I really don't want to compete
 

Know what I mean? I essentially have four people groups (besides here, I mean): family, church, and 2 friend circle/groups. Is there some cosmic rule that every group has to have at least one person that HAS TO create and then win the sicker-than-you wars?

And that's just the people I actually talk with about MS and my other medical issues. I don't talk to my kids and adult granddaughter a whole lot...unfair to burden them with TMI about my health. And I don't talk to my brother at ALL about it, because he's of the philosophy that I've just got myself CONVINCED I can't do things. Really?

But each group has a person who is deeply threatened if she isn't sicker than I am. I truly don't think it's an "I'm the big shot" deal, I think their need to be worse is a sickness in itself. But it's still tiring.

If I mention that my fingers are stiff, within a couple of days "A" has such horrible, throbbing pain in her hands that she can barely pick up a fork. If I'm having a wobbly day, soon "B" will inform me that she couldn't go to work because she could barely stand up and almost had several terrible falls. If I casually mention that maybe I should make a doctor's appointment, first thing you know "C" will announce that she called her doctor and he wants to see her AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and he sounded VERY CONCERNED.

I know, I just need to let it go, and most of the time I can. But sometimes it just gets really old not to be able to share with people without somebody apparently feeling she's not validated unless she invalidates somebody else.

I don't know how I stop myself, sometimes, from just saying to them "You win!"

I'm lucky, I guess, This is the only group of friends, I meet up with.:)

Say to them, "have you been tested for MS? Maybe you should be, it sounds like you may have it".:eek::p

Just let them win..
Obviously they need the attention or validation..for whatever reason.

I've found that folks like this need for someone to "challenge" them. Give them a reason to one-up you. If you agree that their ailment is indeed the worst thing you've ever heard they'll get bored (or really worried) and leave! :D

Good one Sally! I know what you mean Blessings! I think they just don't know what to say, but they want to say something. They may think you can relate, but they don't realize how much we relate! Guess it's good they at least think to say something.
After telling my kids and husband, and one brother, two or three friends and co-workers, I actually haven't heard a word about anything. I guess since it took 4 years of me getting test after test, finally knowing hasn't made a whole lot of difference. I guess constant comparing would be worse!
You take care and know you are a strong person from within! :hug:
Deb

I have that too! LOL

No, really, I do! I have a "friend" who (I kid you not) wants to compare their hangover with my MS symptoms. Fatigue, nausea, backache, joint pain... yup, she's got that.

Difference is, she got hers from going out drinking all night while mine is a constant. I mean you really want to compare 4 broken vertabrae with your back hurting from the high helled shoes you were wearing while you were out drinking and dancing all night long?

I have given up on trying to explain this disease to people. I just bottle it all up until my weekly venting session with my shrink.

My mom competes with me, and so does an aunt and my sister. I can deal with my mom and sister, but that aunt competing with me for stuff. She's just mad/jealous because I dont work and my dad buys me things (basic living supplies, cheap walmart clothing and the occasional birthday gift) I'd actually like to be able to get a job. I'm unskilled, so there's not much to choose from for jobs in this economy. I'm bored as heck. I'd love a job.

She embezzled the money that she has from my grandmother. (and did a few other things that have me seriously cheesed off for what a nasty toxic person she is) That aunt constantly tells me "you dont know..." when she compares her pains to mine. Yes, I dont know what her pain is like, but I do know what my pain is like. Not sure why she always thinks hers is worse. She doesnt have a chronic medical condition like I do, or like my dad (her brother) or their other sister have. She lucked out on the health issues that could have been passed down to her. (she did apparently acquire a horrible case of narcissism tho)

I'm just waiting for the day that she really goes off on me. She'll either leave with her ears burning, or with a cane sticking out of some part of her anatomy.

if I have a cold, my sis has pnuemonia. If I have cancer, she has a metatesis. If I am laid off from work, she was fired, if I was in a fender bender, she was in a 12 car pile up. Same goes for my mom. You CANT win. So, when my family calls and says "how are you?" I say "im fine, no worries here." they push like "dont you have MS?" I say "oh yeah, I have MS but it dont have me, btw how is the weather your way, I saw you are having a ton of storms." and try to side track them from there.

They are NOT going to hear me when I am sick and need them. They are not going to hear me when I am down and need a pat on the back, or a helping hand. They are not going to hear me when I am crying and in pain, and they certainly wont hear me when I am shouting with joy that I am having a good day. So...I dont worry about it anymore. I have accepted them for who and what they are. A dog cant get in trouble for barking. or a cat cant get in trouble for meowing. it is what it is.

Dear Blessings,

There are always going to be people like that literally everywhere you go from family reunions to flying on an airplane and the person sitting next to you. The reality of life, everybody only cares about themselves vs. any concern for your challenges and are compelled to express them in any way possible. You may be right and this expression of one-upmanship is a sickness in itself.

However, I am more concerned about you than the others you mention. I understand how this behavior is cumulative to the point now you see and look for that behavior within A, B, and C. These are all "little people" with "little minds" and divisive behaviors. When faced with these types of people in this type of situation we must not give them permission to hold power over our lives eating up precious energy with negative feelings and emotions. It is our choice to allow them that power or not. We get to a point we "know" what these people are going to do and we actually look for that behavior. What happens when we look for something like that? We normally find it (or it finds us) one way or the other. Once we again find that behavior it only aggravates us even more because now we say to ourselves, "See, I told you this would happen," and the cycle starts all over again.

These are the types of "toxic people" who suck the life out of us. We don't have a whole lot of extra life to devote to this type of behavior and removing the cause may initially be painful, in the long run it is a major improvement. I understand all of the above sounds very hard in itself but since we can't do the alternative, what choice is there for our own sanity? Oh! The alternative? Take them out and shoot them. :wink:

In my case I no longer engage with people of this type and have removed toxic people from my life. Although, I can say something to them you can't and there is no way they can one-upmanship me on it. I flat our tell them I'm terminal and that seems to work every time. :eek:

I really have no answers for you, but do fully understand how you feel and feel for you at the same time. I apologize for running on about this but thank you for putting up with me for this long.

Peace be with you Blessings. You are NOT alone.

Some people just need some one to listen to them. There is no winning with them. The best you can do is listen to them. And then, when they are done with going over all their aches, pains, and medical history, you can come on here and complain, vent, or whatever about your MS. We'll listen and will support you. We totally understand and won't try to up you on your complaints.:D

Ya know, Blessings brings out a very good point. Remember when we would go visit our grand parents and all anyone would talk about was how bad everybody's health was and who died since the last visit. Man, I hated to have to sit their and listen to that stuff.

Now that we are getting older do ya notice how we are falling into the same thing? Darn depressing especially when having to be polite and deal with the A's, B's, and C's of the world on top of it.

Thank you Blessings for making me think about that and how best to handle it whenever it comes my way again. There are too many positive things to talk about but like you say, we have to be selective as to who will listen to us also. Maybe that's the exchange. It beats trying to keep it bottled up inside.