregnant too?)
sigh
bizi

he was teasing.............
bobby

actually he was serious, therapist said he was just trying to fix it....
oh well. I like precious!

Bizi,

I'm sorry you feel like you look pregnant.
It probably isn't as bad as you imagine. Just because Jeff made a suggestion doesn't mean he thinks you look pregnant too- I'm sure he knows how important your body image is to you, and just wanted to help.

I'm glad your assistant is working out! And that you're not in too much pain.

dear Bizi
 

well you know what, if it's any consolation:

i feel like i look pregnant too. and i am *not* enjoying it - can't wear this, do that .... everything else looks fat, i am not enjoying it, no, and i am sure you are not either.

(((:heartthrob:sharing your discomfort:heartthrob:)))

oh hey try long loose things. hmmm i know that's not very specific.... :o i can't even wear some clothes i thought i could and altered... maybe can squeezxe in on second attempt? hmm. will bust zipper? lol. red cord pants :( match red cord purse!!!

~ waves ~

Hi Bizi
 

I really hope you feel better soon. You do need the calories to heal thats for sure. Get something yummy and good at the same time to encourage your appetite. I believe in eating alot of different things for variety. I love dried mango and probably eat more of it than I should. Your posts are always so encouraging to others. You are cared about by alot of good people. I am sending prayers and thoughts your way. What about a fruit smoothie? ginnie:hug:

Well tonight is the first time that I have taken a "real" pain pill. mobic
have taken tylenol and then some advil over the past month but tonight I hurt. I tried iceing it for 15 minutes, have spasms..like I did the other night. I will ask hubby to massage me again he offered.
thank you for the well wishes.
I am still not well...I hate having body issues....hate this sling....see ortho tomorrow, reexray
blah blah blah....

bizi