How are you Waves?
 

Hey sweetie, been thinking about you.
Wondered how you are doing?
Miss our chats.
((((HUGS))))
love you bizi

Hey Waves. Are you doing OK? BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thinking about you my sunshine !!

Welcome to the Wave's Cheering Gallery!

:grouphug::circlelove::circlelove::heartthrob::Hea d-Spin::Head-Spin::Heart::Heart:

thank you all so much :):):) (((hugs)))

i am having a really, really, really, reallllly hard time.

i nearly walked out of work at 11 am yesterday never to return. xcept my head was not with it and i left everything in there. i absentmindedly went to the bank teller to make a withdrawal and it spat my card out. because i put the only card i had taken with me in there - the badge to get out of the office DUH.

mom persuaded me not to leave immediately and reminded me of my precarious employment situation worsening if i did (true). i persuaded myself to get through the day and then think about it.

i am having lots of lorazepam these days. i HATE that i have to medicate myself just so i can tolerate being bullied. that's just all wrong but there is no societal, legal, or bureaucratic alternative. it's been reported up the chain but the uppers only care about their contracts getting paid, no doubt. so no doubt this man will continue to have a trail of people coming into his office bright-eyed and bushy-tailed only to leave a few months later broken and frail - or at best resentful and angry.

when i related yesterdays incident to my father, he said, gosh, that man would make any normal person nuts, let alone someone with emotional frailties.

doc says i'm not depressed - emotions are appropriate to the deal at work - on the contrary he sees something i dunno what but he more concerns, medwise, about keeping any cycling/hypomania down so i cannot reduce the meds any further for now. psychwise, our spessions are spent with him pulling out feelings about work and reaffirming me. last time he told me about 15 times that it isn't my fault, and another 10 times that i did well to play "hooky" wednesday. (i just couldn't take going in.)

i am so grateful for my parents. i come home crying they give me hugs and feed me. then i usually conk out.

but i did finally see Twilight the other night. just barely missed the very beginning.

~ waves ~

Bizi
i miss our chats too... i'm in deep sleep at those times now.... :( i miss being a night owl too even though the day is very pretty. the night is quiet.

Steve
you called this one from the start - this guy is a bully. but there are no resources for someone in my position. what is scary is how many of them there are.

DiMarie
Love the the Gallery!!!! You are creative.

Majo
i think of you too, and am wishing you well in your struggles with this semester... soon over. ;)

(((:grouphug:)))

~ waves ~

Again Waves, I have to say that I admire your fortitude!!! I'm sure it's a struggle- but you've been up to the challenge. I just worry that this level of stress is wearing you out.

Can you put on your resume "Stuck it out working for this asshole in a hostile work environment for (x amount of time)"???

I'm so glad your parents are being supportive. It's so important to have a soft place to land after tough days.

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

Waves

You are so close to being finished right with this contract? So you
need to continue doing this. I know you can. You are a fantastic
person. And you will have another job right after this one.

Donna:grouphug:

Thank you waves for checking in.
I am so sorry that you are being bullied like this.
It is just not right.
YOu are a strong woman and that is a good thing...other wise you might be in a mental hospital.
I am glad that you have your parents support and that your pdoc is being very supportive as well.
lean on us...
how did you like twilight?
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

HAHAHA!!!!! :D:D:D Oh Kay, (npi) you do crack me up sometimes. definitely still have the lips curled upwards on this one! you know i might have to add a whole SECTION to my resume... "Highlights" ... or i can add it under "Skills" heheh....
tank you tank you tank you and ((((BIG HUGS))))) backatcha! :)

thank you Donna for your vote of confidence. i am no longer confident. i could not do this if i were not chock fulla drugs, and any more drugs i won't be able to think straight anyway. i worry about skipping any days because my direct contractor would see that and be a put off - pdoc reminded me that if i felt i needed a break that bad, i should take it. if i end up getting questioned on it it will still be better than flipping out.

it is not the first time ... my last stable job my boss was a textbook narcissist... less direct bullying, more manipulation especially setting ppl/groups against each other, i coordinated the core group ............................ that time I DID end up in a mental hospital, while all the other group leads left soon after as well, but they went to other jobs. I did encounter another bully before and that time ended up on disability.

last week i started thinking i needed to have my med upped again but don't want to in case i gain more weight. i did tell my pdoc my observation aftert he told me he sees me more on the up side than the down side - if that doesn't stay under control i will land in a mixed state most likely. i have already been experiencing the Lure at times (big S... you know) but i acknowledge that it's about getting away from work, and that will happen even if it seems so long to wait. it is a temporary problem and not really about me.

i have tried to post more... i am just so worn out a lot, between dinner and a bit of tv, i sometimes have just enough time to fire up the computer and fall asleep in front of it. i take a heavy sleep med too, i have to.[quote]

i liked it - i want to see the next one... i hope i find out when they air it, maybe tuesday again.... that will be tight because i see pdoc in the evening. i think i have seen too many of vamp miniseries though before it.... buffy, angel, parts of moonlight and recently vampire diaries.... the first shot of Edward Cullen i saw, i was like oh? they already got more episodes of the Vampire Diaries ... then he looked up and i was like noooo that's not stefan! ... ok, what IS this? i knew he was a vamp coz he was just... vampy. :D they have some digressions on rules for killing vampires don't they. what happened to good ol' stake through heart. hmmmmm in that buffy was simpler... stake 'em and POOF! another vamp bites... the dust.
(((((HUGS)))))) back at Bizi

and (((( for the room ))))

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
 

I am impressed that you are holding it together with these great difficulties.


Yes. Pdoc is right. That is my strategy for keeping a job. I might fall down / drop a task, but I pretend to be stable. I have learned to keep up apperances --- even if doing so consumes most of the energy I expend at work.

A boss or two ago had possibly personality disorders. My team survived by trying to guess how many of her traits might pass the diagnostic threshold by a pdoc. She was not mean directly, but she was manipulative, selfish, and almost frightenly inconsistent. She would pick favorites, drop them, then pick new favorites.
By any chance do you think your field attracts folks with personality disorders than other fields do? I'm guessing that those people function to some degree in many jobs situations.

Of course you are worn out. Come home safely, keep yourself safe, and rest. Life will make more sense when you have a good boss.
Take care, Waves.
Have a good work week.
M.

yes waves have a good work week if you can.
bizi:hug:

Good to read you Waves even if things are not improved. I look forward to the weekend up date, and refuel you with love and support for the coming week.
Sending some hugs,
di:hug:

Di, Bizi, and Mari

thank you for the encouraging words.

Mari i have been thinking about how these 'disordered' ppl manage to claw their way up in businesses, while we disordered ppl get even more messed up dealing with them. i think with certain disorders or disturbances one can acquire specific adaptive skills at an early age... perhaps "skills" which, while 'functional' may not be very moral, by most of our standards here. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by lack of empathy - now THAT certainly goes a long way if you need to step on ppl systematically and still "be ok" with yourself. There are other combinations which extend to sadism and other forms of abuse. i once found a nifty chart that compared various PDs in this sense... if i can find it again i will post - (it was nothing to do with DSM criteria).

i am not ready for the week but it helps that it is may 15th - sounds close to june 30. . 1.5 months left, or 7 weeks. even when i think 7 weeks UGH :eek::( it beats 7 months.

i meant to get on the job search this weekend but i just bummed around (and slept some).

:grouphug:

~ waves ~

Hey waves, glad to hear from you, I know work is awful, but you're sticking it out and I am proud of how you're doing your best. That's all anyone can ask. I know people like to say Let it roll off your back like water on a duck's back, but that's easier said then done. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, be well, and see the end in sight to this. Hopefully thinking about that and your NEXT employment position will help you get through this heck you're dealing with. :(