I dont want to do this anymore
 

ok, im fed up with MS. I am serving eviction papers. I am tired of the bladder issues, the spastic issues, the visual issues, the balance issues, the cog fog and the BS that goes with this stupid disease. I will gladly hand back my special parking permit to be able to park in the back of the lot again. ENOUGH! Im just done with this carpola. :(

I never wanted to do it

We have a choice? :eek: I was not aware! If that's the case then I'm kicking mine to the curb. :cool: I'm getting a little fed up with it, too.

I will take it even farther. I will give up my car.

But I no longer drive...

went out for a nice dinner with neighbors. the noise, the lights, the crowd, I felt like I was being assaulted. I flinched each time my friend spoke. She leaned in and asked if she was spittling on me when she spoke because she saw me flinch! :eek: I had to explain that I was in an MS thing and I am easily overwhelmed by noise, lights and so forth. I cant even go out to dinner! It follows me everywhere! Why cant it wait in the car? Why cant it wait at home? I cant think, I cant walk, I cant focus and now when i get tummy meds that work I cant go out to eat? NOT FAIR! Dad gummit, not fair!

Not my cup of tea either, Dej..:mad:
I want more sugar and cream and less Lemon..:p:D

Dej, I wonder why we all got picked? :confused:

I'm 30 years dx'd this month. :eek:

For all of us :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I'm so sorry things are so rough for you right now Dej http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b53/vvvikki/011.gif Would give anything in this world to make it better for you but can only pray, which I do every day. The MS club just sucks http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b5...i/hairpull.gif
You're right, it just isn't fair. :(

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b5...HeartsA-vi.gif

I paid my dues with a bad case of Breast cancer that was supposed to take me out before I turned 30. I suffered thru massive Chemo, hair loss, loss of body parts...so I was supposed to be home free? no?? :confused:

im exhausted, but cant sleep at night.
im spastic but muscle relaxers make me too loose.
I cant see in low light, but too much light overwhelms me!
Im in pain, but pain pills constipate me.
My tummy is broken, but I must eat to survive.
My brain works, but the words on my tongue dont match the words in my head.
I am a writer, and cant seem to get my ideas back onto the page where they belong.
I love love love driving, but my car sits in the driveway now.
I love travel, but go no where.

ok, enough whine. Anyone got cheese? Thanks for commiserating. it helps to know I am not alone. :grouphug:

Can we all?
 

I would like a club for all these lousy diseases "I don't want to do this anymore" hit a chord. I don't want to put up with my body issues at all anymore, and am quite sick of it all. I do come here to the forum, when I get overwhelmed. For me it is the endless appts, the continuing degenerative issues, more tests, now in hospital tests, pain drs. the whole bloody mess. Where in that are we supposed to be living? My cousin has ms. I do know what all of you go through. Her family is being studied in Ma. because three family members have it. I was blessed to grow up with her. I just wanted to tell all of you with MS that I care about you, and wish you didn't have to suffer. Some of you have the most upbeat attitude under terrible circumstances. Maybe I should complain less about my own things. ginnie:hug:

(((Dej))) You are not whining. You are just stating some facts. It is rough and I can totally relate to some of what you are going through. In fact, most of us can. I wish I could make it better for you, well, for all of us. :hug::hug:

Ha I asked to have mine evicted, but I lost the vote. The lesions outnumbered me an decided that not only were they allowed to stay they were allowed to throw parties and play pin the pain on the body.

I have tried making my body as boring as possible so they would want to go somewhere else, but they refuse to budge. They have formed a union and they continue to multiply. Immigration doesn't want them, jail doesn't have room for them, and the court insists they are my children and I must support them. :mad:

Hope you are feeling better.

:Good-Post::Thanx:

you guys make me feel better. thanks for showing me I am not alone. :grouphug:

Im sorry Dejibo, i go threw alot of the same things with acm cs spinal issues i dont know why we get dealt these diseases would it make you laugh if i told ya i pooped my pants couple weeks ago yea funny now but it wouldnt of been so good in a public place:eek: anyway your not alone sometimes life can be a big crapstorm:grouphug:

My friends, especially my boyfriend, have a really hard time comprehending why I get in 'freak out mode' sometimes. I try to explain to them that messages run in the body at like 20,000 mph and due to the damage of this crappy disease, it has slowed all those messages down, so when there's 15 things going on all at once I get anxious and FREAK OUT real quick, I hate it. I had never been like that before MS came into my life. It's quite crazy how it reeks havoc on our bodies. :eek: I totally would give mine back in a heart beat. I miss working 40 hours a week, I miss hanging in the hot heat and being active, I hated running, but I would LOVE to be able to run again.

I've had to reduce hours at work, so the owner is only allowing me 9-10 hours a week :(
My boyfriend said to me the other day when I was taking him to work.. "you're so lucky you can just lay in bed all day and don't have to go to work." and I just broke down and started crying. I know he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings or anything. But I would much rather be working and doing things that healthy 23 yr old do, but I can't because of all the limitations. :(

AND it REALLY hurts my feelings when my Grandma asks how I'm doing, and I mention that I've had alot of neuropathy that day and still can't feel my hands and she says in return "well if it makes you feel any better my back is just killing me." like no, not at all grandma. it makes me feel worse actually because you're 62 years old, you have years of wear and tear on your body, you are supposed to have aches and pains, I at the age of 23 should not feel like I am 48 on my insides...
people just don't get it.

If you find a place to return this icky disease let me know! :hug:

i understand too dej.
i'm sorry you're going thru so much.

i once said to a stranger who i could see was anxious to go by me..."well, how 'bout if i give you my MS, then i could walk faster".
that's my fav comment but rude people don't come along very often.

all you can do is the best you can. but i know how hard it is to just move forward.

Whew! im so busy! MIL is coming on Sunday to spend a week or so, and that means I have been in full on clean/stock and prep mode. She is a wonderful woman, but dangit I just want to relax when she is here, and I wont have to worry about groceries, or errands if they are all done now. We can simply sit and watch italian movies. She is a hoot. Till then, its washing windows, vacuums, changing beds, fluffing pilliows, and making space for her.

IM TIRED! :( I just wanna sit and cry but that would upset DH too much. HAve you ever been so tired you wanted to cry? well, im there. :(

:hug:Dejibo:hug:

The fatigue is awful, especially when you have to do all those chores you were talking about and it's like you're walking through the thickest of mud and can't get the energy to push your way through it. Don't over due it now! :hug:

I have often been so tired that I want to cry.

I feel like I've been drafted into the MS army and I can't get out of the 6 mile hike, crawling in the mud, having cluster bombs go off around me, etc.
It seems to get overwhelming at times...then I go through periods that make me wonder if I really even have MS...

My DH is so sad that I flinch when he touches me...it feels as if the hairs are being moved the wrong way. I used to love to be caressed; makes me sad the things I no longer enjoy due to this stupid disease.

Just take it easy, Dej...your MIL won't mind if things aren't perfectly clean and the food isn't homemade...enjoy visiting. It's more important, don't you think? She'll love ya either way...:hug::hug:

Oh, yeah...when you go out to a restaurant, put a small bit of a cotton ball in each ear...it'll muffle the sounds a bit and make it less overwhelming. as for the lights, don't have any suggestions for that, except to wear tinted glasses...

had a good cry yesterday. upset DH to no end, but I couldnt help it. I was too exhausted. The final computer I have to fix isnt behaving, and I am simply thinking of turning it over to some professional and paying to have it fixed for the old gentleman who really needs it. I dont charge him for my work, but I am stuck, and cant make it go. I have one last remedy to try and then im packing it off to someone else.

when MIL is here I WILL do nothing, but enjoy her company. We will laugh, giggle, watch italian movies, eat, cook, and sight see on days I feel like it. I wont have any work hanging on me.

Im just so freaky tired. I feel like I ran marathons all week and on my day off I have to do laundry, and cooking, and prep the whole place. its exhausting to just think about stuff, let alone have to do it.

I too feel like I got drafted and cant keep up.

(((((((Dej)))))):circlelove:

Well the old mans computer has reached the point that I am going to pay someone else to fix it for me. it had such a bad virus that it destroyed so much of his machine, and I had to wipe it clean, but the problem is that the virus ate so much that the machine no longer realizes it has a DVD/CD player, so it wont read the information from the DVD to reinstall the windows onto the machine. I have cried, and struggled, and gone blind trying to make this old man's computer better, but its just beyond what I can do, and thats saying alot. I called a pro in the big city who is a friend of a friend. I will end up having to pay to fix this machine, but the old man who owns it simply cant. His son is in Japan and they use this machine to stay in touch, so he is antsy to get it back.

I have realized I am not the girl I used to be. once upon a time I would have arm wrestled this thing into submission, but now, its worth it for me to pay for this repair so I can get it off my plate. I dont want any work on my table while MIL is here, and its become too stressful.

Thanks for letting me whine. Its so rare that I break into tears. I have had enough. :(

:hug: Dej :hug:

I hope you have a relaxing, stress-free visit with your MIL. From what you've said about her she sounds like a delightful lady and someone who'd be a gem to hang around with. :) I hope you and she both have a great visit.

This is where I am right now . . . but the tears aren't helping. :hug:

I'm right there with you too, Dej and lefthanded and I'm left handed too! :hug::hug: