Husband with TBI
 

On March 9, 2011 my husband of ten years was in a motorcycle accident. He was traveling at about 60-70 mph when the motorcycle he was on hit the curb and then a light pole and he was thrown off the bike approximately 150 feet. It was his brother's motorcycle with bad tires.

He was in the ICU for 4 days, then the Neuro Trauma Unit for another 4 days then transfered as an in-patient to a Rehab facility until March 31, 2011. I spent every day and night at his side until we left the Rehab facility together.

Tomorrow will mark 6 weeks since the accident and he seems to be getting better each day. His memory is getting better & I notice that he remembers us and our fights more than the good times. He remembers things like a jig- saw puzzle (in pieces, and not quite in order). He is very easily agitated and distracted by sudden noise. He is quick to yell at the kids and me.

He used to love me/us so very much and I feel like he hates me more than ever.

The saddest thing about all this is that we were separated before the accident.

On the Sunday before the accident (3/6/2011) he asked me to go on a date with him. We went to the movies and ate dinner at our favorite restaurant. He asked me to forgive him and for us to start all over. I insisted we take it slow. He came back over for dinner on Monday night. I cooked his favorite, chicken marasala and he brought my favorite wine. On Tuesday night we went and got a pedicure together and then we went to our 7 year old son's literacy night at his school, where he read a book he illustrated. When I came out he wasn't there so I thought he left. My son and I went to KFC to get us some dinner and he texted me asking where we were. I told him I thought he left. He came to KFC while we were in the drive thru. It was then I saw my husband of ten years for the last time before his accident. I didn't kiss him good-bye or told him how much I loved him.

On Wednesday morning, I got a terrifying call from his chief that he was in a motocycle accident and was in critical but stable condition in the ICU.

When I finally got to see him that morning. He was on a ventilator, tape all over his face. His ankle was broken. He had badly bruised his lungs and had two broken ribs. He also had some swelling and bleeding in the brain but surgery was not required. He was heavely sedated and all I could do was cry and beg God to please give us a second chance.

I have been through so much these pass 6 weeks. His family have been ruthless in all of this. Thank God Texas is all about the WIFE...

I have felt like crawling in a hole and just dying on some occasssions, but yet I have pushed and passed through it.

I know there are more women just like me who have had to deal with this very same thing. Please help me through this very tough time and tell me he will soon come back to me...

Milesa
There is honestly no way we can tell you that he will come back to you.
But we can tell you that with patience and time that he should continue to get better. But it will take time.

It will take lots of love and patience from not only you, but your kids and his other family for him to get through this. It is more than a little possible that
you will have to start over getting through the times of trial again.

Just because he can't remember that you have started to start over.
But the one thing that is big is that if you love him. And it shows that you do because you have been there for him. Is that you can do this, and
you will make the most for him to come through this.

But its also time to start taking time to be there for yourself and the
rest of your family.

We have a Post Concussion and TBI room. Please come and keep us updated
on how you and the family are.

Donna:grouphug:

Hi Milsea and welcome to NeuroTalk. Here is the link to our TBI forum

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum92.html

And Donna is right about the love. :grouphug:

Hi there:

Where is your husband now? I read and re-read your post but it's not clear where he is recuperating as of today. Is he home with you or is he in another facility? His yelling at the kids and his being agitated, well, that's got to be normal given what he has been through. His brain will continue to heal.

No one can tell the future. But, if you are willing to hang in there and be the loving person you sound like you are, then...miracles do happen.

There was even a tv movie (based on a true story),about the same exact situation. And there was a happy ending in that movie. It took time, patience and lots of understanding.

Keep posting here and let us know how it goes.

Take care,

Melody

While I didn't have TBI per se? I DID have...
 

a whopping fall onto hard ground and a VERY bad concussion.
First of all? I hurt terribly ALL over! And I bet your husband does as well.
Truly, having muzzy brain AND hurtin' like heck combined makes for a cranky person! Fractured ribs and bruises not quite as big as Texas?
Within a week things would ease a bit, but the mind/memory connections? There were sorts of 'disconnects' everywhere! By that I mean, I'd be driving to work, and sort of 'wake-up' halfway there and not remember getting there? Nor co-workers' names and other things I'd always just 'known'.
Strangely for me, I remember any waking moment from my fall, to getting into the ambulance and then waking up in an ER....about 4 hours later. There ARE times, when I'd rather forget the whole thing?
'Things' will come back to him slowly, but patience is key to helping this along. As for family? WHO IS TAKING CARE OF HIM? You or his family? IF you? YOU call the shots. You must talk to his docs about any attitude or mood changes. Then get help for it and ASAP. For both Him and YOU! Why? So if things work out well, you've gone thru all the 'what-if's', if not? You KNOW you've tried, and have given it the best shot possible.
While my 'crash and burn' as many call it? Wasn't as bad as yours? In about 6-9 months I was at 95% normal from 'before' -tho with his? It mite take longer, it should happen, you just have to get him to keep thinking and exercising and functioning to the best he can! You can't FORCE these things to improve faster, they do it at their own pace and in their own time.
Don't forget to take a couple of minutes each day for YOURSELF! Treats such as a Starbuck's coffee now and again? Make them TREATS! Feel like you are spoiling yourself. Then you can smile because you've had A treat today! I call them 'sillies' because they are!
Hang in there and take care of yourself first? Because you can't help others if you can't help yourself! Hugs and hope and good things SOON! :hug::hug::hug:'s! - j

dahlek

Those are really good ideas. I can say I wish I'd thought of giving myself
small rewards and treats but I didn't. If I had I might not have went
through so much stress.

But I really can still do some of this. I'm still recovering from my last one.

Donna

welcome
 

hi welcome to nt sorry your family is having to deal with this our tbi/pcs board is very active and helped me very much, a head injury support group in your area can help you all to deal with this it can be a long slow process and others find it hard to understand abi is often called the hidden injury, keep us posted if it helps there are genuine

best wishes

Happy to see you have come to be with us. Just let us know if we can be of any help.

There are great number and caring fellow members here to assist you. Our shoulders are here for support in many ways. The best thing for you is to have patience and time with him. You are lucky to still have him here after the accident. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around.

Darlene :hug:

Sorry I was unclear.

My husband has been home with us (me and the kids) since March 31, 2011. He has been going to speech therapy and physical therapy as an outpatient twice a week. I am currently trying to get him into a Day Neuro Program to help with his Neurological deficits.

His mom finally left on Friday so she is not there to influence him.

I do love him with all my heart and I will remember to be patient. It is just so hard to be with someone who used to love me so much and now seems to look right through me.

His CT scan on Friday showed the spots in his head that were bleeding are gone but we were told that he has a collection of fluid in the frontal lobe. The neurologist said they will monitor it but nothing else.

Is this causing his cold nature behavior?

Thank you so much for your reply. You made me smile and I will take your advice!

I have been there since day 1. I have never left his side. I speak with all the doctors and at every appointment. I handle all of it.

He just gets really mad at me if I mention any of his aggressive behavior or his mood swings...What do I do?

I would say is he is still healing. Love can work miracles. Keep doing what you are doing. I have a good feeling about you.

Take care,

Melody

I agree with Melody

And I would definately try not to say to much about the anger.
I would guess that he already knows this and is not happy
he is doing it. But he is so frustrated he just doesn't know
how to stop it.

I would suggest for one thing. That you help the kids with this
issue by getting them some family therapy, even if its not with
him involved. So they can learn how to deal with it.

Donna:grouphug:

first off let me say . god blesns you stay strong it will get t better . 2nd my i lost my dad last march 4th 2010 of liver cancer i took care of him for a year . and three months after i buried him my fiance was diagnoised with cancer . so back to nurse mode. the day before hissurgery we got in a fight over his mom rudes remarks who has done nothing. he left me . told me not to come to hospital. i did his mom was rude i got treated bad. oh well so long story short i eended up staying the whole 8 days taking care of him needless to say he came home and since nov 30th i have been driving over 60 miles every day to treatments doing everything. he is not hte same person he was good news h e is cancer free and no more treatments he has a long life. BAD NEWS IS THE MAN I LOVED SO MUCH THE MAN I FOUGHT SO HARD TO KEEP ALIVE . WE BROKE UP . HE IS GONE . AFTER ALL DID HE GOT VIOLENT NEVER WAS HE LIKE THAT AND BEAT ME BADLY I HAD TO WALK AWAY. ITS HORRIBLE BUT HE DOESNT HAVE HEAD INJURY THREE YEARS ILLNESS AND ITS OVER . YOUR HUSBAND HAD HEAD TRAUMA . UNFORTINUTLEY DEPENDING ON THE SIDE OF THE BRAIN OR AREA IS HIT EVEN A LITTLE WILL ALTER PERSONALITY HE DOESNT MEAN TO AND HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND SO WHEN U BRING IT UP HE IS REMINDED VEHAOF HIS CHANGE AND THAT IS HARD. GET WITH THE SOCIAL WORKKER FROM THE HOSPITAL WERE HE IS AND HAVE HER FIND U A SUPPORT GROUP FOR PEOPLE WITH LOVED ONES WHO HAVE CHANGED YOU NEED THE SUPPORT YOU YOU HAVE TO HEAR THAT THERE IS OTHERS LIKE YOU MAKES U FEEL BETTER AND TAKES A LOAD OFF. TRUST ME IF U DONT YOU WILL GO CRZY. TURN TO GOD ITS HARD SWEETIE GET YOR KIDS A SUPPORT GROUP THEY HAVE BOOKS THEY HAVE GROUPS FOR KIDS YOU ALL NEED THAT AND REMEMBER THIS HE IS HURTING TOO BECUS HE HAS CHANGED . COME TTOGETHER AS A FAMILY TURN TO GOD TURN TO OTHERS FOR HELP WTIH IT YOU CAN LEARN NEW WAYS TO DEAL WITH IT. THIS IS NOT EASY BUT WITH HELP AND LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU CAN MAKE IT . GOOD LUCK AND ANYTIME YOU NEED A SHOULDER GET A HOLD OF ME . GOD BLESS YOU THE KIDS AND YOUR HUSBAND . TAKE CARE VICKY